FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Polite way to say no...
Polite way to say no...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We have been on here over a month, had our first meet, and a lot of messages and interest.
This is all good. However, I, (the female half) who answers all the messages, and I like to think I am polite....is struggling with the responses from men who can't get the message, or take a polite no for an answer.
I am fussy...I think that's a good thing, I have to be! ....I can't meet much, I'm a busy working mum, and my meets are a big deal, take a lot of arranging and expense!
My partner has told me to respond, that 'you're just not our type' I don't like to be so blunt, I would rather say, they look good but we have had too much response.
Basically, I am getting a lot of people, who after numerous polite knock backs wont leave it....what do others do, when they don't want to be evil and blunt? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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thank you for your message however you aren't what we are looking for at the moment, good luck on the site and have fun  .......if they respond with more than a 'thanks, you to' we block them |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I would have a short paragraph saved saying
thanks for your interest, you are not what we are looking for but we wish you all the best. We would love it if you don't ask why, we are replying because it is polite to do so. Please respect our wishes..
and I would cut and paste every time, if they reply... delete without worry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thank you for your message however you aren't what we are looking for at the moment, good luck on the site and have fun .......if they respond with more than a 'thanks, you to' we block them"
I send something like that. Then following that I block them.
Cali |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
Have the male half do the messaging. Or a rule of thumb: Any messages asking "Is that the male or female" gets blocked and deleted - no genuine person should have to ask as it should not matter which part of the couple they are talking to.
Or you could just say "No". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think your partner answer is the best polite way. "sorry you are not what are looking for" isn't offensive, it's time saver. If you say you are busy now etc.. The person can still think you are ok to meet just you too busy now. Chances are that you will keep receiving message asking if you free later |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think your partner answer is the best polite way. "sorry you are not what are looking for" isn't offensive, it's time saver. If you say you are busy now etc.. The person can still think you are ok to meet just you too busy now. Chances are that you will keep receiving message asking if you free later"
Seconded  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have the male half do the messaging. Or a rule of thumb: Any messages asking "Is that the male or female" gets blocked and deleted - no genuine person should have to ask as it should not matter which part of the couple they are talking to.
Or you could just say "No"."
that depends wholly on whats being asked...there are times u realize its the male half(possibly bi),pretending to be either a female..or the female half.
I'm pretty genuine!-just like to know if I'm appealing to, the fem/fem partner rather than the male half who knows where my interest actually lies. |
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If after one polite reply the person is impolite enough to message again we have no hesitation in blocking. Just be sure your original "no thank you" is clear don't leave any room for doubt or use phrases such as "at the moment" it gives the recipient the false impression that there may be hope in the future and that in itself is impolite in my opnion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we put in simalar to whats been said thanks for the message and kind words, unfortunately you arent what we are looking for, though we wish you lots of fun, if we see you around you are more than welcome to come say hello for chat, but if you dont want toeven chat with them just leave that bit out |
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"My partner has told me to respond, that 'you're just not our type' I don't like to be so blunt, I would rather say, they look good but we have had too much response.
Basically, I am getting a lot of people, who after numerous polite knock backs wont leave it....what do others do, when they don't want to be evil and blunt? "
I'm afraid you NEED to be blunt on this site. You don't need to be rude but if somebody can't take a "Thank you for the message, but you're not for us" reply then that's their problem, not your's. You don't need to go into detail or explain but if you have no intention of meeting them, make that clear, and if they come back with "Why?" or they start pestering you then put that block button to use!
The only problem with saying "you look good but we have had too much response" is that they're going to think they're in with a chance and are probably going to do all they can to try and stand out from the crowd (which could lead to weekly messages to try and "stay on your radar" or possible harrassment).
As I said, it doesn't need to be rude and it doesn't need to be personal, but if you do feel the need to respond to every message (which you don't have to, site rules say that a no reply should be taken as a no) don't be afraid to stand by your preferences and make it a clear "No thank you".
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That has all been very helpful, thank you!
