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Advice to men, positive!
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I get it, it took me a while but I now totally get it.
I've been to clubs in the past and always thought of them as a a place with a higher chance of getting some action, rather then a normal pub or club'. I very much had that attitude for a number of years.
I recently attended a daytime meet club and to be honest, went with the same thought process, but this time, for whatever reason, something changed.
I got talking with a few folks, played pool, had a laugh, watched a little action, played some more pool and left feeling quite happy. I didn't get any personal fun time.
I was talking to a few single lads while i was there who were slagging it off, saying there's 'no action', and it's rubbish when they don't get to dip their wick, so to speak... a waste of time.
Fast forward 24 hours and I've had three invites for the next event, from people I met there, spoke to and had a laugh with.
Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
Maybe I should have kept this to myself... |
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Been to loads of clubs and a few times didn't play. Was not bothered made loads of friends and 99% have a great time.
Socialising with lovely people is always great. Of course playing in a club is really good fun too.  |
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"Been to loads of clubs and a few times didn't play. Was not bothered made loads of friends and 99% have a great time.
Socialising with lovely people is always great. Of course playing in a club is really good fun too. "
And that is how to do it x |
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By *ark73XXXMan 2 weeks ago
North Staffs/South Cheshire |
All nice in theory but not really backed by reality.
I’ve been to clubs - chatted, had a nice time and returned to the club the next week or whatever and been ignored by those I’d chatted to the week before.
The whole lifestyle is fickle and it’s best to be mindful of that and not get sucked in. |
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"All nice in theory but not really backed by reality.
I’ve been to clubs - chatted, had a nice time and returned to the club the next week or whatever and been ignored by those I’d chatted to the week before.
The whole lifestyle is fickle and it’s best to be mindful of that and not get sucked in. "
Lots of variables to say why or why not, including what impact you personally make on the people there. |
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By *ark73XXXMan 2 weeks ago
North Staffs/South Cheshire |
"All nice in theory but not really backed by reality.
I’ve been to clubs - chatted, had a nice time and returned to the club the next week or whatever and been ignored by those I’d chatted to the week before.
The whole lifestyle is fickle and it’s best to be mindful of that and not get sucked in.
Lots of variables to say why or why not, including what impact you personally make on the people there. "
If you say so mate - most of us know the reality on here |
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"
Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
"
Lifestyle, there it is.
You, we, everybody need to put more in than we take out.
It’s not just a single guy thing, there’s couples, single whatever’s that don’t consider it as a lifestyle and think that everyone owes them a favour |
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Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
Lifestyle, there it is.
You, we, everybody need to put more in than we take out.
It’s not just a single guy thing, there’s couples, single whatever’s that don’t consider it as a lifestyle and think that everyone owes them a favour "
You only get out what you put in! |
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"I've practiced this philosophy for years - and kept it to myself - I've done alright for a fugly.
I just hope you haven't ruined it and the fucktards read this and use it."
I'm hoping they can't read... they don't seem to read profiles |
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Yes keep it quiet. I'm not a massive club goer but I didn't go every now and then if I'm going with someone. Very rare I go in my own now. You are right though if you just treat as you would vanilla life all can be good. I'm happy chatting to couples and singles without any expectations and if there is fun later down the line that's an added bonus, but I dont get hung on it if not. I have made some great friends and met some really nice folks here so all positive. Enjoy the lifestyle and happy fabbing everyone |
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"You probably should have, OP! Lol. Though as they say, you can lead a horse to water...
I'm sure all the horses aren't thirsty... lol "
But apparently some camels are very thirsty the way some uneducated men lick pussy |
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OP totally agree that some people see this site as a way to get theur dicks wet in some free pussy rather than pay for it. But then perhaps they think paying for a subscription entitles them to a free pussy fest.
As a result its easily forgotten that the person they are trying to talk to is more than just a nice pair of tits, pussy and great ass.
I wouldn't take kindly to someone waving their cock and saying nice tits FAF to me in person even in a club .... its the same in my inbox |
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By *ark73XXXMan 2 weeks ago
North Staffs/South Cheshire |
"OP totally agree that some people see this site as a way to get theur dicks wet in some free pussy rather than pay for it. But then perhaps they think paying for a subscription entitles them to a free pussy fest.
