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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Didn’t know this was a ‘thing’ until recently. Really shook me to know that it’s recognised. I wonder how many people have been in a situation, through fab or or otherwise, where they’ve had to compromise what they wanted as they felt too awkward about the situation.
I read an article where someone said “we were kissing and I asked if he had a condom and he said ‘no, I’m sure we can work something out’ and that, of course, meant we’d have sex without one even though that wasn’t what I wanted.”
I think feeling awkward or vulnerable or like you’d be letting the other person down can put a lot of pressure on to say yes to something you want to say no to! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The answer is far more people than you even want to comprehend or even think about and because they technically consented people are hesitant about bringing a case against those who do this.It’s horrifying there’s no two ways about it.
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By *ori_FiCouple (FF)
over a year ago
Manchester |
If someone consents to sex with a condom but not without, then it is not consent if the person doesn't use one, it is a sexual offence that apparently cant be named on this forum.
People who do this need to know that it is not a grey area, they are sex offenders.
Sorry, having had it happen to me and to many friends, it just puts people at risk of things they didn't consent to, and it is non-consensual, plain and simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh **** what I meant is a lot of women feel they’ve consented to it yes I know it is obviously the r-word(the actual prosecution rate for that is a whole other house of horrors though) |
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I have discussed this with my sexually open friends and found we all have had some experience along these lines... from discussing protection prior but turning up without & expecting to go ahead anyway, to having had protected sex first, falling asleep & waking up to unprotected penetration, etc.
In all situations the fear of challenge in the moment in a 121 situation, and also later by the system, where intimacy has already been established, meant it just was left as a bitter memory.
That frightened me more than the concept, as it seemed so common rather than a rare, unlikely thing. Its why clubs initially appealled to me as I felt able to get out of the vulnerable situation more easily xo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was done to me more than once when I was much younger and starting out my sex life. Fortunately I got away with it. It wasn't a specific offence back then xx |
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I think most people have felt pressured into doing things we otherwise wouldn't have done, whether it is someone else pressuring us to do it, or us pressuring ourselves to. I know I have, across a number of different contexts.
However, to my knowledge, 'stealthing' is something entirely different altogether. Stealthing is when you are having sex with a man, with a condom on, and he sneakily takes it off halfway way through, without your knowledge (and therefore, without your consent), and then continues having sex with you. Which is even worse. |
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I believed I was stealthed about 3yrs ago during doggy by a piece of scum from here. Couldn't prove it though. Blocked him and got tested. All negative.
From that point on only trusted playmates can doggy me.
When your really wet and excited you don't notice. Scarry shit.
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"I didn't know that this was an actual thing! Had it done to me by a guy who tuck the comdom off whilst we were doggy, he said that he didn't know how it had happened. He's still on here    "
Jeez. I've seen this in porn but didn't know it was a real-world thing. Sorry you had that done to you; a complete abuse of trust, imho.
As a guy, I can't imagine why you'd ever want to do this to someone! |
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Happened to me in a club. Moved to doggy position and luckily I heard the unmistakable sound of a condom being removed.
Another of the many reasons sex isn't worth the risk for me. Just seems like way too much effort and risk amd worry for little in return.
Sigh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Each time it happened to me it was in doggy, they'd quietly pull it off just before going in when I couldn't see. Then claim it must have slipped off after they'd cum (even though it would still be inside if that had happened). xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believed I was stealthed about 3yrs ago during doggy by a piece of scum from here. Couldn't prove it though. Blocked him and got tested. All negative.
From that point on only trusted playmates can doggy me.
When your really wet and excited you don't notice. Scarry shit.
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Proof is the issue, if you're alone it's still your word against theirs so while making it illegal is a good step is basically unenforceable unless there are witnesses or videos. Its a horrid thing to do, putting aside the betrayal and STD risk I am aware of two other girls I went to school with getting pregnant like this. It can be life changing! For more than one person. They didn't even have the sense to pull out. I was lucky like I said, I wasn't on birth control but no babies thankfully xx |
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By *ucky24Man
over a year ago
Lowestoft |
Plain and simple this is an abuse of trust.
Consensual sex means an agreement is reached with both (or more) parties involved. Breaking that agreement means consent is removed.
Let's say that Anal is off the menu for a meet, a strict no go area. It would be tantamount to the r word where a guy to stick it in the wrong hole. Either he is anatomically inept or an abuser.
It is latter because he knows what he is doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plain and simple this is an abuse of trust.
Consensual sex means an agreement is reached with both (or more) parties involved. Breaking that agreement means consent is removed.
Let's say that Anal is off the menu for a meet, a strict no go area. It would be tantamount to the r word where a guy to stick it in the wrong hole. Either he is anatomically inept or an abuser.
It is latter because he knows what he is doing."
Again... You'd be surprised, anal is just expected by some men these days it seems xx |
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I can imagine quite often specially at clubs.
Thankfully everyone I’ve played with has been on the same page protection wise.
I’d always check before playing though and can count on 1 hand how many guys I’d trust x |
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By *ucky24Man
over a year ago
Lowestoft |
"Plain and simple this is an abuse of trust.
Consensual sex means an agreement is reached with both (or more) parties involved. Breaking that agreement means consent is removed.
Let's say that Anal is off the menu for a meet, a strict no go area. It would be tantamount to the r word where a guy to stick it in the wrong hole. Either he is anatomically inept or an abuser.
It is latter because he knows what he is doing.
Again... You'd be surprised, anal is just expected by some men these days it seems xx"
Again that is just plain lack of respect on their part to another person. The one thing "guaranteed" about a profile is that it details what that person is into. Therefore any attempt to push, pardon the pun, the boundaries is a form of abuse plain and simple. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If someone tells me they haven't got a condom I just give them one. Simple "
I literally handed it to him. 3, in fact. And he did not put it on but made out he did. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You’re right - if you consented to protected sex and did everything in your power to make that happen, and still it didn’t, it is a crime. But the bigger issue is - a) how to deal with that (he’s already shown he has no respect for you, what consequences will there be if you kick off about it?) and b) if it was reported, IMAGINE the police reports. “Met on a swingers website. Didn’t see him take it off because he was fucking her from behind” Whole thing is humiliation! |
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I've had it happen to me and I was very shocked. U can understand others feeling overwhelmed when it happens and less powerful. I was OK, afterwards.
I think some people may get off on the power thing, like they can do with the other r rthing, without consent.
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It happened to me too.
I was so angry.
I trusted this man, but he betrayed my trust and everyone else's involved.
I was anxious while waiting for time to pass to take the Sti tests. It impacted my other relationships too.
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