FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why is there declining Bi guys?

Why is there declining Bi guys?

By *alt Vinegar OP Couple over a year ago

Nowhere

Hi people. We’ve not been here long, but we’ve notice quite a few profiles that politely decline meeting bi guys. Obvs we know that everyone has a right and their own preference, and that’s fully accepted, but if they a forward enough to say understand the boundaries of the meet, why would you stay away from him? What if he is part of a MF couple too? Would that still be a declination???

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple over a year ago

liverpool

I'd like to know too, following.

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple over a year ago

Because they’re bigots, perhaps

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I have and do have sex with bi guys, I know that a lot of women won't, I don't necessarily think its bigotry it's just what people are comfortable with.

I so think that bisexual women are accepted more by men, that bisexual men are by women

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By *razylady2014Couple over a year ago

Bolton

In my experience most guys lie anyway and put straight on their profile when they are bi.

When I point out to guys who have messaged me I have a preference for bi guys nearly all of them reply with "I am bi but I don't put in on my profile as it puts couples off"

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Surely it's everyone's choice about who they want to meet and if they want to meet someone who is bi or straight. And if they have it on their profile then it's pretty clear from the start what they are looking for. No one should have to explain why they don't want to meet others a simple no should be enough for anyone. It doesn't mean they are bigots it just means you're not what they are looking for.

I don't care if a man is bi or not it's not something I look at when I'm looking at a profile but if I tell someone I'm not interested in meeting them I don't think I have to explain to them why I said no just like when someone says no to me I don't expect an explanation from them .

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Because maybe not many would stick to the boundaries,I myself feel it's about respecting each other and sticking with the rules set out so everyone is able to enjoy

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By *ed wineMan over a year ago

Where the streets have no name

Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone

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By *leaserforPleasureTV/TS over a year ago

Whitstable

There are a lot of couples who join here where the male thinks its okay to be part of a ffm trio, likes the idea of watching two women together and playing with two women himself but is aghast at the thought of mmf.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's down to the people. Could be nerves, not the type etc.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

They think they will "catch the gay". Lol

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By *evilmademedoitMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol"

Exactly this. Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I won't meet straight people. If you're into that sort of thing fine, but don't force it on people...

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone "

And What are the classical traits of masculinity? And why does a guy being bi mean he dosnt have them whatever they are?

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"There are a lot of couples who join here where the male thinks its okay to be part of a ffm trio, likes the idea of watching two women together and playing with two women himself but is aghast at the thought of mmf. "

I get asked so often why i like bi guys and what it is about them, and that is exactly what i say when they do! Foe the same reason a guy likes seeing 2 girls I havnt had a response when i question them as to why they find it not ok the other way round yet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone

And What are the classical traits of masculinity? And why does a guy being bi mean he dosnt have them whatever they are? "

I know, it's ironic really because I'm a burly, masculine presenting geezer, someone told me I look and sound like Bronson, personality wise I'm more like Kenny Everett but hey

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if a guy is hot (to me) then i dont care if he str8 bi or gay (if gay its tea n biscuits and a good natter)

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple over a year ago

So much this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m an effeminate mini Amazon with a personality straight out of Ab Fab (apparently). People are prob declining me as I write. I’m fine with it, I don’t question it.

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By *ood You KindlyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

I’ve often wondered this myself. I mean, just because they are bi doesn’t mean they’ll automatically try to shag the straight male of a couple. I get that people have preferences like height, weight etc. Stuff you can see. But to me, saying no bi men is a bit like saying no one with a weirdly shaped heart. It’s not something you can see and what difference does it make?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m an effeminate mini Amazon with a personality straight out of Ab Fab (apparently). People are prob declining me as I write. I’m fine with it, I don’t question it. "

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

Edinburgh & London

It’s just a question of personal choice isn’t it. What fun they are missing out in, though

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone

And What are the classical traits of masculinity? And why does a guy being bi mean he dosnt have them whatever they are?

I know, it's ironic really because I'm a burly, masculine presenting geezer, someone told me I look and sound like Bronson, personality wise I'm more like Kenny Everett but hey

Its because of ignorant comments like that alot of guys hide who they really are.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

So much this. "

One guy even messaged after i pointed out im not looking for straight guys, " fine if you wanna catch aids go for it"

Funny how great you are until you say not what im looking for lol

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By *elshie69Man over a year ago

Feltham

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol"

Been told something very similar in the past..haha

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By *xciter7169Man over a year ago

The Midlands

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Bi-gots

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By *iscreet Suck n GoMan over a year ago

Belfast

As a gay guy on this site I can confirm there are a lot of gay guy's who are on here pretending to be straight and are on fabguys looking fucked by men. I have met a lot of bi/straight guy's on here for oral fun but it's a swingers site so just have fun and my mantra is to suck as much cock as I can get.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

Once I met a couple in a club, we had a long and great chat, and the guy said he is bi. I told them I'm straight and they respected this, we kept chatting. They said their fantasy is to him watch his wife having sex with another man if I'm okay with that. Yeah, sure, why not.

We went to a private room, and I can't say a bad word for the behaviour of the guy, he only sat at the other end of the bed and watched us, didn't even take off his pants, but somehow I had an uncomfortable feeling all the way that he is more interested in watching me than his wife. I felt his eyes on my back all the way and I can't tell why but it was a turn-off for me. And I don't think that it would make me a "bigot", I'm just being straight.

I have been in the same situation with straight stag-vixen couples, or have been watched by bigger crowds and did not have that uncomfortable feeling at all.

So, I understand why a couple where the male is straight will rather choose a straight man, especially if there will be closer contact during a three/foursome... If I was in a couple, I would also prefer couples with straight guys.

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By *lexV16Man over a year ago

Welling

That’s a great explanation mate. Thanks for your inputs. For me respecting boundaries is also not questioning them. So if it says not meeting bi guys, I’ll just move on

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple over a year ago

here & there

"Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone

And What are the classical traits of masculinity? And why does a guy being bi mean he dosnt have them whatever they are? "

There’s nothing more masculine than seeing 2 guys go at each other! It’s deeply animalistic & carnal experience to enjoy

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

So, the elephant in the room; hiv and Aids. Bi men suck cock, and they also fuck each other. Whatever your own spin on bi guys, there is always that connection to the ‘gay plague’. Are women who play with other women associated with hiv and Aids? No. Are men who play with other men? Yes.

I have female friends who won’t go near a bi guy, and they have said it’s the chance of ‘catching something’ which puts them off.

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By *tinerant scribeMan over a year ago

County Durham

HIV transmission from oral sex is very, very low. And most same-sex play between men does not involve fucking. That said, I think some women don't want to be with bi guys because they think their heterosexuality is somehow attenuated: they are less into women, will get less of a rush, be less aroused.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People are people. You don't know the true reasons. Until we do, we should stop spectualting..just respect and focus on yourself and move on.

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By *omerset tvTV/TS over a year ago

Weston-super-Mare

Apparently the vast majority of monkey virus cases have been in the gay male sex people, so maybe guys think putting bi are gonna lessen their chances of getting meets in here now ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 09:41:45]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

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By *angerous123Man over a year ago

Leeds

Because of bigotry, simple as that

Anyone who says different only has to read some of the replies in this thread

I just block them and pay them no mind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

Wow, the same could be said for a lot of women on here you know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community? "

please provide the source of that info because i think you are wildly wrong ...i volunteer for a safe sex charity and what you just quoted is not reconsider ... sing bi men who live a open bi life yes 100% agree same with single gay men / gay couples ...but when you hit the married men side of things of which is a very large portion these men bi or gay or partake in bi or gay sex generally do not get check ups very very few so its a very very blurred picture because of that alone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community?

and to be fair the same goes for married men / women

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community?

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By *m3232Man over a year ago

maidenhead

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol"

Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community?

I don't need to provide sources..stats are only useful for those that have come forward and are counted. It doesn't portray the bigger picture and therefore we can't spectulate. Alternatively all go and have unprotected fun free for all

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Hi people. We’ve not been here long, but we’ve notice quite a few profiles that politely decline meeting bi guys. Obvs we know that everyone has a right and their own preference, and that’s fully accepted, but if they a forward enough to say understand the boundaries of the meet, why would you stay away from him? What if he is part of a MF couple too? Would that still be a declination???"

---They probably just mean bisexuality in the bedroom, why not ask them? I don't understand why people seeing an over riding bigotry here. Fab has got to be the most 'particular' place on the internet! It's *all* about being comfortable for a lot of people here (ok some people will bang anything - but Fab is a broad church).

And even if some couples would rather not have homosexuality in their bedroom (bisexual means heterosexual and homosexual after all), so what? They are only going to go for *exactly* what they want. They are not there to tend to other people's needs! They may not want the concept of 'boundaries' at all?

Fab is often taken a bit too personally by many people I think. "declination" makes this sound like a personal refusal to me, when it's just a couple stating what they want. I like Tops and am often turning down Versatiles. That makes no sense to a lot of people who contact me (some even get frustrated), but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. --pt

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By *xploressCouple over a year ago

Mid Devon

For what it's worth, we've been on Fab for nearly 3 years, and most of that time we've been a Bi Fem couple and stated that on our profile. As my interest grew in taking a walk on the Bi side we agonised for ages whether to change our profile to both Bi. For fear of being turned down by hot bi fem couples which we still love.

