FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Sent over 200 messages

Sent over 200 messages

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hey guys girls, yes I'm a single guy and yes I know it's like getting blood from a stone on this site now days... BUT... I've sent at least 200 or so messages out to single women or couple's who take my fancy and meet what I'm looking for and I'm lucky if I get 0.3% in replies... Is it my profile? This site? Help lol

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

"Hey guys girls, yes I'm a single guy and yes I know it's like getting blood from a stone on this site now days... BUT... I've sent at least 200 or so messages out to single women or couple's who take my fancy and meet what I'm looking for and I'm lucky if I get 0.3% in replies... Is it my profile? This site? Help lol"

You've met 3 times this year either socially or sexually so aren't doing bad.

If wondering what's up with your profile - if it counts for much - to me I'd take out the bucket list bit, it sounds like you've been trying to tick off every box.

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By *sBlueWoman over a year ago

Up North

Blood out of a stone lol oh dear. Sorry you feel hard done by but there are thousand of men on here and the ladies get the pick of the best ones. Maybe go to a few clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You've met 3 times this year either socially or sexually so aren't doing bad.

If wondering what's up with your profile - if it counts for much - to me I'd take out the bucket list bit, it sounds like you've been trying to tick off every box. "

It's why I joined fab in the first place

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Its much better than many profiles I see op ,have you thought of clubs at all or organised socials?.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's your problem OP, you've had meets in a short space of time in the past couple of months.

It looks like it's going very well

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

You've met 3 times this year either socially or sexually so aren't doing bad.

If wondering what's up with your profile - if it counts for much - to me I'd take out the bucket list bit, it sounds like you've been trying to tick off every box.

It's why I joined fab in the first place "

This may be the reason why you are not getting meets then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We recently opened up our messages to men

It literally got swamped , so highly probable the girls are literally overwhelmed, you have to probably do something special in the first line to grab the attention

Talking between couples for us is easy because we are a couple and both have access to the account, easy for another couple to approach us

Single ladies are harder for us but it does work but then we approach bi female and she’s getting cock and pussy so just offering a cock is way harder , this site after all is for that type of thing

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

As profiles go it's not terrible.

Did you fit what each of those 200 were looking for? Were they engaging messages?

Regardless, you've had some recent veris, so you're obviously not doing too badly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its much better than many profiles I see op ,have you thought of clubs at all or organised socials?."

First of thanks.. and yeah I used to go years back but unfortunately nothing is " local" so it's a bit expensive to get to and back from then there the entrance fees.. I try to organise private meetings or social nights but getting know where fast

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's your problem OP, you've had meets in a short space of time in the past couple of months.

It looks like it's going very well "

I haven't? There over a year back lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We recently opened up our messages to men

It literally got swamped , so highly probable the girls are literally overwhelmed, you have to probably do something special in the first line to grab the attention

Talking between couples for us is easy because we are a couple and both have access to the account, easy for another couple to approach us

Yeah very true

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As profiles go it's not terrible.

Did you fit what each of those 200 were looking for? Were they engaging messages?

Regardless, you've had some recent veris, so you're obviously not doing too badly."

Aw thanks.. and always could be better lol..

Mm I tried to but I think most don't even read it as get so many dick pictures

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By *eet-la-MinxWoman over a year ago

Bishop STORTFORD

How many of the 200 were to couples? You’ve said you don’t really like MMF so that will rule out most couples. Some might be interested but you are fishing in a small pool of single ladies and couples where man doesn’t join in. Also your status is not the most appealing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How many of the 200 were to couples? You’ve said you don’t really like MMF so that will rule out most couples. Some might be interested but you are fishing in a small pool of single ladies and couples where man doesn’t join in. Also your status is not the most appealing. "

Any couples I messaged all said there into cuckold fun

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By *eet-la-MinxWoman over a year ago

Bishop STORTFORD

Any couples I messaged all said there into cuckold fun "

Yes but you’ve just updated your profile. You didn’t mention cuckhold fun until few minutes ago. Just said don’t like mmf which and sounded like not that into meeting couples. So might explain why so few replies to messages from couples. Also even many cuckhold couples still want the male to be involved at some point and not just watch. Not all I know but many. Of course up to you what you like but helps explain why it is difficult.

