FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Being able to host - deal breaker or no deal breaker?
Being able to host - deal breaker or no deal breaker?
Jump to: Newest in thread
Question time:
Single Gents: Do you find your success rate when it comes to meets is higher because you can or choose to accommodate in your home?
Ladies and Couples: Is a gent being able to, or choosing to accommodate in his home a deciding factor if you choose to meet privately outside of a club or a party?
Simply curious to gain people’s thoughts on this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
As a single gent I prefer not to host strangers in my home. Hotel or club meets are the options.
It probably effects number of meets as there is an assumption single + can’t host = attached-cheater but I am not going to change it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Being able to host at home is usually an indication that you really are single.
So definitely a good start."
Hmmm…. I’m not sure I necessarily agree with sentiment but fair enough. What about if you’re a single parent? Or you still live at home because you cannot afford to move out yet? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"We don’t accommodate so it usually is a dealbreaker. In our experience people suggesting hotel meets usually back out last minute or just ghost."
Maybe meeting for social first is not the worst idea to avoid time waster and fakes  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We don’t accommodate so it usually is a dealbreaker. In our experience people suggesting hotel meets usually back out last minute or just ghost.
Maybe meeting for social first is not the worst idea to avoid time waster and fakes "
Unfortunately with young children and no regular babysitters socials aren’t possible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've learnt that it's not always a good idea to go to the guy's house... Nothing major happened. I can't accommodate and yes, it could mean that the guy is attached. Love hotel meets anyway  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"nope means nothing to us ...you cant go around assuming things... there could be a whole host of reasons why they cant accom"
Agreed! Does make things a tad harder to arrange but theres still hotels and clubs. Should be discussed and fair to both sides, no pressure. Even if someone offers to accomm, it doesn't mean their home is appropriate! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Being able to host at home is usually an indication that you really are single.
So definitely a good start."
I agree that's the assumption, but it often feels like another of those hurdles that people put up for single men.
Couples and single women can and will say "I'm not accommodating for safety reasons/because my kids live here", which is obviously fine, but not only do neither of those reasons get believed from men, they are additionally assumed to be liars.
As you might tell, it annoys me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being able to host at home is usually an indication that you really are single.
So definitely a good start.
Hmmm…. I’m not sure I necessarily agree with sentiment but fair enough. What about if you’re a single parent? Or you still live at home because you cannot afford to move out yet? "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In my personal experience, the ability to accommodate has (I’ve been told) reassured people that I am genuinely single, even if the meet hasn’t actually been at my place.
In actual fact, the vast majority of my meets have been in neutral locations such as hotels, but maybe just having it as an option helps to ease doubts? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Being able to host at home is usually an indication that you really are single.
So definitely a good start.
Hmmm…. I’m not sure I necessarily agree with sentiment but fair enough. What about if you’re a single parent? Or you still live at home because you cannot afford to move out yet? "
Bad luck I guess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If I could accommodate I most certainly wouldn’t be inviting someone into my home that I met off the internet, would be a neutral venue first and foremost.
I’d need to assess first whether they’re someone I’d like to bring to my home. Personally I believe this is a stance everyone should take but each to their own I suppose.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I could accommodate I most certainly wouldn’t be inviting someone into my home that I met off the internet, would be a neutral venue first and foremost.
I’d need to assess first whether they’re someone I’d like to bring to my home. Personally I believe this is a stance everyone should take but each to their own I suppose.
"
Oh absolutely. I do accommodate, but that doesn’t mean I let anyone come over… neutral venue for a first (preferably social) meet |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can accomodate/host which i have done in the past a couple of times. But that involved previously meeting at a club or a planned couple of social drinks so i'm happy with the situation, I'm very fussy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I qoukd say if u cant accomodate because u r married or attached , but play on here alone, then best to tell the potential playmate/s , what's the worst that could happen the could say its morally wrong, or say they don't give a crap what u get up to as long as no drama comes their way, after all Honesty is The Best Policy Right as long as it starts at home first ,for ne it's quite liberating telling the wife u want this lifestyle even of she doesn't, at least one can then enjoy it as a Free Spirit |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Seems to me single guys that can't Accommodate (for whatever reason) are looked upon as though they are cheating on gf or wife.
