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Advice for getting replies
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Hey, everyone! I hope you've all had a great day and are enjoying the evening. This question is asked all the time, but I'd very much appreciate some advice.
I've changed my profile 3 or 4 times as I can never seem to get it right. I don’t think my pictures were great, so I added a few more that are interesting. I probably need to think of better messages to send, but I find it difficult if there’s not much info on a profile.
I try not to tell myself I’m really ugly, as that's just bad for my self-esteem. I don’t think my age helps much, and that I look much younger. I fully understand it’s extremely difficult as a single guy, but it just feels like I’m doing something wrong in my approach. I’m a person that is very determined, and I’m not giving up. I attended my first club VA on Friday, so that should give me more of a chance if I start going to events more. |
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Just posted about this earlier, it’s not ur photos or what you type, as a single man ur not gunna get anyone messaging you back young sir try the clubs and events although there 70% single males also.
Good luck |
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"Just posted about this earlier, it’s not ur photos or what you type, as a single man ur not gunna get anyone messaging you back young sir try the clubs and events although there 70% single males also.
Good luck "
I personally think the more effort you put In gives you more a chance it’s still gonna difficult though |
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Get to an event and speak to people face to face, I kno it’s difficult actually speaking to people these days and not behind a keyboard but you will have more luck that way, and if u get no play u have had a nice evening speaking to nice people hopefully. |
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"Get to an event and speak to people face to face, I kno it’s difficult actually speaking to people these days and not behind a keyboard but you will have more luck that way, and if u get no play u have had a nice evening speaking to nice people hopefully."
I’m definitely going to more events but can’t always afford it as single guy’s ticket are extremely expensive most of the time
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Exactly, cos the clubs kno it’s going to be rammed with single lads they bump the price up where couples and single ladies in most places get in for free. Don’t take it personally I’m a single lad myself I’ve learnt the rules and how things work in the swinging world for us, I hope you go and get lots of attention but the fact is there will be lots n lots n lots n lots of other lads like u there competing bahaha |
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Lots of single lads confuse swingers clubs with brothels thinking they can click there fingers and they will get sex, that’s not how it works it’s about chatting and having a laugh with folk and if summat happens it’s a bonus |
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"Lots of single lads confuse swingers clubs with brothels thinking they can click there fingers and they will get sex, that’s not how it works it’s about chatting and having a laugh with folk and if summat happens it’s a bonus "
I’m not in the lifestyle to just have sex it’s about conversations and meeting people |
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"Coudnt agree more, I’m just telling you how it is from a single males point of view being one myself and it’s all very well comments coming from ladies but they don’t actually know really "
Not everyone has the same experience.
I've found socialising at swinger events to be great and very rewarding. |
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OP - you come across really well. I like your profile.
Clubs can be tricky but, the more you go, the more you’ll be able to get involved. Go at least half a dozen times. One of my male friends says that the last hour in the clubs are when he’s had some of the best times, so don’t leave early.
Have fun (and don’t let the negative messages drag you down).
Dee x |
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"Not sure why people think I’m being negative to the lad I want him to succeed anyway I’ll leave it there, you do seem like one of the good guys and I wish you well"
i took it more as being realistic than negative as it can be very difficult on here
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"OP - you come across really well. I like your profile.
Clubs can be tricky but, the more you go, the more you’ll be able to get involved. Go at least half a dozen times. One of my male friends says that the last hour in the clubs are when he’s had some of the best times, so don’t leave early.
Have fun (and don’t let the negative messages drag you down).
Dee x"
Thanks, I’m glad my profile is good. It’s taken me a few tries, but I think I’m improving it slowly. I definitely plan to be in the clubs more in the coming months. I’m very positive in life these days. You have to play the long game on here and be patient.
I thought I’d put one of my favorite quotes in my reply: "Hope shines brightest in the dark."
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"What are your expectations OP?
7 months isn't a long time"
You’re right, 7 months isn’t that long. I don’t really have any expectations. I guess I’m just questioning myself if I'm sending that bad of messages. I’m not on this site to try to sleep with loads of people. It’s difficult, but I like to build a connection with people and have great conversations. Obviously, that's not easy, as not everyone is on here for that. |
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"Get to an event and speak to people face to face, I kno it’s difficult actually speaking to people these days and not behind a keyboard but you will have more luck that way, and if u get no play u have had a nice evening speaking to nice people hopefully. I’m definitely going to more events but can’t always afford it as single guy’s ticket are extremely expensive most of the time "
You don't have to go to clubs, often single guys will have better success at the organised social events held around the country. They usually have a very low entry fee, and people tend to be more approachable as, unlike clubs, there isn't the lurking thought of sex in the back of people's minds. |
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"Get to an event and speak to people face to face, I kno it’s difficult actually speaking to people these days and not behind a keyboard but you will have more luck that way, and if u get no play u have had a nice evening speaking to nice people hopefully. I’m definitely going to more events but can’t always afford it as single guy’s ticket are extremely expensive most of the time
You don't have to go to clubs, often single guys will have better success at the organised social events held around the country. They usually have a very low entry fee, and people tend to be more approachable as, unlike clubs, there isn't the lurking thought of sex in the back of people's minds."
