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Couples question.
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"Has sharing with others brought you closer together/strengthened your relationship?
If so why?
And if not how did you work your way through it?"
It hasn't brought us closer as such but has potentially made us more intimate as there is more to discuss and explore. also something else to enjoy together to add to what we already have. Sexually it feels the connection is maybe deeper due to the increased trust when sharing but we already trusted each other prior to all this so we view it as something to add to an already great relationship. |
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Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
|
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
"
I'm gonna make an assumption here, I am of similar age to Aurelia and grew up in a "traditional" society. Messages about body&sexuality start very early, sometimes even at preverbal stages of development which makes applying logic to them as an adult that much harder. She sounds like she wants to live out her hedonistic tendencies and can be carefree in the moment, but has cognitive dissonance issues and/or deeply rooted guilt/shame that she doesn't want or isn't able to look at head on (tbf it's not fun, and unpacking these things can be extremely destabilising). So her coping mechanism seems to be keeping her extra-ordinary sexual activities and any thoughts about them contained within the sessions. It makes sense - in the heat of the moment it is easy to do what you want to but believe you shouldn't be doing; much harder in the cold light of day to own up to what you've done that you believe is "wrong" or shameful, let alone admit that you wanted it. It is not surprising to me that you find this perplexing - British society is quite secular, and after the swinging 60s especially sexual guilt has overtime become mostly irrelevant (thank god lolol), especially so for straight men.
OP sorry for the hijack! To answer your question also - it's been a bit of both. We have had some amazing experiences that we cherish, which enhanced our bond sexually and emotionally. We've also had many knocks and issues that had to be ironed out with a loooot of talk - truth is if any partner has any insecurities they will come out to play too. Paradoxically overcoming these challenges is bonding also, though it can also be perilous for relationship stability. I guess you can't have adventure without some risk. |
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
I'm gonna make an assumption here, I am of similar age to Aurelia and grew up in a "traditional" society. Messages about body&sexuality start very early, sometimes even at preverbal stages of development which makes applying logic to them as an adult that much harder. She sounds like she wants to live out her hedonistic tendencies and can be carefree in the moment, but has cognitive dissonance issues and/or deeply rooted guilt/shame that she doesn't want or isn't able to look at head on (tbf it's not fun, and unpacking these things can be extremely destabilising). So her coping mechanism seems to be keeping her extra-ordinary sexual activities and any thoughts about them contained within the sessions. It makes sense - in the heat of the moment it is easy to do what you want to but believe you shouldn't be doing; much harder in the cold light of day to own up to what you've done that you believe is "wrong" or shameful, let alone admit that you wanted it. It is not surprising to me that you find this perplexing - British society is quite secular, and after the swinging 60s especially sexual guilt has overtime become mostly irrelevant (thank god lolol), especially so for straight men.
OP sorry for the hijack! To answer your question also - it's been a bit of both. We have had some amazing experiences that we cherish, which enhanced our bond sexually and emotionally. We've also had many knocks and issues that had to be ironed out with a loooot of talk - truth is if any partner has any insecurities they will come out to play too. Paradoxically overcoming these challenges is bonding also, though it can also be perilous for relationship stability. I guess you can't have adventure without some risk."
Thank you for your very considered reply.
A lot to think about there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
"
agreed deep is exactly the same |
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
"
Sounds like she’s doing it just for you I’m afraid |
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
"
OK so I (fem) am quite similar. When the act is happening you don't think about anything other than what's going in at the time, in our situation and dynamic it's always mmf and my husband is the same..he want to talk about it nd tell me what he found erotic, sexy etc but I tend to just say yeah I really enjoyed it...and the reason I do this is to save his feeling, I don't want to be giving it ah fuck..did you see the way he licked my pussy or fucked me..omg he was sooo fucking hot because although we are both consenting about what we just did with another man I still feel like their should be some respect for him and our relationship, I'm not saying that he would be quite taken back if I were to say these things, however I value our relationship and that comes first obv..I'm not sure if iv written this so that it makes sence lol but while it's great fun at the time... I don't feel the need to go on about it the next day. So this could be what's happening with your partner it's not that she is scared your going to get jealous etc its just that she has alot of respect for you. |
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
OK so I (fem) am quite similar. When the act is happening you don't think about anything other than what's going in at the time, in our situation and dynamic it's always mmf and my husband is the same..he want to talk about it nd tell me what he found erotic, sexy etc but I tend to just say yeah I really enjoyed it...and the reason I do this is to save his feeling, I don't want to be giving it ah fuck..did you see the way he licked my pussy or fucked me..omg he was sooo fucking hot because although we are both consenting about what we just did with another man I still feel like their should be some respect for him and our relationship, I'm not saying that he would be quite taken back if I were to say these things, however I value our relationship and that comes first obv..I'm not sure if iv written this so that it makes sence lol but while it's great fun at the time... I don't feel the need to go on about it the next day. So this could be what's happening with your partner it's not that she is scared your going to get jealous etc its just that she has alot of respect for you."
That makes sense too, thank you for your input x |
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"
Weirdly we find the opposite.
Whenever we have had some fun I like to chat with Aurelia about it to see if she enjoyed it or if anything in particular was good or bad.
Aurelia doesn't like mentioning it at all which makes it a little frustrating when trying to see what she might like to do in the future.
She doesn't like pre planning anything either but it is always her that instigates any fun whenever we meet anyone as it is usually her that is hit on by either men or ladies.
I'm kind of thinking that she is a little ashamed after we have done something and doesn't like to reflect on it or think about future things but can't help herself going with it once we get into a situation which she always appears to thoroughly enjoy and let herself go when it happens. She will never admit how much she enjoyed it after though.
Anyone else have this kind of issue?
"
I'm the same, he likes to chat about it, I'm not bothered. I instigate our meets too, they don't happen often now as my libido isn't what is was. |
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