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Swinging Club Advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
Ha Ha I see this all the time. Couples sitting about expecting people coming to them!. Have you thought of actually talking to people! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Read the post again.
Isn't that what I'm asking.
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
Ha Ha I see this all the time. Couples sitting about expecting people coming to them!. Have you thought of actually talking to people!"
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Just pop over ask if they have been to this club before and do they go to any others always a good ice breaker
Lots of couples look at other couples and think they won't be interested so just end up sitting with each other all night
We too have been guilty of this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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It's the initial walk across no man's land and saying the first words were struggling with.
What you have mentioned is a good ice breaker and should progress from there.
"Just pop over ask if they have been to this club before and do they go to any others always a good ice breaker
Lots of couples look at other couples and think they won't be interested so just end up sitting with each other all night
We too have been guilty of this"
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"Read the post again.
Isn't that what I'm asking.
Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
Ha Ha I see this all the time. Couples sitting about expecting people coming to them!. Have you thought of actually talking to people!"
How do you talk to people in normal life? |
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Trust me its harder for single guys. As a couple you have the advantage of the female starting a conversation of with the other female " wow you look amazing I've been looking at that for myself "
Voila! Ice breaker, you've paid a compliment, you've let the person know you're kinda interested. |
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We would advise you go for occasional walks around the club. See if you get extended eye contact and give eye contact back. Say hello to people as you're walking past, a compliment is a good way to start a conversation. You may get into some conversations, you'll soon get a feeling if the conversation may lead somewhere. If you're brave you could just ask if people want to play, we wouldn't but we were asked the question and 10 minutes later we were in a playroom. You'll also learn from experience of going to club's. |
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By *os19Man 19 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
. Do the clubs you go to have a bar area if so perhaps start the conversation there. When you do start the conversation try to engage conversation with both the male & female.I would be surprised if anyone would tell you or anyone else to f*** off as everyone I have ever met at a club has been polite. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Because in the clubs we have been to people look like they don't want bothering.
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Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
What makes you think this ?"
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Would of thought it would be easier for single guys. Why is it harder.
"Trust me its harder for single guys. As a couple you have the advantage of the female starting a conversation of with the other female " wow you look amazing I've been looking at that for myself "
Voila! Ice breaker, you've paid a compliment, you've let the person know you're kinda interested. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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If your in a club with everybody there for the same reason doesn't just chatting imply you want to play with them.
"I say any old things, including asking how people are. Chatting doesn't imply anything other than being friendly  "
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By * and BCouple 19 weeks ago
Durham |
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
If you are going to a club where people will tell you to f##k off, you are going to the wrong club. We have never had this response from anyone in a club. Yes we have had a reply they don't want to go to a room with us but everything has always been polite. Clubs are a very sociable place and fun is a bonus. Everyone we speak to interacts whether that be brief or a good conversation, the brief ones you can read into as they are not interested at all, the long conversations are more difficult as who is going to make the first move to take things further   |
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By * and BCouple 19 weeks ago
Durham |
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
If you are going to a club where people will tell you to f##k off, you are going to the wrong club. We have never had this response from anyone in a club. Yes we have had a reply they don't want to go to a room with us but everything has always been polite. Clubs are a very sociable place and fun is a bonus. Everyone we speak to interacts whether that be brief or a good conversation, the brief ones you can read into as they are not interested at all, the long conversations are more difficult as who is going to make the first move to take things further "
You need to learn how to be respectful and polite first of all  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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That's just it though it's not the same. I the Mr of the profile can talk to anyone about anything in normal life but in a club haven't got a clue. People who you speak to in everyday life arnt there to play with you.
"Just the same way that you'd speak to someone in a pub, shop, Costa or any other place, be polite courteous and complimentary. It ain't no different just talk to people. "
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By * and BCouple 19 weeks ago
Durham |
"That's just it though it's not the same. I the Mr of the profile can talk to anyone about anything in normal life but in a club haven't got a clue. People who you speak to in everyday life arnt there to play with you.
Just the same way that you'd speak to someone in a pub, shop, Costa or any other place, be polite courteous and complimentary. It ain't no different just talk to people. "
Not everyone in a club is there to play with YOU  |
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"That's just it though it's not the same. I the Mr of the profile can talk to anyone about anything in normal life but in a club haven't got a clue. People who you speak to in everyday life arnt there to play with you.
Just the same way that you'd speak to someone in a pub, shop, Costa or any other place, be polite courteous and complimentary. It ain't no different just talk to people.
