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Body fab confidence
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?   "
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But than a lot on here any hole is a goal.
My confidence has improved joining here but I do struggle to understand why a guy finds me attractive.
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I struggle with body confidence, but I wouldn't change anything to attract anyone, if they aren't into me the way I am there not for me.
You are stunning, you don't need to do anything to attract a man.
Mrs |
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I'm kinda saggier and older and I have a body that has had a kid and operations etc. I don't care really I try very much to think that it's mine it has a history.
I'm not as slim as I could be but I genuinely have no issue with the way I look. I refuse to let it get in the way of me having fun and missing out on the things I want because I was feeling a bit insecure, scared whatever. I have one life and I just don't want to waste it worrying about shit that I can't change. I could change my dress size but I'm still saggy and scarred  |
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By *lugoneMan
over a year ago
rathmicheal |
"I'm kinda saggier and older and I have a body that has had a kid and operations etc. I don't care really I try very much to think that it's mine it has a history.
I'm not as slim as I could be but I genuinely have no issue with the way I look. I refuse to let it get in the way of me having fun and missing out on the things I want because I was feeling a bit insecure, scared whatever. I have one life and I just don't want to waste it worrying about shit that I can't change. I could change my dress size but I'm still saggy and scarred "
You are stunning |
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As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all. |
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"Confidence is sexy, just be yourself and don't worry about what other people look like."
How do you gain that confidence if you think you're average looking though? Be an expert at kissing? Lol how can they tell you're a good kisser from your profile  |
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"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all. "
Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of guys just love a confident lady who is happy in their own skin ....end of ..im sure you dont need your ego massaging just be yourelf ...im 67 I get plenty of interest im pretty certain you have a fan club queueing up ? |
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"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all.
Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused "
Well I’m in my 40’s and I’ve had a lot of sex, so there will be things I’m not bad at. But I’m no porn star. I think there’s just always something sexy about you, no matter who you are or what you look like. I’m not a super attractive woman, and I don’t have a good body, but if a man asks me to take all my clothes off and sit on his face, then I’ll take all my clothes off and sit on his face. 10 years ago I’d be horrified at the thought of it, and I’d want to lights off. Now I don’t care. |
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By *ndentMan
over a year ago
Melton Mowbray |
Confidence is definitely a thing over just looks, even if you have to fake it to begin with. I know most people will be happier with someone who they can talk to and have a laugh with than someone classed as amazingly beautiful with no personality.
You just have to be happy being you rather than what you think people want.
(Advice I should probably follow myself) |
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"its not just about the body,, connection sense of humour,, personality..
You think young men care about such things? I thought there way more visual when it comes to sex?"
The younger ones I've met haven't been bothered, they've been very complimentary. |
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In my opinion one of the sexiest qualities is confidence. Be confident in your own body and people will find it attractive.
I used to be a very big girl and wouldn't have dared approach anyone who I perceived to be out of my league because I had zero confidence. But things changed, and with those changes I found my confidence I didn't know I had and now I'll approach anyone.
If someone doesn't like me though that's ok. We can't all be for everyone.
Confidence, and accepting graciously that not everyone will be attracted to you and that's not a bad reflection on you are the 2 keys I recon. |
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We both have body issues but then we think most do,we don't feel comfortable in bathing suits but happy to walk around a club with very little to nothing on,it is strange but going to clubs has given us a lot more confidence.
The people we have met along the way have helped.
We belive that if we are ourselves then people will either except us for who we are or just move on. |
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"In my opinion one of the sexiest qualities is confidence. Be confident in your own body and people will find it attractive.
I used to be a very big girl and wouldn't have dared approach anyone who I perceived to be out of my league because I had zero confidence. But things changed, and with those changes I found my confidence I didn't know I had and now I'll approach anyone.
If someone doesn't like me though that's ok. We can't all be for everyone.
Confidence, and accepting graciously that not everyone will be attracted to you and that's not a bad reflection on you are the 2 keys I recon. "
Fab made me realise that in a room of 100 men there might be 5 I find really physically attractive, then maybe another 20 I’d be happy to fuck if they were pleasant to me. So if I get the same ration back I think I’m doing ok.
I don’t fancy everyone so I don’t expect everyone to fancy me. |
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"But how do you gain that confidence? Through experience of having alot of sex? Still confused "
I belive confidence comes from experience,its like when you first start anything,confidence grows.
You have an amazing body and obviously seeing it yourself is very different from how other people see you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play. |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play."