I do have a message that I copy and paste...but it does have tones of being too busy at the moment and leaving it a bit open.
I suppose I wrote it with the thought of how I would respond to such a message (I wouldn't try again)! But some people wouldn't see it as I do!
The problem for us is that we just can't meet very often, so we have to either turn down a lot of people.....or keep them hanging with the possibility! :/ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That has all been very helpful, thank you!
I do have a message that I copy and paste...but it does have tones of being too busy at the moment and leaving it a bit open.
I suppose I wrote it with the thought of how I would respond to such a message (I wouldn't try again)! But some people wouldn't see it as I do!
The problem for us is that we just can't meet very often, so we have to either turn down a lot of people.....or keep them hanging with the possibility! :/ "
free tonite?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"we put in simalar to whats been said thanks for the message and kind words, unfortunately you arent what we are looking for, though we wish you lots of fun, if we see you around you are more than welcome to come say hello for chat, but if you dont want toeven chat with them just leave that bit out "
I like the way you have worded this! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well i have lots of messages and have been on and off fab for years. I have always been polite when saying no, and only once in 6 years have i had a nasty reply back after saying No. I think to say your not our type is not a good thing there are much more other ways to say No and not have any hassle xxxx have fun anyways Caty  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""Have you seriously looked at yourself in a mirror recently ????"
This is not an abusive no,but a simple question..... Would /should work??  "
Lol....someone completely not remotely like what I have said I like, did send me a message recntly asking if I could take care of their full sack that needed emptying.....
Simple answer....no
But very unlike me to be so rude  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My partner has told me to respond, that 'you're just not our type' I don't like to be so blunt, I would rather say, they look good but we have had too much response.
Basically, I am getting a lot of people, who after numerous polite knock backs wont leave it....what do others do, when they don't want to be evil and blunt?
Thanks Amy
I think you're right, I am starting to realise that now after being on here for this time, I started with polite intentions, that are going out the window a bit now....a bit of rewording is needed on my copy paste reply x
I'm afraid you NEED to be blunt on this site. You don't need to be rude but if somebody can't take a "Thank you for the message, but you're not for us" reply then that's their problem, not your's. You don't need to go into detail or explain but if you have no intention of meeting them, make that clear, and if they come back with "Why?" or they start pestering you then put that block button to use!
The only problem with saying "you look good but we have had too much response" is that they're going to think they're in with a chance and are probably going to do all they can to try and stand out from the crowd (which could lead to weekly messages to try and "stay on your radar" or possible harrassment).
As I said, it doesn't need to be rude and it doesn't need to be personal, but if you do feel the need to respond to every message (which you don't have to, site rules say that a no reply should be taken as a no) don't be afraid to stand by your preferences and make it a clear "No thank you".
- Amy. x"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That has all been very helpful, thank you!
I do have a message that I copy and paste...but it does have tones of being too busy at the moment and leaving it a bit open.
I suppose I wrote it with the thought of how I would respond to such a message (I wouldn't try again)! But some people wouldn't see it as I do!
Lol of course
The problem for us is that we just can't meet very often, so we have to either turn down a lot of people.....or keep them hanging with the possibility! :/
free tonite? "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"well i have lots of messages and have been on and off fab for years. I have always been polite when saying no, and only once in 6 years have i had a nasty reply back after saying No. I think to say your not our type is not a good thing there are much more other ways to say No and not have any hassle xxxx have fun anyways Caty "
Thanks Caty, do you not find they keep writing to you though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well i have lots of messages and have been on and off fab for years. I have always been polite when saying no, and only once in 6 years have i had a nasty reply back after saying No. I think to say your not our type is not a good thing there are much more other ways to say No and not have any hassle xxxx have fun anyways Caty
Thanks Caty, do you not find they keep writing to you though? "
Ive sent 15 "i love ur profile and pic" msgs...in 15 mins...bit rude uve not responded to at least one!
think ur so hot dont ya...well I was never actually interested.
I'm meeting 5 women tonite anyway...models!...porn models! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why cut and paste responses when people get told not to cut and paste messages?