Not everyone in a club is there to play with YOU "
I don't know why we bother trying to help some people, when they seem to have no clue! |
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Not saying this in a bad way
But we see that you have been to cupids
Cupids is dress down on entry
Whilst we are definitely not shy , and our pics and veris will back that up
But mrs j hates the time getting ready, the nails
, the hair , the dress , the underwear
To take it off as soon as you get in the door
Maybe a non dress down club might be an idea
It's sometimes a bit more social around the bar area and easier to make that connection
X |
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"Because in the clubs we have been to people look like they don't want bothering.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
What makes you think this ?"
I'm not sure what clubs you are going to but they don't sound too friendly!
As a big party host, I'd say chat to the host (if there is one) as they can often set you chatting with others. I have a telegram chat before the parties for people to break the ice in and pre drinks is usually arranged to further this.
In the club try playing pool and asking others to join you as a great ice breaker - likewise the hot tub n sauna give an area that's prime for chatting. You'll soon know generally with anyone not interested as the signals will be there x |
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There's no magic answer , we've been to plenty of clubs and gone from meeting someone in the queue to get in to townhouse , straight to a room
And have stood there like 2 spare parts in a packed out clubs , both pandoras and club play
Best advice , just be yourselves , because once the clothes come off , you can't be anyone else
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By *JohnMan 19 weeks ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
My approach has always been to ignore the "reason why we're all there" and treat it as a social event. At first, anyway. Approach people. Spend some time planning your icebreakers if you have to (asking if they're new here too, how they're finding the experience, how they got into swinging, are decent places to start).
Find the places with open conversations - I find the smoking area is often good for that - and join in. Conversation doesn't have to be one-to-one (or two-to-two). Move around and mingle - if people aren't approaching you when you're sat in the corner of the bar, staying there probably isn't going to change that.
Drive-by compliments, "I love that dress!" as you pass in the corridor, never hurt. It doesn't have to lead to an immediate conversation, but you will have made contact and they will remember you later.
My social battery runs down pretty quickly so I'm not so good at this bit, but talking with as many people as you can is good. Whether you'd be interested in playing with them or not.
Once you're talking with people, you will hopefully get an idea of which ones you click with. If it helps you progressing to play, remember that they probably have as many butterflies about it as you.
No one likes being rejected, and you can't be rejected if you never ask the question. That's what usually holds me back. Being turned down is just something you have to get used to. It gets easier with practice. And if you ask, sometimes (more often than that negative nay-sayer at the back of the mind might think), they say yes. |
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By *izzy.Woman 19 weeks ago
Stoke area |
"That's just it though it's not the same. I the Mr of the profile can talk to anyone about anything in normal life but in a club haven't got a clue. People who you speak to in everyday life arnt there to play with you.
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Not everyone in clubs is there to play and not all will want to play with you.
Conversation is about getting a feel for what people are like. I'm very sociable and chat to loads of people in clubs and chat about random stuff like where did they park, what they're drinking, complimenting them on an outfit or talking about if it's their first time etc etc.
Later in the evening, my thoughts to who I might play with comes into mind. But it's not my only reason to go to a club.
My advise is to chat to lots of people, until you feel more comfortable with it. Find out who you get on with personality, humour etc. It's not all about who to fuck |
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"Because in the clubs we have been to people look like they don't want bothering.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
What makes you think this ?
I'm not sure what clubs you are going to but they don't sound too friendly!
As a big party host, I'd say chat to the host (if there is one) as they can often set you chatting with others. I have a telegram chat before the parties for people to break the ice in and pre drinks is usually arranged to further this.
In the club try playing pool and asking others to join you as a great ice breaker - likewise the hot tub n sauna give an area that's prime for chatting. You'll soon know generally with anyone not interested as the signals will be there x"
Very good advice |
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Walk over. Say "Hi, how're you?" "Hi, are you regulars?" "Hi, enjoying your night so far?" "Hi, you look great".... ya know, same as you would literally anyone else in any other social situation.
I get some people are socially awkward, anxious etc but there isn't a magic formula, if you're sitting about waiting for people to come to you then being disheartened when they don't, it's time to change it up and literally just talk to people. |
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Don't teqt it any different than you would I'm everyday life.
Stay where the people are, the bar is usually the best place, just smile and ask if they've been before, if you're nervous tell them and laugh about it.
If you have preferences ask them about theirs, for example Mrs P is Bi so we look for couples with Bi or Bi curious females.
Just be friendly and it will follow its own path. If you want to play with them then say something like 'we feel like going to the play area if you'd like to join us we would be happy to meet you there' or words to that effect.
