FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > A Genuine Submissive
A Genuine Submissive
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
I recently met someone and a fire was lit inside of me. I was in a Dom/Sub dynamic with a brilliant woman a few years ago and it was a meaningful long term experience that I thought could never be repeated with someone from Fab. Recently I have thought about seeing if there was a genuine woman that wants a man to ‘earn’ her submission. What would be the best place to ‘meet’ a woman? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmm there are a lot of submissive women on fab it’s just taking your time to find her… I truly believe there’s someone on here for everyone, happy hunting hehehe x |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
I don’t believe in the term ‘hunting’. After all, a woman is not a piece of meat. I must say, your profile has sent a chill down my spine just reading your bio. And that accent of yours? Bravo. Bravo.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t believe in the term ‘hunting’. After all, a woman is not a piece of meat. I must say, your profile has sent a chill down my spine just reading your bio. And that accent of yours? Bravo. Bravo. "
Why would my profile send a chill down your spine?
I was supposed to write happy fabbing, I don’t know where hunting came from, maybes I was absent minded when typing, I apologise  |
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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago
Hyde |
There are many people on here whom are in their own way submissive. (I'm not a fan of the term 'genuine' as it feels judgemental)
It's great that you found that type of dynamic and if you're clear in the type you desire moving forward I am sure you will find her.
There are other websites around that fab doesn't like to be named... as well as the bdsm scene which is huge and active.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your profile is well written, it grapples the mind and just oozes erotica. I think you deliberately made a mistake didn’t you?  "
I did some words deliberate but not the one I apologised for  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Each submissive is different, and each submission is different. I know there are people on here that do not like labels, but it may help if OP described what are the hallmarks of the submission he wants.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why didn’t you think it could be repeated with someone from Fab? There are loads of submissive women here from what I’ve seen.
Also, the word hunting applies to looking for anything, not just meat. House hunting for example…I think implying that you need to go somewhere else to find a ‘genuine’ woman is more offensive to the women here than someone wishing you ‘happy hunting’. |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
I’m becoming more disconcerted with this place. I know men generally find it hard on here but for me it has been fairly OK. But recently, I have found most either want sexting to distract them from their marriage/relationship or some just have no intention of taking things further. |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
Someone who has ‘good girl’ traits. Slightly bratty, likes to give up control, enjoys the sexual elements of being submissive such as spanking and being tied up. Someone who enjoys being mind fucked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are genuine submissives on here but you need to read between the lines.
More often we have had to hide our full personalities between them and needs as there are a lot of cockwombles and eejits who misunderstand what sub means in BDSM and want slap and tickle kink when what you seek is D/s relationship.
It can be achieved but you have to be a cut above in Domliness and read between the lines and find the mythical creatures you seek lol
We do exist don’t give up.
j |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh and you may want to add more kink photos rather than cock shots to your profile? It doesn’t say Dom and when I was a single sub I was drawn to suit porn lol, belts, thighs, there are some good threads on here actually with good advice on such photos x |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai / Nottingham |
Hey OP, yes you can find submissive women on here of varying experience in that and of varying degrees of what they want to submit and how.
Other than one paragraph I diddnt think your profile speaks into what you’re after and who you are and you’re quite right you don’t need to mention hygiene etc, if anything it’s a red flag. It is absolutely a given for the types of people you are aiming to connect with.
I think you just need to be a little bit clearer and detailed in what you want and who you are.
Enjoy  |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
I definitely won’t give up. It’s hard to actually gauge someone by text message. Hearing a voice does so much more for me. By the way, you guys have a brilliant profile
I’ll take your advice on point regarding the cock shots. Or maybe not  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I definitely won’t give up. It’s hard to actually gauge someone by text message. Hearing a voice does so much more for me. By the way, you guys have a brilliant profile
I’ll take your advice on point regarding the cock shots. Or maybe not "
Don’t remove them but certainly do add to them…
A Dom and his belt mmmmmm
Tie….. a winner for sure as it is an automatic sub suppressor lol
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would be to go to a local fetish munch. Same as a social, its a vanilla event where you meet like minded fet people and there could be a sub there looking for a dom |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"Funny that. I have a picture to upload from a wedding yesterday……..
