FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > IM over enthusiastic
IM over enthusiastic
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Ive just lost my second single female friend on this site for sending too many messages.
I cant seem to control myself, one minute we are talkling away making plans about meeting.
The next day or so the messages from them stop and me being the paranoid person i am i then send a message saying hi, no responce.
Then the next day another then another.
Finally i ask the question to them is it me but i get no reply.
At this point a normal person would take the hint but ive worked so hard to befriend these ladies and been so close to meeting my mouth and finges over ride my brain and i find myself sending more messages which s making it even worse.
Ive still not got a reply from the second girl if its me or not but i have er number on whatsapp and can see if shes read my message or not so i know shes not saying anything.
More than anything im hoping they both see this and accept my apologies for trying too hard, is that so bad?
Im no nutjob, clingy or a stalker, im just real keen to have a great time with these ladies and i love to chat, i just cant help myself sending messages and need to have it confirmed that im the problem.
Will i ever be able to meet a single lady or will i scare them all away. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
I think you've kinda answered your own question...I've blocked one or two guys for constantly sending me messages asking when we gonna meet, or a message 5 mins after that asking why I haven't answered their mail...if she goes quiet, give it a day or two then send a message but not just "Hi"...tell her something...try to initiate a conversation rather than coming across as needy...good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there's one thing I absolutely hate, it's guys I've not yet met (but plan to) messaging every day or even multiple times a day asking "Hi - how are you".
I'm happy to have less frequent, but longer messages, but really once we've got to know each other enough to agree to meet then I don't expect to hear much until it's time to align diaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been there, done that with a vanilla gent about 2 years ago for being too enthusiastic, me being the guilty party.
Unfortunately, once the damage is done in the form of doubts, there is nothing one can do about it to change the other's person's mind.
I have learnt my mistakes and moved on.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Too many messages is really off putting, I've blocked a few guys that have done that with me, try to stick to the, one messages you and you don't send another till either you've had a reply or 48 hours later. Too over keen is as bad as disinterested some times x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you sent me messages daily and I hadn't responded, I'd block you. Surely just send hi message, if get no response take it as they have lost interest and find another lady to message.
What you described sounded a little stalkerish to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Im no nutjob, clingy or a stalker, im just real keen to have a great time with these ladies and i love to chat, i just cant help myself sending messages and need to have it confirmed that im the problem.
Will i ever be able to meet a single lady or will i scare them all away."
Don;t mean to sound harsh but while you say you aren't a nutjob or stalker, the excessive messaging could well be giving that impression.
But I suspect you will get meets simply because you have recognised why and how you are going wrong |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
You just have to stay cool.. I emailed a lady and she replied saying what a nice guy I was and what a nice email. She would like to talk and possibly meet. I thought great!! When I went to reply she had blocked me!!! Go figure !!
Not sure what all that is about, maybe a fake profile or a timewaster.. but what can you do. You just have to move on and say "their loss" (which I believe is true in this case)
You really have to learn to take a knock back on here or leave cos one things for sure.. you are going to get more than a few knock backs..
There are some genuine and lovely ladies around though..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i'm afraid i cant bear clingy or paranoid guys..i do totally understand how it has happened to you though but i would set yourself a rule..once they dont message you back a second time DO NOT go near them till they chase you! |
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Yeah its beyond unwatchable seeing mikey did himself in deeper and deeper and deeper...practically up there with the david brent dance in terms of utter excruciation. And like i say all you beautiful brunette babes im money and i want to party...cue swingers favourite quote thread...anyone else up posting at this time must be on the skank shift...manifest destiny etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If there's one thing I absolutely hate, it's guys I've not yet met (but plan to) messaging every day or even multiple times a day asking "Hi - how are you".
I'm happy to have less frequent, but longer messages, but really once we've got to know each other enough to agree to meet then I don't expect to hear much until it's time to align diaries."
I totally agree. Why oh why do some men feel the need to message constantly? I was going to meet someone but he's getting towards the blocking stage because every time I log on there's a message from him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your the kind of guy that makes it harder for all the ither lads, theres 1000,s just like u who pester women constantly just because they aint messaging back, ffs y cant u lot just get a grip if they want to talk to you they will, sending message after message is seriously annoying u sound so desperate, no wonder ur scaring them off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your the kind of guy that makes it harder for all the ither lads, theres 1000,s just like u who pester women constantly just because they aint messaging back, ffs y cant u lot just get a grip if they want to talk to you they will, sending message after message is seriously annoying u sound so desperate, no wonder ur scaring them off"
I have to agree with this guy.. We know what it's like to have constant bombardment and we just block.. But it does put us off from single guys generally.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had to block a couple of blokes on here who would send paranoid messages if I didn't reply to their mail in a matter of minutes. It does come off as "clingy" which is something I'm really not looking for in swinging.
At least you've realised what you did may have put the lady off. Try to chill out a bit and give them time to reply. It may just be that life is interfering, or they're being bombarded with messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your the kind of guy that makes it harder for all the ither lads, theres 1000,s just like u who pester women constantly just because they aint messaging back, ffs y cant u lot just get a grip if they want to talk to you they will, sending message after message is seriously annoying u sound so desperate, no wonder ur scaring them off
I have to agree with this guy.. We know what it's like to have constant bombardment and we just block.. But it does put us off from single guys generally.. "
I'd agree it's irritating for those on the recieving end - but disagree with the claim it makes it harder for others.