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

I am really surprised you have found 200 people to message that live close enough. You say they took your fancy and appeared to you.

Did you actually read their profile to see if you fitted what they were looking for ?

I think this is a big problem for men and they look at it from their own point of view and send messages to people they like the look of, instead of seeing if they think the two or three people are likely to be compatible .

Maybe your messages are rubbish. What is your typical first message ?

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

took your fancy and *appealed

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By *leasureseekers123Couple over a year ago

Hythe

0.3% of 200 is 0.6. How did just over half a person reply to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"0.3% of 200 is 0.6. How did just over half a person reply to you?"

Half of a couple lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am really surprised you have found 200 people to message that live close enough. You say they took your fancy and appeared to you.

Did you actually read their profile to see if you fitted what they were looking for ?

Maybe your messages are rubbish. What is your typical first message ? "

Yeah most probably never read the message and if honest I put all my information on my profile so most my messages are me just saying hello and bit about myself then check out my profile

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Yeah most probably never read the message and if honest I put all my information on my profile so most my messages are me just saying hello and bit about myself then check out my profile "

That may be part of it. Do you say anything specific to the person you're messaging or is it generally impersonal enough you could copy paste it out to anyone?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yeah most probably never read the message and if honest I put all my information on my profile so most my messages are me just saying hello and bit about myself then check out my profile

That may be part of it. Do you say anything specific to the person you're messaging or is it generally impersonal enough you could copy paste it out to anyone? "
I never copy and paste messages no but I guess could be a little same old.. like a said most would never read the message or if we're a full message wouldn't read it all as they get 100s

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I never copy and paste messages no but I guess could be a little same old.. like a said most would never read the message or if we're a full message wouldn't read it all as they get 100s "

I'm not suggesting you do copy paste messages. But unless there's something specifically to me in an initial message I take it as they can't be arsed to read the profile and chuck it in the No pile. If it's just the same old small talk and an invitation to 'just ask' or 'check out my profile' that's also very not my thing. Though it might work for others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I never copy and paste messages no but I guess could be a little same old.. like a said most would never read the message or if we're a full message wouldn't read it all as they get 100s

I understand.. but if someone says check out my profile and you don't what's the point of a guy having a profile lol

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I understand.. but if someone says check out my profile and you don't what's the point of a guy having a profile lol"

Most women and couples look at the profile before they read a message at all. If they don't and the message makes them want to know more, they'll look without it being said. It's just a fairly redundant request.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I understand.. but if someone says check out my profile and you don't what's the point of a guy having a profile lol

Even if do reply meeting up is a different problem lol

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Even if do reply meeting up is a different problem lol"

Logistics should probably be considered before sending an opening volley.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Me personally, I don't want to be told to look at the profile, I'll take a peak myself. I read 'how can you resist' and i immediately think 'oh i can just like this' and delete the message. I like a good read, I think you've got good content, but can't help but feel it's all about you you you.

That being said

Love the height and good looking cock

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

"I understand.. but if someone says check out my profile and you don't what's the point of a guy having a profile lol

Even if do reply meeting up is a different problem lol"

So if meeting up would be difficult there is no point in contacting them !

The fact that you are sending so many messages and do not tailor the message to the people you are contacting is a red flag.

I suggest you read the person's profile properly and then send a personal message, so that they know you are interested in them, not just sending messages randomly to anyone who happens to live in a certain area.

You need to look at this from the other person's point of view.

This is not about you ticking things off your bucket list with any fanny who lives less than 10 miles from you

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By *aribbean King 1985Man over a year ago

South West London

But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

"But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for"

His verifications are all over a year ago. Nothing since then I gather

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

"But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for

His verifications are all over a year ago. Nothing since then I gather "

I didn't realise we were in 2023 this morning

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By *aribbean King 1985Man over a year ago

South West London

"But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for

His verifications are all over a year ago. Nothing since then I gather "
ok but even so 3 people is enough for people to be interested even its been a year?? A lot could happen in a year why he hasn't met anyone since

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By *ittall2020Man over a year ago

Norwich

When POF had forums one of the site admins posted that guys get replies to first messages at a rate of between 1 in 30 and 1 in 100 on average, so I think you're doing relatively ok as this site has such a bias of male numbers.