We went for it a month or two back and we've not noticed any drop off in interest. Maybe one or two have passed us by, who knows. But we've also had other bi couples hit us up that maybe wouldn't have before.

If you're in any doubt about whether to out yourself, I'd say do it. So much more potential for hot play if everyone's bi

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By *acavityMan over a year ago

Redditch

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

& Straight people don't? Tbh a vast majority of bi/gay men get regularly checked, are on Prep and are very cautious about their health..could the same be said to the straight community?

And the married men are on fab as fab-straight and fab-single.

So being honest about your preference gets you more likely to be passed over, where as the liars are perceived as safer despite the married bi cheats being possibly the riskier option.

I list myself as bi, but I'm not interested in most men, I'm attracted to feminine people, what ever the contents of their underwear. It's clearly stated in my profile.

Still get messages from 'straight' men.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Some women prefer their male lovers to adhere to the classical traits of masculinity. The only idea of picture them sucking a cock probably would ruin that attraction.

Anyway, Fabs is a multi-verse of preferences, so there is room for everyone

And What are the classical traits of masculinity? And why does a guy being bi mean he dosnt have them whatever they are?

There’s nothing more masculine than seeing 2 guys go at each other! It’s deeply animalistic & carnal experience to enjoy

Amen to that!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have female friends who won’t go near a bi guy, and they have said it’s the chance of ‘catching something’ which puts them off. "

"The Gay plague"?

What the actual f*ck?

Are you like, still living in the early eighties?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because in my view you don't know where some of them have been! Some will go with anything just to get a f*ck don't slate me you know it's the truth

I'm very selective who I meet as it happens. Get tested regularly. Won't meet marrieds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because of bigotry, simple as that

Anyone who says different only has to read some of the replies in this thread

I just block them and pay them no mind "

Well said !

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By *rindnbumpCouple over a year ago

Our little world of Kinky Fuckery in Durham

We have seen quite a few profiles who state they won't meet bi men or couples with bi males.

Unfortunately I don't think as many people are as open minded as they would like to think.

Still feel there is a certain stigma attached to bi men, especially when part of a couple.

It definitely a lot more acceptable for a F to be bi, whether they are single or part of a couple.

We find a lot of single guys who message us and have straight on their profile but actually say they are bi when talking to them

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By *ill37Man over a year ago

cambridge

At what point does it become bi if there are 2 males and 1 women they will all see each other naked and even if unintentional they maybe touching of skin between all involved nature of sex, would a straight guy refuse to kiss his gf/wife after she has sucked the other guys cock ?

Can’t see any issues personally bi straight it’s all mutual fun and boundaries should be set before meeting regardless to ensure all involved are happy and comfortable end of day the couple are the ones left with th after effects of inviting another into the relationship even for a 1 time event

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By *ill37Man over a year ago

cambridge

[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 17:16:37]

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By *ill37Man over a year ago

cambridge

"[Removed by poster at 14/06/22 17:16:37]"

Looking at your profile don’t think it matters what your preferences are you guys have a lot of sex appeal not matter gender or orientation lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most couple profiles on here are written and controlled by men. Consequently the refusal to meet bi guys is an act of self preservation in case the female finds a bi guy is a better lover than their partner

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Most couple profiles on here are written and controlled by men. Consequently the refusal to meet bi guys is an act of self preservation in case the female finds a bi guy is a better lover than their partner

What makes you think that, compared to a woman finding any guy who joins the straight or not? Why do you think bi guys are better lovers?

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

--That's quite deeply sexist - against women frankly -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

there alway been quite a few male led profiles but most are 50/50 and some are even female led like ours

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By *ayboii2018_12Man over a year ago

West Midlands

As a gay guy on here, I find I get more attention of bi and straight guys who either wanna experiment or get some regular head;)

I think any single straight or bi men on here get a hard time unfortunately and I think that plays part in many men meeting other men on here in my opinion.

But remember we are all here for fun! Enjoy it x x

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By *orthampton jamesMan over a year ago

Northampton

I'm a bi man that loves playing with a couple where the male is also bi, I can also play play straight and not even look at the man when with a couple, I do get declined even though I tell couple I'd be more than happy too play straight

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Absolutely.

It's not as if all bi guys look the same. So those who say it is just their 'sexual preference' would need to explain why.

I can't imagine any valid reason that is not bigotry or 'just because.'

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Absolutely.

It's not as if all bi guys look the same. So those who say it is just their 'sexual preference' would need to explain why.

I can't imagine any valid reason that is not bigotry or 'just because.' "

---I can't see how this is bigotry. Have you seen my post above? I'm bi and see bisexuality and one of the last taboos - but I fail to see how this is bigotry at all. On a place like this that seems like a cynical response. --pt

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Absolutely.

It's not as if all bi guys look the same. So those who say it is just their 'sexual preference' would need to explain why.

I can't imagine any valid reason that is not bigotry or 'just because.' "

No, they absolutely don't need to explain anything. This website is a very special platform, used for finding partners for very intimate, sexual interaction.

I'm not here to have sex or even be in close contact with all human beings who cross my paths, or explain to you anything why I reject someone if I do so.

By default, I don't want to go intimate with someone just because they are human. I only want to do it with a very few who I found very special and attractive.

It's not a job centre or social club where rejecting someone needs to be explained. If I refuse someone coz their sexual orientation would make me feel even just a bit uncomfortable if we'd get in a close contact situation, then I must be allowed to do it without being shamed and called a bigot. That is my very basic sexual freedom. If you do not agree with this, you preach tolerance but do not practice it the least.

Those members of the bi/gay/trans community who can't learn to respect and accept straight people's boundaries and rather attack them by calling names don't help their community's larger case in general...

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Absolutely.

It's not as if all bi guys look the same. So those who say it is just their 'sexual preference' would need to explain why.

I can't imagine any valid reason that is not bigotry or 'just because.' "

Btw, if you scroll up a bit, yesterday night I shared a story here and explained exactly the reason, why I think many of us straight guys don't fancy being in a threesome with a bi man.

In that situation, the bi-guy (husband of the girl I played with) only watched us from the end of the bed, and I can't say a bad word for his behaviour, but I still felt all the way that he is more into me than his wife (at least during that time).

I felt as if I was in the cage of a lion, who is promised to be a well-behaving one, but still a lion, if you get what I'm talking about.

I would definitely not feel comfortable myself in a threesome involving a bi man for the same reason. When two straight guys pleasure a girl together, we both pay attention not to have any uncomfortable close contact or touch on each other coz both of us would feel uncomfortable with it. (that's why I don't do double BJ or DP ever) If the other man was bi, his focus probably would be different I would feel that I need to keep one eye on him what he is doing and that would make me enjoy the party much less.

And this reason (I could not enjoy the party) is enough on its own allowing me to refuse anyone, without owing an explanation for anyone. Because we are all here to have fun how we like it, not because we would owe anyone to make them happy.

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By *xciter7169Man over a year ago

The Midlands

[Removed by poster at 15/06/22 02:33:16]

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By *xciter7169Man over a year ago

The Midlands

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Absolutely.

It's not as if all bi guys look the same. So those who say it is just their 'sexual preference' would need to explain why.

I can't imagine any valid reason that is not bigotry or 'just because.' "

It would be easier if there was a standard look though,any ideas?

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"Btw, if you scroll up a bit, yesterday night I shared a story here and explained exactly the reason, why I think many of us straight guys don't fancy being in a threesome with a bi man.

I felt as if I was in the cage of a lion, who is promised to be a well-behaving one, but still a lion, if you get what I'm talking about.

Yes, I saw your post above. And you managed to find the text-book definition of bigotry.

It's also embarrassingly arrogant to presume that a bi guy could enjoy meeting you for a 3some and not be into you. Do you presume we'd all fuck any guy, or just you?

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"It's not a job centre or social club where rejecting someone needs to be explained. If I refuse someone coz their sexual orientation would make me feel even just a bit uncomfortable if we'd get in a close contact situation, then I must be allowed to do it without being shamed and called a bigot. That is my very basic sexual freedom."

Who says? I'm not sure that I can find anything in the Fab TOS that says you can't call someone else a bigot if, you know, they're being a bigot. You have a very interesting definition of basic sexual freedom.

Here's my definition of sexual freedom: if you want to fuck anyone you like apart from bisexuals, asians or capricorns, I'm free to call you a sexual bigot, if you're being one. You are, of course, free to act in that way - and I am completely free to call you out for that.

"If you do not agree with this, you preach tolerance but do not practice it the least."

Um... I provide free classes in logic...

"Those members of the bi/gay/trans community who can't learn to respect and accept straight people's boundaries and rather attack them by calling names don't help their community's larger case in general..."

I respect your boundaries. I'm just willing to be honest about it. What, btw, do you think our community's larger case is?

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

OMG!

" Yes, I saw your post above. And you managed to find the text-book definition of bigotry."

Well, I'm not sure what does your personal text-book definition say about bigotry, but that's what Google says:

"obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction; in particular, prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group."

Do we agree that bigotry/bigot are negative words? If so, then why do you call me negative names just because of my sexual preference? I'm not a bigot, I'm straight.

If for you straight = bigotry (negative word), then the problem is in your side for sure.

So, let's say I'm the straight male member of a couple. If a guy contacts us who states his sexual interest in men on his profile and he texts us as he wants to hook up with me and my GF for a threesome, is that a completely "unreasonable belief" or "prejudice against a person" if I think that his limits and sexual boundaries are different than mine, therefore we are not the ideal matches for this party?