As a result its easily forgotten that the person they are trying to talk to is more than just a nice pair of tits, pussy and great ass.
I wouldn't take kindly to someone waving their cock and saying nice tits FAF to me in person even in a club .... its the same in my inbox "
Doesn’t matter if you’re the greatest nicest person in the world on here or in clubs - you’ll always get passed over as there’s always someone better |
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky….. |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky….."
I always am a bit cynical of posts like the OP. It smacks a bit of ‘look at me, I’m not like the other guys’ and I’m afraid I don’t believe the follow up story either. It’s a bit too “And then everyone in the club stood up and applauded”.
Anyway, no-one needs to make excuses or give deeply philosophical reasons for why they go to clubs, nor be judgemental of others. Everyone is different.
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I always am a bit cynical of posts like the OP. It smacks a bit of ‘look at me, I’m not like the other guys’ and I’m afraid I don’t believe the follow up story either. It’s a bit too “And then everyone in the club stood up and applauded”.
Anyway, no-one needs to make excuses or give deeply philosophical reasons for why they go to clubs, nor be judgemental of others. Everyone is different.
"
I thought exactly the same as you, which is why I posted a sarcastic reply, if i was more mature and less of a wind up merchant then i’d have posted a more polite and considered post like yours.
Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens. |
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By *ark73XXXMan 2 weeks ago
North Staffs/South Cheshire |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky….."
Spot on |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky….."
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude. |
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By *ark73XXXMan 2 weeks ago
North Staffs/South Cheshire |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude. "
The argument being made is that it isn’t a fast track though? Unless I’ve missed something?
The OP went to a club and played pool - he seems to think that is the answer to the enigma which is swinging |
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Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens. "
Sorry, I was busy with the mass amount of attention I'm getting now I've cracked the code.
Happy fabbing boys. |
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude. "
This completely contradicts what OP said though, if what you said is true then there is a difference but OP said that it’s not a fast track and people shouldn’t see it as somewhere to go to have sex but see it as somewhere to go to socialise with other people, play pool and have a few drinks.
And when i was younger and used to go to bars and nightclubs there wasn’t much BS that needed to be cut through, it was pretty much understood by everyone that if you were single you were up for sex, and i dont just mean the men.
If the same feelings and criteria apply at a swingers club as at a normal bar and club then you must be implying that, if theres a mutual attraction between 2 people, the people at the swingers club know that they’re both up for sex that night but the people at a bar or club don’t know that and there’s some sort of BS that makes it more difficult for them to have sex that night. If the same feelings and criteria apply in both then why is it more likely to happen in a swingers club? By definition, having the same criteria means that the likelihood of them happening is the same. For it to be more likely to happen in a swingers club there would need to be a criteria that applies to one but not the other. So what is that criteria that makes it more likely to happen at a swingers club? |
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude. "
I mean, OP says that he always used to go to the clubs thinking that they were somewhere to go where it’s more likely he’ll get laid than if he went to a non swingers bar or club, but now he’s stopped seeing them as that and just sees them as somewhere to go to socialise he’s having more success and has discovered the key to successful swinging.
But you’ve said that people are far more likely to have a chance at a swingers club than at a normal pub or club. So you’ve completely contradicted the entire basis of OP’s statement.
I asked what the difference is between a swingers club and a normal bar and club if what OP says is true and your response to me asking that was to say that sex is far more likely to happen at a swingers club than at a normal bar or club.
So, to summarise, the difference between a swingers club and a normal bar or club is that sex is more likely to happen at a swingers club but we shouldn’t go to a swingers club thinking that it’s somewhere to go where we’re more likely to have sex. |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky….."
The huge difference is that you can quite openly start chatting about sex with people that you've only met a few minutes ago, without getting a slap across the face (as long as you do it in a polite and respectful manner). You can very quickly establish whether there is any sort of spark, without the embarrassment of possibly misinterpreting simple friendliness with flirting or vice versa. You can openly ask couples or larger groups if they are interested multi-way sex - try that with a random couple you've just met in a pub! If there is some instant attraction and agreement you can actually be having sex either in private or in public, on a bed in a room next door to the bar - much better than a shag in a pub toilet cubicle.