Whereas females and couples that don't Accom aren't judged as such.
 "
Yep, it’s one the biggest double standards on this site |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I guess lookin at it there's enough people on here that adore the lustful and seediness opportunity of a Hotel, not to mention the privacy away from nosey neighbours...Patience will have u meeting the right and understanding people u actually connect with
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
"
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ"
I'm not saying it's right I simply saying it's an incredibly effective filter for those of us who meet single guys.
Couples not accommodating is far more likely due to them having children living at home.
KJ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"Seems to me single guys that can't Accommodate (for whatever reason) are looked upon as though they are cheating on gf or wife.
Whereas females and couples that don't Accom aren't judged as such.
Yep, it’s one the biggest double standards on this site "
Not accomodating alone doesn't mean a man is married or attached.There are generally other clues that indicate he may be .
My other half couldn't accom when we met,but he was staying with family. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Question time:
Single Gents: Do you find your success rate when it comes to meets is higher because you can or choose to accommodate in your home?
Ladies and Couples: Is a gent being able to, or choosing to accommodate in his home a deciding factor if you choose to meet privately outside of a club or a party?
Simply curious to gain people’s thoughts on this. "
Yeah pretty much since being back as I now cannot accomodate.
Though I had more sucess when I could accomodate.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Not accomodating alone doesn't mean a man is married or attached.There are generally other clues that indicate he may be .
My other half couldn't accom when we met,but he was staying with family."
Of course it doesn't
I don't think anyone is saying not accommodating = married, just that a high percentage are married and it works as a great filter as most people playing away can't accommodate. There is a difference. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a couple meeting a guy - I would host at a hotel.
As a single guy I wouldn’t be able to host so would hope the lady would host or I’d book a hotel if it came to that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I could accommodate I most certainly wouldn’t be inviting someone into my home that I met off the internet, would be a neutral venue first and foremost.
I’d need to assess first whether they’re someone I’d like to bring to my home. Personally I believe this is a stance everyone should take but each to their own I suppose.
Oh absolutely. I do accommodate, but that doesn’t mean I let anyone come over… neutral venue for a first (preferably social) meet "
I find it crazy that people have said to me they'd feel more comfortable coming to my house rather and meet in a public place, these people a sus. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As a couple we have older kids at home which means we can never accom , so we rely on others being able to accommodate, we have played with a genuine single guy in his home which felt great , loads of guys offer to accommodate in a hotel and offer to pay for the room even when they haven't met us which seems either weird or desperate as we would always want a non committal social first ....do guys really pay for rooms on the off chance of fun ? ....... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As a couple we have older kids at home which means we can never accom , so we rely on others being able to accommodate, we have played with a genuine single guy in his home which felt great , loads of guys offer to accommodate in a hotel and offer to pay for the room even when they haven't met us which seems either weird or desperate as we would always want a non committal social first ....do guys really pay for rooms on the off chance of fun ? ......."
Personally, no… I’d also want a no pressure social first.. but some ARE desperate |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As a couple we have older kids at home which means we can never accom , so we rely on others being able to accommodate, we have played with a genuine single guy in his home which felt great , loads of guys offer to accommodate in a hotel and offer to pay for the room even when they haven't met us which seems either weird or desperate as we would always want a non committal social first ....do guys really pay for rooms on the off chance of fun ? .......
Personally, no… I’d also want a no pressure social first.. but some ARE desperate "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When I play as a couple , we have zero interest in a social. We aren’t meeting a guy for friendship , we are simply using his ability to perform.
"
And that is perfectly fair ,we both prefer to make sure there is a bit of chemistry in the air if we are playing though |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ
I'm not saying it's right I simply saying it's an incredibly effective filter for those of us who meet single guys.
Couples not accommodating is far more likely due to them having children living at home.
KJ"
Agreed. Any single man either has to accept that this will be one possible reason why they were filtered out (along with too tall / short / fat / thin / white / orange etc) or go for the technicality of "can accommodate (but it's pretty unlikely)"
...because nothings going to change. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As a single gent I prefer not to host strangers in my home. Hotel or club meets are the options.