" I'm not sure that I can find anything in the Fab TOS that says you can't call someone else a bigot if, you know, they're being a bigot. "

You can call me whatever you want. It still doesn't help your LGBT community if you call straight people bad names because of being straight, instead of respecting and tolerating their sexual preferences and feelings. You know these two words, "respect" and "tolerance". You like to use them a lot when it suits you.

" if you want to fuck anyone you like apart from bisexuals, asians or capricorns "

If you read my bio you will know that I especially admire Asian girls, so wrong address on this, however, calling someone racist (as many call them on this forum) for having a sexual preference about ethnicity is not less stupid than calling someone a bigot for being straight.

" What, btw, do you think our community's larger case is? "

Supposed to be to reach a society where we all respect, accept and tolerate each other's preferences, desires, culture, etc. Judging each other about the values the person follows and how they act in life (help others or commit crimes, etc) instead of judging on who they love or fuck. I mean it should be the goal for the LGBT community and for all of us.

What happens instead: aggressively expecting everything to be painted in rainbow from the zebra crossing to the football team's corner flags, expecting minimum quotas for "non-binary people" in board rooms, movies, commercials, and everywhere, calling everyone a bigot who don't agree with the all year long, 24/7 celebration of LGBT on public transport, sports, culture, literally everywhere.

And now we got to the next step, if someone doesn't want to invite a bi guy for a threesome, they are bigots. What will be the next? If I don't want to suck a cock, I am a bigot???

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

Outside of the debate, one idea:

If fab would allow us to set more filters that block everyone outside of our preferences from messaging us (like it works already with "no single guys" or "out of age-range"), that could sort out this issue in a way more civil way.

There would be no need for stating things in bios like "no whites/Asians/blacks", "no bi/trans" etc. I agree that these things look awful in print, however, I still believe that all of us must be allowed to have our preferences on what kind of people we want to meet for sexual adventures.

It's important, that the page should not state to me "you can't text them because you are white". (Like it happens now if I'm out of someone's age range) It should only say something, that "these guys are looking for someone else, so you can't message them". And I would never know if it's my body type, colour, age, sexual orientation, etc.

This new feature could save a lot of frustration.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also think there's a decline in couples with bi males...

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"Well, I'm not sure what does your personal text-book definition say about bigotry, but that's what Google says:

"obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction; in particular, prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group."

Do we agree that bigotry/bigot are negative words? If so, then why do you call me negative names just because of my sexual preference? I'm not a bigot, I'm straight."

I could be wrong... but based on only what you have written, I'm happy to call you a bigot.

Please, oh please, oh please, tell me what you being straight has to do with not wanting to play with someone bi?

"You can call me whatever you want. It still doesn't help your LGBT community if you call straight people bad names because of being straight"

This is getting embarrassing... Did I call anyone a bad name based on their sexual orientation? Or because of how they responded to someone else based on someone else's sexual orientation? I've not said anything about someone's orientation, but their actions.

"If you read my bio you will know that I especially admire Asian girls, so wrong address on this, however, calling someone racist (as many call them on this forum) for having a sexual preference about ethnicity is not less stupid than calling someone a bigot for being straight."

No, I didn't read your bio. Why would I? And... once again, no one is being called a bigot for being straight. Do you honestly not see that?

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"if someone doesn't want to invite a bi guy for a threesome, they are bigots. What will be the next? If I don't want to suck a cock, I am a bigot???

Logic isn't your strong point, is it?

This isn't about you wanting to suck a cock. This is about you presuming that a bi guy is wanting to suck your cock just because we're bi.

I can't speak for us all, but it's ok, we don't.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"Please, oh please, oh please, tell me what you being straight has to do with not wanting to play with someone bi?"

Are you being serious, joking, or simply tired? It's almost 5 in the morning, I'd understand that too.

Okay, I got it, bi man might be interested in playing straight with a couple. Still, on this page, there are plenty-plenty of choices for couples to pick the BEST single man who matches their preferences THE MOST. Any little negative factor will make that man pulled out of the list. If that couple doesn't look for a particularly bi man they will choose the straight, and there is no reason for feeling offended because of it. And this is what this thread is about: bi men are feeling offended.

And not all straight man are the same either. Someone considers themself straight but happy to do DP or take part in a double BJ, or be sucked by a girl whose mouth is full of other men's sperm. If these are their boundaries, good for them, enjoy.

But for most of us, close contact and sexual nature touch with another man are beyond our boundaries, we don't want that. It doesn't make us bigots, that's how we enjoy sex, even swinging. Because we are completely straight.

And for us, it's better to "team-up" with another completely straight guy if we want to treat a girl with the "MFM threesome experience", so we both know that we are on the same side, and both of us will automatically pay attention to avoid unwanted touches. It's like dancing with someone who knows your dancing style and moves, so don't step on your feet every second minute.

And yes, you called me a bigot coz I said I felt uncomfortable when I noticed that a bi man watched me from a small distance with sexual interest, probable fantasies in his mind.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"Logic isn't your strong point, is it?"

Looking at our little chat, my logical skills are way better than yours, and I don't even need to call myself a genius for that, mate...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely this is just a preference, as is no gingers, no fatties, no beards, no small cocks! There was a recent thread about racism and people choosing not to go with asians.

As a ginger, fat bi guy im not offended if people dont want to meet me because of that.

I actually get offended at people who claim to be bi to get sex, when clearly they are not.

In the search function you can search for people who meet bi sexual people, there are plenty of people who are happy to meet.

Happy fabbing what ever your sexual orientation or preferences are.

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By *axman300Man over a year ago

london

The amount of guys that have straight on there profile, but look at mine lol

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By *harAndBryCouple over a year ago

nr Stamford

"Surely this is just a preference, as is no gingers, no fatties, no beards, no small cocks! There was a recent thread about racism and people choosing not to go with asians."

No. A preference is something that you can see and that you know you like or don't. Bisexuality is something that can't be seen, you'd only know if someone told you. Same as bipolar, autism, etc. So it's a prejudice, not a preference.

(Bry)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Surely this is just a preference, as is no gingers, no fatties, no beards, no small cocks! There was a recent thread about racism and people choosing not to go with asians.

(Bry)"

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By *acavityMan over a year ago

Redditch

"if someone doesn't want to invite a bi guy for a threesome, they are bigots. What will be the next? If I don't want to suck a cock, I am a bigot???

Logic isn't your strong point, is it?

This isn't about you wanting to suck a cock. This is about you presuming that a bi guy is wanting to suck your cock just because we're bi.

I can't speak for us all, but it's ok, we don't."

Top tip. Don't meet people who ignore your limits.

If a bi-guy refuses to play straight, as agreed, he is ignoring your consent. I don't like using the R word lightly but it's definitely abuse. Same as when a straight man 'accidentally' slips in the wrong hole.

It's a cliché but homophobia is often said to be a man's fear that another man will treat him in the way he treats women.

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By *edhotlovers2027Couple over a year ago

Doncaster

I'm makes us chuckle now days when a profile ses NO BI guys it's not like a bi guy is going to pounce on the other male or anyone else for that matter,we can play straight or bi and are always respectful of anyone's boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

70 percent of the guys who have fucked us both, are fab straight x

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By *amian300Man over a year ago

dub city closer than you think not in uk

Bi female sought to play together

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By *ivirtueMan over a year ago

Swindon

I think its more a case of there now being more bi guys who have no balls and dont want admit it!

Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles….

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By *rufflesCouple over a year ago

manchester

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Noted that you have a list of "turn off's" on your profile

Does that also make you a bigot...or simply voicing your likes / dislikes!!

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By *aliceWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

As usual it's prejudice masquerading as preference.

Some preferences like height or body type are rooted in evolutionary biology or psychology and sexual dimorphism.

Sexuality and gender identity aren't choices.

Choosing not to want a bi guy or bi woman or a certain race; you can call that a preference all you like but its intellectually dishonest to say 'I don't know why it's just my preference'.

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By *1bttmMan over a year ago

Shoreditch east London

"I think its more a case of there now being more bi guys who have no balls and dont want admit it!

Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles…."

To be honest I always find that quite bizarre too. Even more confusing calling themselves straight and not looking to meet single guys. But check their verifications out and they're are loads from tv/ts.

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple over a year ago

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Noted that you have a list of "turn off's" on your profile

Does that also make you a bigot...or simply voicing your likes / dislikes!!

They’re called preferences darling.

We aren’t racist nor homophobic, like some.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if people learned the difference.

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By *d4ugirlsMan over a year ago

Green Cove Springs

"Because they’re bigots, perhaps

Noted that you have a list of "turn off's" on your profile

Does that also make you a bigot...or simply voicing your likes / dislikes!!

They’re called preferences darling.

We aren’t racist nor homophobic, like some.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if people learned the difference. "

Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone stopped being so compelled to label everything including people.

Ironic thing is these are the same ones usually that preach about inclusiveness.

Seems counterproductive, to me.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles…."

There can be dozens of other reasons to check out someone's profile here other than sexual interest.

- I might get into a debate with them on the forum and want to see who they are

- I might read a club review from them and want to see what kind of people visiting that club (in the review page, you can't even see the name/gender of the profile, only if you click on it)

- I can be interested in a girl, so I check out her friends/verifications to see what kind of guys she likes, positioning myself and my chances.

I've opened men's profiles for all of these reasons and trust me I don't have any interest in men.