No it's a genuine question, not fishing for compliments as tbh, I get every compliment under the sun on fab from men. I been to clubs where they do the same. But all they want is a shag so say anything to get one. Call me a fab cynic but after years of hearing it and tons of men ghosting me, it doesn't mean anything to me.  |
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"Well I can say for my area 90% are looking for toned haha the other 10% my pick up lines obviously need to get better  "
Oh I constantly see alot of women looking for a dad bod and average size cock. Think to win my heart is sensing trust with that person. No mount of looks or size cock will give it to me apart from their attitude and actions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused "
I believe sexual confidence is a very attractive thing to most people.
It’s something I’ve gained as I’ve got older.
Now at 63 my body is certainly not toned or slim but I feel at my sexual peak.
I’ve met women of all ages, shapes and sizes.
The ones I’ve had the most memorable times with are those who are uninhibited in the heat of the moment. |
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"But how do you gain that confidence? Through experience of having alot of sex? Still confused
I belive confidence comes from experience,its like when you first start anything,confidence grows.
You have an amazing body and obviously seeing it yourself is very different from how other people see you x"
Yes I need more experience lol I don't think I'm inexperienced with sex. Maybe a little with fab. But jaded by majority of men's attitude on here seeing me as a throw away sex toy so it knocks your confidence alittle when you get treated like that more often than not. |
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Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused
I believe sexual confidence is a very attractive thing to most people.
It’s something I’ve gained as I’ve got older.
Now at 63 my body is certainly not toned or slim but I feel at my sexual peak.
I’ve met women of all ages, shapes and sizes.
The ones I’ve had the most memorable times with are those who are uninhibited in the heat of the moment."
Wow so spend 15 years or more swinging then I get to enlightenment 
Yes so sounds like the general consensus is experience gives you confidence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I can say for my area 90% are looking for toned haha the other 10% my pick up lines obviously need to get better
Oh I constantly see alot of women looking for a dad bod and average size cock. Think to win my heart is sensing trust with that person. No mount of looks or size cock will give it to me apart from their attitude and actions"
Think I need to move areas then! Haha I have thought about going to a club to ease in but then the thought of not being "toned" and "hung" puts me off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow so spend 15 years or more swinging then I get to enlightenment
Yes so sounds like the general consensus is experience gives you confidence "
Lol! Not at all. I’ve only been swinging for the past six years both with my partner and alone.
What I will say is this lifestyle has certainly boosted my sexual confidence x |
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"Well I can say for my area 90% are looking for toned haha the other 10% my pick up lines obviously need to get better
Oh I constantly see alot of women looking for a dad bod and average size cock. Think to win my heart is sensing trust with that person. No mount of looks or size cock will give it to me apart from their attitude and actions
Think I need to move areas then! Haha I have thought about going to a club to ease in but then the thought of not being "toned" and "hung" puts me off "
Personally if you're looking for threesomes, the only guys I saw getting any real action was black men who were vwe. Rest of the single men looked like the wanking zombie to me. I think it's men's charm usually helps. Being non creepy, genuine, non pushy and reliable. |
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Wow so spend 15 years or more swinging then I get to enlightenment
Yes so sounds like the general consensus is experience gives you confidence
Lol! Not at all. I’ve only been swinging for the past six years both with my partner and alone.
What I will say is this lifestyle has certainly boosted my sexual confidence x"
Yes if i have to compare to how i felt in my vanilla lifestyle, I definitely feel bit better with sex on fab. Especially having some amazing meets. But still struggle with the competition on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I can say for my area 90% are looking for toned haha the other 10% my pick up lines obviously need to get better
Oh I constantly see alot of women looking for a dad bod and average size cock. Think to win my heart is sensing trust with that person. No mount of looks or size cock will give it to me apart from their attitude and actions
Think I need to move areas then! Haha I have thought about going to a club to ease in but then the thought of not being "toned" and "hung" puts me off
Personally if you're looking for threesomes, the only guys I saw getting any real action was black men who were vwe. Rest of the single men looked like the wanking zombie to me. I think it's men's charm usually helps. Being non creepy, genuine, non pushy and reliable."
I think on here it is hard for genuine blokes as there is so many that give the good ones a bad name. |
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"Well I can say for my area 90% are looking for toned haha the other 10% my pick up lines obviously need to get better
Oh I constantly see alot of women looking for a dad bod and average size cock. Think to win my heart is sensing trust with that person. No mount of looks or size cock will give it to me apart from their attitude and actions
Think I need to move areas then! Haha I have thought about going to a club to ease in but then the thought of not being "toned" and "hung" puts me off "
You definitely don't have to be toned or hung I'm definitely not and I do just fine just as long as your sociable and respectful I'm sure you will do just as well |
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I used to struggle with body confidence 20 years ago when I was 2 stone lighter and had hair. Despite that, I feel totally at ease with my body.