Don't make it into a mission just go and concentrate on having fun and a good night out.
It works ?? |
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"If your in a club with everybody there for the same reason doesn't just chatting imply you want to play with them.
I say any old things, including asking how people are. Chatting doesn't imply anything other than being friendly "
Not at all. Because not everyone is there for the same reason. Not everyone wants to play.
Some people enjoy just the social side of being around like-minded people, some people enjoy the clubs, some people are looking to meet others they could meet privately but not play in the club, some people just enjoy different events, some people enjoy the atmosphere being more relaxed compared to vanilla clubs (less fighting, less drugs, less d*unk people etc), some people enjoy different kinks like voyeurism & exhibitionism but don't wish to play with others.
Most people go to a club with the idea of just enjoying their night and any play is seen as a possible bonus.
We've got loads of friends who we see regularly in clubs, have not and probably would not play with many of them. We enjoy their company, catching up, having a laugh and sharing a drink but wouldn't be sexually compatible. Many are the same, you see it in clubs, in club group chats, in forum threads etc all the time.
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By *elkieWoman 19 weeks ago
Durham |
"That's just it though it's not the same. I the Mr of the profile can talk to anyone about anything in normal life but in a club haven't got a clue. People who you speak to in everyday life arnt there to play with you. "
Yes, it is. You’re there to make friends and some days some of those friends will want to play with you and other days they won’t - not in the mood, got plans with someone else, whatever. But they’ll still be friendly with you regardless. |
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
The simplest approach would be;
“Hi, are you regulars in here?”
That’s it, you’ve just opened a dialogue!
"
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
Those other couples may be thinking the exact same thing, just plonk down, introduce yourselves, ask where they are from, take it from there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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You say you go there to meet friends. Do you meet up with these friends outside of clubs i.e for a drink etc or are they just "club friends"
"If your in a club with everybody there for the same reason doesn't just chatting imply you want to play with them.
I say any old things, including asking how people are. Chatting doesn't imply anything other than being friendly
Not at all. Because not everyone is there for the same reason. Not everyone wants to play.
Some people enjoy just the social side of being around like-minded people, some people enjoy the clubs, some people are looking to meet others they could meet privately but not play in the club, some people just enjoy different events, some people enjoy the atmosphere being more relaxed compared to vanilla clubs (less fighting, less drugs, less d*unk people etc), some people enjoy different kinks like voyeurism & exhibitionism but don't wish to play with others.
Most people go to a club with the idea of just enjoying their night and any play is seen as a possible bonus.
We've got loads of friends who we see regularly in clubs, have not and probably would not play with many of them. We enjoy their company, catching up, having a laugh and sharing a drink but wouldn't be sexually compatible. Many are the same, you see it in clubs, in club group chats, in forum threads etc all the time.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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No offence but you say it as though it's that easy. From what we have experienced it really isn't as easy as you say. We have sat down literally next to people just to take the weight of and they have moved away.
Seriously not being big headed but were not exactly ugly. Yeah were not "gym fit" and we always make sure we smell nice so just don't get it
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
Those other couples may be thinking the exact same thing, just plonk down, introduce yourselves, ask where they are from, take it from there "
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"We have sat down literally next to people just to take the weight of and they have moved away "
Before you sit down do you say something like "are these seats taken" or "is it OK to sit here". Then when they say yes you could start a conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
No one should ever tell you to F off, if they did then you’re in the wrong club. Just go up and chat to any couples you like the look of, they should all be friendly enough, they may not necessarily want to play with you but so what, chatting to likeminded people can be good fun.
If you just sit there and don’t interact that will give off the wrong vibe
Good luck
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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We don't sit there arms crossed looking miserable or anything like that we chat to each other and look around to see what's going on around us. We don't know what more we can do.
"People flock towards positivity, I find. Make sure you’re both giving out good vibes, and follow some of the excellent advice in this thread. "
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By *oxy jWoman 19 weeks ago
somerset |
going to be blunt ... sorry in advance ... you get no where on this scene being shy you have to get bolder and just join in you will fine 95% will talk back very few are rude in clubs ... your swingers your all into roughtly they same thing just go for it it does not matter if its a joke or silly or something like ''we are really not good at radom talking'' anything just dont be shy ... no point in going to a club to be shy ..
and of course we've all been there the nerves and everything else but trust what other say just talk mingle and you wont regret it clubs are generally very friendly places ... also if and when you get that rude couple or single dont let it affect you just leave them be and carry on .... you'll make loads of friends in no time and you'll look back and think why where we so worried ...
life too short grab it enjoy it and dont be shy .,... best of luck  |
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By * and BCouple 19 weeks ago
Durham |
"People flock towards positivity, I find. Make sure you’re both giving out good vibes, and follow some of the excellent advice in this thread. "
We agree with you as all advice is great but it seems, from what we have read from OP, it's everyone else not them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Thankyou and yes your right about not being shy I suppose people will pick up on it and not bother with us.