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By *i_guy_sloughMan over a year ago

Langley

The response I will always remember from a woman when I asked why she didn’t see bi guys was “I couldn’t possibly kiss someone who has had a cock in their mouth” I just had no response to that

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

victimisation = Babycham

I'll have a Babycham!

For god sake bi people, we are one of the last social taboos - if bi people behave in this greedy and illogical manner it doesn't help things AT ALL.

THE PRINCIPLE SOCIAL ANXIETY TOWARDS BISEXUALITY IS EXACTLY THIS, THAT PEOPLE WONT BE COMPLETELY RESPECTED!! WHETHER DUE TO SNOTTY ATTITUDES OR THE BLURRING OF SEXUALITY ITSELF - THE FEAR OF NOT BEING RESPECTED (EG NOT BEING JUST ACCEPTED AND INSTEAD A CALLED BIGOT) IS A FUCKING DISCUSSION KILLER.

Fab is the mother of all preference sites! It is NEVER about the 'you' on here, only about the individual.

Nobody is steeling anything from anyone! People like sex to be FREE. Most people don't want to be bothered by things like 'boundaries'!!!!!!!!! Why should they when then don't need to be?

FREE SEX TO SOME PEOPLE WILL BE STRAIGHT, TO OTHERS IT WILL BE BISEXUAL etc... INDIVIDUAL PREFERENCE DECIDES THIS, NOT THE PERCEIVED RIGHTS OF PASSERS BY. --pt

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

Noted that you have a list of "turn off's" on your profile

Does that also make you a bigot...or simply voicing your likes / dislikes!!

They’re called preferences darling.

We aren’t racist nor homophobic, like some.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if people learned the difference. "

Okay, so finding "WVE men" and men with "Long dangly foreskins" sexually a turn-off that's a preference. But if someone is not attracted sexually to a certain ethnicity (not because of their "presumed" personality but coz of their physical appearance) is racism.

For me it seems the same, you are sexually not attracted to something, which is not a matter of choice for that person, but an attribution given by birth. Both are preferences, just the woke loves to play out the "racism" or "homophobia" card everywhere they can.

Also, if a person is not keen to take part in sexual activity with someone whose sexual boundaries are clearly different from theirs, that is not homophobia, but preference.

And calling that person a homophobe is simply stupid. Also controversial for the LGBTQ community as more of its members prove that tolerance for other people's choices is only a thing while it suits them, more of us "bigots" will get fed up with the whole everyday LGBTQ propaganda, even though normally we would not give a toss about who you love or fuck.

One more thing: the only reason I felt that I want to get involved in this thread is that I saw how quickly the "inclusive, tolerant" brigade dropped in the "homophobe" card to be able to play the victim - again....

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By *alt Vinegar OP Couple over a year ago

Nowhere

"I'm makes us chuckle now days when a profile ses NO BI guys it's not like a bi guy is going to pounce on the other male or anyone else for that matter,we can play straight or bi and are always respectful of anyone's boundaries."

This is what we were getting at!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had a read, the usual bigotry from all angles.

Bigotry :-

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

We each set our own boundaries, for our own personal reasons.

And so do you, yes you, all of you in this thread.

Accept it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/06/22 13:35:11]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just read this and there are so many valid points to each side of the argument.

I’m a genuinely bi- guy as part of a couple. We get a lot of males saying they don’t want to list as Bi-sexual due to single females not wanting to meet them.

I’m happy to list myself as Bi-sexual and have the verifications to prove it.

If other people don’t want to give us the time of day due to my sexuality that’s absolutely fine as we all have our preferences.

However one thing I will not compromise on ever is hiding my sexuality on the off chance we may get more “meets” or people may choose to contact us etc.

I’m happy in my own skin with being Bi-Sexual and if other people don’t like it then that’s up to them

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

We would absolutely love to befriend a decent, reliable bi guy.

We both very much want that dynamic and think it would be an amazing thing to explore.

I have always believed that straight men are only scared of bi men because they're too afraid to "catch the gay" or whatever other outdated world views men's men might have. Women being turned off by bi guys - never understood where on earth this irrational homophobia is coming from, especially when same women are bi themselves.

But....

And it's a HUGE but....

We are seriously considering to changing our profile to Dirk being straight and asking bi men not to contact us for a few very simple, but hugely irritating reasons which proved to be a major turn off for both of us.

Reasons:

1. Every opening message from a bi man is usually either

a) hi, I'm Bi (as if being bi is a personality trait that makes you an amazing human being).

b) telling us his specific sex fantasy without even saying hello.

2. Being more pushy and forward than straight men.

3. Don't want to be seen with us in public (we rarely show any public affection to fab friends outside designated fab events, so no, there is no billboard screaming "look, he's gay" if they want to keep their sexuality private).

This is only a generalisation and of course there always are exceptions, I'm just sharing our personal experience.

Over the years our perspective towards bi guys has shifted massively - we've become a lot less tolerant very much down to the amount of pure turn offs we come across every single day.

Missus

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just read this and there are so many valid points to each side of the argument.

I’m a genuinely bi- guy as part of a couple. We get a lot of males saying they don’t want to list as Bi-sexual due to single females not wanting to meet them.

I’m happy to list myself as Bi-sexual and have the verifications to prove it.

If other people don’t want to give us the time of day due to my sexuality that’s absolutely fine as we all have our preferences.

However one thing I will not compromise on ever is hiding my sexuality on the off chance we may get more “meets” or people may choose to contact us etc.

I’m happy in my own skin with being Bi-Sexual and if other people don’t like it then that’s up to them

Very well said.

As a straight male and playing as a couple, we wouldn't be put off by a Man's sexuality, but may be put off a Woman if she's straight (depending on what we seek at the time).

Our reason is Mr doesn't get involved, with Men or Women.

We have been turned down on a couple of occasions by Bi Men because Mr is straight and doesn't get involved with anyone but Mrs A.

We also struggle to find a couple as a result of Mr M's choice.

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By *uxtapositionMan over a year ago

CARDIFF

As a bi chap , I’m a firm believer in people can shag exactly who they wish to . If this excludes bi chaps then that’s fine by me . It’s their right and I’d have it no other way

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Just read this and there are so many valid points to each side of the argument.

I’m a genuinely bi- guy as part of a couple. We get a lot of males saying they don’t want to list as Bi-sexual due to single females not wanting to meet them.

I’m happy to list myself as Bi-sexual and have the verifications to prove it.

If other people don’t want to give us the time of day due to my sexuality that’s absolutely fine as we all have our preferences.

However one thing I will not compromise on ever is hiding my sexuality on the off chance we may get more “meets” or people may choose to contact us etc.

I’m happy in my own skin with being Bi-Sexual and if other people don’t like it then that’s up to them

---Good for you, a lot of people present themselves as straight/vanilla/top etc, and deal with their other sides via personal emails to those who'd be interested. And to me that is their prerogative. (Unless they throw a curveball on people at meets- that upsets us all I expect, I know it does me!)

Like you, I much prefer to be open and upfront. Since I came out, it might be something of a matter of pride for me in fact. The whole issue of bi integration really bothers me, as so-often I see it glossed-over in fully-relevant debates.

--pt

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"We would absolutely love to befriend a decent, reliable bi guy.

We both very much want that dynamic and think it would be an amazing thing to explore.

But....

And it's a HUGE but....

Reasons:

1. Every opening message from a bi man is usually either

a) hi, I'm Bi (as if being bi is a personality trait that makes you an amazing human being).

b) telling us his specific sex fantasy without even saying hello.

2. Being more pushy and forward than straight men.

This is only a generalisation and of course there always are exceptions, I'm just sharing our personal experience.

Over the years our perspective towards bi guys has shifted massively - we've become a lot less tolerant very much down to the amount of pure turn offs we come across every single day.

Missus "

As I was typing this we received yet another proposal from a bi man who decided to be forward and didn't bother reading a profile.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"We would absolutely love to befriend a decent, reliable bi guy.

We both very much want that dynamic and think it would be an amazing thing to explore.

But....

And it's a HUGE but....

Reasons:

1. Every opening message from a bi man is usually either

a) hi, I'm Bi (as if being bi is a personality trait that makes you an amazing human being).

b) telling us his specific sex fantasy without even saying hello.

2. Being more pushy and forward than straight men.

This is only a generalisation and of course there always are exceptions, I'm just sharing our personal experience.

Over the years our perspective towards bi guys has shifted massively - we've become a lot less tolerant very much down to the amount of pure turn offs we come across every single day.

Missus "

---I don't go for the "catch the gay" theory (not as a generalisation at all), and I find it difficult to read tbh. To me, your list of bi responses is very much your own personal experience/ perception, as so many people on Fab can be up their own arses at times! (Or appear to be so to people who are clearly worried about it.)

It sounds to me like you really should take bi out of your profile, and just reach out yourselves? A lot of people do this, and there's nothing wrong with it imo (esp if you are having the reaction you are to people's messages) --pt

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

As I was typing this we received yet another proposal from a bi man who decided to be forward and didn't bother reading a profile. "

--- I haven't read your profile, but I notice that you are both currently 'bi curious'! Don't you think that invites certain messages? Some profiles on Fab simple get loads of messages! I looks to me like you are one of those. --pt

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By *acavityMan over a year ago

Redditch

"Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles….

There can be dozens of other reasons to check out someone's profile here other than sexual interest.