The belt? That may be a bit problematic as the perfect shot would be a bum next to the belt. Just need to find the bum "
A picture of another woman’s bum is less likely to help you find an exceptional submissive. You’re in danger of coming across as just another fab wannabe, all velcro collars and no aftercare.
Whereas a picture of a nice belt folded over, ready for use (shirt unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up) certainly won’t hurt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree with Selkie there is nothing more off putting than another bum by the belt.
The sub you seek wants to be special to submit to you not part of a one off party.
Rolled up sleeves absolutely!
Think masculinity and moody and you have us subs melting. I am on F…..L and I would say write your profile clearly and be open as to what you seek and yes attend munches.
They are always top/Dom heavy but there are subs that attend and you may just be the one that catches their eye plus the pool is actually quite small so fresh faced is good!!
It’s fun out there and much better in person |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
Thank you all for your input. It’s my first time here on the Forums and I am genuinely surprised as to how many decent people are happy to give their advice and support. It’s rather refreshing to be fair.
I am looking for one submissive woman. Any more and it takes away the commitment side. I’m quite old fashioned which is why I believe in earning a woman’s submission and building trust. |
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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Self professed dominant men are ten a penny, and most experienced submissive are going to want a strong connection before they even consider entering a d/s dynamic.
Your best bet is to socialise on the kink scene and attend munches and events and sooner or later you'll meet someone organically. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree with ‘Malice’
You can’t beat events and munches for meeting people and socialising on the kink scene.
I have met all but one of my play partners/ Doms this way and only one on Fab and I think I was lucky as he is my Dom now and we just clicked
Have fun out there, see what and who you like and talk to people too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is someone for everyone on here. You just have to keep looking. Not everyone mentions kinks on here.
As previously mentioned there's a couple of other sites you can't say on here that is more for the kink life. |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
For me, a connection is everything. Without it, I find it not even worth pursuing. You can tell by the first few messages or interactions whether someone will give me a good feeling and I go with my gut feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have read your other sites profile and am intrigued if you are looking for a relationship sub or a non relationship sub as you haven’t selected that.
If you don’t that’s fine but you will attract FBs and attached women that can’t necessarily give you the time and attention you desire.
The other is say more about ‘you’ it’s still flimsy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say more of a FB sub. I am concentrating on my career so I need that release from time to time. I wouldn’t want to commit to a full relationship just in case I disappoint the other half"
Well, so far you’ve said that you only want one sub and you’re old fashioned which would imply that you wouldn’t want your sub to be with any other Doms, you said you’ll invest as much time as possible and expect the same in return even though you’re concentrating on your career and just want a sub as a release from time to time but you believe that you have to earn a woman’s submission. From a sub’s perspective these are quite mixed messages, earning someone’s submission would take time and commitment, which you’ve said you don’t have, and you seem to want a monogamous arrangement but not a relationship. I get the impression what you’re looking for is someone to meet up with for kinky sex rather than a Dom/sub dynamic. |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say more of a FB sub. I am concentrating on my career so I need that release from time to time. I wouldn’t want to commit to a full relationship just in case I disappoint the other half
Well, so far you’ve said that you only want one sub and you’re old fashioned which would imply that you wouldn’t want your sub to be with any other Doms, you said you’ll invest as much time as possible and expect the same in return even though you’re concentrating on your career and just want a sub as a release from time to time but you believe that you have to earn a woman’s submission. From a sub’s perspective these are quite mixed messages, earning someone’s submission would take time and commitment, which you’ve said you don’t have, and you seem to want a monogamous arrangement but not a relationship. I get the impression what you’re looking for is someone to meet up with for kinky sex rather than a Dom/sub dynamic. "
I would agree here from the point of a sub |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!"
