FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > I thought they were vanilla!
I thought they were vanilla!
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA"
They were aware they weren’t ‘vanilla’ all along, you discovering they are on this site doesn’t change their perception of you. If they wanted anything they would’ve said so. I find it incredibly creepy that you think is ok to ask for sex because they are in this site. |
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
"Best advice. Leave them too it
Interesting, why do you say that?
I’m sure they would approach you if they were interested "
But they don’t know I am on here unless they have managed to figure it out from my profile which is very unlikely. Also they do not know that I swing |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
If you want to broach the subject, don’t mess around, just say ‘I’ve seen you both on Fab, I’m on there too, would you be interested in exploring some Fab fun together?’
People will advise you not to approach them on this, and in all likelihood you’ll get rejected and ruin a vanilla relationship (if that’s what you have), but if that’s not a concern just be direct. |
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA
They were aware they weren’t ‘vanilla’ all along, you discovering they are on this site doesn’t change their perception of you. If they wanted anything they would’ve said so. I find it incredibly creepy that you think is ok to ask for sex because they are in this site."
For a start I never said that I wanted to ask for sex!
Secondly this a swingers site, is that kind of the idea!?
Thirdly, love your bottle, make rediculous comments on here and then block me  |
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
"If you want to broach the subject, don’t mess around, just say ‘I’ve seen you both on Fab, I’m on there too, would you be interested in exploring some Fab fun together?’
People will advise you not to approach them on this, and in all likelihood you’ll get rejected and ruin a vanilla relationship (if that’s what you have), but if that’s not a concern just be direct."
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA
They were aware they weren’t ‘vanilla’ all along, you discovering they are on this site doesn’t change their perception of you. If they wanted anything they would’ve said so. I find it incredibly creepy that you think is ok to ask for sex because they are in this site.
For a start I never said that I wanted to ask for sex!
Secondly this a swingers site, is that kind of the idea!?
Thirdly, love your bottle, make rediculous comments on here and then block me "
Nothing ridiculous about my comment, just something you didn’t like to hear unfortunately.
You said you wanted to meet them for swinging, which means sex as you very well said in your second point.
They are swingers but that doesn’t mean it’s something they’d like to share with you necessarily.
Sorry you don’t like my opinion but if you ask in a public forum, you’re going to get opinions you might or might not like. |
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA
They were aware they weren’t ‘vanilla’ all along, you discovering they are on this site doesn’t change their perception of you. If they wanted anything they would’ve said so. I find it incredibly creepy that you think is ok to ask for sex because they are in this site.
For a start I never said that I wanted to ask for sex!
Secondly this a swingers site, is that kind of the idea!?
Thirdly, love your bottle, make rediculous comments on here and then block me "
Nothing ridiculous about her comments, you did say
"Would love to meet them on a swinging basis"
...how else are we to interpret that other than sex? |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Our penny's worth, don't discuss their membership of Fab, at all (it'd creep us the fuck out)
Depending on your relationship with them, maybe drop some naughty hints of your involvement of the scene??
No reaction, there's your answer.. |
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
"Our penny's worth, don't discuss their membership of Fab, at all (it'd creep us the fuck out)
Depending on your relationship with them, maybe drop some naughty hints of your involvement of the scene??
No reaction, there's your answer.."
Thanks, will see what happens! |
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OP I personally would leave anyone I knew in real life alone but if you really want to make contact then my suggestion would be to do it via the site rather than in real life.
Drop them a wink or send them a message that expresses interest but don’t indicate you know them and make sure you include your picture so they can work out who you are. If they are interested then they will respond. If they don’t respond (or block you) then I would leave it at that. |
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By *armerguy OP Man
over a year ago
Gainsborough |
"OP I personally would leave anyone I knew in real life alone but if you really want to make contact then my suggestion would be to do it via the site rather than in real life.
Drop them a wink or send them a message that expresses interest but don’t indicate you know them and make sure you include your picture so they can work out who you are. If they are interested then they will respond. If they don’t respond (or block you) then I would leave it at that. "
Sound advice, thanks |
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA"
Just because someone you know is on this site doesn't make them a free for all,Its not the first time this has come up on the forums, and every time they do I think it's a bit big headed that people would assume they can approach someone just because they know them and they are on this site...my advice is stay away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA
They were aware they weren’t ‘vanilla’ all along, you discovering they are on this site doesn’t change their perception of you. If they wanted anything they would’ve said so. I find it incredibly creepy that you think is ok to ask for sex because they are in this site."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have known a couple for a year or so now that I always assumed were completely vanilla, but have just discovered they have a profile on here. Would love to meet them on a swinging basis, but really not sure how to approach the subject. Wondering if I should drop the word fab in a few sentences to see if they react or to use their profile name in conversation? Any ideas will be muchly appreciated! TIA"
Are their faces in their profile ? If not then message them and include your face picture then you'll know for sure what their interest would be as a playmate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get stuck in there pal they’re obviously up for it.