OP, take it from someone with no bias or intentions, you are gorgeous. Words from another person can't really improve self image though, but that won't stop us from trying. |
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"But still struggle with the competition on here "
You aren't competing though, we're all in this together and some of those gorgeous girls you are comparing yourself against would like nothing more than to have sex with you as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes if i have to compare to how i felt in my vanilla lifestyle, I definitely feel bit better with sex on fab. Especially having some amazing meets. But still struggle with the competition on here "
By that do you mean you beat yourself up by checking out other women’s profiles to compare yourself?
Then stop. Don’t compare yourself to anyone.
For all you know those women are looking at your profile doing the same.
Don’t think of other women as “the competition “ it’s not as if there’s limited choice on here x |
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Yes if i have to compare to how i felt in my vanilla lifestyle, I definitely feel bit better with sex on fab. Especially having some amazing meets. But still struggle with the competition on here
By that do you mean you beat yourself up by checking out other women’s profiles to compare yourself?
Then stop. Don’t compare yourself to anyone.
For all you know those women are looking at your profile doing the same.
Don’t think of other women as “the competition “ it’s not as if there’s limited choice on here x"
According to other fabbers, there's loads of choice and especially the couple profiles. They tend to be the sexiest. I even get them asking if i can play with them. So it's difficult to avoid them sometimes. I wish I was bi, my sex life would be amazing inundated with all these beautiful women. Lol |
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I had to put it on my profile that I'm not looking for women as nearly every day, a stunning looking woman would ask me for a threesome or just play with them. So i do out of curiosity, view their photos to see who's messaging me
Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had to put it on my profile that I'm not looking for women as nearly every day, a stunning looking woman would ask me for a threesome or just play with them. So i do out of curiosity, view their photos to see who's messaging me
Lol"
Yes women can be as persistent as anyone and as bad at disregarding what it may say on a profile.
There’s no harm in looking, just don’t compare.
I know that’s easier said than done and it’s different for me because I look at them for a totally different reason! |
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As a male I can say a body in itself isn’t sexy.
It’s the person, how they carry themselves, not just physically but mentally as well. Sexiness is a frame of mind.
You can have the ‘best’ body in the world but if the attitude stinks or the belief isn’t there, it ain’t sexy.
Never forget heading to Xtasia with my then partner 16 years ago (I can be so precise as it was during the 2006 World Cup), a tall slim size 10 blonde who liked similar females to herself.
That night we connected with a short size 18 single female who was one of the sexiest women I’ve ever met, we played that night and travelled to meet up several times after. If we were judging sexiness just on body type we wouldn’t have ever gone there. |
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In my 40’s have had kids, carrying some covid weight - but my god I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve come to realise that life is for living, if people want to judge then let them, I do not care what people think anymore! |
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"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all. "
I couldn't have said it better myself! Definitely this ^^^^ |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat - Portugal |
"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all.
I couldn't have said it better myself! Definitely this ^^^^"
100 pc agree with this. If you are confident, uninhibited, love sex and are skilled at what you do then that's what a guy values more highly than a perfect body in my experience |
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"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all.
I couldn't have said it better myself! Definitely this ^^^^
100 pc agree with this. If you are confident, uninhibited, love sex and are skilled at what you do then that's what a guy values more highly than a perfect body in my experience "
Lol best keep working on that then...thanks  |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
Probably best to build your confidence before coming on a sex site.
Each lady will have her own ways to build confidence, I have.
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
Everything woman or man is beautiful in their own way
Just be yourself and I’m sure lots of men or women will be attracted to you xxx |
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By *corcherMan
over a year ago
Loughborough |
Fab is the worst place for self confidence or self esteem. Constantly getting knocked back or rejected. Seeing all these other people who look so much better than you do. It's a struggle but I just try to be happy with who I am & tell myself it's their loss not mine |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
To quote the genius Paul Heaton "We love our love in different sizes" Although he sings about it he doesn't just mean body size or cock size. He means we all like different types of women and men. Who we find attractive and sexy differs from person to person. I know some famous women I find sexy that some of my mates don't and vice versa. For example, you may look at a woman's profile and think you are gorgeous. Many men may agree but I guarantee some men will think not for me. Nobody is attractive and sexy to everybody of the opposite sex. Although I don't know all men on fab I guarantee there are many men who think you are sexy and attractive and would love to meet you.
The only thing we can be is ourselves.
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"But how do you gain that confidence? Through experience of having alot of sex? Still confused "
I am no expert but personally, I think the key is loving yourself. Self-love is one of the things that builds confidence. Of course, loving yourself too much and being arrogant about it is a bit too much.
