FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice
Advice
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"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab " I’m thinking I never bring people back here for a social, no matter how nice they appear to be. But then you get the ‘but I’m a nice guy/not like that/genuine’ guys, that then stand you up for a social meet at a coffee shop and you feel like a prize idiot. | |||
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"He sounds like a total danger. I wouldn’t hesitate to report him to the site. Entirely up to you, of course, but you could also report him for sexual assault - once could be argued to be misjudging the moment, but after a clear “no”, the second grab made his disregard of your consent clear. Returning with ad-hominem suggestions about what your genitals do or don’t look like show the bigoted default setting in his brain. Sounds horrible, but glad you were able to get away and it wasn’t in circumstances that would have made getting away any less possible. Hope you’re ok. A reminder for all of the value of safe public socials first and caution each and every time after that. " Sorry misread lounge as in lounge bar rather than your lounge. Didn’t mean that last bit to be judgmental or blaming you in any way! | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." You’re describing a sexual assault. You could report him on fab but probably just get a block and he’ll still be on here. If he is a paid member fab have his personal details. The police should be having a word not a moderator. | |||
"He sounds like a total danger. I wouldn’t hesitate to report him to the site. Entirely up to you, of course, but you could also report him for sexual assault - once could be argued to be misjudging the moment, but after a clear “no”, the second grab made his disregard of your consent clear. Returning with ad-hominem suggestions about what your genitals do or don’t look like show the bigoted default setting in his brain. Sounds horrible, but glad you were able to get away and it wasn’t in circumstances that would have made getting away any less possible. Hope you’re ok. A reminder for all of the value of safe public socials first and caution each and every time after that. Sorry misread lounge as in lounge bar rather than your lounge. Didn’t mean that last bit to be judgmental or blaming you in any way! " Thanks sweetie. Just appreciate some outside advice or whether I was overthinking the situation. I’ve been accused of many things in my life but the comment I think was made because I didn’t give him what he wanted. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. You’re describing a sexual assault. You could report him on fab but probably just get a block and he’ll still be on here. If he is a paid member fab have his personal details. The police should be having a word not a moderator. " Thanks sweetie. Really appreciate your comment x | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab I’m thinking I never bring people back here for a social, no matter how nice they appear to be. But then you get the ‘but I’m a nice guy/not like that/genuine’ guys, that then stand you up for a social meet at a coffee shop and you feel like a prize idiot." What's worse...feeling like an idiot, or getting touched up against your wishes? | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab I’m thinking I never bring people back here for a social, no matter how nice they appear to be. But then you get the ‘but I’m a nice guy/not like that/genuine’ guys, that then stand you up for a social meet at a coffee shop and you feel like a prize idiot.What's worse...feeling like an idiot, or getting touched up against your wishes?" Very true. | |||
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"Looking back did he seem like a very thirsty guy " What’s that got to do with it? | |||
"My advice? Definitely report him to the site and consider reporting him to the police as that's sexual assault. In future I would arrange all socials in public places, tell a trusted friend where you are and ensure that you have reliable transport back home. Many single ladies prefer to meet in clubs. Nita" Thanks Nita. I think after tonight I’m going to not meet for a good while and contemplate what I do with regards to this incident. I will definitely report it to mods etc though in the first instance. | |||
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"My advice? Definitely report him to the site and consider reporting him to the police as that's sexual assault. In future I would arrange all socials in public places, tell a trusted friend where you are and ensure that you have reliable transport back home. Many single ladies prefer to meet in clubs. Nita Thanks Nita. I think after tonight I’m going to not meet for a good while and contemplate what I do with regards to this incident. I will definitely report it to mods etc though in the first instance." You're welcome. I hope that one bad experience doesn't put you off. The vast majority of people we've met over the years are lovely. Nita | |||
"My advice? Definitely report him to the site and consider reporting him to the police as that's sexual assault. In future I would arrange all socials in public places, tell a trusted friend where you are and ensure that you have reliable transport back home. Many single ladies prefer to meet in clubs. Nita Thanks Nita. I think after tonight I’m going to not meet for a good while and contemplate what I do with regards to this incident. I will definitely report it to mods etc though in the first instance. You're welcome. I hope that one bad experience doesn't put you off. The vast majority of people we've met over the years are lovely. Nita " I’ve tried reporting him but it says captcha incorrect - even though it’s not. I’ll see how I can go about it another way. | |||
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"Report it to the site *at the very least.*" Thanks - I’m trying to  | |||