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Just because you've liked something that you see, it doesn't mean they are going to, it goes both ways.... So it could also be something within the bio or photos not everyone can be a match for everyone

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By *unfunfun xMan over a year ago

London

I think everyone is suffering for replies on here, even the peeps who been here a lot longer, pot luck keep going I say

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By *lowercandyWoman over a year ago

Lancashire

But are you what they're looking for!!!!

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By *eard and BoobsCouple over a year ago

Portstewart

Hey op you do realise that swinging is about the lifestyle not just for the sex. It's a great added bonus but if sex is all you want we would suggest that you try another type of site that is based on one night stands you might feel you would have more success there

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hey op you do realise that swinging is about the lifestyle not just for the sex. It's a great added bonus but if sex is all you want we would suggest that you try another type of site that is based on one night stands you might feel you would have more success there "

I have always been a true swinger and I've always been about more than sex ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you mean true swinger ?

Your profile is OK. Some pics and fair but of writing and verifications

If I was going to be SUPER picky , bearing in mind you asked for advice.

"Pushing limits" I cannot speak for all women but that always makes me shudder. Sorry to be blunt but it's creepy.

"yeah was ok but nothing amazing"

This is how you speak of a previous encounter, think about it.

"Can't resist" again weird and seems like everyone has resistance so maybe take that out ?

200 messages is a lot but women get that many. EVEN ME whose profile is a big fuck off. Can't even read them all never mind reply.

What are you offering in the messages? Have you read their profile first to see what they are seeking? A lot on here simply aren't interested in single guys

Good luck

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By *ldbutable1Man over a year ago

hewish

from an old , short, plump guy, i found clubs are the way to meet and make contacts , also non play socials

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Really ....I'm sick of getting messages from women and couples , to the point I've blocked them I just couldn't keep up

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By *ootprints1629Couple over a year ago

somewhere in moray

You say youv been in and off for 6 years and sounds very much like you have been quite successful on here but yet your post on here doesn't quite match that!

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By *ootprints1629Couple over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I never copy and paste messages no but I guess could be a little same old.. like a said most would never read the message or if we're a full message wouldn't read it all as they get 100s

I understand.. but if someone says check out my profile and you don't what's the point of a guy having a profile lol"

As a couple of even if I was a single female, checking your profile before even opening the msg is the first thing we do, and probably alot of other folk do to so we don't need and invite to check your profile, but do you read theirs first? That's the most important part, and folk know instantly if you haven't read it and will just ignore or block which is perfectly acceptable on fab.

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By *lowercandyWoman over a year ago

Lancashire

While you have taken time to complete a profile it's very much about you.

What you have done.

What you do/want.

As a person who looks at the profile before reading the message I would likely not go further.

Be it your intention or not (we all read things our way not necessarily the authors) it sounds conceted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blood out of a stone lol oh dear. Sorry you feel hard done by but there are thousand of men on here and the ladies get the pick of the best ones. Maybe go to a few clubs. "

"Best" .. lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am really surprised you have found 200 people to message that live close enough. You say they took your fancy and appeared to you.

Did you actually read their profile to see if you fitted what they were looking for ?

Maybe your messages are rubbish. What is your typical first message ?

Yeah most probably never read the message and if honest I put all my information on my profile so most my messages are me just saying hello and bit about myself then check out my profile "

That's the only way you can do it in here. If you were to construct such perfect messages as advised on this thread to every woman you want to message it would take you a lifetime and they'd just be deleted anyway. So it's far more fruitful to make it short and sweet and have all the relevant stuff in your profile. Nice women do reply. Unfortunately they are very often miles away.

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By *reasyontheeyesMan over a year ago

out in the sticks

200 messages

I'd be around 25 tops.

