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Subspace
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"Always always practice aftercare. If you only have time for a quickie and no time after for aftercare then just have a regular quickie without powerplay"
Yeah, I think that's why we've put it off, we know we need the time to do it properly and safely. |
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You could try putting "bdsm" or maybe in "subspace" in forum Search (I know I replied to a thread called 'bdsm' recently).
I've written about various bdsm-related stuff at the bottom of my long profile (I go in into subspace a little, but I can't remember how much right now though..).
As I've written about this recently (a couple of us have on here I think) I'll look to see where it is and put it here maybe. |
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you could always search kink or fetish too. Look for threads with more than a couple of posts..
I'm struggling to find a particular post I made, they only keep the last so-many on record then its;s haystack thing.
There is one particularly good thread I thought with a few good posts, I'm trying to locate it. |
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General advice:
forum title, "bdsm"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/wales/1269198#message_30736763
Advice on safewords:
forum title, "here one for bdsm lovers"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1289501#message_31254970 |
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It's really hard to quantify how to get. Scouse love to go there. Ou have to have absolute 100% trust in each other. I think we just gradually learned how to get there by slowly pushing boundaries. |
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I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range. |
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"I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range. "
This. No two person is the same and you need to find what kink makes you get there OP.
Is your space control (losing it), pain or pure pleasure? |
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"General advice:
forum title, "bdsm"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/wales/1269198#message_30736763
Advice on safewords:
forum title, "here one for bdsm lovers"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1289501#message_31254970"
Great thanks..
We'll have a read |
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"I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range. "
What sort of things was he watching out for? |
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"I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range.
This. No two person is the same and you need to find what kink makes you get there OP.
Is your space control (losing it), pain or pure pleasure? "
Thanks, it was more looking for advice of signs to for him to look out for to do it safely than the method of getting there. We're gonna explore all sorts of methods but want to have an idea of what to watch out for first |
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"I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range.
What sort of things was he watching out for? "
He likes me to count strokes during impact play and realised I'd not only only stopped counting but I also wasn't responding normally to the pain. No flinching etc it only took him a few seconds to notice so he just stopped play and waited for me to come back on my own. He didn't try to make me talk just gave me time while he held and stroked me gently.
I was a great feeling for me but also as I stopped feeling the pain there was the potential for damage or injury. So the dom needs to know you well and read your reactions. |
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"I've only got there once and that was through impact play. My Dom is very experienced and knew what to watch for. When I hit it I went non verbal and felt amazing. He knew to stop the impact play and just held me till I came back round.
BDSM needs a lot of trust and you need to understand each other really well as safewords can't always be relied on if you get to subspace.
I tried to send a private message but I am outside your age range.
This. No two person is the same and you need to find what kink makes you get there OP.
Is your space control (losing it), pain or pure pleasure? "
It's only happened to me once and that was during impact play. Never had it from pleasure. (Although the pain is pleasurable in its own way) |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Subspace is the overpowering of the conscious mind.
George Millar says if you over come 7+/-2 cognitive thoughts it will induce a trance state.
So you apply a number of different thoughts and sensations (including presuppositions in the subs mind) and push the cognitive mind beyond 5 to 9 stimuli.
This creates an openness to further sensual stimulation and takes the sub beyond any potential conscious barriers activating realise of adrenaline’s, endorphins and pleasure inducing hormones.
When the stimulus stops and the conscious mind kicks back in these hormones stop and are replaced by oxytocin, this is called subdrop.
It’s a shift from high intensity sensual feelings to a feelings of vulnerability, adoration, it happens very quickly.
How to work with that is very individual, however there are a few techniques that work well.
Well for me.
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Subspace is the overpowering of the conscious mind.
George Millar says if you over come 7+/-2 cognitive thoughts it will induce a trance state.
So you apply a number of different thoughts and sensations (including presuppositions in the subs mind) and push the cognitive mind beyond 5 to 9 stimuli.
This creates an openness to further sensual stimulation and takes the sub beyond any potential conscious barriers activating realise of adrenaline’s, endorphins and pleasure inducing hormones.