It probably effects number of meets as there is an assumption single + can’t host = attached-cheater but I am not going to change it "
That is the, often correct, assumption that couples come to... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It is for me
I don't accommodate and I'm not overly fond of hotel meets
Plus I like to meet some one regular and sometimes last minute which you can't do with hotel |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can’t accom as a single parent…
Hotels or my place of work are best…
Does it affect my chances?… dunno…
I’m verified on a previous profile but as of yet.. no luck.
I’m due to goto a social to meet other people which hopefully will end doubts of a time waster ..?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As a single gent I prefer not to host strangers in my home. Hotel or club meets are the options.
It probably effects number of meets as there is an assumption single + can’t host = attached-cheater but I am not going to change it "
Agreed. Clubs are ideal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I appreciate going over there. I like to meet regularly with the same person and find nothing beats the hospitality of home. A cuppa, music on, sense of home (that I didn’t have to tidy clean or cook over). It’s a treat and far more interesting than most dull hotel rooms. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's a dealbreaker for me, but I don't assume men are cheating. I can't accommodate and for various reasons, I don't want to use clubs or hotels. I appreciate that makes it difficult and I am asking a lot. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Question time:
Single Gents: Do you find your success rate when it comes to meets is higher because you can or choose to accommodate in your home?
Ladies and Couples: Is a gent being able to, or choosing to accommodate in his home a deciding factor if you choose to meet privately outside of a club or a party?
Simply curious to gain people’s thoughts on this. "
No. At one point in my life, I couldn't accommodate. Then at one point in my life, I could accommodate. My success rate NEVER changes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We don’t accommodate so it usually is a dealbreaker. In our experience people suggesting hotel meets usually back out last minute or just ghost.
Maybe meeting for social first is not the worst idea to avoid time waster and fakes "
What if they don't turn up for the social? They have still wasted your time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"We don’t accommodate so it usually is a dealbreaker. In our experience people suggesting hotel meets usually back out last minute or just ghost.
Maybe meeting for social first is not the worst idea to avoid time waster and fakes
What if they don't turn up for the social? They have still wasted your time. "
Shit happens, well, I’ll have a coffee or drink to myself. Not total waste of time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ
I'm not saying it's right I simply saying it's an incredibly effective filter for those of us who meet single guys.
Couples not accommodating is far more likely due to them having children living at home.
KJ
Agreed. Any single man either has to accept that this will be one possible reason why they were filtered out (along with too tall / short / fat / thin / white / orange etc) or go for the technicality of "can accommodate (but it's pretty unlikely)"
...because nothings going to change."
I agree with this statement and accept that the fact I won’t accommodate at home for first fuck meet take out some meets however…
It’s two way street. Like on job interview. If candidate first filters are office look, availability of free coffee and milk etc - he/she isn’t my candidate.
I am looking for these interesting in job content, my product and tasks he/she will be doing.
  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
I do think there are single ladies and couples that do think if a single guy can’t accommodate then he must be cheating.Maybe they have had a bad experience only they can really answer.I am a single guy that can’t accommodate my reason is on my profile I have elderly family that live with me.If a single lady or a couple accept my situation then great for me if not fair enough I carry on attending socials , spa and clubs and make friends and connections that way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
"As a couple we have older kids at home which means we can never accom , so we rely on others being able to accommodate, we have played with a genuine single guy in his home which felt great , loads of guys offer to accommodate in a hotel and offer to pay for the room even when they haven't met us which seems either weird or desperate as we would always want a non committal social first ....do guys really pay for rooms on the off chance of fun ? ......."
Only weird ones ....I would say .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We tend to stick with club meets. These days (and this may sound like paranoia) but you can't trust someone hasnt hidden a camera... man,women or couples. With private meets we seem to end up with a lot of time wasters and our time to play is rare and precious, so if we are at a club we can mingle with other people and maybe do other things |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’m happy to accommodate once I feel safe that the lady is genuine. Being a single chap I’m very wary of who I’m potentially inviting into my home.