Bet they were cut and paste as well

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By *moothGrooveWoman over a year ago

Durham

For me there would be several reasons I wouldn't reply to a message from your profile....

Twice you mention that you know what you want.... Probably best to share the details of that

You say you've had a bucket list and ticked everything.... sounds like you've been about a fair bit.

Travel is an issue, but you can accommodate.... Unless I have met you on several occasions and I am comfortable with you I'm not going to turn up at your house on my own.

The whole vibe you give off about couples makes it sound like you will tolerate them just to get with the wife.

Mentioning that people must be comfortable with your dog being in the flat sounds a bit weird!! Maybe save that bit of information for when you are speaking to someone in private.

And finally, The vibe you are giving off to people offering advice and feedback after you have asked for it doesn't make you come across (to me anyway) as some who's easy to communicate with.

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By *cnugatugMan over a year ago

Chatham

Doing better then me op so it's not all doom and gloom profile seems good except the bucket list bit does sound like your just here for the list

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

You meet the Fab ‘Holy Trinity’ requirements for the skim readers;

Under 45

6ft or over

Can accommodate

so you’re doing better than most so far

You have smiley face pics on public display, and just the one cock pic, so also very good!

Your profile text does need some reworking though, as even I winced when I read it through. Try ‘less is more’? A lot of the details you’ve included are unnecessary, and as others have pointed out, a turn-off. Overall, your profile does come across as all about you, not what you can offer someone…..

Clubs are all about local cliques, try organised socials

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By *ike Oxlong 95Man over a year ago

Wyre.

I personally would rather be ignored than be insulted for no reason, which seems to be the go to for some people.

All I can say is that no of them were worth your effort.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've had some feedback yet you've done nothing to your profile so why ask the question? Was it for the views?

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By *ightNWet69Woman over a year ago

dark side of the moon

Most times women will look at your profile before even opening a message, if you're not what they are looking for could be why you're getting no replies.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

I've been here 6 years and haven't sent half that amount of messages. In fact I haven't sent a single introductory message since January 2020.

All my effort has been in my profile and pics and when I did send messages they were very specific to the people I sent them to and I had a 50-60 percent response rate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been here 6 years and haven't sent half that amount of messages. In fact I haven't sent a single introductory message since January 2020.

All my effort has been in my profile and pics and when I did send messages they were very specific to the people I sent them to and I had a 50-60 percent response rate. "

Your profile, I knew the moment I read the first sentence that it was going to be good and a worthwhile read

That's how all profiles should be. Male or female

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Wow sorry didn't see that this post was still high up on the form!

Iv updated my profile yet again and yes I know people would still have a negative response to it but let me know what you think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been here 6 years and haven't sent half that amount of messages. In fact I haven't sent a single introductory message since January 2020.

All my effort has been in my profile and pics and when I did send messages they were very specific to the people I sent them to and I had a 50-60 percent response rate. "

And the above is the perfect guide to how easy it is to be successful on Fab.

There’s no tricks, no secrets, just this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow sorry didn't see that this post was still high up on the form!

Iv updated my profile yet again and yes I know people would still have a negative response to it but let me know what you think."

Now i quite enjoyed reading the updated profile

(just to let you know some spelling mistakes but easily sorted)

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

I haven’t read your previous profiles, but your current version is really badly written (sorry) and doesn’t really tell me much about what you’d offer me. Your Fab history and bits that are covered elsewhere aren’t relevant. You’re not my type physically, but if you were and you messaged me I’d be put off by your profile and likely wouldn’t respond.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just gamble on here made a fortune

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wow sorry didn't see that this post was still high up on the form!

Iv updated my profile yet again and yes I know people would still have a negative response to it but let me know what you think.