When the stimulus stops and the conscious mind kicks back in these hormones stop and are replaced by oxytocin, this is called subdrop.
It’s a shift from high intensity sensual feelings to a feelings of vulnerability, adoration, it happens very quickly.
How to work with that is very individual, however there are a few techniques that work well.
Well for me.
"
An after thought.
Adoration is what a Dom search’s for, sexual gratification is purely a confirmation of that.
Don’t teach that in porn. |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Bury St Edmunds/Clacton |
"Always always practice aftercare. If you only have time for a quickie and no time after for aftercare then just have a regular quickie without powerplay"
Exactly this. Aftercare is seriously needed for all scenes. Itay only be a short term need but subspace can knock you off kilter for a while si make sure you're covered with food, drink and any other needs.
C |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
In a nutshell subspace is the point where the mind of a submissive becomes free and allows the person to experience euphoric feelings and emotions. Getting there isn't easy, it's based on trust. Getting back safely is all about care, trust and understanding. I hope that helps. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
There is also another sense that applies to the other side of the equation and that is called Domdrop. Domdrop is horrible and I speak from experience and it can leave a substantial Mark on your mind. Safeguards against it are know your boundaries, push them only when you have understood where you are and where you feel safe in your own mind, always walk before running. It's always good to remember that Bdsm is 90% mental and 10% physical, ignoring this is a fools paths. In other words be careful out there  |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
You can have a real drop even a day or two afterwards. This is where it’s important for your Dom to keep in touch with you and check that you’re ok. Usually chocolate helps and talking it through with your Dom.
They should be made aware of any medical history and possible triggers.
Join fet sites and read up on as much as you can. Speak to experienced Doms about aftercare. Massage, stroking, cuddling, etc. all help get you back from sub space. It’s an orgasm for the brain. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
A preset for drop is creating a “safe space”
This is a stimulus/response reaction around a safe time/place and the positive emotional effect.
It is the use a a simple trigger that activates this space.
Importantly it is always being reinforced by intimate contact yet can be triggered by a simple word from a distance.
Okay, you don’t need a Pavlov’s drooling dog, more of a Twitmire response.
I suspect a D/s relationship is more non/ cognitive than most sexual relationship’s.
To meet at this level there has to be a lot of shared values in place. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Some good info here.
My contribution is that I view subspace similar to the female orgasm. Some find it incredibly easy to reach, others rarely experience it. Its a very personal and individual thing.
You should try and avoid the goal being to reach subspace, and instead focus on the journey. It will be far more enjoyable for you all and likely safer. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"Some good info here.
My contribution is that I view subspace similar to the female orgasm. Some find it incredibly easy to reach, others rarely experience it. Its a very personal and individual thing.
You should try and avoid the goal being to reach subspace, and instead focus on the journey. It will be far more enjoyable for you all and likely safer."
This  |
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"Looking to explore our d/s side a bit more and looking for advice from people with experience of subspace.
Any hints or tips about how to get there and back safely? Things to look out for?
Sub drop is one to watch for. No ryme or reason to it. And can happen there and then, or a few days after. A good Dom checks in on the sub, and is availible to talk and or care for the sub until through. However don't forget, Doms can get Top drop too.
"
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
Can I put some book recommendations your way? The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, in particular.
If you are looking to get into kink, normalise aftercare after everything now. The aftercare you need will be different for sex than a beating, but you can still need it, because it is totally possible to drop after vanilla sex.
There’s inadequate understanding of what causes sub space - it COULD be the result of endorphins and the body’s natural pain relief state, but it could also be a dissociative state brought on by trauma. We don’t know, but it seems to be a protective mechanism of some kind. For myself, I don’t want to space deeply and so my partners start winding down when I go quiet but still responsive - moving from impact to stroking.
Consider a non verbal safeword - a ball with a bell in it is popular, which will fall if your hand relaxes. When I’m topping, I ask for a hand squeeze when I check in that someone is ok, to see they’re still responding.
And thirding the people who told you not to aim for it. Spacing out fully fucks up my brain chemistry and emotions for minimum four days afterwards, affecting every part of my life. Let things work out as they are?
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"Looking to explore our d/s side a bit more and looking for advice from people with experience of subspace.