I’ve just found a social event in London on the 12th of April so will attend that as I wasn’t planning on a club for a while anyway.
Great profile by the way  the big X is brilliant |
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Oasis don’t listen to me or anyone on here, go urself as u have said u are planning to and see for urself then maybe respond on here with your outcome if you wish to, this is not a contest or who is right or wrong, decide for yourself once Uve done it urself mate and have ur own opinion |
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"Oasis don’t listen to me or anyone on here, go urself as u have said u are planning to and see for urself then maybe respond on here with your outcome if you wish to, this is not a contest or who is right or wrong, decide for yourself once Uve done it urself mate and have ur own opinion "
I take everyone’s opinions on board but you’re comments just sound negative |
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Then I apologise, I’m not here to be negative but I’ve only been doing this for maybe a month or 2 myself and I’ve seen how things work.
That does not mean those things will work for you though mate I’m just being 100% honest and a lot of the time people think honesty is negativity. |
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As the question is about getting replies i'll focus on that.
read the profile. Is it social with a chance of sex or sex driven.. if the latter what type.
Send a message that shows you have taken the time to see what she wants that also gives a clue what you are after and what you can offer her/him/them *delete as applicable*
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"As the question is about getting replies i'll focus on that.
read the profile. Is it social with a chance of sex or sex driven.. if the latter what type.
Send a message that shows you have taken the time to see what she wants that also gives a clue what you are after and what you can offer her/him/them *delete as applicable*
"
cheers! I definitely need to focus on improving my messages |
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"Then I apologise, I’m not here to be negative but I’ve only been doing this for maybe a month or 2 myself and I’ve seen how things work.
That does not mean those things will work for you though mate I’m just being 100% honest and a lot of the time people think honesty is negativity."
It’s fine you need brutal honesty in life |
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I’m just giving u my experience, ur better looking than me so u may have more luck and like I said u seem like one of the good guys and I feel u will do well but the second someone says it how it is ppl jump on that and turn it into negativity sir |
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Reading my previous post back oasis I have to admit I agree with people I have come across as negative I apologise, I was only giving my own personal experience but as I said were all different and I’m sure u will do fine, sorry if I put negativity in ur head but I won’t be sorry for being honest |
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"Btw I live in Manchester so if ur an oasis fan straight lad to (if you’re straight/I don’t care of ur not) get to Manchester I bet there’s loads of couples singletons on manc ready for us "
We can all be negative sometimes. I saw on your page you’ve got 2 veris; that’ll help if you're struggling at all to get meets. I’m definitely due for a trip up soon. I’ve been to Manchester loads of times for football and gigs seen Liam once at the cricket club a few years ago |
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I never “struggle” at events I’ve been to cupids and Adam and eves and had no play had some awesome times and will continue to keep going cos the guys that guys go there are so welcoming, that’s why I said to u, u seem like a real gent and over time meeting in public I think u will be fine sir and it u ever come to Manchester I’ll deffo buy u a pint |
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"I never “struggle” at events I’ve been to cupids and Adam and eves and had no play had some awesome times and will continue to keep going cos the guys that guys go there are so welcoming, that’s why I said to u, u seem like a real gent and over time meeting in public I think u will be fine sir and it u ever come to Manchester I’ll deffo buy u a pint "
appreciate the words pal. I’m definitely hoping to go to one of those clubs so will probably come up in a month or 2. Same to you I’ll buy you a beer.
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I see so many similar threads from single guys who seem to think there is some magic formula to getting replies and meets when there really isn't.
Whoever you message is going to check out your profile before even thinking about reading whatever you might have sent them, and if they don't find you appealing enough, they're not going to respond.
It doesn't matter how fantastic your profile is, you're only going to appeal to a small handful of people and most likely, half of them won't appeal to you.
It's no different here than in tge real world.
It's all about managing your expectations.
Just because people are on a swinging site doen't mean they'll shag anyone who asks. |
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