I've been a fetishest for over 30 years and I'm still learning. Everyone is different and none of us are the same, especially when it comes to D/s or Bdsm in general as they are highly complex but also highly rewarding when you get it right. I am very lucky to have my little and I ain't never letting her go, i licked her and she's mine! My advice to you would be is to look at yourself first and ask yourself what you bring to the table. Any experienced sub will see right through you so it's best to cut the stereotypical crap and be yourself. You can't teach someone to be either a D or an s it's either part of you or it isn't and that's the truth.  |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!"
I don’t know what that last line meant, but it didn’t come across well. Women on fab are as worthy of commitment as we are in nilla life, on FL and on dating sites.
There’s a lot of strong women around who have been badly hurt by so-called doms who want the submission without giving the commitment. If you must do this, please set boundaries for yourself and keep this to the bedroom only. No daily rituals, no rules when you are apart, no requests for pictures. Nothing that will make it harder for her to walk away when you decide it’s too much for you. Until you’re ready to commit, don’t ask for commitment from her. |
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"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!
I've been a fetishest for over 30 years and I'm still learning. Everyone is different and none of us are the same, especially when it comes to D/s or Bdsm in general as they are highly complex but also highly rewarding when you get it right. I am very lucky to have my little and I ain't never letting her go, i licked her and she's mine! My advice to you would be is to look at yourself first and ask yourself what you bring to the table. Any experienced sub will see right through you so it's best to cut the stereotypical crap and be yourself. You can't teach someone to be either a D or an s it's either part of you or it isn't and that's the truth. "
Quoted for the truth right here!
I happened to just fall into this D/s role. When I first met P she said it’s what she was looking for and this type of dynamic was always something I was intrigued about being a naturally dominant person. Did a bit of research and here we are nearly two years on. Nurturing someone and making them be the best possible them is the most rewarding aspect of a D/s relationship.
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!
I've been a fetishest for over 30 years and I'm still learning. Everyone is different and none of us are the same, especially when it comes to D/s or Bdsm in general as they are highly complex but also highly rewarding when you get it right. I am very lucky to have my little and I ain't never letting her go, i licked her and she's mine! My advice to you would be is to look at yourself first and ask yourself what you bring to the table. Any experienced sub will see right through you so it's best to cut the stereotypical crap and be yourself. You can't teach someone to be either a D or an s it's either part of you or it isn't and that's the truth.
Quoted for the truth right here!
I happened to just fall into this D/s role. When I first met P she said it’s what she was looking for and this type of dynamic was always something I was intrigued about being a naturally dominant person. Did a bit of research and here we are nearly two years on. Nurturing someone and making them be the best possible them is the most rewarding aspect of a D/s relationship.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!
I don’t know what that last line meant, but it didn’t come across well. Women on fab are as worthy of commitment as we are in nilla life, on FL and on dating sites.
There’s a lot of strong women around who have been badly hurt by so-called doms who want the submission without giving the commitment. If you must do this, please set boundaries for yourself and keep this to the bedroom only. No daily rituals, no rules when you are apart, no requests for pictures. Nothing that will make it harder for her to walk away when you decide it’s too much for you. Until you’re ready to commit,
don’t ask for commitment from her. "
This is so the truth! D/s or tbh any BDSM dynamic requires a depth of trust and emotional attachment not seen in many other areas. It is head fuckery 101 so do factor that in |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!
I don’t know what that last line meant, but it didn’t come across well. Women on fab are as worthy of commitment as we are in nilla life, on FL and on dating sites.
There’s a lot of strong women around who have been badly hurt by so-called doms who want the submission without giving the commitment. If you must do this, please set boundaries for yourself and keep this to the bedroom only. No daily rituals, no rules when you are apart, no requests for pictures. Nothing that will make it harder for her to walk away when you decide it’s too much for you. Until you’re ready to commit,
don’t ask for commitment from her.
This is so the truth! D/s or tbh any BDSM dynamic requires a depth of trust and emotional attachment not seen in many other areas. It is head fuckery 101 so do factor that in "
100% agree. I always say its 90% mind 10% physical. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You are absolutely right about the mixed messages. I’m still ‘learning’ about the dyamic. I’ve had kinky fb’s before but that kinda dies down after a while as there is no commitment. With a d/s dynamic, at least there would be some form commitment. Once that’s established, I’m sure my mentality will change. From
past experiences, I find it hard to commit to someone, especially from Fab as the choice for women is ridiculous!
