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Meeting couples and ladies at clubs
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Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think? |
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Can't give any advice - been visiting clubs as a couple (mostly VA daytimes) on and off for four years now, and only been invited to play once by a couple, never by a single woman.
Basically given up now. |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think? "
You may be friendly but are you flirty? Many people will chat in a club and that's it, just a chat. It's takes someone to be flirty or suggestive to see where it leads. Many people are shy and tend to just look, but it takes someone to make a comment and get the ball rolling. |
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Maybe you just need to be more direct? Some people can mistake friendliness for it just being that and don’t consider you flirting perhaps? Private meets with couples could be a better option just pick wisely I’m sure you know what to look out for  |
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I find that you need to be more direct. If you are standing chatting for a while and there seems to be easy conversation flowing then they are likely interested. Bite the bullet and just ask straight out "want to have some fun?" If you are talking to someone and getting short answers and they aren't really engaged, move on. They are likely not interested and just being polite.
Hope that helps
Mrs x |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
You may be friendly but are you flirty? Many people will chat in a club and that's it, just a chat. It's takes someone to be flirty or suggestive to see where it leads. Many people are shy and tend to just look, but it takes someone to make a comment and get the ball rolling."
I think this is a good point about flirting more with couples and letting them know I am available xx |
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I find that you need to be more direct. If you are standing chatting for a while and there seems to be easy conversation flowing then they are likely interested. Bite the bullet and just ask straight out "want to have some fun?" If you are talking to someone and getting short answers and they aren't really engaged, move on. They are likely not interested and just being polite.
This is a very direct and black and white answer. It’s very clear advice and I need that, thank you xx
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
You may be friendly but are you flirty? Many people will chat in a club and that's it, just a chat. It's takes someone to be flirty or suggestive to see where it leads. Many people are shy and tend to just look, but it takes someone to make a comment and get the ball rolling.
I think this is a good point about flirting more with couples and letting them know I am available xx"
We've spoke to people in clubs and found out afterwards they would have played with us, however the flirty conversation wasn't there. It comes with experience, we can normally (maybe not always!) tell within 10 minutes chatting if there's a connection there. |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
You may be friendly but are you flirty? Many people will chat in a club and that's it, just a chat. It's takes someone to be flirty or suggestive to see where it leads. Many people are shy and tend to just look, but it takes someone to make a comment and get the ball rolling.
I think this is a good point about flirting more with couples and letting them know I am available xx
We've spoke to people in clubs and found out afterwards they would have played with us, however the flirty conversation wasn't there. It comes with experience, we can normally (maybe not always!) tell within 10 minutes chatting if there's a connection there."
It’s always the way isn’t it, but all is not lost we usually meet the same people all the time so it’s never really a missed opportunity just a postponed opportunity xx  |
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We’re terrible at picking up from a conversation if someone is interested, we literally need someone to say it! the amount of times we’ve been told afterwards that we didn’t “read the room” is ridiculous lol
We are also perhaps too over cautious with single women as we know how much they get pestered so can come across as friendly but uninterested x |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think? "
First I really don't think you have any problems being desired by couples and single ladies. The problem is most couples and single ladies are actually a little shy or unclear the difference between freindly instrest and desire. They won't always be forthcoming with their advances and often find it really hard to make that last move to ask to take things to the bedroom. A problem that I suspect you don't find with single men who are far more likely to make advances and to ask to take it to a room. This is our experience anyways.
So we would say you can't rely on couples and single ladies to approach you or make the first move beyond getting chatting. You have to take the lead more. First in introducing yourself and getting talking. Then to making a suggestion to take things to the bedroom. 9/10 times we've found that generally people do want to play, they are just waiting for someone else to ask. And remember you're in a swingers club, it's perfectly acceptable to simply ask and there's nothing to lose. If your are more forthcoming couples and single ladies I'm sure you'll find more of what you want |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
First I really don't think you have any problems being desired by couples and single ladies. The problem is most couples and single ladies are actually a little shy or unclear the difference between freindly instrest and desire. They won't always be forthcoming with their advances and often find it really hard to make that last move to ask to take things to the bedroom. A problem that I suspect you don't find with single men who are far more likely to make advances and to ask to take it to a room. This is our experience anyways.