Just give the honesty as polite as you can for each individual case. If they're a definite no just say you don't find them attractive then block to stop any replies. If its because you're too busy with offers just tell them that's the case so they bear you in mind if you'd consider them at a later date. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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because if like us when they joined they'd of had 150 messages within 24 hours and we dont all have 6 hours a day spare to reply to everyone with a no worded 20 different ways. we aren't trying to interest people with a no so copying isn't a problem |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why cut and paste responses when people get told not to cut and paste messages?
Just give the honesty as polite as you can for each individual case. If they're a definite no just say you don't find them attractive then block to stop any replies. If its because you're too busy with offers just tell them that's the case so they bear you in mind if you'd consider them at a later
date."
You need to try replying to fifty messages when you log on, when you work, and have two kids....I'm not asking for sympathy, that's what I am..... but trying to respond individually can take hours....at the end of the day, I'm here for fun! ....I did try responding personally to everyone, and it was becoming a chore....i was beginning to dread logging on, and it shouldn't be like that! Copying and pasting a standard message has been such a good thing, I just think it needs some reworking now! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm polite and will say no thanks but sometimes I won't respond to a message if they clearly haven't read my profile.
I don't feel bad for it. it's my profile my way if doing things and if people don't like it, its tough I'm here for MY fun and MY enjoyment and some people don't see this and it's the main reason we are on here! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm polite and will say no thanks but sometimes I won't respond to a message if they clearly haven't read my profile.
I don't feel bad for it. it's my profile my way if doing things and if people don't like it, its tough I'm here for MY fun and MY enjoyment and some people don't see this and it's the main reason we are on here! "
I'm glad others are doing this...because I have recently started doing it. Have had several messages recently asking whereabouts in Bristol I live (if they had read profile they would know I don't) and also several asking if I will meet in Bristol tonight...(again...if they had bothered to read)! So I have started ignoring those, still feel a bit of a rude cow though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm polite and will say no thanks but sometimes I won't respond to a message if they clearly haven't read my profile.
I don't feel bad for it. it's my profile my way if doing things and if people don't like it, its tough I'm here for MY fun and MY enjoyment and some people don't see this and it's the main reason we are on here!
I'm glad others are doing this...because I have recently started doing it. Have had several messages recently asking whereabouts in Bristol I live (if they had read profile they would know I don't) and also several asking if I will meet in Bristol tonight...(again...if they had bothered to read)! So I have started ignoring those, still feel a bit of a rude cow though "
cybersex me then..I dont care if ur in australia...as long as we can camwank!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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they just happy to chat thats all once they know i wont meet with them or cam with them a lot of ppl just want to chat online until someone meet and then hey ho away they go love xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thank you for your message however you aren't what we are looking for at the moment, good luck on the site and have fun .......if they respond with more than a 'thanks, you to' we block them"
That's almost verbatim what I use and I also block if more then a thanks you too reply
It's hard to balance polite with blunt, but it's good you are replying at all, some just delete if not interested, I also go that if its clear someone hasn't read my profile. |
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Use your message filters to stop unsolicited mail from people you don't want to meet with.
Next, when you send a "No" message, block them so they can't respond.
You need to grow a thick skin on here. Don't be worried about hurting anyones feelings, because they sure as hell wont be worried about hurting yours.
Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You need to grow a thick skin on here. Don't be worried about hurting anyones feelings, because they sure as hell wont be worried about hurting yours.
"
too true
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I can be bothered to reply to unsolicited messages from peeps I have no intention of meeting, I would block immediately after sending my reply to prevent any comeback.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're getting fifty messages when you log on, we'd suggest putting in your profile that if they haven't had a response within three days from sending then they're not for you.
That way you can delete en-block without a guilt trip. If they persist, then block them.
We recently had an exchange with a couple, they sounded nice, we exchanged pics and they immediately wrote back saying we weren't for them which took us by surprise somewhat.
Fair enough though.... then they winked us again last week lol.