If you're acting in a decent manner and not doing this yourself why would anybody else's actions impact you?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your the kind of guy that makes it harder for all the ither lads, theres 1000,s just like u who pester women constantly just because they aint messaging back, ffs y cant u lot just get a grip if they want to talk to you they will, sending message after message is seriously annoying u sound so desperate, no wonder ur scaring them off"
Agree with the above statement. We wouldn't meet with someone who can't be bothered to construct a sentence properly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do not go into my inbox daily anymore. I dont have the time nor inclination
Then when I do go into it, friends first (real life ones)and I will cherry pick the messages. Its my inbox
Anyone repeat messaging me gets told sorry no. As this is supposed to be fun and not a chore.
Asides from the fact I can hear a song now in my head (It's all about you)
Patience and chill!!
Or yes you may scare them away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It makes it harder for other lads as it puts alot of people off trying to find a drecent single lad when then have to trawl through the 100's of guys just like this, i have no problems personally, if a couple dosent respond to my message i move on, i may message a second time a week or 2 later just incase the message was overlooked by the mountain of mail single guys send on here, ive met alot of couples through clubs that dont meet single guys on here so kinda proves my point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes it harder for other lads as it puts alot of people off trying to find a drecent single lad when then have to trawl through the 100's of guys just like this, i have no problems personally, if a couple dosent respond to my message i move on, i may message a second time a week or 2 later just incase the message was overlooked by the mountain of mail single guys send on here, ive met alot of couples through clubs that dont meet single guys on here so kinda proves my point"
If couples want to find single guys - trust me - they will!
Nothing that any other guy does be it private messages, hassling in chat rooms or even forum posts will stop them being capable of finding the right guy.
In much the same way than anyone else, single or couple will get better results if they worry less about the actions of others and concentrate on their own profile, messages and interactions. |
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By *am123Man
over a year ago
essex chelmsford |
"Ive just lost my second single female friend on this site for sending too many messages.
I cant seem to control myself, one minute we are talkling away making plans about meeting.
The next day or so the messages from them stop and me being the paranoid person i am i then send a message saying hi, no responce.
Then the next day another then another.
Finally i ask the question to them is it me but i get no reply.
At this point a normal person would take the hint but ive worked so hard to befriend these ladies and been so close to meeting my mouth and finges over ride my brain and i find myself sending more messages which s making it even worse.
Ive still not got a reply from the second girl if its me or not but i have er number on whatsapp and can see if shes read my message or not so i know shes not saying anything.
More than anything im hoping they both see this and accept my apologies for trying too hard, is that so bad?
Im no nutjob, clingy or a stalker, im just real keen to have a great time with these ladies and i love to chat, i just cant help myself sending messages and need to have it confirmed that im the problem.
Will i ever be able to meet a single lady or will i scare them all away."
be cool mate u are a bit full on they prob wont meet even if uv been messaging years there are timewasting women on here aswell as guys  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Your the kind of guy that makes it harder for all the ither lads, theres 1000,s just like u who pester women constantly just because they aint messaging back, ffs y cant u lot just get a grip if they want to talk to you they will, sending message after message is seriously annoying u sound so desperate, no wonder ur scaring them off"
actually... i disagree....
it doesn't make it harder...
its just another way of distinguishing between people... call it another part of the unwritten selection process
in the end you as an individual make your own luck... not dependant on someone else actions...
I only decide my fate... no one elses.. |
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Nothing more that gets my goat is constant messaging and stalking on chat every day.
Its not the way to go and usually ends up with a warning "dude your getting a bit too needy.." and then a block if it carrys on. Its just a total turn off  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ditto. Comes across as desperate and needy and pressuring us into meeting. Also makes me think that if.the guy is this full on now, wtf would he be like after the meet??!! Sometimes it's hard to find the time to deal with the sheer volume of messages so not receiving a reply is often.down to a life outside of Fab. Good that you've recognized it tho and hope you take the advice on board. Good luck.Ms |
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"Ive just lost my second single female friend on this site for sending too many messages.
I cant seem to control myself, one minute we are talkling away making plans about meeting.
The next day or so the messages from them stop and me being the paranoid person i am i then send a message saying hi, no responce.
Then the next day another then another.
Finally i ask the question to them is it me but i get no reply.
At this point a normal person would take the hint but ive worked so hard to befriend these ladies and been so close to meeting my mouth and finges over ride my brain and i find myself sending more messages which s making it even worse.
Ive still not got a reply from the second girl if its me or not but i have er number on whatsapp and can see if shes read my message or not so i know shes not saying anything.
More than anything im hoping they both see this and accept my apologies for trying too hard, is that so bad?
Im no nutjob, clingy or a stalker, im just real keen to have a great time with these ladies and i love to chat, i just cant help myself sending messages and need to have it confirmed that im the problem.
Will i ever be able to meet a single lady or will i scare them all away."
In my eyes you are coming across as way way to intense! Yes there is a social side to swinging, but
You don't seem to have the maturity to know when enough is enough.
I presume you have friends outside of fab? You would probably benefit from spending time with those friends and easing off from Fab.
Friends here are not generally the ones who'll lend you a fiver, pop in to feed your dog or pick you up from sainsburys when its snowing and you've got your weekly shop. Many other analogies are available.
You're trying to develop the friends on here to get into their pants in its base form.
I suggest you also try going to some swinging social events where your social skills may stand a better chance of being improved.
Or maybe join a club?
Either way pull right back and take a very big breath, get your priorities in order and decide what you want or expect from sites like this.
Remember, in general for most here friendships are different to those outside of swinging and they are able to separate and fit in time for both, this is not the "be all" and "end all" of life and people's lives are very full with vanilla stuff.
Good luck |
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" Sometimes it's hard to find the time to deal with the sheer volume of messages so not receiving a reply is often down to a life outside of Fab. luck.Ms"
Yes totslly but of course we never have lives outside of Fab do we..  x |
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