So we would say you can't rely on couples and single ladies to approach you or make the first move beyond getting chatting. You have to take the lead more. First in introducing yourself and getting talking. Then to making a suggestion to take things to the bedroom. 9/10 times we've found that generally people do want to play, they are just waiting for someone else to ask. And remember you're in a swingers club, it's perfectly acceptable to simply ask and there's nothing to lose. If your are more forthcoming couples and single ladies I'm sure you'll find more of what you want "
This is great advice and thanks for the compliments, flattery will get you everywhere xx
 |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
First I really don't think you have any problems being desired by couples and single ladies. The problem is most couples and single ladies are actually a little shy or unclear the difference between freindly instrest and desire. They won't always be forthcoming with their advances and often find it really hard to make that last move to ask to take things to the bedroom. A problem that I suspect you don't find with single men who are far more likely to make advances and to ask to take it to a room. This is our experience anyways.
So we would say you can't rely on couples and single ladies to approach you or make the first move beyond getting chatting. You have to take the lead more. First in introducing yourself and getting talking. Then to making a suggestion to take things to the bedroom. 9/10 times we've found that generally people do want to play, they are just waiting for someone else to ask. And remember you're in a swingers club, it's perfectly acceptable to simply ask and there's nothing to lose. If your are more forthcoming couples and single ladies I'm sure you'll find more of what you want
This is great advice and thanks for the compliments, flattery will get you everywhere xx
"
Some people are easy to flirt with and some people are find flirting easy. Lol!
I'm neither. I'm an awkward autistic who misses social cues..and forgets people's names...smh...
Doesn't help that with the men, there are lots of Dean's, Andy's, Tony's.
As a single woman and with my playmates I find that we have to be direct.
I've often had to get the men naked and into the hot tub first. Lol!
One random "action" I received was when I got talking to this guy in a club in Cap D'Agde. His friend was off bonking 2 or more women and I told him jokingly that wasn't fair that his friend left him out. Then I said to him " do you fancy a play with me. Can't let him have all the fun?" We laughed and got to it. |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
First I really don't think you have any problems being desired by couples and single ladies. The problem is most couples and single ladies are actually a little shy or unclear the difference between freindly instrest and desire. They won't always be forthcoming with their advances and often find it really hard to make that last move to ask to take things to the bedroom. A problem that I suspect you don't find with single men who are far more likely to make advances and to ask to take it to a room. This is our experience anyways.
So we would say you can't rely on couples and single ladies to approach you or make the first move beyond getting chatting. You have to take the lead more. First in introducing yourself and getting talking. Then to making a suggestion to take things to the bedroom. 9/10 times we've found that generally people do want to play, they are just waiting for someone else to ask. And remember you're in a swingers club, it's perfectly acceptable to simply ask and there's nothing to lose. If your are more forthcoming couples and single ladies I'm sure you'll find more of what you want
This is great advice and thanks for the compliments, flattery will get you everywhere xx
Some people are easy to flirt with and some people are find flirting easy. Lol!
I'm neither. I'm an awkward autistic who misses social cues..and forgets people's names...smh...
Doesn't help that with the men, there are lots of Dean's, Andy's, Tony's.
As a single woman and with my playmates I find that we have to be direct.
I've often had to get the men naked and into the hot tub first. Lol!
One random "action" I received was when I got talking to this guy in a club in Cap D'Agde. His friend was off bonking 2 or more women and I told him jokingly that wasn't fair that his friend left him out. Then I said to him " do you fancy a play with me. Can't let him have all the fun?" We laughed and got to it. "
|
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think? "
I think have others had said on here, perhaps you need to make the first move and ask the couple if they want to go somewhere yo play, what’s the worst that can happen, they say no ? |
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"I find that you need to be more direct. If you are standing chatting for a while and there seems to be easy conversation flowing then they are likely interested. Bite the bullet and just ask straight out "want to have some fun?" If you are talking to someone and getting short answers and they aren't really engaged, move on. They are likely not interested and just being polite.