Now i quite enjoyed reading the updated profile

(just to let you know some spelling mistakes but easily sorted)

Aw spelling is definitely not my speciality. But glad you enjoyed reading x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

I know there's spelling mistakes as it's not my speciality but for what I'm giving the person.. I feel iv said what I like doing and my kinks are if a woman wants to know more she send me a message. I really do think some women on hear are far to picky about the profiles of men and don't give the guys a chance to meet up face to face for a social drink as we all no that's what really counts

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

I don’t think there’s any such thing as ‘too picky’. It’s ok to have high standards. No one is going to meet you for a drink if they’re not initially attracted, and what’s attractive often starts with a well written profile for a lot of women.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

Social side of swinging is just as good as the sex .. but I understand attraction is key.. on the well written profile that's up to the person reading

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By *rseup4uMan over a year ago

West Cornwall

If it helps: I would shorten the profile and take out the lists... Nice profile and so love the cock pic, a few more tasteful pics of that bad boy might help. On the plus side you are very easy on the eye, such a nice face.

Don't give up as there are so many fucking rude people on here... I never ever don't reply to a message... even if its just to say, Thanks but no thanks.

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By *rNice.Man over a year ago

Doncaster

First thing all men think is

a. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

B. SOMTHING WRONG WITH MY PROFILE

swinging is a niche activity,most people here aren t all that fab, or swingers ...

nothing wrong with your profile.. ignore people giving you profile advice, find a local club near you ... meet people old school way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If it helps: I would shorten the profile and take out the lists... Nice profile and so love the cock pic, a few more tasteful pics of that bad boy might help. On the plus side you are very easy on the eye, such a nice face.

Don't give up as there are so many fucking rude people on here... I never ever don't reply to a message... even if its just to say, Thanks but no thanks.

Thanks.. I believe 1 cock picture is everything you need to see as it's only 5% of what I'm about.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

It might sound flippant but I won't give anyone on here "a chance".

Of course women have a bigger pool to choose from but I still expect them to make an effort in their messages as well as their bio.

I have no interest in any woman who isn't fussy or picky.

Does that make me sound like an entitled prick?

No it reinforces my self respect.

I'm not here to shag for the sake of it and I don't pander or blow smoke up anyones backside regardless of who they are.

I can honestly say without fear of contradiction that I have turned down many more offers to meet than I have accepted.

I have 60+ veries spread across 4 profiles I've had in my six years here but only 7 of those involved sex and that was by choice rather than circumstance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"First thing all men think is

a. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

B. SOMTHING WRONG WITH MY PROFILE

swinging is a niche activity,most people here aren t all that fab, or swingers ...

nothing wrong with your profile.. ignore people giving you profile advice, find a local club near you ... meet people old school way

My old school way is trying to meet up with people for social drink or private party's as my local club is not so simple to travel to and then the fees to get in ect all add up. It's a shame there nothing closer

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

It might sound flippant but I won't give anyone on here "a chance".

Of course women have a bigger pool to choose from but I still expect them to make an effort in their messages as well as their bio.

I have no interest in any woman who isn't fussy or picky.

Does that make me sound like an entitled prick?

No it reinforces my self respect.

I'm not here to shag for the sake of it and I don't pander or blow smoke up anyones backside regardless of who they are.

I can honestly say without fear of contradiction that I have turned down many more offers to meet than I have accepted.

I have 60+ veries spread across 4 profiles I've had in my six years here but only 7 of those involved sex and that was by choice rather than circumstance. "
good on you

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By *onBurgundy99Man over a year ago

Cheshire

It's an overwhelming cock fest this place. Women are hounded and hounded. Save yourself the trouble and leave the desperado guys to keep foring mail after mail after mail. Just go to a club or a social event and you'll actually meet people - it is incredibly easy to meet and greet people in these events, vst majority are open to conversations at a minimum. Some you'll perhaps even get lucky with and really click. I strongly suggest doing that as your next step before sending even one more waste of a message out.

Thank me later when you've mustered up the courage to go, and realised how much you've been wasting your time sinking it in to messages on here.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

"First thing all men think is

a. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

B. SOMTHING WRONG WITH MY PROFILE

swinging is a niche activity,most people here aren t all that fab, or swingers ...

nothing wrong with your profile.. ignore people giving you profile advice, find a local club near you ... meet people old school way

It’s hard on here for guys, and clubs are expensive. I get that. There will be folk on here that like your approach, and folk that won’t. If you ask for advice people will offer it, you’ll either take it or not.