I understand it’ll be daunting for both parties, but meeting somewhere neutral to gauge the vibe is the answer.
In answer to the original question though, I do feel accommodating helps my chances of meets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
It makes no difference to me if a man can accommodate or not. I will never go to their house anyhow for the first few meets only when I know someone well will I do that. And it's the same with my home I can accomadate but I don't have it on my profile as it is presuamed then that I will .And there is no chance I am bringing a someone I don't know well to my home. I don't really see why men are expected to when it's deemed safer for women not to.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Some very mixed views here which is good to see. However, the general consensus seems to be that the man being able to, or choosing to accommodate IS a deciding factor for women and couples who choose to meet single men, and does seem to increase a guy’s success rate on here in terms of getting meets.
Of course nobody is at liberty to bring anyone they don’t want to into their home, my issue with some is the lack of compromise especially when it comes to meeting in a neutral venue. For example, ruling out hotel meets altogether and assumptions being made about someone’s living situation because they choose not to, or cannot invite someone into their home.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ
I'm not saying it's right I simply saying it's an incredibly effective filter for those of us who meet single guys.
Couples not accommodating is far more likely due to them having children living at home.
KJ"
That’s outdated - I know several single fathers whose teenagers live with them 7 nights a week. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Some very mixed views here which is good to see. However, the general consensus seems to be that the man being able to, or choosing to accommodate IS a deciding factor for women and couples who choose to meet single men,
"
Contributing, not deciding, possibly? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
For us and many couples and single ladies a very high percentage (not all granted) of single guys especially those above 30 years of age who can't accommodate, can't because there are married or living with a partner.
So as the choice for couples and females is so vast due to the sheer volume of "single" males, only engaging with single guys who can accommodate (even if we plan a hotel or club meet) acts as a very very effective filter in terms of reducing the chances of meeting cheaters and the risk of drama and emtional damage that can cause.
KJ
I'm not saying it's right I simply saying it's an incredibly effective filter for those of us who meet single guys.
Couples not accommodating is far more likely due to them having children living at home.
KJ
That’s outdated - I know several single fathers whose teenagers live with them 7 nights a week."
I agree. Ive come across quite a few guys who're in the same position as I am. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
I have hosted successfully ever since I joined Fab many years ago and will continue to do so.
I am happy for initial social meets to be away from my home..
Having spent half my working life living in Hotels I never want to see the inside of another hotel room.
Clubs not my thing, too much of an introvert, and concious about my age.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We don’t accommodate so it usually is a dealbreaker. In our experience people suggesting hotel meets usually back out last minute or just ghost.
Maybe meeting for social first is not the worst idea to avoid time waster and fakes
What if they don't turn up for the social? They have still wasted your time. "
Yes and no. The vast majority of socials I have are near me and at my convenience. I also wear little or no makeup so there’s little ‘getting ready’ time involved - what they see at the social if what the poor bastard(s) would potentially wake up with one morning if all goes well.
I do it this way because - except in absolute emergency - I’m 100% reliable - and the people I meet are almost always far less experienced/verified than I am and therefore more of a risk.
Before I did this I had a lot of no-shows and wasted a lot of time and effort. Now the vast majority of people show up - and at worst I’ve just had a coffee alone at my local Starbucks - no big deal!
As for accommodating - I have 2 teens at home. If the chap doesn’t accommodate then it’s a club or hotel room - and I have little spare money for hotels. I wouldn’t go to a guys house unless I knew him fairly well though for safety reasons. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have hosted successfully ever since I joined Fab many years ago and will continue to do so.
I am happy for initial social meets to be away from my home..
Having spent half my working life living in Hotels I never want to see the inside of another hotel room.
Clubs not my thing, too much of an introvert, and concious about my age.
"
I think you’re wearing rather well my lovely |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
"I have hosted successfully ever since I joined Fab many years ago and will continue to do so.
I am happy for initial social meets to be away from my home..
Having spent half my working life living in Hotels I never want to see the inside of another hotel room.
Clubs not my thing, too much of an introvert, and concious about my age.
I think you’re wearing rather well my lovely "
Thank you for your kind words |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