The fact is that in a swingers club, everyone you meet is there with at least some interest in sex, maybe not with you but at least they're not going to call the police if you ask them if they're interested in dogging or group sex or bdsm or whatever... |
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
I see that you’ve received 2 verifications from women you met during your latest, very successful club visit OP. Kind of weird that you’ve been going to clubs for years (as you state in your OP that you have been thinking about clubs in the wrong way for years) and only just received verifications from your latest visit. Is another benefit of going to swinging clubs just to socialise and play pool that you’re more likely to get verified thinking that way? |
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By *ickD80Man 2 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
The huge difference is that you can quite openly start chatting about sex with people that you've only met a few minutes ago, without getting a slap across the face (as long as you do it in a polite and respectful manner). You can very quickly establish whether there is any sort of spark, without the embarrassment of possibly misinterpreting simple friendliness with flirting or vice versa. You can openly ask couples or larger groups if they are interested multi-way sex - try that with a random couple you've just met in a pub! If there is some instant attraction and agreement you can actually be having sex either in private or in public, on a bed in a room next door to the bar - much better than a shag in a pub toilet cubicle.
The fact is that in a swingers club, everyone you meet is there with at least some interest in sex, maybe not with you but at least they're not going to call the police if you ask them if they're interested in dogging or group sex or bdsm or whatever..."
Again, this contradicts OP’s point that swingers clubs should be considered as somewhere to go to socialise and play pool rather than somewhere to go thinking you’re more likely to have sex. Everything you’ve said very much implies that you’re more likely to have sex at a swingers club than at a normal bar or club.
I’m not questioning the difference between them, i’m not questioning why people go to swingers clubs, I’m questioning the validity of OP’s claim that swingers clubs shouldn’t be seen as somewhere to go where you’re more likely to have sex. I asked if what he said is true then what’s the difference.
The 2 people who have posted to defend and back up OP have completely contradicted what he said so i think i was right to question the validity of his claim. |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
The huge difference is that you can quite openly start chatting about sex with people that you've only met a few minutes ago, without getting a slap across the face (as long as you do it in a polite and respectful manner). You can very quickly establish whether there is any sort of spark, without the embarrassment of possibly misinterpreting simple friendliness with flirting or vice versa. You can openly ask couples or larger groups if they are interested multi-way sex - try that with a random couple you've just met in a pub! If there is some instant attraction and agreement you can actually be having sex either in private or in public, on a bed in a room next door to the bar - much better than a shag in a pub toilet cubicle.
The fact is that in a swingers club, everyone you meet is there with at least some interest in sex, maybe not with you but at least they're not going to call the police if you ask them if they're interested in dogging or group sex or bdsm or whatever...
Again, this contradicts OP’s point that swingers clubs should be considered as somewhere to go to socialise and play pool rather than somewhere to go thinking you’re more likely to have sex. Everything you’ve said very much implies that you’re more likely to have sex at a swingers club than at a normal bar or club.
I’m not questioning the difference between them, i’m not questioning why people go to swingers clubs, I’m questioning the validity of OP’s claim that swingers clubs shouldn’t be seen as somewhere to go where you’re more likely to have sex. I asked if what he said is true then what’s the difference.
The 2 people who have posted to defend and back up OP have completely contradicted what he said so i think i was right to question the validity of his claim. "
I think the OPs point is that although swingers clubs might be in some sense more sexually charged venues than ordinary clubs or bars, he has found that going for the specific purpose of having sex can be counter-productive. By treating the club as just a pleasant place to socialise for the evening, there is no disappointment, and he finds that he is more likely to make friends over a game of pool or chatting about shared interests than he is if just purely approaching people about sex. Those friendships might well then lead to some kind of sexual experience in the future.