You are who you are. If somebody doesn't love you for who you are they don't deserve you. |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play.
No it's a genuine question, not fishing for compliments as tbh, I get every compliment under the sun on fab from men. I been to clubs where they do the same. But all they want is a shag so say anything to get one. Call me a fab cynic but after years of hearing it and tons of men ghosting me, it doesn't mean anything to me. "
Then I would be more selective. Spend time getting to know guys online. Make men get to know you online for a while. The guys who don't respect you, who think a woman on a swingers website will fuck anybody who asks, looking for a quick fuck, another notch on the bedpost, etc will soon go away.
If you do progress to meeting and a guy has bullshited by for example saying he loves giving women oral sex and goes down on you for 30 seconds bin him off. Also, suck his cock for 30 seconds.
You know what you want. If a guy doesn't want to give you what you want he doesn't deserve you.
Never lose fact of what you want from a guy. Stick to our guns. |
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Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused
I believe sexual confidence is a very attractive thing to most people.
It’s something I’ve gained as I’ve got older.
Now at 63 my body is certainly not toned or slim but I feel at my sexual peak.
I’ve met women of all ages, shapes and sizes.
The ones I’ve had the most memorable times with are those who are uninhibited in the heat of the moment."
I totally agree. To me, a massive turn-on is a woman who is happy with herself. Of course like every man I am sexually attracted to some women and not others. it's not just looks or body size that attracts me. Who wants to be with a gorgeous sexy person who bores you, annoys you, treats you like crap, etc?
Of course, I want to be with somebody who turns me on. We all do if we are being honest. However, what turns me on is not just looks or body size. I look for other things like do we get on well together, do we enjoy being in each other's company, whether we can have a laugh together, etc |
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I honestly think it comes from inside yourself. I worry about my wobbly bits but I know I’m a 46 year old woman who is just me. I bring all of me to the party. If you want to get with me and party then appreciate them all. That being said I would still love to look like a supermodel but at 4’11 I’m under no illusion that I’m Cindy Crawford |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I struggle with confidence but I've defo got better as I've got older.
I've always been bigger/over weight and I've always attracted slimmer/gym fit guys, no idea why
No I just embrace it, although it does perplex me why a man who spends so much time in the gym to make his body look a certain way would be interested in me when I'm the total opposite of them |
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"But how do you gain that confidence? Through experience of having alot of sex? Still confused
I am no expert but personally, I think the key is loving yourself. Self-love is one of the things that builds confidence. Of course, loving yourself too much and being arrogant about it is a bit too much.
You are who you are. If somebody doesn't love you for who you are they don't deserve you. "
One therapist online recommends to tell yourself in the mirror each day what you love about yourself. Just keep praising yourself. I don't come from a family background that does any of that |
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"
Is it because you know what you're doing in bed to give you that confidence which in turn is alot of pleasure? Confused
I believe sexual confidence is a very attractive thing to most people.
It’s something I’ve gained as I’ve got older.
Now at 63 my body is certainly not toned or slim but I feel at my sexual peak.
I’ve met women of all ages, shapes and sizes.
The ones I’ve had the most memorable times with are those who are uninhibited in the heat of the moment.
I totally agree. To me, a massive turn-on is a woman who is happy with herself. Of course like every man I am sexually attracted to some women and not others. it's not just looks or body size that attracts me. Who wants to be with a gorgeous sexy person who bores you, annoys you, treats you like crap, etc?
Of course, I want to be with somebody who turns me on. We all do if we are being honest. However, what turns me on is not just looks or body size. I look for other things like do we get on well together, do we enjoy being in each other's company, whether we can have a laugh together, etc "
But we're are on a swingers site where appearances initially sell. I been on here for years. Get 1000s of messages each month but my meets are very low in comparison. I rarely meet as it takes 1 in nearly a million to make me feel comfortable that I want to meet him. So far, this way of working has given me some amazing sexual experiences. |
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"As I’ve got old I worry far less about what my body looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that what your body looks like isn’t what makes you sexy.
I’d love gorgeous boobs, or a flat stomach but I don’t have them and I’m still having incredible sex with men that I think are unbelievably hot. They tell me I’m sexy and beautiful and come back for more, so they must be having fun too.
There are beautiful women on here and I’m sure they’re having a great time too, but not everyone likes the same thing. There’s space for us all. "
THIS !!
Also, don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has a slightly different type. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
Everyone has their own preferences
I would say that you should be more than confident in your appearance. You have a very lovely body.
Thats a good start, then personality would have to click with whoever you have your eyes set on.
But physically you have no need to worry and flaunt what you have because its delicious |
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Some wonderful reflections on this topic, I have genuinely enjoyed reading many posts on this thread.