"going to be blunt ... sorry in advance ... you get no where on this scene being shy you have to get bolder and just join in you will fine 95% will talk back very few are rude in clubs ... your swingers your all into roughtly they same thing just go for it it does not matter if its a joke or silly or something like ''we are really not good at radom talking'' anything just dont be shy ... no point in going to a club to be shy ..
and of course we've all been there the nerves and everything else but trust what other say just talk mingle and you wont regret it clubs are generally very friendly places ... also if and when you get that rude couple or single dont let it affect you just leave them be and carry on .... you'll make loads of friends in no time and you'll look back and think why where we so worried ...
life too short grab it enjoy it and dont be shy .,... best of luck "
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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No.
"Thankyou and yes your right about not being shy I suppose people will pick up on it and not bother with us.
Are you saying that in clubs people only talk to those who are shy ?"
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"Would of thought it would be easier for single guys. Why is it harder.
Trust me its harder for single guys. As a couple you have the advantage of the female starting a conversation of with the other female " wow you look amazing I've been looking at that for myself "
Voila! Ice breaker, you've paid a compliment, you've let the person know you're kinda interested. "
It's harder because
1) you aren't the only guy there so you're well aware of the "competition"
2) opening lines with possibly nothing in common from just looking is not so easy.
3) a lot of couples tend to only like playing woth other couples so finding the one looking for a single guy is tougher
But having worked in hospitality previously and being a confident guy I do find it easy to approach people. |
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By *izzy.Woman 19 weeks ago
Stoke area |
"We don't sit there arms crossed looking miserable or anything like that we chat to each other and look around to see what's going on around us. We don't know what more we can do.
People flock towards positivity, I find. Make sure you’re both giving out good vibes, and follow some of the excellent advice in this thread. "
You sit next to people and then talk to each other. You aren't sure what else you can do ?
I'd suggest chatting as you approach where you are about to sit. "Mind if we sit here ? " and talk to who you have sat next to. Don't just chat to each other.
If you are brave enough to have sex with other people, then you ought to be capable of having a conversation.
Maybe you are not going to an open and friendly club. Perhaps you ought to venture to other clubs. |
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OP
Previous post by Lizzie is spot on, sometimes a particular club can have a totally different vibe, you are less than an hour from Stoke, try a night at Atlantis.
And we can say in advance, if you sat nex to us we would definitely talk to you.
Don't let it get you down x
Merry Christmas x |
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Haven’t read most of the advice people have given, so mine is not influenced by it!
You don’t have to fuck everyone you talk to in a club, just chat to everybody and anybody. You’ll then relax and it’ll look like you’re interesting people. Most are there to chat and socialise so you’re on the front foot already!
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This is one reason why house parties can be easier - smaller space so people are closer and much easier to talk, bump into eachother in the kitchen etc. I don't mean the outright play house party but the ones with lots of social chat (typically downstairs) and some play (typically upstairs). Find these sorts of events much easier. Worth trying if you can find one in your location. |
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I would also say in general sitting down in a fixed space is not conducive to chatting to new people. Better to stand and wander around, linger at the bar etc. although depends on physical set up of the venue. |
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"I would also say in general sitting down in a fixed space is not conducive to chatting to new people. Better to stand and wander around, linger at the bar etc. although depends on physical set up of the venue. "
Very true, I’ve found chatting to the bar staff is a good way of getting conversations going.
Also if there’s a clothing theme, an outrageous outfit can help! |
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"I would also say in general sitting down in a fixed space is not conducive to chatting to new people. Better to stand and wander around, linger at the bar etc. although depends on physical set up of the venue.
Very true, I’ve found chatting to the bar staff is a good way of getting conversations going.
Also if there’s a clothing theme, an outrageous outfit can help! "
If there is no clothing theme, an outrageous outfit can help even more Or even something just a little different. |
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I often find guys struggle at clubs as they think they can only talk about sex.
Wee head takes over the big head and they can't think of anything else to chat about.