I don’t know what that last line meant, but it didn’t come across well. Women on fab are as worthy of commitment as we are in nilla life, on FL and on dating sites.
There’s a lot of strong women around who have been badly hurt by so-called doms who want the submission without giving the commitment. If you must do this, please set boundaries for yourself and keep this to the bedroom only. No daily rituals, no rules when you are apart, no requests for pictures. Nothing that will make it harder for her to walk away when you decide it’s too much for you. Until you’re ready to commit,
don’t ask for commitment from her.
This is so the truth! D/s or tbh any BDSM dynamic requires a depth of trust and emotional attachment not seen in many other areas. It is head fuckery 101 so do factor that in
100% agree. I always say its 90% mind 10% physical. "
In addition, I can't make an "s" do a damn thing, they do what I ask because the choose to want to do it. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You will be very lucky to find anyone on here
It’s a very vanilla site and sm is discouraged on it
You are better trying fet "
You make a good point but it's not a complete desert, there are sub ladies on here. Quite often they don't advertise there D/s tendencies..... |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"You will be very lucky to find anyone on here
It’s a very vanilla site and sm is discouraged on it
You are better trying fet
You make a good point but it's not a complete desert, there are sub ladies on here. Quite often they don't advertise there D/s tendencies....."
There’s a reason for that Speaking for myself, it takes a lot of trust and connection to get on my knees for someone, and even more to stay there. I can’t do casual D/s. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"You will be very lucky to find anyone on here
It’s a very vanilla site and sm is discouraged on it
You are better trying fet
You make a good point but it's not a complete desert, there are sub ladies on here. Quite often they don't advertise there D/s tendencies.....
There’s a reason for that Speaking for myself, it takes a lot of trust and connection to get on my knees for someone, and even more to stay there. I can’t do casual D/s. "
I absolutely agree with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You will be very lucky to find anyone on here
It’s a very vanilla site and sm is discouraged on it
You are better trying fet
You make a good point but it's not a complete desert, there are sub ladies on here. Quite often they don't advertise there D/s tendencies.....
There’s a reason for that Speaking for myself, it takes a lot of trust and connection to get on my knees for someone, and even more to stay there. I can’t do casual D/s. "
Can’t agree more! It’s all or nothing |
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Think a sub section of this (no pun intended) should be for 'genuine' Dominants .. I have struggled over many years to find a man who understands what a dominant actually is .. most I play with then spit back out once they only have their strength and gender to fall back on.. thats NOT dominance, that is bullying and you WILL accept my consequences for a feeble attempt lol |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"For me, without trust it’s pointless. I need to trust the ‘sub’ too in order for it to fully work. The trust takes time to develop and not something that can be given or taken.
"
Not from my point of view. Submission is active, not passive. You are literally choosing to trust someone with your body, your wellbeing, potentially your life. There’s a conscious choice made every time that you are going to let go of control and trust this person - literally, you’re giving someone your trust. It’s a commitment, just like accepting that trust is. |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"For me, without trust it’s pointless. I need to trust the ‘sub’ too in order for it to fully work. The trust takes time to develop and not something that can be given or taken.
Not from my point of view. Submission is active, not passive. You are literally choosing to trust someone with your body, your wellbeing, potentially your life. There’s a conscious choice made every time that you are going to let go of control and trust this person - literally, you’re giving someone your trust. It’s a commitment, just like accepting that trust is."
What she said |
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"For me, without trust it’s pointless. I need to trust the ‘sub’ too in order for it to fully work. The trust takes time to develop and not something that can be given or taken.
"
Trust is one part of it but its only one part of it |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I do feel that this conversation is heading into "one true wayism" or "the way I do D/S is the only genuine way to do D/S".
It is similar to threads about " real swingers", "real bulls" or "genuine cuckolding". It is a common behaviour to say this is what I need and therefore it is the right way. Rather than saying, how you do your thing is valid as well.