In reverse to previous poster, I'd suggest that you create a pictureless profile, block men and write only to the ones you find attractive, share pics only with the ones you communicate well with. This as an experiment for your own enrichment, though it is a perfectly good way of finding play partners also.
You are trapped in a predicament. On the one hand you are very attractive in the most conventional of ways, which means the majority of people will find you attractive and will approach without any consideration of you as a person. On the other your upbringing has not built up your self-esteem, to the point that you're confused as to how anyone could have confidence. You receive thousands of messages going after the thing you don't believe you have (good looks), you also want good looks in your play partners and feel inadequate by comparison. Your mind has made a prison for itself in this. I'll point to previous posts to say, looks play only a part in sexual attraction, for many people a small part. Disengage from your these attitudes re. appearance and you will see what everyone is pointing towards!
And also to say real confidence springs from self-esteem, which grows through real acceptance, unconditional love. For the luckiest their parents&carers gave it, others found friends&partners to do it for them, some give it to themselves in later years, most usually a combination of everything. Therapy helps too I'm told Look to shake off the limiting beliefs your heritage has passed on to you, our parents did their best but that was the past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some wonderful reflections on this topic, I have genuinely enjoyed reading many posts on this thread.
In reverse to previous poster, I'd suggest that you create a pictureless profile, block men and write only to the ones you find attractive, share pics only with the ones you communicate well with. This as an experiment for your own enrichment, though it is a perfectly good way of finding play partners also.
You are trapped in a predicament. On the one hand you are very attractive in the most conventional of ways, which means the majority of people will find you attractive and will approach without any consideration of you as a person. On the other your upbringing has not built up your self-esteem, to the point that you're confused as to how anyone could have confidence. You receive thousands of messages going after the thing you don't believe you have (good looks), you also want good looks in your play partners and feel inadequate by comparison. Your mind has made a prison for itself in this. I'll point to previous posts to say, looks play only a part in sexual attraction, for many people a small part. Disengage from your these attitudes re. appearance and you will see what everyone is pointing towards!
And also to say real confidence springs from self-esteem, which grows through real acceptance, unconditional love. For the luckiest their parents&carers gave it, others found friends&partners to do it for them, some give it to themselves in later years, most usually a combination of everything. Therapy helps too I'm told Look to shake off the limiting beliefs your heritage has passed on to you, our parents did their best but that was the past."
Spot the counsellor lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some wonderful reflections on this topic, I have genuinely enjoyed reading many posts on this thread.
In reverse to previous poster, I'd suggest that you create a pictureless profile, block men and write only to the ones you find attractive, share pics only with the ones you communicate well with. This as an experiment for your own enrichment, though it is a perfectly good way of finding play partners also.
You are trapped in a predicament. On the one hand you are very attractive in the most conventional of ways, which means the majority of people will find you attractive and will approach without any consideration of you as a person. On the other your upbringing has not built up your self-esteem, to the point that you're confused as to how anyone could have confidence. You receive thousands of messages going after the thing you don't believe you have (good looks), you also want good looks in your play partners and feel inadequate by comparison. Your mind has made a prison for itself in this. I'll point to previous posts to say, looks play only a part in sexual attraction, for many people a small part. Disengage from your these attitudes re. appearance and you will see what everyone is pointing towards!
And also to say real confidence springs from self-esteem, which grows through real acceptance, unconditional love. For the luckiest their parents&carers gave it, others found friends&partners to do it for them, some give it to themselves in later years, most usually a combination of everything. Therapy helps too I'm told Look to shake off the limiting beliefs your heritage has passed on to you, our parents did their best but that was the past.
Spot the counsellor lol "
Okay ignore the emoji, meant to put a smiley! DOH! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some wonderful reflections on this topic, I have genuinely enjoyed reading many posts on this thread.
In reverse to previous poster, I'd suggest that you create a pictureless profile, block men and write only to the ones you find attractive, share pics only with the ones you communicate well with. This as an experiment for your own enrichment, though it is a perfectly good way of finding play partners also.
You are trapped in a predicament. On the one hand you are very attractive in the most conventional of ways, which means the majority of people will find you attractive and will approach without any consideration of you as a person. On the other your upbringing has not built up your self-esteem, to the point that you're confused as to how anyone could have confidence. You receive thousands of messages going after the thing you don't believe you have (good looks), you also want good looks in your play partners and feel inadequate by comparison. Your mind has made a prison for itself in this. I'll point to previous posts to say, looks play only a part in sexual attraction, for many people a small part. Disengage from your these attitudes re. appearance and you will see what everyone is pointing towards!