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"Agree with all the other comments about reporting. It’s really important for you to know that it doesn’t matter how you “do fab”. You could have turned up in your sexiest garb ever but if you say no, it’s no. Unwanted attention takes many forms and comments, complements, and touching if not invited are unwelcome and can even be assault. I’ve long stopped inviting people to my home unless I know them well. I’ve always been ok but I just kept thinking “it’s only a matter of time” til I meet an utter cunt. So I don’t anymore. This is on nobody but him. What a dick head. I was accused of being trans once. I just smiled. People say the funniest things. V x " Thanks for this. The comment didn’t bother me - I’ve been called many things in my time, good and bad and in between and it’s just another one to add to my list. Really has dented my confidence for sure though. | |||
"My advice? Definitely report him to the site and consider reporting him to the police as that's sexual assault. In future I would arrange all socials in public places, tell a trusted friend where you are and ensure that you have reliable transport back home. Many single ladies prefer to meet in clubs. Nita" Definitely this. What happens if he doesn't take no for an answer next time with someone, and be continues to think he's entitled to touch women without their consent, wherever they might be. And the fact he then insulted you... Just wow. I'd rather be stood up than experience that. Keep yourself safe x | |||
"Agree with all the other comments about reporting. It’s really important for you to know that it doesn’t matter how you “do fab”. You could have turned up in your sexiest garb ever but if you say no, it’s no. Unwanted attention takes many forms and comments, complements, and touching if not invited are unwelcome and can even be assault. I’ve long stopped inviting people to my home unless I know them well. I’ve always been ok but I just kept thinking “it’s only a matter of time” til I meet an utter cunt. So I don’t anymore. This is on nobody but him. What a dick head. I was accused of being trans once. I just smiled. People say the funniest things. V x Thanks for this. The comment didn’t bother me - I’ve been called many things in my time, good and bad and in between and it’s just another one to add to my list. Really has dented my confidence for sure though." Understandably so. Situations like this where we are somewhat vulnerable (whatever gender we are) are often part of the fun. But when it’s not fun it’s fucking hideous. You are safe now. You dealt with him (brave) You are reporting him (hopefully) It’s not on you how he behaves with anyone else either. You look after you in the way you need to. V x | |||
"He sounds like a total danger. I wouldn’t hesitate to report him to the site. Entirely up to you, of course, but you could also report him for sexual assault - once could be argued to be misjudging the moment, but after a clear “no”, the second grab made his disregard of your consent clear. Returning with ad-hominem suggestions about what your genitals do or don’t look like show the bigoted default setting in his brain. Sounds horrible, but glad you were able to get away and it wasn’t in circumstances that would have made getting away any less possible. Hope you’re ok. A reminder for all of the value of safe public socials first and caution each and every time after that. " 100% every word of this. | |||
"Agree with all the other comments about reporting. It’s really important for you to know that it doesn’t matter how you “do fab”. You could have turned up in your sexiest garb ever but if you say no, it’s no. Unwanted attention takes many forms and comments, complements, and touching if not invited are unwelcome and can even be assault. I’ve long stopped inviting people to my home unless I know them well. I’ve always been ok but I just kept thinking “it’s only a matter of time” til I meet an utter cunt. So I don’t anymore. This is on nobody but him. What a dick head. I was accused of being trans once. I just smiled. People say the funniest things. V x Thanks for this. The comment didn’t bother me - I’ve been called many things in my time, good and bad and in between and it’s just another one to add to my list. Really has dented my confidence for sure though. Understandably so. Situations like this where we are somewhat vulnerable (whatever gender we are) are often part of the fun. But when it’s not fun it’s fucking hideous. You are safe now. You dealt with him (brave) You are reporting him (hopefully) It’s not on you how he behaves with anyone else either. You look after you in the way you need to. V x " He has been now reported. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. You’re describing a sexual assault. You could report him on fab but probably just get a block and he’ll still be on here. If he is a paid member fab have his personal details. The police should be having a word not a moderator. " This  | |||
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"Definately report to the site as other have mentioned, and honestly you should name and shame. When people like that act that way its unacceptable, treat fab social as the same as you would a date, would you allow a date to sexually assault you? Contact the police also, fab might not action this but the police will, this might be a site for hookups but that doesn't inherently give people the right to your body. Also name and shame will help other women and couples avoid this person which by his actions would be better for everyone. Lastly I hope your okay, at the end of thr day you were sexually assaulted and it might help to talk to someone close to you about this to help work through your feelings and emotions. I'm sure there are plenty of women here who would be willing to talk if you feel more comfortable with that." Totally agree with the spirit, but naming and shaming is expressly forbidden here and will just leave the OP subject to site sanctions. Reporting through the relevant channels is best. | |||
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"Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I really appreciate this. He has been reported to site, and my profile is hidden. Currently in a bath with candles round it. Will get into my jammies and have a hot chocolate once I’m out. I’ll be ok. I’ll get advice off the police, and take it from there."