Hope that helps
Mrs x"
This ☝️ is good advice.
 |
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"Any advice? I am very outgoing and friendly. Maybe overly and that’s my problem.
I don’t seem to get much girl or couples action. I am friends with lots of couples but we don’t play.
I don’t have a problem with single men.
Am I being too cautious by only meeting at clubs?
Are hotel meets with a couple really as scary as I think?
First I really don't think you have any problems being desired by couples and single ladies. The problem is most couples and single ladies are actually a little shy or unclear the difference between freindly instrest and desire. They won't always be forthcoming with their advances and often find it really hard to make that last move to ask to take things to the bedroom. A problem that I suspect you don't find with single men who are far more likely to make advances and to ask to take it to a room. This is our experience anyways.
So we would say you can't rely on couples and single ladies to approach you or make the first move beyond getting chatting. You have to take the lead more. First in introducing yourself and getting talking. Then to making a suggestion to take things to the bedroom. 9/10 times we've found that generally people do want to play, they are just waiting for someone else to ask. And remember you're in a swingers club, it's perfectly acceptable to simply ask and there's nothing to lose. If your are more forthcoming couples and single ladies I'm sure you'll find more of what you want
This is great advice and thanks for the compliments, flattery will get you everywhere xx
Some people are easy to flirt with and some people are find flirting easy. Lol!
I'm neither. I'm an awkward autistic who misses social cues..and forgets people's names...smh...
Doesn't help that with the men, there are lots of Dean's, Andy's, Tony's.
As a single woman and with my playmates I find that we have to be direct.
I've often had to get the men naked and into the hot tub first. Lol!
One random "action" I received was when I got talking to this guy in a club in Cap D'Agde. His friend was off bonking 2 or more women and I told him jokingly that wasn't fair that his friend left him out. Then I said to him " do you fancy a play with me. Can't let him have all the fun?" We laughed and got to it. "
I totally get this. Likewise picking up social cues, social awareness and names etc are a nightmare. Looking at the forum there are a fair few of us on various parts of the spectrum (same with the kink scene).
So yes flirting is difficult, don't I know. But it's also to some extent as skill. I know (frustrating) it comes more natural to some more than others but you do get better with exposure, pushing yourself a bit and being brave enough to take some social risks (and acceptance of if it goes down in flames). That's why it is important just get stuck in (despite your fears and understanding of your social difficulties). And I'm my experience it tends to go better than you think (not always). But when you see the quantitative evidence that it tends to go OK it emboldened you futher. There's been a few times where I'm not sure if I'm reading the right cues, so I've just directly and frankly said shall we kiss and its worked, they were intrest. Don't think it helps that sometimes the women I like tend to probably be on the spectrum too. So my point is if you think there is something there just be brave enough to verbalise it frankly. Not everyone works in the world of subtle signals and cues.
Also just to say as a side note swinging has really helped me with social skills and social anxiety. I start as a single male in clubs. My first club visit was a ninja task socially. One of the hardest things I've done. But from my experience you do home your skills with exposure and you also realise that you're doing better and you're more desirable than you think.
Stating your intention with people is always better than going home with regret of missed opportunity.
Mr |
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I think its a really interesting discussion and some great tips. I am awful at picking up on flirting and body language and am actually quite shy and lack in confidence when meeting new people. Although I am quite relaxed about getting naked in a room full of strangers in a club lol. I would rarely, if ever make the first move. Maybe I need to give it a go!
We tend to only play with people that we have got to know a bit first, unless maybe we are on a very big bed with others and a flailing hand bumps something then........
Last time at a club we were on the 'big bedpan a chap said 'wow can I enjoy your breasts' and he did lol. That was quite forward 🤣 |
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