And also to say real confidence springs from self-esteem, which grows through real acceptance, unconditional love. For the luckiest their parents&carers gave it, others found friends&partners to do it for them, some give it to themselves in later years, most usually a combination of everything. Therapy helps too I'm told Look to shake off the limiting beliefs your heritage has passed on to you, our parents did their best but that was the past."
Thank you for this, it hits home for me |
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I can suffer with body confidence, its not nice and can appear at times like you the only one although the truth is that I think everyone does to a certain extent. A lot of folk on here can appear confident but it's actually a front that they use to mask it. I know I sometimes put walls up to try and protect myself when I'm like this. |
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12th night...I will try your suggestion as an experiment as my photos have always attracted the men. I'm used to and prefer men to approach me as it's never seem to work out right when I did all the chasing. But I would be intrigued whether the outcome be more satisfying than what it is now.
I been doing alot of positive self appraisals too. Thanks councillor |
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"12th night...I will try your suggestion as an experiment as my photos have always attracted the men. I'm used to and prefer men to approach me as it's never seem to work out right when I did all the chasing. But I would be intrigued whether the outcome be more satisfying than what it is now.
I been doing alot of positive self appraisals too. Thanks councillor "
There's another forum thread going for hottest women on Fab and your name has cropped up more than once, there enough confidence from other people I hope to fill in the gaps |
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"12th night...I will try your suggestion as an experiment as my photos have always attracted the men. I'm used to and prefer men to approach me as it's never seem to work out right when I did all the chasing. But I would be intrigued whether the outcome be more satisfying than what it is now.
I been doing alot of positive self appraisals too. Thanks councillor
There's another forum thread going for hottest women on Fab and your name has cropped up more than once, there enough confidence from other people I hope to fill in the gaps "
Oh i haven't seen that. Probably fab friends mentioned me to be kind lol |
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"12th night...I will try your suggestion as an experiment as my photos have always attracted the men. I'm used to and prefer men to approach me as it's never seem to work out right when I did all the chasing. But I would be intrigued whether the outcome be more satisfying than what it is now.
I been doing alot of positive self appraisals too. Thanks councillor
There's another forum thread going for hottest women on Fab and your name has cropped up more than once, there enough confidence from other people I hope to fill in the gaps "
But I read on this thread confidence comes from within, not what others say as alot of people have motives behind their compliments (usually want a quick shag). If it's from a straight woman, I would accept it more. |
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"12th night...I will try your suggestion as an experiment as my photos have always attracted the men. I'm used to and prefer men to approach me as it's never seem to work out right when I did all the chasing. But I would be intrigued whether the outcome be more satisfying than what it is now.
I been doing alot of positive self appraisals too. Thanks councillor
There's another forum thread going for hottest women on Fab and your name has cropped up more than once, there enough confidence from other people I hope to fill in the gaps "
Lol you and 1 other guy mentioned me.. bless. Thanks you didn't have to mention me because you felt sorry for my pathetic thread lol |
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"
Lol you and 1 other guy mentioned me.. bless. Thanks you didn't have to mention me because you felt sorry for my pathetic thread lol"
I really didn't, I've no skin in the game and you are far too far away to ever meet, so blowing smoke would be pointless. I say it as I see it. I know my opinion carries little weight at the best of times, but think of me as an impartial arbiter of self-evident facts, like stating 2+2=4. |
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We’ve both found it a massive confidence boost joining the scene. Yes we have our areas to work on, but being perfect is so off putting don’t you think!  And having seen other gorgeous people with their own flaws has made us more understanding and accepting of what a real body looks like, and we just concentrate on the connection and having smoking sex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play.
No it's a genuine question, not fishing for compliments as tbh, I get every compliment under the sun on fab from men. I been to clubs where they do the same. But all they want is a shag so say anything to get one. Call me a fab cynic but after years of hearing it and tons of men ghosting me, it doesn't mean anything to me. "
Do men ghost you before or after you have met them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But how do you gain that confidence? Through experience of having alot of sex? Still confused
I belive confidence comes from experience,its like when you first start anything,confidence grows.
You have an amazing body and obviously seeing it yourself is very different from how other people see you x
Yes I need more experience lol I don't think I'm inexperienced with sex. Maybe a little with fab. But jaded by majority of men's attitude on here seeing me as a throw away sex toy so it knocks your confidence alittle when you get treated like that more often than not."
Yup, but glad it's not just me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think a lot of women truly under value themselves. The shape of your face, the size of your boobs or anything like that really isn’t the selling point.
The way a woman carries themselves, their attitude and manner of speaking, their interests and hobbies, a lot more factors play into it than you might think.
