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The perfect first message
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One for the Unicorns.
What makes the perfect first message? What sort of things do you and don't you want to hear?
Recently I've been sending fairly long first messages. Trying to include the name/names on the profile.
However on 3 occasions now I've been told my approach of "copy and paste" isn't going to get me anywhere.
It would be easy for most to assume when seeing a long message that I have just clicked copy and paste. However in all first messages I try to show that I have actually read the profile of the member (if possible). But generally it seems to be the members with next to no info and very vague profiles saying I'm a "copy and paste kinda guy".
So my question is - what really makes a first message stand out to you? |
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Something that directly engages with something I've said, either on my profile or on the forums, not my interest list or pictures.
An idea of who the person messaging me is in the way they communicate, backed up by a profile that contains enough information to get an idea of compatibility and enough and varied photos that I can have a good idea of physical attraction.
No small talk, no asking things already answered in my profile, no smut and no dick pics.
That's what I like anyway. Other people like other things  |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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It's so hard to figure out because "it depends"
There is no perfect message, no one size fits all. Different folks use this site for different reasons and in different ways.
What one person wants to hear or see, another won't like at all.
I have some standards for who and what kinds of messages I'll reply to, but they are not universal, and sharing them won't help you at all unless the type of woman you want is the exact same kind of weird as me. |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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I think a lot of men here would be more successful if they spent a bit more time being selective in considering what they want and only messaging women that really intrigue them, rather than every woman with a set of photos that make their dick twitch. Waiting for the twitching to stop before hitting send would likely improve the messages sent too  |
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I would say, it would likely involve commin interests and or things mentioned i their profile, unfortuneatly many people dont write much if anything in their profile as this place is sich a sausage fest, minimum effort is required and they still get inundated with messages.
Just do you and let the rest sort itself. |
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Always read a profile and only message if you're genuinely interested in them, rather than a blanket approach.
Refer to something they've written if you can, so they can see you've taken the time to read it and that you've liked it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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No such thing , it Doesn't exist there isn't a one size fits all
So if the lady above said x and another lady said y which one ya choosing..
Figure out what works for you.. and know it won't sork for everyone
Hope this helps |
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By *orny-DJMan 20 weeks ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
You say you're not a copy and paste merchant but the very fact that you have created a thread asking what makes the perfect first message suggests that you are looking for a 'one size fits all' message that you can literally copy and paste to everyone that you're interested in |
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By *orny-DJMan 20 weeks ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
The reality is that whomever you message will take a look at your profile before tgey even think about reading whatever you might have sent them and will have already decided whether they are interested in you or not |
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Not a unicorn but can assure you, the perfect message does not exist. The best you can do is like a job application, tailor your message to the profile you're targeting.
And even then, depending on her/their mood, the state of their inbox etc, your message may just go unnoticed or tossed aside. For the single guy, fab is hit or miss.
You can improve your chances by having a reasonable profile including pictures (non-dick pics), going to clubs and socials, having good veris and so on. They will most likely scan your message, look at your profile and decide very quickly if you're worth more effort. xx |
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I think my post has been taken literally by some.
I'm not seeking a template for "the perfect message".
I'm trying to establish what individuals do and don't want to hear in a first message.
Of course, every individual will have a different answer, so just a few bullet points for "do's and dont's" is more what I'm seeking. If I see the same topics cropping up, I will know wether to include them or not.
Admittedly my original post probably came across in the wrong way but hopefully this one clears things up a touch.
Thanks everyone for your input so far  |
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By *RWoodyCouple 20 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
There's some great advice on this thread, and it definitely shows it's a 'how longs a piece of string' question.
My advice is just be you naturally, and message what you think at that time.
How people read and receive a message can vary on so many things that are out of your control anyway (stresses, mood, situation etc etc) that no matter how you try to structure a message you'll never know how it'll be received (thus kind of making the 'thanks but no thanks' reply harder to take as you believe you've put lots of effort in that warrants a different response)
Just be you OP, if they like you they'll like you.
Go have fun.
J x |
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"But generally it seems to be the members with next to no info and very vague profiles saying I'm a "copy and paste kinda guy"."
Well, you'd expect that, because no info on their profile means you can't tailor your message to them. It's probably not worth wasting a long message on those people. |
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"It's so hard to figure out because "it depends"
There is no perfect message, no one size fits all. Different folks use this site for different reasons and in different ways.
What one person wants to hear or see, another won't like at all.