Take a step back. Just have a normal conversation with people don't think too much about where you are that will come later...if you can hold the decent conversations |
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I've been to clubs as a couple and as single male. It's much easier to approach people as a couple because unfortunately some men in clubs are quite predatory and that can make couples and single fems wary of us all. Couples don't generally give off predatory vibes unless the male is clearly pervy so check you're not in that category. You definitely have to be bold and make good eye contact with people you think you'd like to get to know. A hello and a compliment are always the best openers in my opinion. Townhouse and Cupid's are the places I've been most and I'd say that 99% of people I've met are open to chatting even if they're looking for something different. If you're new to the club scene there's lots to initially talk about with experienced club goers. Good luck you look hot and I'd talk to you guys for sure. |
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so."
How did you get to late 30s / early 50s without basic social skills??
And noone is going to tell you f*** off. |
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It may even be possible that people are ignoring you because you're too young and attractive. That may sound daft, but most couples tend to focus on couples that they think they have a chance with.
A practical idea - if you look in the meets section, you'll probably find other couples going to the same club as you. So you could get some sort of contact going first. |
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I think it helps us in that we primarily go to clubs to be watched. Maybe 7 times out 10, people watching us would either pull up a bed next to us and engage with us or would strike up a chat once we're on a break You could either try playing on your own or be the watchers who approach.
The approach in the social area is always awkward, we find. One thing that helps is to lean into that awkwardness and make a joke of it. We've made good club friends just from going over to a couple sat on their own and said 'hey so this is super awkward isn't it!'. You can then move on to common ground and talk about what clubs you might have been to.
One avenue we always go down is the origin story. 'so what made you decide to try a swingers club?'. Unless they're really closed off, it'll likely strike some common themes that you can connect with. After that, move on to 'so what kind of experience are you hoping to find here?'. That way, you can see if you connect at all and have something to offer each other.
Depending how things are going, you can throw in a 'so we were going to have a nosey round the playrooms and see what's happening. You can come for a look with us or we'll catch up with you later if you like?'. That's a good way to either give them the option to join you or to get some team-talk space away from you. They might need to decide how they feel about you. Either way, it leaves it open ended and doesn't force anyone into a corner. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Possibly. I doubt they think that of us but possibly.
Never thought of doing that so will give it a try.
"It may even be possible that people are ignoring you because you're too young and attractive. That may sound daft, but most couples tend to focus on couples that they think they have a chance with.
A practical idea - if you look in the meets section, you'll probably find other couples going to the same club as you. So you could get some sort of contact going first."
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"You say you go there to meet friends. Do you meet up with these friends outside of clubs i.e for a drink etc or are they just "club friends"
If your in a club with everybody there for the same reason doesn't just chatting imply you want to play with them.
I say any old things, including asking how people are. Chatting doesn't imply anything other than being friendly
Not at all. Because not everyone is there for the same reason. Not everyone wants to play.
Some people enjoy just the social side of being around like-minded people, some people enjoy the clubs, some people are looking to meet others they could meet privately but not play in the club, some people just enjoy different events, some people enjoy the atmosphere being more relaxed compared to vanilla clubs (less fighting, less drugs, less d*unk people etc), some people enjoy different kinks like voyeurism & exhibitionism but don't wish to play with others.
Most people go to a club with the idea of just enjoying their night and any play is seen as a possible bonus.
We've got loads of friends who we see regularly in clubs, have not and probably would not play with many of them. We enjoy their company, catching up, having a laugh and sharing a drink but wouldn't be sexually compatible. Many are the same, you see it in clubs, in club group chats, in forum threads etc all the time.
"
A mix of "club friends" as you put it whoch is usually due to distance and people we've become friends with at clubs who we've also met socially at vanilla places, have spent time at eachothers homes for BBQs/dinner parties/movie nights etc, have met and done things like go to Birminghams Christmas Market, have been bowling etc.
We've been on fab what 7 months? In that time have made alot of good friends, all of which started off as people we just struck conversation up with at clubs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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I think we must be going into the wrong clubs as most people have said people are friendly where they go. We haven't seen this in the clubs we have been to.
"The club scene is wild ,especially chams ,everyone is friendly and approachable, don't be shy ,a quick hi ,you having fun ,goes a long way "
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We’re supposed to be going to a club for the first time on Friday. I’m (Mrs) not very socially confident and this thread has really made me have second thoughts about going!
Hope you manage to find a place you’re happy with OP x |
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"I think we must be going into the wrong clubs as most people have said people are friendly where they go. We haven't seen this in the clubs we have been to.