As much as I hate to say it as it’s really cliche and overused, what’s on the inside means more than what’s on the outside. |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
Sadly most women no matter how
beautiful they are have also have
their own hang up over their own
bodies . I've spent my life
empowering women to embrace
who they and getting the most out
of their sexually and gain
confidence in owning that .when
the light bulb moment comes to you
Then it doesn't matter how many
women that are out there that you
think are more beautiful that you .
its about you and your thoughts.they are proberly
thinking the same .with confidence
your beauty shines through and
more people will be actracted to
you .you then find the right match for you .
To be confident about themselves |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
Sadly most women no matter how
beautiful they are have also have
their own hang up over their own
bodies . I've spent my life
empowering women to embrace
who they and getting the most out
of their sexually and gain
confidence in owning that .when
the light bulb moment comes to you
Then it doesn't matter how many
women that are out there that you
think are more beautiful that you .
its about you and your thoughts.they are proberly
thinking the same .with confidence
your beauty shines through and
more people will be actracted to
you .you then find the right match for you .
To be confident about themselves "
Yes it's super sad to see such beautiful women have low self-esteem. My friend's son's gf wants lots of plastic surgery at the age of 21. She's absolutely stunning. Looks like a princess but wants this crazy over exaggerated look. |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play.
No it's a genuine question, not fishing for compliments as tbh, I get every compliment under the sun on fab from men. I been to clubs where they do the same. But all they want is a shag so say anything to get one. Call me a fab cynic but after years of hearing it and tons of men ghosting me, it doesn't mean anything to me.
Do men ghost you before or after you have met them? "
Mainly before, majority of men do it, they chit chat how much they want you...you show interest then they ghost... Or after, once they had their fun then they move onto new pastures! Lol |
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"Can I just say as a man we also suffer feom this. Especially when majority are looking for "Toned"."
Totally agree with this. I've read so many couples profiles that were looking for what I'm looking for, until I saw the usual " looking for toned gym guys only" |
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"Can I just say as a man we also suffer feom this. Especially when majority are looking for "Toned".
Totally agree with this. I've read so many couples profiles that were looking for what I'm looking for, until I saw the usual " looking for toned gym guys only" "
Can't you work out to get toned too? Just eating healthy and doing regular exercise can help the body. You feel so much better. I hate running but I try to do other exercise so stay healthy. |
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Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me regardless of the lack of photos. I thought my friends request would increase but no change there. Interesting |
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Mate it works both ways I get told all the time that people prefer the dad bod look which I used to have. Some people like some things and others like others as long as you can look in a mirror and be happy that's half the battle |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
I don't know if it's a fishing post or genuine but (without intending to sound like a sycophant) you're stunning so I don't know what the lost confidence stems from.
Have you tried going to a club? Sometimes being the centre of attention does wonders for the confidence, even if you don't play.
No it's a genuine question, not fishing for compliments as tbh, I get every compliment under the sun on fab from men. I been to clubs where they do the same. But all they want is a shag so say anything to get one. Call me a fab cynic but after years of hearing it and tons of men ghosting me, it doesn't mean anything to me.
Do men ghost you before or after you have met them?
Mainly before, majority of men do it, they chit chat how much they want you...you show interest then they ghost... Or after, once they had their fun then they move onto new pastures! Lol"
Wish we could chat |
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"Can I just say as a man we also suffer feom this. Especially when majority are looking for "Toned".
Totally agree with this. I've read so many couples profiles that were looking for what I'm looking for, until I saw the usual " looking for toned gym guys only"
Can't you work out to get toned too? Just eating healthy and doing regular exercise can help the body. You feel so much better. I hate running but I try to do other exercise so stay healthy. "
This is point exactly. Not Everyone is a gym freak who desires the "perfect body", a lot of people are happy in their natural skin. I will never understand the obsession with a "fake" steroid filled gym bod. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My wife and I got really nervous about this when it came to our first visit to a club. When we actually dressed down we couldn't believe how relaxed and confident we both felt. Probably the best we have ever felt about ourselves and had an awesome time. |
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Quite an interesting thread... isn't it ironic that the relentless desire of the human race to always be/do/look better often leaves us feeling so much worse?
I find natural women incredibly sexy. Whether BBW or slim, DD or A, for me it's about exploring and enjoying the unique sex appeal and connection the woman has. Pleasure goes way beyond the body, the mind is where it happens. Each woman I meet is a whole new adventure to explore physically and mentally. The more real and natural the better for me
|
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
A nice smile , smelling nice and something to say is all you need ...people aren't attracted to physical shapes,(tho it obviously plays a part, particularly at first contact) they are attracted to interesting warm humans ...
|
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But than a lot on here any hole is a goal.