- I might get into a debate with them on the forum and want to see who they are

- I might read a club review from them and want to see what kind of people visiting that club (in the review page, you can't even see the name/gender of the profile, only if you click on it)

- I can be interested in a girl, so I check out her friends/verifications to see what kind of guys she likes, positioning myself and my chances.

I've opened men's profiles for all of these reasons and trust me I don't have any interest in men."

Other reasons

They're really close on " who's near" and you wonder if they are working in the same office.

Organising a party or gang bang, looking for men to attend.

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"We would absolutely love to befriend a decent, reliable bi guy.

We both very much want that dynamic and think it would be an amazing thing to explore.

But....

And it's a HUGE but....

Reasons:

1. Every opening message from a bi man is usually either

a) hi, I'm Bi (as if being bi is a personality trait that makes you an amazing human being).

b) telling us his specific sex fantasy without even saying hello.

2. Being more pushy and forward than straight men.

This is only a generalisation and of course there always are exceptions, I'm just sharing our personal experience.

Over the years our perspective towards bi guys has shifted massively - we've become a lot less tolerant very much down to the amount of pure turn offs we come across every single day.

Missus

"Catch the gay" thing was tongue in cheek. I do not know the reasons why straight men are so scared of other bi or gay men. I never will.

Someone posted above that reason might be is because straight men are scared that bi/gay men will treat them like straight men treat women. I do believe this can be one of many reasons why.

Knowing and having met a lot of other fabbers through events - there are a lot of couples who have had the same experience as us, so our experience although generalised - it definitely isn't individual or something only us have noticed.

Taking out "bi" out of our profile would just make us one of those "icky" people profiles who are "too ashamed of their own sexuality", "lying to save face" and whatever other derogatory nicknames people choose to use to name those who have "straight" on their profile, but message people privately stating that they're bi.

Not really a nice option.

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

As I was typing this we received yet another proposal from a bi man who decided to be forward and didn't bother reading a profile.

What "certain" messages do you mean?

And no. We get maximum 5 new messages a day. All that "loads of messages" thing is bullshit people say when they when they want to be polite when you ask why they haven't opened your message or haven't replied. Filters do work for those who apply them.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"No. A preference is something that you can see and that you know you like or don't. Bisexuality is something that can't be seen, you'd only know if someone told you. Same as bipolar, autism, etc. So it's a prejudice, not a preference.

(Bry)"

Yep.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

""Please, oh please, oh please, tell me what you being straight has to do with not wanting to play with someone bi?"

Are you being serious, joking, or simply tired? It's almost 5 in the morning, I'd understand that too."

Yes, I'm being serious. And, I feel a bit awkward saying this, but you didn't *actually* answer the question. You gave no clear logical reason why you being straight ipso facto meant you would not play with a bi guy.

The reasons you gave were more related to your fears of being pounced on.

When Alice is with a guy, we have a clear boundary that he must wear a condom. If he refuses, or tries not to, he's out the door. The fact he might want to do something is completely irrelevant when there is clear communication and boundaries are enforced.

"But for most of us, close contact and sexual nature touch with another man are beyond our boundaries, we don't want that."

So... don't do it. It's really quite easy.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Catch the gay" thing was tongue in cheek.

---Sure, it just doesn't read well (imo it feels provocative.) --

I do not know the reasons why straight men are so scared of other bi or gay men. I never will.

---Have they actually told you they are scared though? It just seems a bit presumptuous. And if people are scared, so what? As long as they aren't actively bigoted about it. --

Someone posted above that reason might be is because straight men are scared that bi/gay men will treat them like straight men treat women. I do believe this can be one of many reasons why.

---Interesting angle, but for me it's a tad negative towards men on top of being a tad far-fetched too imo. I mean - during sex? How does this play? --

---But haven't they noticed the equivalent from single men too? This is Fab after all. But I accept that bi people can be too brash about it (just look at this thread). --

Not really a nice option.

---Sorry, that just comes across to me as judgemental towards the many people on Fab who will surely do it that way. It seems to me like a decent solution to something that is bothering you. You have considered it after all. (I wouldn't care what name-giving scenesters at parties think btw - it's your profile not theirs) --pt

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"'Logic isn't your strong point, is it?'

Looking at our little chat, my logical skills are way better than yours, and I don't even need to call myself a genius for that, mate...

Call yourself a genius if you want. It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is!

As for your logic, a good start would be to stop treating orientation and actions as equivalences.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"So... don't do it. It's really quite easy."

---You realise you are telling people how to feel, what to do etc. What is "easy"? Some people don't want boundaries at all, why should they? They want free, relaxed sex and they are in an environment where they can choose how they want it.

I think you've come across as a real bully in this thread, and I don't think you realise that at all. --pt

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

""Yes, I'm being serious. And, I feel a bit awkward saying this, but you didn't *actually* answer the question. You gave no clear logical reason why you being straight ipso facto meant you would not play with a bi guy.

The reasons you gave were more related to your fears of being pounced on. "

I did answer it multiple times, and told you why I can completely understand those men and couples who prefer not to play with bi guys.

If I would prefer not to work or go to a quiz night with someone coz he is bi/gay, that would make me a homophobe/bigot. If I don't feel comfortable taking part together in close contact sexual adventures with a man who is sexually attracted to other men, that is not homophobia, that is being straight, but some here don't want to understand it.

As I mentioned, once it happened that I had sex with the wife of a bi man while he watched us, and at the end, I felt uncomfortable because during the action it became obvious, that it was not a typical Stag-Vixen scenario, what I was agreed to take part in (when the man enjoys seeing his GF having sex with another man), but his intention was having a close look at another man while having sex. (if I want to be really bad, I can say he "used" his female partner as a ticket?)

Presuming that someone is a "bad person" coz he is gay/bi, is homophobia. Presuming that a bisexual man is thinking in a different way about an MFM play than a straight man is not homophobia, but knowing the fact. Even if he will respect the "set rules" during the play and won't act bi.

Most of us straight men don't fancy the idea of being the sexual fantasy of other men, especially not while we are close to them, being naked. This is what I said multiple times here, bi people (both men and women) should accept and respect the choices and feelings of straight people. For many of us, taking part in a MFM threesome is already on the edge even if all play straight.

For this very reason, if I have the chance I prefer MF duo over MFM, but I know that girls love MFM (just as I love FMF) and as a single guy, I also won't say no if I have the chance to have sex with an extraordinary hot girl if they invite me for being the third - as long as the way we play fit into my boundaries. Yes, my boundaries are strict, and a MFM for me is a bit like walking on eggs, but that's how I am, if someone is not happy with it, they don't need to play with me. Easy. Calling me a bigot because of it that's simply stupid.

And again, the only reason why I got involved in this topic, coz I saw the "tolerant inclusive" brigade switch again to the most intolerant of other people's feelings as soon as something doesn't fit their agenda. And I found it very very funny, TBH...

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"So... don't do it. It's really quite easy.

---You realise you are telling people how to feel, what to do etc. "

Um, I think you need to read that in context. He said he doesn't want to do something so I said don't do it then.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

"'Logic isn't your strong point, is it?'

Looking at our little chat, my logical skills are way better than yours, and I don't even need to call myself a genius for that, mate...

Call yourself a genius if you want."

I did not call myself a genius, read it back. English is my second language, 10 years back I didn't speak a word of it, so I'd prefer not to lecture anyone on how to interpret basic English, but if you need it, I might can help.

"It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is!"

If I say I'm 100% or completely straight, I don't protest against bi/gay men, so no need for playing the victim here. I do it because there are plenty of men here to consider themself straight, but enjoy doing DP, DVP, taking part in double BJ or having sex with TSs.

I'm not questioning their right for considering themself straight, coz I (contrary to most LGBT fanatics) respect and accept other people's choices and feelings.

But somehow I need to describe myself on a sex partner hookup page if I want to tell what I'm looking for, don't you agree? If you can tell me a better phrase idea than "completely straight" (other than bigot), I promise I'll start to use that!

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"So... don't do it. It's really quite easy.

---You realise you are telling people how to feel, what to do etc... --pt

Um, I think you need to read that in context. He said he doesn't want to do something so I said don't do it then. "

---I've followed the thread, and it seems to me you keep ignoring other positions. And you use words like "bigotry" and "easy" in a foolish way imo. --pt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When people say no, it's their decision and it should be respected and end of conversation.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"---I've followed the thread, and it seems to me you keep ignoring other positions. And you use words like "bigotry" and "easy" in a foolish way imo. --pt"

Thanks for the feedback.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Call yourself a genius if you want. It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is!"

---I see myself as 100% bisexual, are you OK with that? You are telling people they can/cannot be/do things. --

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"I see myself as 100% bisexual, are you OK with that? You are telling people they can/cannot be/do things. --"

I don't care what you are.

As it happens, I'm not sure that I've said anyone shouldn't be or do anything. I've just described certain actions and attitudes as bigotry.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

" I've just described certain actions and attitudes as bigotry. "

You described being "completely" straight as bigotry, instead of accepting and respect it as a valid sexual preference.

Bigotry is surely a bad word, so you repeatedly call straight people a bad name. And you do it, while preaching tolerance and inclusivity when it becomes about the LGBT community. What if I called LGBT people "pervs" or "ill-minded"? I don't do it, coz it would be rude and not true. But not less bad than you calling us bigots. If you get it, get it, if not, not.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"You described being "completely" straight as bigotry, instead of accepting and respect it as a valid sexual preference."