Going to the club specifically with the expectation of having sex that evening may more often than not be a disappointing experience, and put you in an emotional frame that actually reduces your chances. Going without any expectation, you can come away having had a good night relaxing in the hot tub, playing pool with a beer, talking about sport or cars or whatever. People can see you as friendly and relaxed, not as the guy grumbling that they had a rubbish time! |
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Top tip - I print up some "business" cards that give my swinging name and fab profile name, so that if I get chatting with someone I can easily give them my card to look up my details later. If a lady finds my card in her handbag the next day she might well think "Oh, that's her name, Polly Chromatic! We were talking about (whatever, in my case probably books or music), I'll look her up on fab and drop her a line." Instead of "I got chatting with someone interesting last night, damn I can't remember their name, no idea how to contact them!". And I don't even need to have been discussing the sex stuff, they can read that on my fab profile and decide then whether they just want to ask me about favourite authors, or to invite me for a sex party... |
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"Top tip - I print up some "business" cards that give my swinging name and fab profile name, so that if I get chatting with someone I can easily give them my card to look up my details later. If a lady finds my card in her handbag the next day she might well think "Oh, that's her name, Polly Chromatic! We were talking about (whatever, in my case probably books or music), I'll look her up on fab and drop her a line." Instead of "I got chatting with someone interesting last night, damn I can't remember their name, no idea how to contact them!". And I don't even need to have been discussing the sex stuff, they can read that on my fab profile and decide then whether they just want to ask me about favourite authors, or to invite me for a sex party..."
Polly that’s a great idea. Do you go basic basic cards or something a bit more flashy? |
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"So expectation, you can come away having had a good night relaxing in the hot tub, playing pool with a beer, talking about sport or cars or whatever. People can see you as friendly and relaxed, not as the guy grumbling that they had a rubbish time!"
Exactly |
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"I see that you’ve received 2 verifications from women you met during your latest, very successful club visit OP. Kind of weird that you’ve been going to clubs for years (as you state in your OP that you have been thinking about clubs in the wrong way for years) and only just received verifications from your latest visit. Is another benefit of going to swinging clubs just to socialise and play pool that you’re more likely to get verified thinking that way?"
Only been on Fab a short while, been going to clubs without being a member on Fab.
What's so hard to understand? |
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The huge difference is that you can quite openly start chatting about sex with people that you've only met a few minutes ago, without getting a slap across the face (as long as you do it in a polite and respectful manner). You can very quickly establish whether there is any sort of spark, without the embarrassment of possibly misinterpreting simple friendliness with flirting or vice versa. You can openly ask couples or larger groups if they are interested multi-way sex - try that with a random couple you've just met in a pub! If there is some instant attraction and agreement you can actually be having sex either in private or in public, on a bed in a room next door to the bar - much better than a shag in a pub toilet cubicle.
The fact is that in a swingers club, everyone you meet is there with at least some interest in sex, maybe not with you but at least they're not going to call the police if you ask them if they're interested in dogging or group sex or bdsm or whatever..."
Yes, this. Sex isn't guaranteed anywhere but in a swinger club you can be more open about asking and skip all the hedging around. |
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By *ailor75Man 2 weeks ago
Brigg, near scunthorpe |
As a single male who's been about on and off for many yrs the lifestyle isn't all its cracked up to be for us single men , it is indeed fickle and clicky !! There are a few nice people about but most the time couples and single ladies have there own little groups and really let single men join in !! Iv done security for a few events over the yrs and got more action doing that than being an actual participant,tbf for a single man tinder or badoo is a lot better option , and you'll find a lot of single women are in them apps as well as here !!
We just have to face reality ,we're are one of thousands and the chances of even getting a reply is long shot lol but if your patient and willing to treat it as passtime you will get lucky at some point lol |
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Very well put OP. If you are using this site and scene as a way to get laid as a single male, you either have to standout very well or be very lucky.
The site is a good way to keep in touch and organise some new events, even meet new people.
It is far, far from a dating site. If you treat it as a bit of fun then the site and the scene can be enjoyable.
If you go to events to have fun and meet like minded people then it is good.
People are fickle and they may be being polite when they first meet but rather than being cold they will chat, that is not a signal of I tent to play or interest.