Good. now is the time for some self-care. Hope you get the support and advice you need. | |||
"Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I really appreciate this. He has been reported to site, and my profile is hidden. Currently in a bath with candles round it. Will get into my jammies and have a hot chocolate once I’m out. I’ll be ok. I’ll get advice off the police, and take it from there." | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." OMG that was outrageous behaviour from the guy and I hope it never happens again to you , lots of ladies in couple's meet on there own so I can just imagine the response of the husband  maybe anger at not being able to protect his wife ? .glad he has been reported. Best wishes dan x | |||
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"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. OMG that was outrageous behaviour from the guy and I hope it never happens again to you , lots of ladies in couple's meet on there own so I can just imagine the response of the husband maybe anger at not being able to protect his wife ? .glad he has been reported. Best wishes dan x"I’m a single lady on my own so it really did worry me. Thankfully I got him out the house quickly. Will not be doing that again. But it’s made me now doubt every single man I have chatted to, and deleted all them from my friends list. I’ve also looked at all my pics, changed who sees what pics and hidden the rest. | |||
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"Meeting a strange man from the internet on your own in a private setting is a little bit silly. "I had chatted with him for over a month before this. Not a random instant meet. | |||
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"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." I'd report him to the police, hopefully you have chat history which clearly shows he didn't "misunderstand" any intentions. If it happened to someone who was less confident and assertive than yourself, who knows where it would have ended. A hand on a leg on the sofa could be forgivable in the context of a fab mweting, but what you've described sounds far more dangerous. Just think what his thought process must be if he thinks he can get away with that. | |||
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I'd only have public socials and always have a security buddy/getout plan, in future. | |||
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"My advice? Definitely report him to the site and consider reporting him to the police as that's sexual assault. In future I would arrange all socials in public places, tell a trusted friend where you are and ensure that you have reliable transport back home. Many single ladies prefer to meet in clubs. Nita" Great advice above. As a single lady I’d never invite anyone to my home unless I knew them well. Our homes should be our safe place Take care x | |||
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"Hi OP You were obviously unnerved by this, I hope you feel better. To offer some balance, people here are saying "Report to the Police" this seems heavy on what you have written. You said it was a Social that got touchy feely, was this part of the meet ok, and reciprocated? if so, he went to far, you stopped it and let him know. If he made you feel uncomfortable about setting boundaries,then report him to the site. If he was touchy feely during the meet without your consent, then that is something far more serious and you should inform the site and the police. IMHO " Read it again. It got touchy feely, then he grabbed her. She made it clear that wasn’t welcome. Then he grabbed her again. While I take your point in principle that there’s room for interpretation up to the point where he had to be “stopped”. He then continued. He grabbed her crotch without consent. That is, absolutely, a matter for the police (subject to that being the something the OP wants to do). | |||
"Meeting a strange man from the internet on your own in a private setting is a little bit silly.
I had chatted with him for over a month before this. Not a random instant meet."............................... Just as a matter of interest, up to the point of him assaulting you would you have considered taking things further with him at a subsequent meeting? Sort have shot himself in the foot if you would have! | |||
"Meeting a strange man from the internet on your own in a private setting is a little bit silly.