Any hints or tips about how to get there and back safely? Things to look out for?
"
This is something I have only just discovered about. I'm not sure I get my parter there or if I do get her that deep in. However as most people say the after care is the most important. I find with my partner I sit her down and help her dress and just keep talking to her and rubbing her all over in a loving caring way. Hope this helps |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"Looking to explore our d/s side a bit more and looking for advice from people with experience of subspace.
Any hints or tips about how to get there and back safely? Things to look out for?
This is something I have only just discovered about. I'm not sure I get my parter there or if I do get her that deep in. However as most people say the after care is the most important. I find with my partner I sit her down and help her dress and just keep talking to her and rubbing her all over in a loving caring way. Hope this helps"
Can I just note that you both get there, it's a dual carriage way not a single track.  |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
Love love love the advice given here... Some fantastic information...
A note with regards to disassociation mentioned above.
If you know you have experienced trauma and BDSM play may trigger a response, you need to ensure lots of negotiation and preparation go into your play. (Research shows that contrary to what was once believed, those inclined to participate in BDSM are no more likely to have experienced trauma than anyone else)
As I've said in the past a well planned scene actually follows the steps of graded exposure therapy. (I can't find the post although I know I've seen it recently but it was talking about age play and regression iirc)
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"You can have a real drop even a day or two afterwards. This is where it’s important for your Dom to keep in touch with you and check that you’re ok. Usually chocolate helps and talking it through with your Dom.
They should be made aware of any medical history and possible triggers.
Join fet sites and read up on as much as you can. Speak to experienced Doms about aftercare. Massage, stroking, cuddling, etc. all help get you back from sub space. It’s an orgasm for the brain. "
I normally drop the day after which is unfortunate as my Dom and I don't live together. We are in touch every day but he can't always be there when I need him.
I have found my own way of coping with chocolate and a cozy blanket but often I'm at work and just have to push through it. |
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I do love subspace because it is the only time I can let go of some things and just be me. I don't always get a drop but when I do its harsh and just something to get through. My bf always makes sure to look after me after each session (its sweet really as I'm not sure he gets as much out of it as I do). |
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Research, Research, Reasearch, there are many many good sites and webinars regarding space and drop. Then communication between you both is first, direct and list all wants and needs.
Ultimately the drop tools you use should be tailored to you both and ultimately as a Dom/Domme you are in control, don't expect your sub to be able to get the things they need, you need to do it for them and ride it through. This is why many people avoid going into space because they don't want the aftercare.
For me Domme drop is hard and lasts for a few days and I can’t expect my sub to care for me, so make sure you look after yourself as well.
The best advice was from _etcpl above, don't go looking for space, let it find you as it's not to be entered lightly
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Agree with many above don't force it by looking for it else you won't relax enough to get there.
Subspace is not something I go into without thought. And it's something I've done regularly. It can be something positive and euphoric but it also can be something that is massively triggering. I've been triggered during a scene and it wasn't nice but it was something we had prepared for.
It's impossible to give direct advice as it's such a personal thing. But I would say as a sub you need to think what gives you comfort and go from there. |
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"Agree with many above don't force it by looking for it else you won't relax enough to get there.
Subspace is not something I go into without thought. And it's something I've done regularly. It can be something positive and euphoric but it also can be something that is massively triggering. I've been triggered during a scene and it wasn't nice but it was something we had prepared for.
It's impossible to give direct advice as it's such a personal thing. But I would say as a sub you need to think what gives you comfort and go from there. "
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By *orny PTMan 31 weeks ago
Peterborough |
Using an aeroplane analogy. it's a three part act
1: Spend time getting ready for take off (foreplay talking and listening)
2: Enjoy the flight (Slowly build up your performance and keep it steady and consistent, with some commentary)
3: Announce "Please fasten seat belts etc" and all that (Say you are ending the session and reassuringly slow things down to a gradual stop, using gentle strokes, kisses and hugs, gently coaxing your sub to have a safe landing and waiting for the power of speech to return.
To say trust is paramount is an understatement!