My confidence has improved joining here but I do struggle to understand why a guy finds me attractive.
"
I do the same with younger women , I call it care in the community |
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"When you're trying to find a fab playmate on here and see so many beautiful women on here too. How do build your confidence to attract the men you want? "
I’m a guy who has body confidence issues and often asks himself the same question. I stepped out of my comfort zone and put pictures up showing all of me, including the bits I don’t like. Some people will be put off and not be attracted to me and that’s fine. Other people look and still want to chat to me and meet me.
It was the same in a club. I was genuinely terrified about dressing down the first time I went. I thought I’d be shunned or laughed at, but everyone was really friendly and I felt at ease straight away. That helped build my confidence, and that’s grown as I’ve been back and played with people. The body consciousness is still there, and I still get nervous when meeting new people, but I feel I have more control of it now. X |
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"Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
I'd love to chat with you privately but your filters won't allow you made a number of forum post that ive contributed to.feel free to message .
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me regardless of the lack of photos. I thought my friends request would increase but no change there. Interesting "
|
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"Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me
regardless of the lack of photos. I
thought my friends request would
increase but no change there.
Interesting "
Would like to privately chat with you but your filters won't allow .youve posted on a number threads that I've contribute to. Feel free to message |
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"Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me regardless of the lack of photos. I thought my friends request would increase but no change there. Interesting "
I'm still not going to ask a friend request, but will still follow your forum posts with interest. |
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"Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me regardless of the lack of photos. I thought my friends request would increase but no change there. Interesting "
If you message your fab friends first whether you have blocked single men or not they will be able to reply, not sure if it still works after deleting the conversation with them though |
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"Ok I hid my photos...I don't like photoless profiles myself so kept one as an avatar. I haven't bought myself to blocking men from writing to me as I have male fab friends on here who don't mind messaging me.
But what I'm amazed about how many men still want to chat to me regardless of the lack of photos. I thought my friends request would increase but no change there. Interesting
If you message your fab friends first whether you have blocked single men or not they will be able to reply, not sure if it still works after deleting the conversation with them though"
If she messages them, they can always reply and if she sends a friend request it can be accepted and friends can always message even that category is blocked. |
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"Can I just say as a man we also suffer feom this. Especially when majority are looking for "Toned"."
I agree mate. I suffer with body confidence and so does Joanne. I see so many younger and toned guys on here and it can knock your confidence of getting other cpls to meet us. But you only live once so we are giving it our best shot on here. John. |
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"Quite an interesting thread... isn't it ironic that the relentless desire of the human race to always be/do/look better often leaves us feeling so much worse?
I find natural women incredibly sexy. Whether BBW or slim, DD or A, for me it's about exploring and enjoying the unique sex appeal and connection the woman has. Pleasure goes way beyond the body, the mind is where it happens. Each woman I meet is a whole new adventure to explore physically and mentally. The more real and natural the better for me
"
You are a rarity on fab mr. Very nice reply to this post. Nice to see guys like you exist on here. Joanne. |
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There is no way to build confidence by reading the words, or having physical interaction with another person. It comes from believing in yourself. That could come from outside sources and if you trust that person enough, maybe you will start to believe them, but in reality all you have done is eventually believe in yourself.
This does just go for the OP, it happened to me after 17 years of lack of lack of confidence and it applies to everyone in here. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
"Can I just say as a man we also suffer feom this. Especially when majority are looking for "Toned".
I agree mate. I suffer with body confidence and so does Joanne. I see so many younger and toned guys on here and it can knock your confidence of getting other cpls to meet us. But you only live once so we are giving it our best shot on here. John. "
I was chatting to a lady in a club (chams) about this toned , fit body and it's perceived link to attraction etc .. we both instantly thought of a mutual friend who is often in the club...he is incredibly popular , chatty smiley guy, and the ladies are all over him, and he is one hundred per cent a dad bod I would guess, he's a solid chap, portly but carries it well....
|
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"I struggle with body confidence, but I wouldn't change anything to attract anyone, if they aren't into me the way I am there not for me.
You are stunning, you don't need to do anything to attract a man.
Mrs "
Why would you struggle with body confidence??? You look Hella hot! |
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"its not just about the body,, connection sense of humour,, personality..
You think young men care about such things? I thought there way more visual when it comes to sex?"
Because young men are often only trophy hunting to show their mates who they've fucked. |
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"Fab is the worst place for self confidence or self esteem. Constantly getting knocked back or rejected. Seeing all these other people who look so much better than you do. It's a struggle but I just try to be happy with who I am & tell myself it's their loss not mine"
You have had a couple of meets, you arnt doing too bad mate. What's your secret? |
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