I had chatted with him for over a month before this. Not a random instant meet.
...............................
Just as a matter of interest, up to the point of him assaulting you would you have considered taking things further with him at a subsequent meeting? Sort have shot himself in the foot if you would have!"No I wouldn’t have, as he had lied to me about a few things, that I’d picked up on through chatting to him. | |||
"Hi OP You were obviously unnerved by this, I hope you feel better. To offer some balance, people here are saying "Report to the Police" this seems heavy on what you have written. You said it was a Social that got touchy feely, was this part of the meet ok, and reciprocated? if so, he went to far, you stopped it and let him know. If he made you feel uncomfortable about setting boundaries,then report him to the site. If he was touchy feely during the meet without your consent, then that is something far more serious and you should inform the site and the police. IMHO " Also, even if there was consent given, it can be withdrawn at any point (including during sex) for any or no reason whatsoever. At that point the only correct and lawful thing for someone to do is stop. | |||
"Hi OP You were obviously unnerved by this, I hope you feel better. To offer some balance, people here are saying "Report to the Police" this seems heavy on what you have written. You said it was a Social that got touchy feely, was this part of the meet ok, and reciprocated? if so, he went to far, you stopped it and let him know. If he made you feel uncomfortable about setting boundaries,then report him to the site. If he was touchy feely during the meet without your consent, then that is something far more serious and you should inform the site and the police. IMHO Read it again. It got touchy feely, then he grabbed her. She made it clear that wasn’t welcome. Then he grabbed her again. While I take your point in principle that there’s room for interpretation up to the point where he had to be “stopped”. He then continued. He grabbed her crotch without consent. That is, absolutely, a matter for the police (subject to that being the something the OP wants to do). " It was also the fact that I was grabbed from behind as I was walking him out the lounge. There’s only a narrow gap between my couch and a bookshelf so I went first to show him out, he tried to slide his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, removed his hands and said no, then he reached around me and grabbed my crotch, I said no, removed his hand and got to the door and got him out. | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab " No maybe men should reevaluate when they are told no it bloody well means no! | |||
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"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab No maybe men should reevaluate when they are told no it bloody well means no!" In an ideal world, of course. But we could all take as many steps to mitigate the potential for shitty situations, don't you think? | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab No maybe men should reevaluate when they are told no it bloody well means no! In an ideal world, of course. But we could all take as many steps to mitigate the potential for shitty situations, don't you think?" No I don't think and I don't think that was an appropriate comment. | |||
"Get a life" Not sure who you are replying to but there is absolutely no need to be rude to anybody. | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab No maybe men should reevaluate when they are told no it bloody well means no! In an ideal world, of course. But we could all take as many steps to mitigate the potential for shitty situations, don't you think? No I don't think and I don't think that was an appropriate comment. " Well maybe some others will think the next time they're making a decision in regards to meeting someone and it might just change the outcome. After all, it's not all about you  | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab No maybe men should reevaluate when they are told no it bloody well means no! In an ideal world, of course. But we could all take as many steps to mitigate the potential for shitty situations, don't you think? No I don't think and I don't think that was an appropriate comment. Well maybe some others will think the next time they're making a decision in regards to meeting someone and it might just change the outcome. After all, it's not all about you "No it's not it's about a woman who came on the forums for some advice after being indecently assaulted and you felt it was appropriate to tell her she should do something differently and that is what is wrong with society! | |||
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"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." I am sure this has been said and advised in previous posts but this should be reported to the police | |||