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By *exymilfandhimCouple over a year ago

Liverpool

If you're asking me I think everything we could ask you in amessage you have already answered and you seem to know what you want. Maybe that's a bit off putting? Then there's your pictures, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them or you btw. Just of people know what they're going to get from meeting u then there's not much point in sending you a message. Just my 2 cents ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"First thing all men think is

a. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

B. SOMTHING WRONG WITH MY PROFILE

swinging is a niche activity,most people here aren t all that fab, or swingers ...

nothing wrong with your profile.. ignore people giving you profile advice, find a local club near you ... meet people old school way

Yeah very true honestly I'm had some great advice so I've updated the profile but yeah there is a lot of people who clearly don't read profiles or the form chat as there advice is rubbish lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you're asking me I think everything we could ask you in amessage you have already answered and you seem to know what you want. Maybe that's a bit off putting? Then there's your pictures, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them or you btw. Just of people know what they're going to get from meeting u then there's not much point in sending you a message. Just my 2 cents ... "

Thanks.. I'm rubbish at pictures and I find most people want recent face pics and a cock pic .. I'm better in real life lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally I wouldn't be disclosing quite how many messages I may or may not have sent as, for me at least, it reeks of desparation.

Obviously we don't know if those 200 messages are all single messages to different people or repeated follow ups when not getting a reply, but, think about the message you're giving to everyone in the forum.

If you saw a similar claim by a lady whom you'd received a message from, how would that make you feel about that persons interest in you?

What it says to me is that you're spamming every woman within your search criteria in the hope that you might get a bite.

Not really a good look

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for

His verifications are all over a year ago. Nothing since then I gather ok but even so 3 people is enough for people to be interested even its been a year?? A lot could happen in a year why he hasn't met anyone since"

As a single woman, no recent verifications put me on edge.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I'm local to you and I've blocked you, so your messages to me (I know you sent quite a few but can't remember the content) must have not been of much interest or uninspiring. Can't help too much as I can't see your profile, but I never block without reason, but I do usually if i just get "hi" sent 5 times or more with no other effort involved. "

I always put the reason in the private notes so that I can remember why exactly.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I've been here 6 years and haven't sent half that amount of messages. In fact I haven't sent a single introductory message since January 2020.

All my effort has been in my profile and pics and when I did send messages they were very specific to the people I sent them to and I had a 50-60 percent response rate. "

I was going to say that OP needs more effort in pics. Your pics definitely set the pulse racing.

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By *omad1234540Man over a year ago

WORCESTER

I'm in same boat.like to keep most of my pics off profile but send them in messages

Response rate is minimal

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"If you’ve sent out over 200 messages and aren’t really getting the response you want, I’d hazard a guess that you’re not checking first that you are what they’re looking for.

Mate given where you live and your restrictions, you are going to have to work harder.

If you were in London it would be easier but with less women to choose from in the smaller towns and villages you are definitely going to have to work harder.

Women have to be picky because it's out personal safety at risk. For me it's my mental health at risk so I have to be picky.

Women and men do not owe anyone a chance. People like what they like intellectually, psychologically or physically.

I'm reckoning that there are only about 50 women in your local area 20 miles radius so you are going to have to work harder. If you have put them all off then you are out of luck. A lot of women on here have blocked you and unashamedly so.

From my perspective there is nothing about your profile that stands out.

Look at Mr. Belfast RealityBites profile and it stands out. He formatting for writing and his pictures. He says he tailors his messages to the women and not just command that they look at his profile and give him a chance.

Maybe it's the connection bit that is lacking. Yes, we are all looking for a sexual connection but for some people like me, I need there to be a psychological, personality and/or character connection before I can leap to a sexual connection.

I wonder if you are neurodivergent like me so it makes it hard for you to see things from a woman's perspective.