The club scene is wild ,especially chams ,everyone is friendly and approachable, don't be shy ,a quick hi ,you having fun ,goes a long way "
Well you went to Cupid's that is a friendly club! Seems you need to improve your social skills!!
As you've blocked me presumably because you didn't like the advice I really don't care |
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"I think we must be going into the wrong clubs as most people have said people are friendly where they go. We haven't seen this in the clubs we have been to.
The club scene is wild ,especially chams ,everyone is friendly and approachable, don't be shy ,a quick hi ,you having fun ,goes a long way "
All clubs are basically the same, and by that I mean; they’re all only as ‘good’ as the people who are there when you are.
Some nights the places are full of EGOF’s (Established Groups Of Friends), and it can be difficult to get any chat going, as a newbie (try being a solo guy, it’s even worse), but not all nights are the same, so if you go another time, you can have a completely different experience |
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"We’re supposed to be going to a club for the first time on Friday. I’m (Mrs) not very socially confident and this thread has really made me have second thoughts about going!
Hope you manage to find a place you’re happy with OP x "
I really wouldn't worry about it. Just be yourself, smile at someone who takes your fancy |
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Just smile at people you like to start with , I normally get wife to tell me If she fancies anyone , I will alway spark up chat with husbands or guys she remarks on , I will wink or smile at the women , arrange via site to meet others there |
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Clubs are often like that. Lots of people sitting there talking to no one (unless they already know them). You've identified that people tend to be just as shy as each other. So you can't expect people to come to you.
You just hazard approaching people. Especially in the social areas you just have to go say hello and introduce yourself. You fairly instantly get a vibe as soon as you break the ice. If breaking the ice vibes out well just roll with it. If its working it should just flow naturally. If the vibe is not good you just move politely.
It really is as simple (that I get isn't always easy) as going a breaking the ice, because you can't rely of on waiting on others to do it first.
Obviously timing and reading the room is an important skill before approaching anyone.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Most of the single guys say it's harder for them. What we have noticed is that groups or couples like the single guys.
It seems easier for them just to walk over and make conversation as it's only 1 person the couple needs to speak to.
Obviously a couple walking over they need to talk to 2 people which I presume would be harder.
"I think we must be going into the wrong clubs as most people have said people are friendly where they go. We haven't seen this in the clubs we have been to.
The club scene is wild ,especially chams ,everyone is friendly and approachable, don't be shy ,a quick hi ,you having fun ,goes a long way
All clubs are basically the same, and by that I mean; they’re all only as ‘good’ as the people who are there when you are.
Some nights the places are full of EGOF’s (Established Groups Of Friends), and it can be difficult to get any chat going, as a newbie (try being a solo guy, it’s even worse), but not all nights are the same, so if you go another time, you can have a completely different experience "
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Arranging a meet on here is a lot easier as the initial connection has been made then it will go from there when you do meet in a club.
"Just smile at people you like to start with , I normally get wife to tell me If she fancies anyone , I will alway spark up chat with husbands or guys she remarks on , I will wink or smile at the women , arrange via site to meet others there "
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"We’re supposed to be going to a club for the first time on Friday. I’m (Mrs) not very socially confident and this thread has really made me have second thoughts about going!
Hope you manage to find a place you’re happy with OP x "
Seriously don't, this thread is not representative of reality and most people will happily talk to anyone, play may not be guaranteed but people generally are approachable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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Exactly that we don't expect anyone to come to us or anything to happen.
We have pretty much figured out from all the comments is going to be down to us to make the first move.
It's hard as we have been married for that long we haven't been in a situation where each of us have had to "chat anyone up" so to speak in order to get a date etc.
I'm sure I (the Mr) if was ever single again I wouldn't have a clue how to chat woman up. It's basically the same but couple to couple of that sort of makes sense.
"Clubs are often like that. Lots of people sitting there talking to no one (unless they already know them). You've identified that people tend to be just as shy as each other. So you can't expect people to come to you.
You just hazard approaching people. Especially in the social areas you just have to go say hello and introduce yourself. You fairly instantly get a vibe as soon as you break the ice. If breaking the ice vibes out well just roll with it. If its working it should just flow naturally. If the vibe is not good you just move politely.
It really is as simple (that I get isn't always easy) as going a breaking the ice, because you can't rely of on waiting on others to do it first.
Obviously timing and reading the room is an important skill before approaching anyone.
"
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This whole thread is baffling. Does nobody chat to people in the post office queue, or on a train journey any more? It is exactly the same. Sometimes it doesn’t work very well, sometimes you have a lovely time. |
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"Most of the single guys say it's harder for them. What we have noticed is that groups or couples like the single guys.