Please show me where I described being "completely" straight as bigotry.

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

" It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is! "

That's another interesting one.

If someone call themselves bi/gay/lesbian/trans that's courage, pride, let's organize a march for it and paint the entire city in rainbow! Many people build up their entire personality, and career around being "non-binary", it becomes the core of all of their verbal and non-verbal communication, actions, and values - their pride of being LGBT.

If someone calls themselves straight (God forbid, "completely" straight) that's a protest against LGBT people and a sign of latent homosexuality.

Sure, mate...

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By *redy81Man over a year ago

London

Please show me where I described being "completely" straight as bigotry.

During the entire thread. No worries, I'm off to work.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"If someone calls themselves straight (God forbid, "completely" straight) that's a protest against LGBT people and a sign of latent homosexuality."

You misunderstood my use of the word protest. I was alluding to someone who 'doth protest too much.' However, I thought it was obvious that I was not making a "completely" serious point.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

""Please show me where I described being "completely" straight as bigotry.

During the entire thread. No worries, I'm off to work.

No, I didn't. I did not once claim that a sexual orientation is bigotry. That doesn't even make sense.

However, we appear to be speaking past one another numerous times, so I'll leave it there.

Have a good day at work.

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By *JCouple over a year ago

Teesside

"'Logic isn't your strong point, is it?'

Looking at our little chat, my logical skills are way better than yours, and I don't even need to call myself a genius for that, mate...

Call yourself a genius if you want.

It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is!

I'm not questioning their right for considering themself straight, coz I (contrary to most LGBT fanatics) respect and accept other people's choices and feelings.

Interesting I consider myself straight never fancied or been with a guy in any way however I have done MFM many times and for me I like to be around guys comfortable in themselves. For example I've seen me in a pretty hardcore MFM due to the positions and engery used needing to rest my arm on the other guys shoulder its never been an issue in any meet.

Ive also done fuck licking and myself and K are very up for DP and DVP. Now to do these things for me it's important the other guy is totally comfortable in his sexuality and is not going to take often accidental contact the wrong way, we are here for fun not stress or uncomfortable atmospheres.

It's for this reason I changed to bi curious and we would probably be more at easy with either a bi sexual man or a straight guy like myself who is comfortable around others guys.

There's a certain type of defensive straight guy (for want of a better term) that we want to avoid and your post reminds me of that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are totally right.

I've had guys message me saying what they would do and when I look at their profile it nearly always says straight.

On my old profile.

I have most definitely be used by a few fab straight guys lol

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By *JCouple over a year ago

Teesside

"'Logic isn't your strong point, is it?'

Looking at our little chat, my logical skills are way better than yours, and I don't even need to call myself a genius for that, mate...

Call yourself a genius if you want.

It'll be about as convincing as when straight guys insist on repeatedly saying they are "100% straight," or "completely straight."

Someone needs to let them know that the more they protest, the less convincing it is!

I'm not questioning their right for considering themself straight, coz I (contrary to most LGBT fanatics) respect and accept other people's choices and feelings.

It's for this reason I changed to bi curious and we would probably be more at easy with either a bi sexual man or a straight guy like myself who is comfortable around others guys.

There's a certain type of defensive straight guy (for want of a better term) that we want to avoid and your post reminds me of that.

KJ"

For the reasons above I changed to bi curious as there isn't a straight but comfortable with x y z

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

Just to get something straight.

A bi couple (us) have expressed their experience in what made them change their stance on single bi guys from 100% support to bad taste in the mouth when it comes to initial approach and communication.

A bi couple (us) have chosen to be open about their own sexuality on their profile because:

1) people who lie about their sexuality generally have a bad rep. (We have in the past actively advocated for bi people's valid reasons to not reveal their sexuality and we still stand by what we believe in, we just choose not to be those people who do it).

2) we want to be approached by people of all sexualities.

3) we want to be approached by people who don't actively ignore our preferences (i.e. bi men approach straight profiles, couples approaching women who aren't looking for couples, men approaching women who are not looking for men, women approach gay men etc.)

We have made it very clear that we do want to meet and befriend a bi man and we are very much open to it, only 99% of bi men's approach is way too forward, distasteful and at times crass. We have never said that we don't approach people - we do.

Yet there's a bi man telling us that we get way too many messages (which we don't) so we must be stuck up (apparently having preferences and not wanting to be treated like fuck toy fantasy fulfilling collaborate set of holes is now what people call up their own arse) and we should change our profile to "straight" and just seek bi men out ourselves with that contradictory profile

No thanks

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"I think its more a case of there now being more bi guys who have no balls and dont want admit it!

Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles…."

Im a straight woman. I ch eck out loads of womans profiles. So what?Means nothing apart from im nosey. Why guys get so precious if a guy checks their profile out has always baffled me.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Just to get something straight.

A bi couple (us) have chosen to be open about their own sexuality on their profile because:

2) we want to be approached by people of all sexualities.

No thanks

--- Please, do what makes you happy. But you did say you weren't happy though (and you strongly-intimated that you were tired of all those messages to the very point you were thinking of changing your profile yourselves) - so I was actually trying to help by explaining why I thought that removing your Bi-curious labels and just 'reaching out' (ie in the way lot of people do) could be worth doing for you.

I've got to say I find it incredible that you think that the 'bi-curious' people on Fab who choose *not* to label themselves as such, but instead to 'reach out' themselves to bisexual people when they feel comfortable; are

a) dishonest in some fashion(!), and

b) have a bad rep!

'b', the 'bad rep' thing just sounds like party talk to me (but I don't most people actually go to those do they?) and,

'a' (the dishonesty thing) really does sound judgemental in my eyes. It just makes no sense at all. Bi-curious is only about curiosity, it's not even 'full' bisexuality. Who do you think they are lying to?

I think those people should be able to play this the way they want to without being so harshly judged. Bisexuality can be a delicate thing! And ultimately, I think this highly-individualistic philosophy is probably best for everyone on Fab in terms of their *own* personal outlook and profile (if not perhaps always so great for life outside of Fab!). --pt

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"I think its more a case of there now being more bi guys who have no balls and dont want admit it!

Always amazes me how many ‘straight’ ‘ultra macho’ single male profiles check out other single male profiles….

Im a straight woman. I ch eck out loads of womans profiles. So what?Means nothing apart from im nosey. Why guys get so precious if a guy checks their profile out has always baffled me."

---I think it's partly because we are all using the Forum here, and perhaps sometimes even subconsciously we end up looking at each other's profiles from time to time!

If hidden-viewing suddenly vanished people will see 'strange viewers' in abundance I think.

I quite like the fact anyway that certain people will look at me and clearly not care that I've noticed! 'Who's looked at Me?' is always the last thing I look at on Fab anyway (it's easily the most unreliable), and that's probably the case for most of those viewers too. --pt

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"Just to get something straight.

A bi couple (us) have chosen to be open about their own sexuality on their profile because:

2) we want to be approached by people of all sexualities.

No thanks

a) dishonest in some fashion(!), and

b) have a bad rep!

'b', the 'bad rep' thing just sounds like party talk to me (but I don't most people actually go to those do they?) and,

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/934127

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/921527

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/896857

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/865961

Think that's enough forum threads to paint the picture of how people feel about "Fab straight" men.

Once again we refuse to misrepresent ourselves by ticking a box that isn't true.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Just to get something straight.

A bi couple (us) have chosen to be open about their own sexuality on their profile because:

2) we want to be approached by people of all sexualities.

No thanks

a) dishonest in some fashion(!), and

b) have a bad rep!

'b', the 'bad rep' thing just sounds like party talk to me (but I don't most people actually go to those do they?) and,

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/934127

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/921527

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/896857

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/865961

Think that's enough forum threads to paint the picture of how people feel about "Fab straight" men.

Once again we refuse to misrepresent ourselves by ticking a box that isn't true. "

---Well I guess it's even clearer how you feel now. Talk about bigotry, and following other people too! But it's your opinion, and your lives.

If being 'straight' wasn't "true" for someone, I'd have thought they'd want to use 'bisexual' instead of 'bicurious', because bicurious does not make straight at 'lie' one iota! Yet have been saying that people who see it that way are actually disreputable.

But anyway, it's not really about what you do yourselves (I only made a helpful suggestion), it how you painted others that concerned me. --pt

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

Now even bi people who aren't pretending to be straight and want to meet other bi people are also bigots

Can't make this up

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Now even bi people who aren't pretending to be straight and want to meet other bi people are also bigots

Can't make this up "

---Lol have you ever seen the old Fab complaint about people who admit they are "bisexual" labelling themselves as "bicurious" on their profiles? (I could list you a few links lol).

And you keep insisting how utterly uber-honest you are!!!!!!!

You are all over the sparkly shop. Which is absolutely fine! Just don't be so judgemental about others please. --pt

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By *hors fantasyCouple over a year ago

Blackpool

Ctt try on experience more females are put off bi males, even bi fems that think it’s wrong, the men that won’t meet no men in a couple situation are paranoid the bi guy won’t be able to contain themselves,

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By *awpleasureMan over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

I have female friends who won’t go near a bi guy, and they have said it’s the chance of ‘catching something’ which puts them off. "

I suspect that this is the case for some and others deem it not 'normal' or masculine enough. This is not exclusive to couples where those mindsets can be attributed to the male half.

Plenty of single women profiles who say no bi or bi curious men.