I would suggest people can only define D/S for themselves and not for other people.
But to return (in a roundabout way) to the original topic and talking about experienced submissive rather than new ones.
Yesterday, I was at the regular rope event that I attend, and I noticed that one of the men seemed disconnected from the group. After the rope event part of the group go for meal, so it turns into a munch.
A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
Apart from the obvious point of suggesting to him that not everybody in the kink community is open minded.
There were two other points we suggested he consider.
First when someone attends a rope event as a rope model they are looking for a particular experience by an experienced person. To connect that point to this conversation, a submissive is looking for a person with the right experience to provide the right environment which they are seeking. As Selkie put it is a positive act. They are in it for their own experience and not that of random doms or riggers.
The second point is trust, a person at a dance can get up and walk away, whereas if a person is going to be tied, they need to be able to trust the rigger. Similarly if a submissive is to tie themselves to a dom they need to be able to trust them (remembering that trust is subjective).
Therefore being a dominant is not a question of being " true dominant" or ticking off touchy feely skills or technical skills. It is more having the right shaped dominance to fit the shape of the submission.
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By *Four_uCouple
over a year ago
Nr Blackpool |
"I do feel that this conversation is heading into "one true wayism" or "the way I do D/S is the only genuine way to do D/S".
It is similar to threads about " real swingers", "real bulls" or "genuine cuckolding". It is a common behaviour to say this is what I need and therefore it is the right way. Rather than saying, how you do your thing is valid as well.
I would suggest people can only define D/S for themselves and not for other people.
But to return (in a roundabout way) to the original topic and talking about experienced submissive rather than new ones.
Yesterday, I was at the regular rope event that I attend, and I noticed that one of the men seemed disconnected from the group. After the rope event part of the group go for meal, so it turns into a munch.
A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
Apart from the obvious point of suggesting to him that not everybody in the kink community is open minded.
There were two other points we suggested he consider.
First when someone attends a rope event as a rope model they are looking for a particular experience by an experienced person. To connect that point to this conversation, a submissive is looking for a person with the right experience to provide the right environment which they are seeking. As Selkie put it is a positive act. They are in it for their own experience and not that of random doms or riggers.
The second point is trust, a person at a dance can get up and walk away, whereas if a person is going to be tied, they need to be able to trust the rigger. Similarly if a submissive is to tie themselves to a dom they need to be able to trust them (remembering that trust is subjective).
Therefore being a dominant is not a question of being " true dominant" or ticking off touchy feely skills or technical skills. It is more having the right shaped dominance to fit the shape of the submission.
"
You are right that there is no one way but the basics are the basics and you ignore them at your own risk and that of those you involve yourself with. This discussion is about the relationship and in that regard many of the points made here are completely valid. |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
There are many, many genuine ways to do D/s, but I believe that casual D/s is the hardest. Comes back to RACK - assess the risks, decide if you’re comfortable with them, minimise them where you can.
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
"
This speaks so much more about him than it does the kink community, it could be how you've worded it, but that seems less like him wanting to enjoy rope and more using it to pick up women and we can tell that. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
This speaks so much more about him than it does the kink community, it could be how you've worded it, but that seems less like him wanting to enjoy rope and more using it to pick up women and we can tell that. "
I tended to be of the same view. It is a thing with rope, there are no guarantees if you rock up at a peer rope event that you will get to tie anyone (well certainly in the home counties and London).
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
This speaks so much more about him than it does the kink community, it could be how you've worded it, but that seems less like him wanting to enjoy rope and more using it to pick up women and we can tell that.
I tended to be of the same view. It is a thing with rope, there are no guarantees if you rock up at a peer rope event that you will get to tie anyone (well certainly in the home counties and London).
"
Come north? At one point we had seven bottoms to every top.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"A few of us got talking to this guy and he was saying he was going to give up rope. He said he had been lead to believe that the kink community was an open and friendly community. However, he found a lack of women rope models with which to practice at wvents and those that attend don't volunteer to help people learn. Whereas when he went to dance lessons, women would help new people with the moves to practice. So after 7 years, he was planning to give up rope for dance.