It seems easier for them just to walk over and make conversation as it's only 1 person the couple needs to speak to.
Obviously a couple walking over they need to talk to 2 people which I presume would be harder.
I think we must be going into the wrong clubs as most people have said people are friendly where they go. We haven't seen this in the clubs we have been to.
The club scene is wild ,especially chams ,everyone is friendly and approachable, don't be shy ,a quick hi ,you having fun ,goes a long way
All clubs are basically the same, and by that I mean; they’re all only as ‘good’ as the people who are there when you are.
Some nights the places are full of EGOF’s (Established Groups Of Friends), and it can be difficult to get any chat going, as a newbie (try being a solo guy, it’s even worse), but not all nights are the same, so if you go another time, you can have a completely different experience "
My experience of the club scene;
As a single guy rarely has anyone approached me, I generally have to make the first move, and most of the time I’ve received “We’re not interested in single guys thanks” So do let me know which clubs you have been to who like single guys please 
As a couple though, I found other couples very willing to approach, and much easier to have conversations. I’m the same guy either on my own, or in the company of a female, but it’s the perception from others in a club setting….. I just make the best of the vibe on the night |
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"Exactly that we don't expect anyone to come to us or anything to happen.
We have pretty much figured out from all the comments is going to be down to us to make the first move.
It's hard as we have been married for that long we haven't been in a situation where each of us have had to "chat anyone up" so to speak in order to get a date etc.
I'm sure I (the Mr) if was ever single again I wouldn't have a clue how to chat woman up. It's basically the same but couple to couple of that sort of makes sense.
Clubs are often like that. Lots of people sitting there talking to no one (unless they already know them). You've identified that people tend to be just as shy as each other. So you can't expect people to come to you.
You just hazard approaching people. Especially in the social areas you just have to go say hello and introduce yourself. You fairly instantly get a vibe as soon as you break the ice. If breaking the ice vibes out well just roll with it. If its working it should just flow naturally. If the vibe is not good you just move politely.
It really is as simple (that I get isn't always easy) as going a breaking the ice, because you can't rely of on waiting on others to do it first.
Obviously timing and reading the room is an important skill before approaching anyone.
"
I think people over think the chatting up bit. They worry about what to say or what if this or what if that? Who you aproach if they've noticed you before hand will have already decided to some extent if they're intrested. So you really don't need to worry. Just go, say hello, be yourselves. You don't need to know what to talk about, just say anything that springs to mind. Because what you actually say doesn't matter that much. It's the natural and often subconscious non verbal communication and flirting that's actually doing all the communication. If there's a spark of chemistry it will flow and you'll find yourselves quickly at ease with them. If it's not there, it's not there and it won't.
And don't fear it not working out. Part of this game is hit and miss, we can't be everyones cup of tea or them ours when we actually interact. Don't take it to heart or let it put you off breaking the ice with others.
Also practice does make perfect (well better anyways). The more you put yourself out there the more you become comfortable with it. |
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By *izzy.Woman 19 weeks ago
Stoke area |
"Exactly that we don't expect anyone to come to us or anything to happen.
We have pretty much figured out from all the comments is going to be down to us to make the first move.
It's hard as we have been married for that long we haven't been in a situation where each of us have had to "chat anyone up" so to speak in order to get a date etc.
I'm sure I (the Mr) if was ever single again I wouldn't have a clue how to chat woman up. It's basically the same but couple to couple of that sort of makes sense.
Clubs are often like that. Lots of people sitting there talking to no one (unless they already know them). You've identified that people tend to be just as shy as each other. So you can't expect people to come to you.
You just hazard approaching people. Especially in the social areas you just have to go say hello and introduce yourself. You fairly instantly get a vibe as soon as you break the ice. If breaking the ice vibes out well just roll with it. If its working it should just flow naturally. If the vibe is not good you just move politely.
It really is as simple (that I get isn't always easy) as going a breaking the ice, because you can't rely of on waiting on others to do it first.
Obviously timing and reading the room is an important skill before approaching anyone.
"
It's clear that you are approaching people thinking that you need to "chat them up" just like if you wanted to date someone. You really seem to have an odd approach.
It's a case of talking to people and mingling in general. After having a chat with several couples, you see who you get on with and think about taking things to the play areas within the club.
If every conversation you have is just with the aim of fucking them, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Have a laugh, make some new friends and then see what evolves. |
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
Why would you presume they would tell you to F off? Seems very defensive and strange to presume that.
If you think that about others, that’s probably the vibe you’re giving off too so no one would approach you.