This then creates a quandary for bisexual men, do they announce their true sexuality in their profiles but then limits who will meet them.

Lastly, those who won't meet bi guys are not bigots. They're using their right of choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have female friends who won’t go near a bi guy, and they have said it’s the chance of ‘catching something’ which puts them off.

I suspect that this is the case for some and others deem it not 'normal' or masculine enough. This is not exclusive to couples where those mindsets can be attributed to the male half.

Plenty of single women profiles who say no bi or bi curious men.

This then creates a quandary for bisexual men, do they announce their true sexuality in their profiles but then limits who will meet them.

Lastly, those who won't meet bi guys are not bigots. They're using their right of choice. "

Whys it a quandary? Depends how desperate you are to get a rub that you're prepared to be dishonest, mainly to yourself, on the off chance that you might get to fuck someone that isn't into you. Strange behaviour if you ask me...

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"Now even bi people who aren't pretending to be straight and want to meet other bi people are also bigots

Can't make this up

---Lol have you ever seen the old Fab complaint about people who admit they are "bisexual" labelling themselves as "bicurious" on their profiles? (I could list you a few links lol).

And you keep insisting how utterly uber-honest you are!!!!!!!

You are all over the sparkly shop. Which is absolutely fine! Just don't be so judgemental about others please. --pt"

So your problem is that we're both bi curious and not full on bi?

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

I am not bi but a woman told me could never kiss a guy who she knew who had sucked cock.

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

"In my experience most guys lie anyway and put straight on their profile when they are bi.

When I point out to guys who have messaged me I have a preference for bi guys nearly all of them reply with "I am bi but I don't put in on my profile as it puts couples off""

From what a couple told me most single bi guys are not bi. They hope by putting they are bi it wil get them more meeets.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

I had to define bisexuality in a statement to the police once. (The old chestnut about the younger they are the older you feel it true, btw). I defined it thus, and she helpfully wrote down the brackets...:

"I am bisexual (which I define as heterosexual and homosexual).." I thanked her for thinking in advance.

Why the FUCKING HELL should anyone be made to feel bad for picking EITHER one????

We can be IT (ie bi), EITHER or ALL!!!!!

There is no fucking law to 'conform' to the bi-label. You are NOT 'lying' (to yourself or anyone else) to say you are bi, straight, both or whatever!!

FOR FUCKS SAKE PEOPLE, GROW UP!!!!

THIS ISN'T A JOKE!

STOP BULLYING PEOPLE INTO DOING WHAT SUITS YOU!

THAT IS BAD NEWS!!

GET OVER YOURSELVES TELLING OTHER PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE LYING!!!

THE WORLD NEEDS US TO BE ADULT ABOUT THIS!!

Back in the day, bisexual people had a particularly high rate of SUICIDE, because they were often spurned by the Gay community for not being 'honest' about themselves (ie for not fully identifying as Gay) - so when they were outed, the unlucky ones literally had nowhere to go!

DO WE REALLY WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT HORRIBLE LEVEL OF SELECTIVE PREJUDICE?

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By *anny34500Man over a year ago

Luton

bi guy here x

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

-- Science has shown that on the spectrum of sexuality (which is how scientists see sexuality) some people are constantly bisexual, while others can hop from one sexuality and back to the other, and some even settle into one. I read Marcus Chown (actually a physicist) say exactly that the other day. And that definition is understood and accepted across disciplines: ie it's science. People shouldn't make unreasonable demands on others in terms of how they label themselves sexually, even if it's 'just' by shaming them through generalising their type as being disingenuous and even disreputable. It's all biology people, deal with the crazy evolutionary breadth of it all and stop being such tight arses!

--pt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to define bisexuality in a statement to the police once. (The old chestnut about the younger they are the older you feel it true, btw). I defined it thus, and she helpfully wrote down the brackets...:

"I am bisexual (which I define as heterosexual and homosexual).." I thanked her for thinking in advance.

Why the FUCKING HELL should anyone be made to feel bad for picking EITHER one????

We can be IT (ie bi), EITHER or ALL!!!!!

There is no fucking law to 'conform' to the bi-label. You are NOT 'lying' (to yourself or anyone else) to say you are bi, straight, both or whatever!!

FOR FUCKS SAKE PEOPLE, GROW UP!!!!

THIS ISN'T A JOKE!

STOP BULLYING PEOPLE INTO DOING WHAT SUITS YOU!

THAT IS BAD NEWS!!

GET OVER YOURSELVES TELLING OTHER PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE LYING!!!

THE WORLD NEEDS US TO BE ADULT ABOUT THIS!!

DO WE REALLY WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT HORRIBLE LEVEL OF SELECTIVE PREJUDICE?

pt "

I think you're right about some of that, other bits not so sure about.

I'm just expressing my own thoughts on the issue. Not trying to "bully" anyone.

I grew up in a very homophobic environment during the era of section 28,its taken me a long time to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

I just feel that being upfront and honest about who you are is important. Fucking hell.

I fall in love with people of the same/opposite sex. As in I feel genuine attraction and affection. Why should I have to cover that up? People say "oh it's just labels"

Yeh well people still get beaten up over labels don't they so it's still an issue.

Have a bit of self respect and a bit of dignity

And if it's still an issue on a site that's supposed to be sex positive then we're all in trouble. Some of the attitudes and comments from the straights on this thread have confirmed to me why I have absolutely zero interest in meeting straight people, male or female.

Straight people are weird.

Rant over. Love.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Straight people are weird.

Rant over. Love.

---I guess that some people in the spectrum of that lovely rainbow will only be weird when they are straight but not at all when they are bi! --pt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Straight people are weird.

Rant over. Love.

---I guess that some people in the spectrum of that lovely rainbow will only be weird when they are straight but not at all when they are bi! --pt"

We're weird in a good way darling!

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"I am not bi but a woman told me could never kiss a guy who she knew who had sucked cock."

That's hilarious!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am not bi but a woman told me could never kiss a guy who she knew who had sucked cock.

That's hilarious!

See, they are weird! Like straight men only kiss women

Straight women only suck cocks, so what's to stop a straight man ingesting the microscopic cock particles that are in all straight women's mouths?

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"See, they are weird! Like straight men only kiss women

Straight women only suck cocks, so what's to stop a straight man ingesting the microscopic cock particles that are in all straight women's mouths?

And thereby turning gay! As per our well-known agenda!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think they are there. But a lot of guys state they are straight. Until a meet then things get steamy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"See, they are weird! Like straight men only kiss women

Straight women only suck cocks, so what's to stop a straight man ingesting the microscopic cock particles that are in all straight women's mouths?

And thereby turning gay! As per our well-known agenda!

So what if a straight man cajoles his girlfriend into snogging a bisexual woman but unbeknownst to him the bisexual woman sucked a bisexual guys cock after the bisexual guy had fucked his boyfriend and then the girlfriend of the straight man snogs him? The straight man becomes gay due to the double strength queer DNA particles. The DN"Gay" is the scientific term...

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"So what if a straight man cajoles his girlfriend into snogging a bisexual woman but unbeknownst to him the bisexual woman sucked a bisexual guys cock after the bisexual guy had fucked his boyfriend and then the girlfriend of the straight man snogs him? The straight man becomes gay due to the double strength queer DNA particles. The DN"Gay" is the scientific term...

Can't argue with science!

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

They've found each other^

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By *orthridingMan over a year ago

Knutsford

"In my experience most guys lie anyway and put straight on their profile when they are bi.

When I point out to guys who have messaged me I have a preference for bi guys nearly all of them reply with "I am bi but I don't put in on my profile as it puts couples off""
i think that is wholly correct x

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By *orthridingMan over a year ago

Knutsford

"In my experience most guys lie anyway and put straight on their profile when they are bi.

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By *inkyfun2013Couple over a year ago

lewisham

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol"

This. People afraid to admit that we are all in a spectrum from straight to gay, and most people are not at 0% or 100%.

I think bisexuals may now be the most discriminated-against group. Although there are still a lot of homophobes about, and some horrible scary gay-bashing, it's now definitely a minority thing, with most people at least thinking "live and let live". But to be actively bisexual inevitably means that you're not monogamous - which in many people's eyes means you are to be condemned as a "cheater".

There has been very little progress in dissociating sexual monogamy from emotional and familial loyalty. Until there is, bisexuality will remain closeted for most non-single people.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"In my experience most guys lie anyway and put straight on their profile when they are bi.

When I point out to guys who have messaged me I have a preference for bi guys nearly all of them reply with "I am bi but I don't put in on my profile as it puts couples off"

i think that is wholly correct x"

---I gotta ask - would that include you then?

I think it's more likely those particular guys are trying to get laid myself! Given my own experiences of men having all-of-a-sudden traits that coincidentally 'fit the bill' if I happen to be explaining *why* it's a no. "that's me - on the nail!" Yeah right

--pt

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By *ungry CatCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol

This. People afraid to admit that we are all in a spectrum from straight to gay, and most people are not at 0% or 100%.

There has been very little progress in dissociating sexual monogamy from emotional and familial loyalty. Until there is, bisexuality will remain closeted for most non-single people. "

So many valid points!

The way we interpret being bisexual is being able to develop romantic feelings and form a monogamous relationship with either sex.

I (missus) will never think of myself as a fully bisexual person even though I've had sex with more women than I could possibly count.