I have some standards for who and what kinds of messages I'll reply to, but they are not universal, and sharing them won't help you at all unless the type of woman you want is the exact same kind of weird as me."
I guess that's the important thing to remember. There is no perfect one size fits all message because we are all individuals. Every message should be different and individual aimed at that one person only. |
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Or to put it another way, if you're the sort of guy who likes writing long, detailed messages then you're probably not going to click with a woman or couple that has almost nothing on their profile.
Remember also that as a single guy, 95% of your messages will fail however good they are. You have to keep being you, and being patient until you find the couple or woman that you are perfect for, because they'll be flooded with guys who are "ok". |
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A perfect first message goes hand in hand with a good profile and is often read or deleted based on the title and the first visible line in the inbox. Some messages start off so dire in the first few words there's no point even opening the message. So seriously chose the title and the very first three or four words very carefully. Same with the profile picture as that is the first thing we see. And don't have a user name that gives people the cringe or the ick (some of which maybe subjective, but a lot is pretty universal).
So good profile picture, an ick free user name, title and first few words pass the bar. Message is opened. This bit is really subjective, you can't please everone. And people can normally tell if yours trying to just tell people what they want to hear (which is a flawed strategy down the line anyways). A nice introduction, nothing too long. A message that gives a glimpse of your personality. Just something to touch base, not loads of details on what you can do/want or asking loads of questions about what they're into etc. Keep it a simple freindly touching base and see if it's reciprocate.
So you sent a text book opening message, job done right? Not yet. Remember one on the first things people will check out is your profile. If your profile is no good or just not their cup of tea forget about it. If you message is mediocre and ick free enough but your profile is awesome chances are your in. And if your message implies you're after/do things that you profile indicate otherwise that's also going to be a no.
So a great opening message is very important but remember it's the sum of the whole package being presented that people tend to make their decision on. |
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Many years ago before there was any internet and getting a shag relied on meeting some horny lass in a nightclub a mate of mine used the direct approach. A little dance and ask her if she wants to fuck. He had more slaps than enough but you could bet he was fucking someone that night. Me on the other hand Mr nice guy usually went home alone and wanked. Same applies here. I always craft a decent first message and usually get ignored while I know a guy on here that just blitzes every profile with wanna fuck messages and again he’s getting a damed sight more pussy than me… Some things just never change. . Not my style but it shows there is no perfect first message. |
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How about, just be yourself. It makes it easier for the other party to determine if they like the REAL you or not.
Obviously, if you expect a reply, at least send a recent face pic so the recipient can determine whether they would be attracted to you. It's easy for single ladies and couples to disregard a message that doesn't or has had no effort or thought put into it |
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By *AYENCouple 20 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
There is no general perfect first message - we're fine with just 'hi', as long as it comes from someone that has attached a face pic and has put a decent amount of effort into their profile.
Their attractiveness to Niki,their profile and public pics will determine how we respond. In our
opinion subsequent messages are far more important than the initial one.
K
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"But generally it seems to be the members with next to no info and very vague profiles saying I'm a "copy and paste kinda guy".
Well, you'd expect that, because no info on their profile means you can't tailor your message to them. It's probably not worth wasting a long message on those people."
This
If they are vague, then keep your message brief, they may still want to meet but get bored with a wall of text. |
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"I think a lot of men here would be more successful if they spent a bit more time being selective in considering what they want and only messaging women that really intrigue them, rather than every woman with a set of photos that make their dick twitch. Waiting for the twitching to stop before hitting send would likely improve the messages sent too "
Probably the best piece of advice here   |
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By *enk15Man 20 weeks ago
Bidford On Avon |
I've not received many first messages but honestly opening with an actual greeting and generally talking to me like I'm a human being would be a good start.
Maybe I'm asking for too much. |
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By *ezandCCouple 20 weeks ago
Telford |
Messages are tough, we are chilled and reasonably fun in person but can't get messages right, text can lose so much meaning, it's a combination of the sender and receiver, how you write it and how they read it.
Emotional moods also impact on that.
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A look ways read a profile in detail first. Absolutely no pint messaging if you are not a good fit.
Generally if a lady has hundreds of photos/ videos and notifications the chances of even getting a reply are really slim. They will be receiving 100's of messages a day and will often just do a mass delete without reading any.
So I'm selective regarding who to message. Then I write a message that is tailor made to them. Work on a success rate if below 5% unless you a 25 yr old black stud with a massive cock |
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