"Hi OP You were obviously unnerved by this, I hope you feel better. To offer some balance, people here are saying "Report to the Police" this seems heavy on what you have written. You said it was a Social that got touchy feely, was this part of the meet ok, and reciprocated? if so, he went to far, you stopped it and let him know. If he made you feel uncomfortable about setting boundaries,then report him to the site. If he was touchy feely during the meet without your consent, then that is something far more serious and you should inform the site and the police. IMHO Read it again. It got touchy feely, then he grabbed her. She made it clear that wasn’t welcome. Then he grabbed her again. While I take your point in principle that there’s room for interpretation up to the point where he had to be “stopped”. He then continued. He grabbed her crotch without consent. That is, absolutely, a matter for the police (subject to that being the something the OP wants to do). It was also the fact that I was grabbed from behind as I was walking him out the lounge. There’s only a narrow gap between my couch and a bookshelf so I went first to show him out, he tried to slide his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, removed his hands and said no, then he reached around me and grabbed my crotch, I said no, removed his hand and got to the door and got him out. " No means no at anytime the guys a prick do what you need to do for you. I hope you recover from this horrible episode. | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab " Are u kidding? She should chg her behaviour, not the twat that crossed the very universal boundaries? This comment has properly p1ssed me off! | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. " No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. | |||
"Get a life" If you're replying to the post from lornajo83 suggesting men reevaluate when they're told no, think you're the one who needs to 'get a life'. A life where you're as disgusted when a man feels he can grope someone after being told no. And then to cover his small man embarrassment, he insulted her too. If you genuinely think that's OK behaviour, maybe you should be removed from the site too! | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. " I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy." I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? | |||
" Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? " Nobody has said it's the woman's fault. Do you suggest she meets at her home the next time and just crosses her fingers that he's a good guy who won't get handsy? Would you be okay with your daughter doing that? | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? " Absolutely, I would tell my daughter the same and have done. She had an issue on a plane when she was travelling alone as a young girl, she had a problem with a d*unk and he was arrested at the airport, we had no idea until we collected her in tears. Should this type of thing be allowed, absolutely not and as her mum I was livid. Was it her fault, of course not but did we give her a good talking to a few days later, yes we did. Did she cry again, saying it wasn't her fault, yes she did. It was most definitely not her fault but she could have done more to ask for help, she froze and didn't know what to do, she was 12 years old. We could have taken your route and say isn't it terrible and men shouldn't be allowed to do this, of course they shouldn't be allowed to do this but we had to try to tell her what she did wrong so if caught in any situation like this again she would at least have some mature advice to draw on. Like you, we would all like to live in this fantasy world of high moral values of decency and fairness but a eutopian world doesn't exist, a real one does and you have to face reality not just bang on about what society should be like. Again, so glad this lady is OK and hope a valuable lesson has been learned. I believe your comments are commendable but niave. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? Absolutely, I would tell my daughter the same and have done. She had an issue on a plane when she was travelling alone as a young girl, she had a problem with a d*unk and he was arrested at the airport, we had no idea until we collected her in tears. Should this type of thing be allowed, absolutely not and as her mum I was livid. Was it her fault, of course not but did we give her a good talking to a few days later, yes we did. Did she cry again, saying it wasn't her fault, yes she did. It was most definitely not her fault but she could have done more to ask for help, she froze and didn't know what to do, she was 12 years old. We could have taken your route and say isn't it terrible and men shouldn't be allowed to do this, of course they shouldn't be allowed to do this but we had to try to tell her what she did wrong so if caught in any situation like this again she would at least have some mature advice to draw on. Like you, we would all like to live in this fantasy world of high moral values of decency and fairness but a eutopian world doesn't exist, a real one does and you have to face reality not just bang on about what society should be like. Again, so glad this lady is OK and hope a valuable lesson has been learned. I believe your comments are commendable but niave. " | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? " ............................... It's acceptable to mitigate risk without accepting liability for the consequences of the risk. My early introduction to this was the Green Cross Code, encouraging children not to walk into the path of moving traffic, still seems quite sensible to me. | |||
I’d be reporting it officially but that’s me. Can’t get away with that kind of behaviour.