There are many aspects to the scene I think everyone has to find their way. |
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Been to a couple of clubs now and ok I didn't get to play but I also had a freaking blast just hanging out and meeting new people I left feeling genuinely happy I advise any guy to go without the expectations for fun just go enjoy yourself meet new people and just have a good night out not getting to play doesn't mean it was a waste it means people will trust you about more and hell maybe it will help you |
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It's a bit stupid for clueless people, ie men, to go to swingers' gatherings and to expect that they'll get sex on a plate.  . If they're getting sex partners literally in the wider world, why aren't they there instead? They're likely not getting it, because of who they are and their behaviour. Why should it be different at a swinging venue? |
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"Been to a couple of clubs now and ok I didn't get to play but I also had a freaking blast just hanging out and meeting new people I left feeling genuinely happy I advise any guy to go without the expectations for fun just go enjoy yourself meet new people and just have a good night out not getting to play doesn't mean it was a waste it means people will trust you about more and hell maybe it will help you "
(thumb
That's the best approach . Go for the club, its facilities and brilliant opportunities to get to know people. Everything else is a bonus |
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"
Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Sorry, I was busy with the mass amount of attention I'm getting now I've cracked the code.
Happy fabbing boys. "
I'm still laughing at all the guys who are saying you're wrong or telling porkies. Yet all the ladies and couples are agreeing with you.
Great attitude OP keep enjoying what you are doing |
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"Top tip - I print up some "business" cards that give my swinging name and fab profile name, so that if I get chatting with someone I can easily give them my card to look up my details later. If a lady finds my card in her handbag the next day she might well think "Oh, that's her name, Polly Chromatic! We were talking about (whatever, in my case probably books or music), I'll look her up on fab and drop her a line." Instead of "I got chatting with someone interesting last night, damn I can't remember their name, no idea how to contact them!". And I don't even need to have been discussing the sex stuff, they can read that on my fab profile and decide then whether they just want to ask me about favourite authors, or to invite me for a sex party...
Polly that’s a great idea. Do you go basic basic cards or something a bit more flashy? "
I threw a design together on the computer and print them up on reasonably decent quality card. Basically it's just my name in a fancy font with rainbow highlights, the fab website address, and my fab profile name. Fairly elegant though and memorable. I don't have my phone number printed on them, but if I really click with someone it gives me somewhere to write it that they're less likely to lose than the corner of a beermat or a scrap of torn paper. |
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"I get it, it took me a while but I now totally get it.
I've been to clubs in the past and always thought of them as a a place with a higher chance of getting some action, rather then a normal pub or club'. I very much had that attitude for a number of years.
I recently attended a daytime meet club and to be honest, went with the same thought process, but this time, for whatever reason, something changed.
I got talking with a few folks, played pool, had a laugh, watched a little action, played some more pool and left feeling quite happy. I didn't get any personal fun time.
I was talking to a few single lads while i was there who were slagging it off, saying there's 'no action', and it's rubbish when they don't get to dip their wick, so to speak... a waste of time.
Fast forward 24 hours and I've had three invites for the next event, from people I met there, spoke to and had a laugh with.
Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
Maybe I should have kept this to myself... "
It’s male mentality for the most part. A lot of men just want to get their rocks off and to do that I’d recommend elsewhere as I’ve personally had much better success on dating sites for; relationships sex and short term dating. I’ve also met to many women from dating sites that claim they’re not looking for sex but 3 hours after meeting and that’s all they want. For the lack of success I’ve experienced here I certainly shouldn’t still be here! But (I don’t think) there’s anywhere quite like it. I’ve never seen fab as to get quick easy fixes and to chat here or in person would be a start -but it’s never happened (the chat AND to meet).
My one verification is from a lady I met in a bar who happens to be on here!
|
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude. "
That’s what I DONT understand with women and profiles full stop. On here and other online platforms you have the profile to pick choose whatever. In any club beit dance or swingers NOBODY comes with a profile yet online ignoring a decent bloke just because his opening line isn’t funny but polite happens 99% yet in a club she (whether in a cpl or not) goes on face value and maybe if he speaks ok. |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude.
The argument being made is that it isn’t a fast track though? Unless I’ve missed something?