If spelling and writing are not your strong suit, is it because of dyslexia? I remember talking to a guy via the messages and he seemed inattentive, I only noticed because it was putting me off. Most people would have blocked him but I want to learn more about people so I asked him if he had a sensory processing issue like dyslexia, autism and or ADD. It turned out that he did have ADHD but he never messaged me back after that because I put him on the spot and maybe he was embarrassed.

I'm learning to let people know about my neurodivergent brain and apologize if I do things that cause them discomfort.

It's easier for people to block/blank/ghost/avoid/ignore neurodivergent people than actually explain where we are going wrong.

It even happened to me at a social. I must have had some sensory overload ( lots of people talking and difficulty figuring out which conversation to focus on) and I apparently blanked the wonderful NeroLondon of the forum.

*facepalm* I apologized but I'm sure somewhere in his brain he thought I was a dick.

I just tell myself that I can't win them all and I'm not perfect. Nuances are so difficult to pick up but I have found people to be supportive when I explain to them that I miss so many verbal and facial queues online and in person.

Work in progress. you can look at my profile and see how I've structured it like a CV because I don't want to overload people with the same boring profile information but I want to give them the main points about who I am and what my expectations are.

I know it's easier for women as we have thousands of men to choose from. But sometimes too much choice is a neurodivergent headache. Being in London, I had to narrow it down to people who are less than 10 miles away. I do go to central London socials so I meet people who come from further away.

The lifestyle is about effort male or female and the fewer people you interact with the more effort you have to put in.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"You ASKED for advice. And you have got it. Sounds like you don't like it. Your attitude stinks of "I can't win"

Women on here ARE picky, fucking damn right. Like I said women get hundreds of messages on here. I don't even want to read that many I have a job, children and a social life.

Are you suggesting I should fuck some of these men just because they deserve a chance? Gross

Not in a million years in fact one of the biggest turn offs is entitled, needy, whiny, give me a chance men. It instantly makes me want to run in the opposite direction "

If I gave every man a chance, I'd have no life. I'm not a sex worker and even they do not give every man a chance.

It's not about chance it's about making a worthwile connection and a worthwile connection goes beyond the sexual.

That's something they don't teach in porn or the pub.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

Don't give up as there are so many fucking rude people on here... I never ever don't reply to a message... even if its just to say, Thanks but no thanks.

Well there you have it OP. Men like your profile. Women block you.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"First thing all men think is

a. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

B. SOMTHING WRONG WITH MY PROFILE

swinging is a niche activity,most people here aren t all that fab, or swingers ...

nothing wrong with your profile.. ignore people giving you profile advice, find a local club near you ... meet people old school way

He said that the clubs are too far away and too expensive.

That I understand. Loads of clubs in London but I don't want to spend 100 quid every time nor do I want to drive or be in an uber for an hour and a half regularly. ( I hate driving in London and I get travel sick)

I'm lucky that they are 3 clubs and 4 socials near to me in under an hour by Uber or public transportation. I've also split an Uber ride with people so that makes it less boring/expensive and distracts me from my travel anxiety-induced sickness.

OP lives far from the Kent clubs and I don't know if there are any Swinger socials and parties in Ashford or within an hour's drive from Ashford. That makes it very difficult.

Personally, that's why I live in London so I don't get bored out of my neurodivergent mind and I'm constantly meeting new interesting (not always for sex) people all of the time and there is always some new activity for me to engage in.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I'm in same boat.like to keep most of my pics off profile but send them in messages

Response rate is minimal"

Nope. Send a recent selfie in the message if your face isn't on your profile. do not send cock pics or 5 pics with your message, it makes it tedious to read. That's just me as a neurodivergent trying to scroll through a ridiculously long message on a bus while hiding cock pics from school kids.

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By *cnugatugMan over a year ago

Chatham

"You've had some feedback yet you've done nothing to your profile so why ask the question? Was it for the views? "
probably was to get view's

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"But if you been verified by 3 people then surely you should be ok??

I been here only 5 weeks and don't get hardly messages from the women I like or if I do get messages, its from one of a couple which I'm not looking for

As a single woman, no recent verifications put me on edge."

I'm trying lol

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By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I gave up expecting an answer ages ago.

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