This speaks so much more about him than it does the kink community, it could be how you've worded it, but that seems less like him wanting to enjoy rope and more using it to pick up women and we can tell that.
I tended to be of the same view. It is a thing with rope, there are no guarantees if you rock up at a peer rope event that you will get to tie anyone (well certainly in the home counties and London).
Come north? At one point we had seven bottoms to every top.
"
At the moment I attend three different peer rope events a month for my fix of ropey goodness.
I have never been to the Durham area so a road trip may be in order at some point. Fab riggers go north on a road trip, who else is signing up?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a submissive woman the chance for me finding a Dom(me) on here are minimal.
I need someone who excites me mentally first and natural submission will follow. It takes time. Vetting. Consideration. All sorts. Sadly I find people here don’t want to give that time and feel that D/s is all 50 shades. It’s so so so far from that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends on what you define as mental excitement? "
Not mental excitement. Just mentally. If you can’t get in my head you’re sure as hell not getting near my pants.
For me bdsm is about 20% kink and 80% support and communication. Then there’s aftercare. You don’t. Or I don’t get that from a one off |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"I guess it depends on what you define as mental excitement?
Not mental excitement. Just mentally. If you can’t get in my head you’re sure as hell not getting near my pants.
For me bdsm is about 20% kink and 80% support and communication. Then there’s aftercare. You don’t. Or I don’t get that from a one off"
Exactly this
Even kink starts in the mind. I once did a scene that was about 90% verbal build up of what was about to happen as o was being restrained... By the time the physical stuff started I was already most of the way to subspace... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As a submissive woman the chance for me finding a Dom(me) on here are minimal.
I need someone who excites me mentally first and natural submission will follow. It takes time. Vetting. Consideration. All sorts. Sadly I find people here don’t want to give that time and feel that D/s is all 50 shades. It’s so so so far from that "
Eurgh. 50 shades… don’t get me started. |
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"I guess it depends on what you define as mental excitement?
Not mental excitement. Just mentally. If you can’t get in my head you’re sure as hell not getting near my pants.
For me bdsm is about 20% kink and 80% support and communication. Then there’s aftercare. You don’t. Or I don’t get that from a one off
Exactly this
Even kink starts in the mind. I once did a scene that was about 90% verbal build up of what was about to happen as o was being restrained... By the time the physical stuff started I was already most of the way to subspace..."
If you can't talk the talk, find a different kink, tied up now that's tongue twister to get me started. |
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"As a submissive woman the chance for me finding a Dom(me) on here are minimal.
I need someone who excites me mentally first and natural submission will follow. It takes time. Vetting. Consideration. All sorts. Sadly I find people here don’t want to give that time and feel that D/s is all 50 shades. It’s so so so far from that
Eurgh. 50 shades… don’t get me started. "
Is it just too mainstream? |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"As a submissive woman the chance for me finding a Dom(me) on here are minimal.
I need someone who excites me mentally first and natural submission will follow. It takes time. Vetting. Consideration. All sorts. Sadly I find people here don’t want to give that time and feel that D/s is all 50 shades. It’s so so so far from that
Eurgh. 50 shades… don’t get me started.
Is it just too mainstream?"
It's badly written (as in the writing is bad) and portrays BDSM in the worst light.
It focuses on a abusive man who doesn't understand consent and who is only into bdsm because he's 'damaged' |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"As a submissive woman the chance for me finding a Dom(me) on here are minimal.
I need someone who excites me mentally first and natural submission will follow. It takes time. Vetting. Consideration. All sorts. Sadly I find people here don’t want to give that time and feel that D/s is all 50 shades. It’s so so so far from that
Eurgh. 50 shades… don’t get me started.
Is it just too mainstream?
It's badly written (as in the writing is bad) and portrays BDSM in the worst light.
It focuses on a abusive man who doesn't understand consent and who is only into bdsm because he's 'damaged' "
However, while the surface structure isn’t the best the deeper structure has elements of behavioural generalisation.
50 shades is a great fun introduction in to sensual play.