The OP went to a club and played pool - he seems to think that is the answer to the enigma which is swinging "
No he’s saying relax chill etc and because you’re not pressuring yourself it will come to you. Like when you date (for us normal ppl) before you find a date there’s no one interested in you, find someone to date and then you get offers and options. |
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"
Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Sorry, I was busy with the mass amount of attention I'm getting now I've cracked the code.
Happy fabbing boys. "
It’s an expensive way to play pool though! |
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"So what you’re saying is that we should go to clubs without any expectations of having sex and when we get there we should just chat, play pool, have a few drinks and go home but if we’re lucky and we end up chatting with someone we really like who also like us then we could possibly have sex with them at the end of the night after spending the night chatting and getting to know each other or we might just exchange contact details so that we can arrange to meet again sometime and then maybe one of the times we meet again in the future we’ll eventually have sex?
I’m just a bit confused about one small issue i have with that and i was wondering whether someone could clear up my confusion by explaining to me, if what you’re saying is true then what the fuck is the difference between going to a club and going to any pub or bar? The only difference i can see is that you might be able to watch other people having sex there if you’re lucky…..
I think there's a huge difference, that it cuts through a lot of bullshit when you go to a singers club. It can be a fast track but we are all still human with the same feelings and criteria as usual so although in a club as ppl are ultimately there to have great sex according to their desires you might still not click on the night.
But far more likely to have a chance than in a normal pub or club.
And how you cope with that is your problem, basically.
It's all in the attitude.
That’s what I DONT understand with women and profiles full stop. On here and other online platforms you have the profile to pick choose whatever. In any club beit dance or swingers NOBODY comes with a profile yet online ignoring a decent bloke just because his opening line isn’t funny but polite happens 99% yet in a club she (whether in a cpl or not) goes on face value and maybe if he speaks ok. "
Women and alot of couples get tons of messages a day. They don't have the time to read every single message and reply.
90% terrible messages, dick pics, fancy a fuck messages. Really gard to filter out the good from the bad.
Clubs is much easier talking to people face to face. |
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By *ailor75Man 2 weeks ago
Brigg, near scunthorpe |
"I get it, it took me a while but I now totally get it.
I've been to clubs in the past and always thought of them as a a place with a higher chance of getting some action, rather then a normal pub or club'. I very much had that attitude for a number of years.
I recently attended a daytime meet club and to be honest, went with the same thought process, but this time, for whatever reason, something changed.
I got talking with a few folks, played pool, had a laugh, watched a little action, played some more pool and left feeling quite happy. I didn't get any personal fun time.
I was talking to a few single lads while i was there who were slagging it off, saying there's 'no action', and it's rubbish when they don't get to dip their wick, so to speak... a waste of time.
Fast forward 24 hours and I've had three invites for the next event, from people I met there, spoke to and had a laugh with.
Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
Maybe I should have kept this to myself...
It’s male mentality for the most part. A lot of men just want to get their rocks off and to do that I’d recommend elsewhere as I’ve personally had much better success on dating sites for; relationships sex and short term dating. I’ve also met to many women from dating sites that claim they’re not looking for sex but 3 hours after meeting and that’s all they want. For the lack of success I’ve experienced here I certainly shouldn’t still be here! But (I don’t think) there’s anywhere quite like it. I’ve never seen fab as to get quick easy fixes and to chat here or in person would be a start -but it’s never happened (the chat AND to meet).
My one verification is from a lady I met in a bar who happens to be on here!
"
Couldn't agree more , and always amazed at how many women use this and dating apps !!
Had many similar experiences , have a few nice messages then a flirty one comes back and boom round for a shag !! Which is what you would think would happen on here , but a lot of women on here seem to think they are something really special and treat single men like some sort of perv haha , we're as on dating apps they seem more open to chat , I can only assume it's the amount of messages they receive on here makes them very very choosy lol
I take this site as a hobby , and I have met many lovely people , but I prefer dating apps , always honest and open to what I'm after and have much more luck |
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"
Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Sorry, I was busy with the mass amount of attention I'm getting now I've cracked the code.
Happy fabbing boys.
I'm still laughing at all the guys who are saying you're wrong or telling porkies. Yet all the ladies and couples are agreeing with you.