I could be wrong, but this is my take on it. |
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By *adyJayneWoman 31 weeks ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Using an aeroplane analogy. it's a three part act
1: Spend time getting ready for take off (foreplay talking and listening)
2: Enjoy the flight (Slowly build up your performance and keep it steady and consistent, with some commentary)
3: Announce "Please fasten seat belts etc" and all that (Say you are ending the session and reassuringly slow things down to a gradual stop, using gentle strokes, kisses and hugs, gently coaxing your sub to have a safe landing and waiting for the power of speech to return.
To say trust is paramount is an understatement!
I could be wrong, but this is my take on it."
I wouldn't say you're wrong, it obviously works for you...
But as a top, it's not a one playbook situation, you have to know the person you're playing with and how they react to subspace...
For me once I'm flying I become completely non responsive and number 3 wouldn't work for me... I need a complete scene stop and stroking or talking to me would most likely drag me forcebly out of subspace and push me straight into drop....
Communication with who you're playing with is essential, ask and understand what works (and importantly what doesn't work) for your play partner |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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"Using an aeroplane analogy. it's a three part act
1: Spend time getting ready for take off (foreplay talking and listening)
2: Enjoy the flight (Slowly build up your performance and keep it steady and consistent, with some commentary)
3: Announce "Please fasten seat belts etc" and all that (Say you are ending the session and reassuringly slow things down to a gradual stop, using gentle strokes, kisses and hugs, gently coaxing your sub to have a safe landing and waiting for the power of speech to return.
To say trust is paramount is an understatement!
I could be wrong, but this is my take on it.
I wouldn't say you're wrong, it obviously works for you...
But as a top, it's not a one playbook situation, you have to know the person you're playing with and how they react to subspace...
For me once I'm flying I become completely non responsive and number 3 wouldn't work for me... I need a complete scene stop and stroking or talking to me would most likely drag me forcebly out of subspace and push me straight into drop....
Communication with who you're playing with is essential, ask and understand what works (and importantly what doesn't work) for your play partner"
I totally agree. There is no text book answer on this and is whole heartedly dependent upon each other and even the scene you’ve played out.
It is about being able to notice signs in your partner and reading their need and this only comes with time and honesty.
The issue is actually where both hit either sub or Dom space or drop and who’s need then becomes the greater and how do you deal with that.
Dom space and drop are as equal to sub but weirdly under talked about |
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By *orny PTMan 31 weeks ago
Peterborough |
I am learning all of this as I go along and make sure that I pay attention to her reaction (I am straight) and just go with the flow. Either way it ended well.
I didn't know about sub drop, untill now; but I do get a post-club/play drop, as the buzz and memory of a good time fades away and vanilla takes over. |
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It's so affirming and reassuring to hear others describe sub space as I would .... I was wondering whether the 'mainstreaming' of bdsm had watered it down. I've often heard manyyyyyy ppl describe sub space as something that I would simply call
being in a submissive frame of mind.
To me that's not sub space ....
My subspace also only really comes from
Impact play... usually rhythmic hits that seems to lull me into a trance where the hits then just become a feeling and not pain and I do begin to disassociate.
My Sir simply watches me... looks for my reactions or lack of... and when I'm there play slows to a stop. He looks after me, wraps me in a blanket and we cuddle for a moment till I come around. Then getting sugar in me is next... followed by keeping me warm.
K
X |
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Subspace is where the pain and pleasure blur. The eventual orgasm can be amazing.
It's the goal for me (and many I think - surely??). I mean, why else would I let someone do all the things they did to me this morning lol.
Interestingly I had this meet with an old dom (we sorted it in advance as I had the day off) and he was so concerned about something he untied me and stopped at one point before we were both ready. Really though a nipple clamp had just caught in something and made me yell. Interestingly though, it seems I wasn't able to properly tell him that when he was untying for from the horse.
A good dom probably errs on the side of caution tbh. We did plenty after that anyway. No harm taking breaks.
pt
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"General advice:
forum title, "bdsm"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/wales/1269198#message_30736763
Advice on safewords:
forum title, "here one for bdsm lovers"
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1289501#message_31254970"
Thanks for sharing. Only dabbled so far but it has sparked my interest |
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