Go to an organised event. Speak with the host prior. Many have kik groups where people can talk beforehand so already know a few people attending and have spoken before.
It really is no different to socialising any other place and you say your good at that. People go for all different reasons, just be polite and get to know them.
In over 8 years of clubbing I’ve never met anyone telling anyone to F off or being rude.
Walk round, watch, mingle, hot tub. I wouldn’t approach a couple sat in the corner of a bar not socialising or mooching around as they just look like they are expecting to be approached x
"
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"
I think people over think the chatting up bit. They worry about what to say or what if this or what if that? Who you aproach if they've noticed you before hand will have already decided to some extent if they're intrested. So you really don't need to worry. Just go, say hello, be yourselves. You don't need to know what to talk about, just say anything that springs to mind. Because what you actually say doesn't matter that much. It's the natural and often subconscious non verbal communication and flirting that's actually doing all the communication. If there's a spark of chemistry it will flow and you'll find yourselves quickly at ease with them. If it's not there, it's not there and it won't.
And don't fear it not working out. Part of this game is hit and miss, we can't be everyones cup of tea or them ours when we actually interact. Don't take it to heart or let it put you off breaking the ice with others.
Also practice does make perfect (well better anyways). The more you put yourself out there the more you become comfortable with it."
This is great advice |
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For us it's just a matter of being out going and friendly. But the best place to meet people and start chatting is the smoking area lol. Even I (Jason) spend quite a bit of time there and I don't smoke. . Complimenting someone on their dress down outfit can help break the ice, asking where it's from and then saying that it's nice to meet someone friendly can get a conversation started. Most importantly is just be yourselves. People can smell fakery a mile off. Have fun, laugh lots and just put yourselves out there and I'm sure you will be fine. |
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"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
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when going to a club for the first time I'd say the most important thing is don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Nerves and anxity will be high and you can't be sure how you will react. You may be overwelmed.
Best is to grab a drink, try and relax and treat it like a social meet and make small talk. People usually come to you, if they don't and you feel awkward then just watch. You can always come back and take it slow |
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Swinging aside, this is what single men and woman struggle with on a daily basis. How do one actually approach another person you might find yourself interested in??
Simple answer is walk over and strike up a conversation - easier said than done. However you have the advantage of your partner as support.
No one will tell you to fuck off unless you’re pushy. I don’t people are generally very approachable.
Have fun |
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By *rK MrsJCouple 19 weeks ago
Kidderminster |
"Can people advise just how we approach another couple and start chatting to them in a club as nobody seems to come to us and have no idea why. We don't exactly sit there looking miserable.
Were pretty sure they would tell us to f*** off and have pleasure in doing so.
"
We use compliments either tattoos if they have them or ladies complimenting what they have on. We are still nervous after 6/7 years. |
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By *xeterCandRCouple 19 weeks ago
Digby & Sowton, Exeter |
"Not saying this in a bad way
But we see that you have been to cupids
Cupids is dress down on entry
Whilst we are definitely not shy , and our pics and veris will back that up
But mrs j hates the time getting ready, the nails
, the hair , the dress , the underwear
To take it off as soon as you get in the door
Maybe a non dress down club might be an idea
It's sometimes a bit more social around the bar area and easier to make that connection
X"
Totally agree, although we are probably all hoping to play at some point with someone, being clothed to start does help with ice-breaking. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 19 weeks ago
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**Update**
We went to a club last night and did what everyone suggested.
Got chatting to a really nice laid back couple. Didn't play as we just wanted to chat but boosted our confidence to try it again. Cheers everyone. |
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By *os19Man 19 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"**Update**
We went to a club last night and did what everyone suggested.
Got chatting to a really nice laid back couple. Didn't play as we just wanted to chat but boosted our confidence to try it again. Cheers everyone. "
. That’s good just treat adult clubs night out as if you were going to a normal club or pub and the adult fun will follow naturally |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 18 weeks ago
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**Update**
Went to another club last night and basically was awful.
One couple looked interested but never came over so just sat together. The rest of them just ignored us.
Don't think this lifestyle is for us really.
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"**Update**
Went to another club last night and basically was awful.
One couple looked interested but never came over so just sat together. The rest of them just ignored us.
Don't think this lifestyle is for us really.
"
Where did you go? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 18 weeks ago
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Club Alchemy
"**Update**
Went to another club last night and basically was awful.
One couple looked interested but never came over so just sat together. The rest of them just ignored us.
Don't think this lifestyle is for us really.
Where did you go?"
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