Thousands of couples are wanting
some more sexual stimulation than a beer at the pub and who is in the England team on a Saturday night.
Baby steps are great.
Lot better than closed minded elitism.
What’s the saying, “ when the fun stops”. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
To find the right submissive please ask them questions about their likes and dislikes. Put what you’re into on your profile. Communication is key in finding the right person.
I recently had a discussion with a guy and then when he messaged about meeting up it was as if he hadn’t listened to me at all.
Not everyone wants pain or to be forced into doing things. Everyone is different. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"It's badly written (as in the writing is bad) and portrays BDSM in the worst light.
It focuses on a abusive man who doesn't understand consent and who is only into bdsm because he's 'damaged'
However, while the surface structure isn’t the best the deeper structure has elements of behavioural generalisation.
50 shades is a great fun introduction in to sensual play.
Thousands of couples are wanting
some more sexual stimulation than a beer at the pub and who is in the England team on a Saturday night.
Baby steps are great.
Lot better than closed minded elitism.
What’s the saying, “ when the fun stops”."
I never said there hadn't been good things to come out of it. I was just highlighting why someone would not be a fan of it for actual reasons and not because of it being 'too mainstream'
The first book came out when I was still involved in running one of the biggest munches in the country, it helped introduce loads of people to bdsm, as well as getting people not interested about kink to talk more openly about fantasies and desires...
Doesn't mean I don't wish the writing was of a better standard and it didn't reinforce incorrect views about bdsm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's badly written (as in the writing is bad) and portrays BDSM in the worst light.
It focuses on a abusive man who doesn't understand consent and who is only into bdsm because he's 'damaged'
However, while the surface structure isn’t the best the deeper structure has elements of behavioural generalisation.
50 shades is a great fun introduction in to sensual play.
Thousands of couples are wanting
some more sexual stimulation than a beer at the pub and who is in the England team on a Saturday night.
Baby steps are great.
Lot better than closed minded elitism.
What’s the saying, “ when the fun stops”.
I never said there hadn't been good things to come out of it. I was just highlighting why someone would not be a fan of it for actual reasons and not because of it being 'too mainstream'
The first book came out when I was still involved in running one of the biggest munches in the country, it helped introduce loads of people to bdsm, as well as getting people not interested about kink to talk more openly about fantasies and desires...
Doesn't mean I don't wish the writing was of a better standard and it didn't reinforce incorrect views about bdsm"
BDSM is so many different things for different people. As is vanilla.
One persons kink or fetish is another persons limit.
I came in to it via munches about 10 years ago. I have seen irresponsible D types and irrespective s types.
It starts and ends for me with honest communication. Not everyone brings out a certain side of you. I have done things with someone I wouldn’t have trusted with someone else or may have been a limit for them.
BDSM. 4 letters. A huge Pandora’s box of feeling. Find the right person to be with and it’s amazing. Like sub space. Wow. Get the wrong person and not only the risk of physical scarring but the emotional scarring and damage it can cause is incredible.
Well run munches are a great way even for experienced people |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"You know sometimes when you stop looking, you find just what you want  "
Oh god isn't this so true.
And sometimes that someone is a completely unexpected friend that had been under your nose the whole time...
At least that's this month's experience |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai / Nottingham |
Jusr remember every D/s relationship is going to be different , what you had before is not be repeated, it will be different. I had similar , she was not from here , neither of us had any experience of ‘the scene’ it was perfect.
My advice would be to look outside of fab, submissive women are everywhere , people get a bit tainted here and obsessed about labels and are they doing it right |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & East Midlands |
"Jusr remember every D/s relationship is going to be different , what you had before is not be repeated, it will be different. I had similar , she was not from here , neither of us had any experience of ‘the scene’ it was perfect.
My advice would be to look outside of fab, submissive women are everywhere , people get a bit tainted here and obsessed about labels and are they doing it right "
You hit the nail on the head. Due to sheer luck, I have actually met someone in the real world. It’s still early days but just shows you Fab is not for everyone and not everyone will find what they are looking for. I find some people know what they want but are too scared to admit for fear of being labelled |
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