Hope your okay xx | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? ............................... It's acceptable to mitigate risk without accepting liability for the consequences of the risk. My early introduction to this was the Green Cross Code, encouraging children not to walk into the path of moving traffic, still seems quite sensible to me." That's not even comparable! | |||
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"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab I’m thinking I never bring people back here for a social, no matter how nice they appear to be. But then you get the ‘but I’m a nice guy/not like that/genuine’ guys, that then stand you up for a social meet at a coffee shop and you feel like a prize idiot." Spend more time getting to know somebody online before meeting. | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." He crossed a line, and touched you without your consent - that is sexual assault. When I was a victim of sexual assault a long time ago at a house party, I never reported it because I thought I must’ve been in some way to blame…maybe I’d encouraged him? When the fact of the matter was I was just making polite conversation and being friendly. I wish now I’d gone to the police because what if he went in and did that to other women and I could’ve done something to prevent that? I’d encourage you to report this to the police, and also recommend meeting in public places in future. Hope you are ok F (Mrs) | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable. Very sad you had that experience but I take it you met from FAB and it is a swingers site, a site folks generally meet for sexual encounters although a social initially, to us, is acceptable. Maybe have a think where you source future social dates. Maybe go to a club or swingers social meet where its easier to move from person to person. Good luck, hope future meets are better. No This is not OK! Doesn't matter where you meet someone Or what website you are on if somebody has made it clear He just want a social and someone decides to grab at them and indecently insult them that is not OK ever even though you are trying to make excuses for this kind of behaviour! Honestly I am absolutely shocked by some of the comments on this thread. I think you have to be realistic. What happened to you was terrible and should not happen, you should be able to invite someone around to your place and answer the door naked and expect him to honour your wishes but you also have to be very realistic. By all means report him to FAB or the Police but please, please in future ask yourself what happens if this meet goes badly wrong, there are enough timewasters, fakes, dreamers and drama queens on this site it's not unthinkable there will be a few very dangerous, predatory men and women looking for a victim, please, please don't play into their hands. Take care of yourself and be smart and savvy. I think you have to get real! You and others have pretty much blamed this woman for what has happened to her and that is absolutely disgusting. I would never meet anybody that would publicly say this is what to expect if you are on fab as after all people just want sex! Yet again somehow it's the woman's fault and she has to change her behaviour. Awful! Would you say the same to your daughter if this happened to her? ............................... It's acceptable to mitigate risk without accepting liability for the consequences of the risk. My early introduction to this was the Green Cross Code, encouraging children not to walk into the path of moving traffic, still seems quite sensible to me. That's not even comparable! " ........................... It's an example of managing risk, without being responsible for the behaviour of others. | |||
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"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab " Wow. Talk about victim shaming. | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab Wow. Talk about victim shaming. " What's your advice for the op? | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab Wow. Talk about victim shaming. What's your advice for the op?" People don't need to give advice to the OP as it's been done it was your comment that people have objected to. | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab Wow. Talk about victim shaming. What's your advice for the op? People don't need to give advice to the OP as it's been done it was your comment that people have objected to. " Maybe she would appreciate advice about how to move forward with her fab journey | |||
"Perhaps reevaluate how you do fab Wow. Talk about victim shaming. What's your advice for the op? People don't need to give advice to the OP as it's been done it was your comment that people have objected to. " You don't get to decide how other people should word things maybe people should just be a bit nicer and more welcoming.  | |||
"Definately report to the site as other have mentioned, and honestly you should name and shame. When people like that act that way its unacceptable, treat fab social as the same as you would a date, would you allow a date to sexually assault you? Contact the police also, fab might not action this but the police will, this might be a site for hookups but that doesn't inherently give people the right to your body. Also name and shame will help other women and couples avoid this person which by his actions would be better for everyone. Lastly I hope your okay, at the end of thr day you were sexually assaulted and it might help to talk to someone close to you about this to help work through your feelings and emotions. I'm sure there are plenty of women here who would be willing to talk if you feel more comfortable with that. Totally agree with the spirit, but naming and shaming is expressly forbidden here and will just leave the OP subject to site sanctions. Reporting through the relevant channels is best. " Reporting here will probably be a waste of time ( in my experience) go straight to the police - you were able to fight him off someone else may not be able to | |||
"So today I was having a social meet and it got a bit touchy feely. I’d told the gent before he came over it would be just a social, and during, it was just a social. But as he was leaving the lounge, he was behind me, he tried to slip his hands under my trousers, which I stopped, then he did grab my crotch area above my trousers. He got his hand swiftly removed and escorted out. He then asks if I am a trans, because he felt something (the fabric of my pleather trousers). Do I report him to site and get him removed or brush it off as a bad experience and move on? It’s really made me feel very vulnerable." Deffo report it the next lady he meets may not be lucky to fend him off | |||