Great attitude OP keep enjoying what you are doing"
That's exactly what I am doing... life's good. |
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Lol...Best attitude to have is what we got told by a lovelly couple who very kndly took a pair newbies under their protective wings was " Don't go expecting anything....don't go away disapointed " and people assuming stuff is killing this site and as Mrs4 the males who do expect sex guaranteed 100% of the time are deffo on the wrong site though ?? and we've had some brilliant nights where nothing at all sexual has happened and made some very good friends aswell xxx  |
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By *oxy jWoman 2 weeks ago
somerset |
it needs to be said whiles clubs can be a great way to get more into the scene but they are in no way a 100% sucess rate for guaranteed sex .... for most there still needs to be sexual attraction fo fun ..
most of the guys i meet privately stem from club meets over the years |
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By * and BCouple 2 weeks ago
Durham |
"I've practiced this philosophy for years - and kept it to myself - I've done alright for a fugly.
I just hope you haven't ruined it and the fucktards read this and use it."
After reading through some of the posts on here there's nothing to worry about as they are reading it but not seeing it  |
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"All nice in theory but not really backed by reality.
I’ve been to clubs - chatted, had a nice time and returned to the club the next week or whatever and been ignored by those I’d chatted to the week before.
The whole lifestyle is fickle and it’s best to be mindful of that and not get sucked in.
Lots of variables to say why or why not, including what impact you personally make on the people there.
If you say so mate - most of us know the reality on here "
What's the reality then?
Mrs |
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"... Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Watching.
And waiting.
Still Watching. It seems to have a 2nd life or is that 3rd or even 5th  "
hahaha |
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By * and BCouple 2 weeks ago
Durham |
"... Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Watching.
And waiting.
Still Watching. It seems to have a 2nd life or is that 3rd or even 5th hahaha"
Oh yea and just to add OP, definitely the correct approach. We have seen the desperate, wanking dead in clubs, wouldn't give them a 2nd look but with your approach that is the guys that stand out and who we would chat to, oh yea chat, as that's the only reason we go to clubs isn't it, chat and play pool instead of just getting down to it and having sex with anyone |
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By *rmrs95Couple 2 weeks ago
Chester |
"I've practiced this philosophy for years - and kept it to myself - I've done alright for a fugly.
I just hope you haven't ruined it and the fucktards read this and use it.
I'm hoping they can't read... they don't seem to read profiles"
Lol, this tickled me lol
You are absolutely right tho op. We go to clubs for a night out and love getting to know people in the lifestyle. We go with the intention of having sex with each other whilst watching and being watched by others near the end of the night but what usually happens is we bump into singles or couples that we have met on previous nights ( and clicked) and we all end up enjoying each other xx |
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"
Watch how this thread dies on it’s arse now he’s been picked up on it though, always happens.
Sorry, I was busy with the mass amount of attention I'm getting now I've cracked the code.
Happy fabbing boys. "
What's the code mate? I've been on here for two years and not met anyone. |
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"I get it, it took me a while but I now totally get it.
I've been to clubs in the past and always thought of them as a a place with a higher chance of getting some action, rather then a normal pub or club'. I very much had that attitude for a number of years.
I recently attended a daytime meet club and to be honest, went with the same thought process, but this time, for whatever reason, something changed.
I got talking with a few folks, played pool, had a laugh, watched a little action, played some more pool and left feeling quite happy. I didn't get any personal fun time.
I was talking to a few single lads while i was there who were slagging it off, saying there's 'no action', and it's rubbish when they don't get to dip their wick, so to speak... a waste of time.
Fast forward 24 hours and I've had three invites for the next event, from people I met there, spoke to and had a laugh with.
Lads... stop treating this lifestyle as a quick way to get laid and ironically, you'll probably get laid!
Maybe I should have kept this to myself... "
I’ve only been to Cupids once too. I distinctly remember driving away afterwards thinking; this 4 hour round journey drive, and £50 entry was soooo worth it, for two cups of tea and a bit of chat at the bar. How elated was I……
I couldn’t quite figure out why I’ve never returned, but your post about receiving invites after your visit might have solved the puzzle…… Fair play to you  |
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