Tell them you love their Pampas grass, ankle bracelet, upside down pineapple or whatever and that you’re willing to supply your own condoms.
Good luck
We’d hate someone we knew mentioning our profile personally.
With a million guys to choose from on Fab why would we want to fuck the guy we know from the pub or whatever? |
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This subject always make for interesting reading. I see the same replies time after time:
Leave them alone.
They would approach you if they were interested.
Just because they're on here doesn't mean theyre interested.
Does anyone ever think that they may be open to a message? That maybe they wouldn't approach of they didn't know someone was in the scene? That maybe they would be interested if they knew?
There is a sound counterpoint to all of those points.
The thing is, I highly doubt a solid vanilla friendship would be ruined if its approached in the right way, and any reply accepted, even if its a negative reply. I mean, if approached in the right way, the answer being yes or no, should in no way affect the already bonded friendship.
Are we really so soft as a society that we must avoid approaching these subjects? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This subject always make for interesting reading. I see the same replies time after time:
Leave them alone.
They would approach you if they were interested.
Just because they're on here doesn't mean theyre interested.
Does anyone ever think that they may be open to a message? That maybe they wouldn't approach of they didn't know someone was in the scene? That maybe they would be interested if they knew?
There is a sound counterpoint to all of those points.
The thing is, I highly doubt a solid vanilla friendship would be ruined if its approached in the right way, and any reply accepted, even if its a negative reply. I mean, if approached in the right way, the answer being yes or no, should in no way affect the already bonded friendship.
Are we really so soft as a society that we must avoid approaching these subjects?"
I agree that approaching it in the right way may usually be acceptable. However many people have little clue about how to be discreet. Some people would shout across a busy school yard "oi! Seen you on Fab. Call me!!"
Also many people get annoyed when they get turned down. Having an annoyed rejected person in the local area is not the greatest.
If both parties can be adult about acceptance or rejection then it would be fine. |
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It depends on the relationship.
If they are good friends, I'd discreetly mention I'd seen the profile and ask how it's going on fab?.
It's nice to be able to talk and share.
But wouldn't raise the possibility of playing, leave it to them. |
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If their profile on here is discreet, leave them be, if they found your profile something their interested in on here then surely they'd reach out.
In summary, leave it is my gut feel. Enjoy your little secret, it's almost a little voyeur like for you. But I'd try to respect their privacy and not freak them out |
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The best way would be to let them know that you're into swinging, without giving them any indication that you know they are, or that you're interested in them as potential partners.
Then let them choose what to do about that information.
They might want to swing with you, or they might want to keep you as a vanilla friend. Or they might want you to be someone they can be open with, without taking it any further. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you want to broach the subject, don’t mess around, just say ‘I’ve seen you both on Fab, I’m on there too, would you be interested in exploring some Fab fun together?’
People will advise you not to approach them on this, and in all likelihood you’ll get rejected and ruin a vanilla relationship (if that’s what you have), but if that’s not a concern just be direct."
100% |
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If you want to meet pop them a message via fab, don't drop it in a normal conversation.
Just ask straight out, worst they can do is block you.
Personally I agree with some of the above I don't like people who know me approaching me, if it was me id personally not message and just block.
Mrs |
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Perhaps approach them via this site. Unless your profile is very obvious they will only see what you want them to see. If they like that things might develop, if not nothing ventured.
I would definitely not advise approaching them, that might be a bit creepy.
Good luck! |
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By *edgirlWoman
over a year ago
Berkhamsted |
I've been on here several years but lately I've come across people I know but had no idea they were on the scene too. I've had zero issue with this... we both have the same secret to keep!
I generally feel a bit odd about playing with people I know from the vanilla side of my life, especially when I've know them years.
But that doesn't mean I didn't love the fact that we now know this about eachother lol! In fact, in my experience it's been fun to know, to talk about it and even introduce them to clubs and share stories!
This couple may not have found your profile, depending on their filters or what they're looking for. But a wink or a msg to say hi could lead to a whole new level of friendship.
My advice would be to let them lead on whether it goes any further than that x |
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By *p4fun60Couple
over a year ago
Hampshire |
There's loads of conflicting advise on here that's probably confused you even more & ultimately you'll make your own decision- I actually had this happen to us as a couple from a single guy at work & it just freaked me out, he couldn't understand why we didn't want to swing with him when we had veris from other guys & it totally ruined our friendship to the stage where we have nothing to do with him anymore, another couple we met had a similar where they were recognised by a guy from their local pub & threatened to out them ( just too fucking creepy)....its a Pandora box you're thinking of opening! If they as swingers wanted to play with you they'd have let you into their secret lifestyle a long time ago,but the truth is as a couple there's many single guys to choose from on here without complicating vanilla friendships & like many couple we all have a fab life & a vanilla one & not many want the two to mix my advise would be to continue your journey without telling them, you never know one day you may get a wink |
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