To me being bisexual is about being attracted to both sexes on sexual and emotional level and there will never be a moment in time where I'll wake up in the morning wanting to be with a woman.

Will I continue having occasional sex with them in a right moment? Yes. Is having sex with women something I long for? No.

Dirk is exactly the same as me when it comes to men.

Hence our bi curious status.

Do we consider ourselves in any way curious?

No, we're way past that in our experience.

Do we have any other way to label ourselves other than pretend to be 100% straight and have to explain ourselves individually?

Also no.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol

This. People afraid to admit that we are all in a spectrum from straight to gay, and most people are not at 0% or 100%.

There has been very little progress in dissociating sexual monogamy from emotional and familial loyalty. Until there is, bisexuality will remain closeted for most non-single people. "

---Why do you quote the 'catch the gay' line though, I don't get it? I think you are broadly right in there being elements of discrimination, but I'd call it more of a 'taboo issue' myself as I don't think it's that deliberate - to me it's more about ignoring something too complex. And I'd also agree over what really worries a lot of people about bisexuality too (I used to say "when you committed to someone, infidelity is equal for everyone" - but to be honest it's not that simple for bisexuality - it really is too broad.)

Honestly, if you want to see more discussion on the topic as you say, I'd steer clear from lines like "catch the gay". Nobody needs to be criticised or held to blame for the the situation here - bisexuality a stage of progress that we simply haven't got to yet. If you want footballers to deal with homosexuality for example (where still no big-league player is currently out, clearly because they all grew up in such a particular environment), it's clearly seen as best there just to focus on being homosexual in its purest sense, and not to talk about bisexuality too. (They don't even mention it in the writings about Justin Fashanu, despite the women in his life. In Fashanu's time bisexuality was more of a taboo than being gay, but it's always been assumed that his bi life was a desperate lie. Maybe it was.. but possibly it wasn't). I think the idea is to let footballers get used to one thing, before the potential confusion surrounding the more-complex other. It will come though. Unless we balls it all up by slagging our possibly less-educated and potentially more-bigoted people off perhaps. --pt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My opinion only

To be in to swinging we all have bi/curious tendencies. I was straight at the start but now will suck a cock in the moment. I've had many a toy used on me too.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"The way we interpret being bisexual is being able to develop romantic feelings and form a monogamous relationship with either sex. "

---Hence you use 'bi-curious' instead of 'bisexual', even you are both active in terms of what is commonly called bisexual sex?

I do appreciate that you both feel you are experimenting, but this really is your own personal interpretation of the term bisexual. It really isn't dictionary (scientific or general), but you are 100% entitled to use it of course.

And guess what? I completely understand.

It's just unfortunately this only makes your previously-judgemental attitude towards other people's labelling even more awry (people who might have a rather more reference-able "heterosexual then homosexual" definition of bisexuality for example). How can they be dishonest and disreputable, and yet not you too right now? Surely you can see how actual fully-authentic 'bi curious' people might want some room to manoeuvre? And how those bi-curious people might like to call themselves 'Straight' and 'reach out' as they see fit?

Just as you two experimenting bisexuals (and you have previously used 'bisexual' though I appreciate it's not completely what you want) choose to use 'bicurious' for the sake of your own reality, can a deep-down bi-curious couple not use Straight for the sake of theirs? If not, it's rather one rule for you and another for everyone else I think.

Ps Like many bisexuals, I find that although I'm 100% bisexual in a carnal sense (and I don't happen to 'toggle' myself, I'm always attracted to both), I find that I always have an unavoidable preference in the sex of people I am romantically involved with. But it's still perfectly normal for me to label myself "bisexual", and not "bi-curious" as you choose to label yourselves with similar feelings. It's just a preference that is all. None of us are really conning anyone.

Pps Just to clarify (cos this really peed me off) you were never *at any point* TOLD to use the term Straight for yourselves, it was merely suggested you might want to *try it* as you said you were already actually thinking of it - having had *a list of* problems with bisexual people being too pushy! I simply suggested that you wouldn't be the *only* people who decided to 'reach out' from the position of labelling yourselves as Straight! You then decided to judge 'those dishonest type of people', talk about their bad reps, and list forum posts to prove that most Fabbers see Straight people in a negative light! You then started to insinuate that I 'told' you to be Straight. I just hope you are less judgemental now. --pt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My opinion only

To be in to swinging we all have bi/curious tendencies. I was straight at the start but now will suck a cock in the moment. I've had many a toy used on me too."

erm no we know plenty of men women and couples who are very str8 and are on the scene in a big way ... you cannot go around saying things like that its totally not true

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By *elkieWoman over a year ago

Durham

"They think they will "catch the gay". Lol

This. People afraid to admit that we are all in a spectrum from straight to gay, and most people are not at 0% or 100%.

There has been very little progress in dissociating sexual monogamy from emotional and familial loyalty. Until there is, bisexuality will remain closeted for most non-single people.

So many valid points!

The way we interpret being bisexual is being able to develop romantic feelings and form a monogamous relationship with either sex.

I (missus) will never think of myself as a fully bisexual person even though I've had sex with more women than I could possibly count.

To me being bisexual is about being attracted to both sexes on sexual and emotional level and there will never be a moment in time where I'll wake up in the morning wanting to be with a woman.

Will I continue having occasional sex with them in a right moment? Yes. Is having sex with women something I long for? No.

Dirk is exactly the same as me when it comes to men.

Hence our bi curious status.

Do we consider ourselves in any way curious?

No, we're way past that in our experience.

Do we have any other way to label ourselves other than pretend to be 100% straight and have to explain ourselves individually?

Also no.

You know romance has a spectrum too, right? So you can be aromantic or hyper-romantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic or biromantic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/06/22 09:30:53]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"They've found each other^"

Sometimes you've got to have a laugh haven't you? Just to break the tension!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My opinion only

To be in to swinging we all have bi/curious tendencies. I was straight at the start but now will suck a cock in the moment. I've had many a toy used on me too.

erm no we know plenty of men women and couples who are very str8 and are on the scene in a big way ... you cannot go around saying things like that its totally not true"

What do very straight people do in group situations? How do they act? Is it like, no eye contact, don't look at anyone else's bits? What happens? Genuine question x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dingo you have highlighted my issue here

I don't call myself Bi because i don't seek one on one situations with other males, however i am perfectly happy to engage with males in a club setting with females involved and no it does not feel awkward and has been very sexual at times

so my thought is most males (not all) into swinging have a bi tendency in them somewhere

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By *eaderMan over a year ago

Shropshire

"Dingo you have highlighted my issue here

so my thought is most males (not all) into swinging have a bi tendency in them somewhere "

I've always said that I reckon most men wonder what it would be like to suck cock as a minimum. Some of us go and try it....and like it. I do think it would help though if fab had a category as oral-bi. I'm not curious but not into anal so list as bi-c.

This brings up another point that's been made in this conversation. People who list as straight but are actually bi or bi-c on questioning. I'm afraid when that happens to me it's an instant block. I regard honesty as the top priority. My female friends deserve that!

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By *aliceWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

Straight identifying men indulging in same sex activity is well documented. Its one of the reasons many sexual health services use the term MSM (men who have sex with men) rather than gay/bi as a more representative umbrella term.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dingo you have highlighted my issue here

so my thought is most males (not all) into swinging have a bi tendency in them somewhere "

That's fair enough. My bugbear really is men who present as "straight" are in relationships with women but but are sneaking around behind their partners backs(incidentally there's a thread on that topic running concurrently to this one)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Straight identifying men indulging in same sex activity is well documented. Its one of the reasons many sexual health services use the term MSM (men who have sex with men) rather than gay/bi as a more representative umbrella term."

Can't really get my head round the thought process but am familiar with the term.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dingo you have highlighted my issue here

so my thought is most males (not all) into swinging have a bi tendency in them somewhere

I think an "Orally Bi" Category is an excellent idea and yes i would display that

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"This brings up another point that's been made in this conversation. People who list as straight but are actually bi or bi-c on questioning. I'm afraid when that happens to me it's an instant block. I regard honesty as the top priority. My female friends deserve that!"

---So you "instantly block I'm afraid" people who are labelled as Straight when they suddenly profess some form of curiosity towards bisexual matters? When they admit to 'questioning' their own sexuality? What an utter nightmare you must be to chat to!

Tbh I find it almost impossible to believe - that you bail out on people just like that? People absolutely hate insta-blockers in the middle of chatting, and you could so-easily be truly upsetting someone (or a couple perhaps) who has actually just opened up about something that is so complicated and so personal for so many! Why on Earth would you want to do that?

If it's true I think you deserve to be castigated for it tbh. It's very much against the decency ethos of Fab I think. And what gets me is that you highlight where you think Fab's 'tick boxes' are limited too!

To me this whole line of thinking is rather-ironically a kind of 'machismo', a type of power thing. What is wrong with some people? Fabbers need to breathe, to talk, to explore. Live and let live - and be kind! Don't suddenly swingeth your mighty ban-hammer, just because you feel uncompromising or hard-line over such an equivocal-element of someone's profile - ie something we all agree is something of a somewhat-limited straight/all the bi's/curious/questioning 'ST/BI/BC' signifier! At very-least excuse yourself, or maybe even discuss it with them instead? You might even be able to help them along! And possibly even line up some action? Instead of just ultimately wasting your own time and theirs with a block. --pt

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

Whatever we are, mongrel to turtle,

we are always plain lucky when it works I think.

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