So we pointed that fact out and blocked them... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agreed Vimal, in a perfect world it is. But then you have to realise that guys outnumber girls probably 5 or more to 1. On that basis, you can't possibly expect a girl to respond personally to each and every one. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
No thank you, is simple, polite, to the point.
After that - delete all subsequent messages. If they continue - block (though I have never ever had to do this once I have sent such reply). |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
For those that do take the time to actually check my preferances meet mine and then mail me with a face pic I will generally message them to say no thanjs.
For those out of my area or age range or smokers then I tend to just delete immediately. Not wasting my time on this that dont read. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Use your message filters to stop unsolicited mail from people you don't want to meet with.
Next, when you send a "No" message, block them so they can't respond.
You need to grow a thick skin on here. Don't be worried about hurting anyones feelings, because they sure as hell wont be worried about hurting
yours.
You're right!....thank you, now blocking after I reply, stops any abuse, and it's nice knowing I won't be put in an embarrassing situation after my polite 'no thanks'
Good luck "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After being on the site for some years now if I dont block them they end up messaging me again so to save their time and mine I block them. Much easier x"
Thank you, and thanks to everyone else for the advice....I will reply (unless they obviously haven't read profile). The blocking after the polite reply is the way forward I think it will certainly stop me feeling horrible being asked why I said no....  |
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By *picer07Woman
over a year ago
CARDIFF |
"polite nothanks is good...if they mail back saying thanks, thats it leave it.If they ask why, or beg.BLOCK"
I'm with you on this one - if a polite no thanks is sent and then someone gets persistent or arsey ... I think it's okay to block, as I see it as them being rude to be honest ... but that's just my take on things. x |
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what i find amazing in these threads is the fact the op feels the need to explain to the guy on numerous occasions!
Its simple really, say NO however which way you want, if they dont get the message then either block then or STOP REPLYING TO THIER MESSAGES!!! they will get the message |
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By *obbieCMan
over a year ago
Bridgwater |
Perhaps you should go for someone slightly older than in your profile, perhaps 45 yrs old and lives between Devon and Bristol and who can accommodate, so you could meet when you are travelling up and down the M5.....lol xxxx |
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"
Simple answer....no
But very unlike me to be so rude "
I find it very hard to understand why thOP thinks it is rude to say "no thank you" to someone she doesn't want to fuck?
To me, it's quite simple....
My replies (if they fall within my criteria but i'm not interested) "Thank you but no" End of. No massive explanation. I shouldn't have to explain to a complete stranger, who I didn't ask to email me, why I don't want to fuck them  |
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By *oublouWoman
over a year ago
co durham |
I told someone no today & got the whole "well we can still chat" so I just blocked. Had this before when I 1st joined & being polite I chatted & had loads of messages from the same person basically telling me how good they'd be for me & I should change my mind. They were quite a lot older than me & like older than my parents which is just a no go for me personally.
Least if you block em you don't come up on their search thing x |
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My partner has told me to respond, that 'you're just not our type' I don't like to be so blunt, I would rather say, they look good but we have had too much response.
Your partner has it right and his response isn't blunt its (ie. its not rude) if i recieve that message id appreciate it more than a fob off ie. i look good but we have had too much response as it still means i keep you on my hotlist and will message u again being blunt is ok theres nothing wrong with it if done in the right way p.s dont be too blunt with me hotwife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My "nice" respond when I am in a good mood, and the message is better than an one-liner:
"Hi,
Thanks for the message. However, I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.
Therefore, to prevent future contacts and wasting each other's time and efforts, I shall block you.
Take care and good luck on FAB."
And then I block.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My "nice" respond when I am in a good mood, and the message is better than an one-liner:
"Hi,
Thanks for the message. However, I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.
Therefore, to prevent future contacts and wasting each other's time and efforts, I shall block you.
Take care and good luck on FAB."
And then I block.
"
Simples pmsl |
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I've got a better idea;
Change your profile to a single bloke!
Then you'll not only no longer get any messages to worry about but you'll be unique on here as a couple pretending to be a single man!
Lol
Good luck!
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