FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Going no where
Going no where
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By *aeger OP Man 9 weeks ago
Ipswich |
Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly? |
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Is your profile showing you in the best possible light? Does it tell prospective play partners why they should give you a chance?
Photo verification means nothing on here, only meet in person carries any weight. |
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Oh, and OP, what did you think was going to happen when you joined? Women throwing themselves at you? It's only been 2 weeks, which is like a second in Fab life. Get engaged in the forum, let yourself get known for other things than just "woe is me" posts. |
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"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly? "
writing that you were in a relationship with a narcissist wouldn’t get you a sympathy shag either  |
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By *aizyWoman 8 weeks ago
west midlands |
You are looking for a very specific dynamic going by what it says on your profile, so you are going to have to be patient. You've only been on here three weeks, It took me months after joining to start meeting. |
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Were you expecting women to be filling your inbox begging to be tied up and seduced by your sexual prowess as soon as you paid your fiver and uploaded a photo with your username on a piece of paper?
It doesn’t quite work like that. |
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You might be doing nothing wrong. But your expectations may not be fully realistic.
Take site supporter just for the extra features. Some of us will more likely engage with supporters but it's probably a tiny difference overall.
Single men generally need to emphasise what they are giving to others, rather than what they want - the balance needs to be switched over.
People will only reply to contact if you are mutually compatible. The vast majority of people are not mutually compatible and never will be. You must grasp this. No reply is a no thanks.
Look at some of the hundreds of posts that give men tips on how to present themselves better. People need a range of very clear photos, to assess if they may fancy you. And to know what's unique and right about you - so they can grasp if you're right and better than others.
The other point is that the more your requirements are very specific and more niche, the tougher your job gets |
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By *oney2Couple 8 weeks ago
Chester |
1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient"
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide? |
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"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide? "
Nobody’s saying you’re not allowed to put xyz on your profile - you’ve asked for advice, and someone helpfully pointed out that men tend to do better when they describe what they can offer, because of the huge numbers of men wanting relatively few women.
At the end of the day - if you feel your profile portrays you perfectly, there’s nothing to change, is there? |
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"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide? "
You are allowed to ask for what you want. They suggested you remove the line ' I make zero apologies for that'.
Whether you do or not is your choice |
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The simple answer is not simple, there are at least 70% single males on here if not more.
Couples and single ladies are a minority so they can afford to pick and choose.
You will be disregarded for many reasons, smoker or not, age, looks, build, interests, profile in general, pictures, height, the list goes on and on.
If you wish to continue be patient, don't be demanding or delusional.
However don't be desperate.
The majority of women on here are ok from experience. Some are just rude and some delusional.
And I'm sure women and couples experience the same from some of the guys.
Be nice
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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Why aren't you having success?
For what its worth, here's honest comments, do with them as you will:
-3 weeks is almost no time at all in this world.
-conveying you're dominant looking for submissive makes the pool of women much smaller. That's a specific fetish area that only a smaller specific group of women are looking for. There are other more specific fetish sites which may have more individuals looking for this dynamic. Most of the women here are not single women (single women are very few), they are here as part of a couple and that couple may not have interest in bringing someone in to dominate their partners.
-wanting to keep it local to your town makes the pool even smaller.
-as a single male you're unfortunately part of a massive group of other single guys so standing out in a good way is absolutely imperative. Your single pic is not great at showcasing you and the narcissist comment adds a feel of negativity to your profile right out of the gate.
-the few single (and partnered) women who are here, pretty much have a buffet of men to choose from and some of those men are hot as fuck and make a great first impression.
-your expectations are likely too high.
Best of luck. |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Why aren't you having success?
For what its worth, here's honest comments, do with them as you will:
-3 weeks is almost no time at all in this world.
-conveying you're dominant looking for submissive makes the pool of women much smaller. That's a specific fetish area that only a smaller specific group of women are looking for. There are other more specific fetish sites which may have more individuals looking for this dynamic. Most of the women here are not single women (single women are very few), they are here as part of a couple and that couple may not have interest in bringing someone in to dominate their partners.
-wanting to keep it local to your town makes the pool even smaller.
-as a single male you're unfortunately part of a massive group of other single guys so standing out in a good way is absolutely imperative. Your single pic is not great at showcasing you and the narcissist comment adds a feel of negativity to your profile right out of the gate.
-the few single (and partnered) women who are here, pretty much have a buffet of men to choose from and some of those men are hot as fuck and make a great first impression.
-your expectations are likely too high.
Best of luck."
Ok thank you for your view I will take it on board |
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By *aizyWoman 8 weeks ago
west midlands |
"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide? "
They can and so can you, no one is saying you can't 🤷♀️ |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that!
They can and so can you, no one is saying you can't 🤷♀️"
So in statement 2 you can see its been stated I can't however that wasn't just quoted at 1 group.
Oh BTW love that blue 1 piece of yours |
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Being on here is much harder than out in the real World, you will constantly, as a single male get turned down by people you haven’t even seen a face pic of, but they just presume because you messaged them they are in, many can very rude on here too, usually they certainly not have the balls to behave like they do face to face but those are far and few between. There are also many decent people but they tend to stick with what they already know and have, I have regular meets with a couple and single off here for years now. But yep it is very Hard going on here for single males, you get the fake profiles, the men pretending to be women and couples even one who split up saying they’re still a couple a minefield , my success in the vanilla world is high but sadly I prefer different flavours 
Best thing for you to do is head to a club, then you’ll get to meet people off here get verifications which will help, without those, and I’m not on about a photo one, you are gonna struggle . Good luck tho and remember each female on her is out number 10 to 1 or more they have their choice and get huge amounts of mail they can’t be bothered sifting through as half of the are full of it anyway. |
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You say, “(as in CIS from birth)” The ‘from birth’ bit is superfluous. A CIS woman (or man) is by definition a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth; not transgender. |
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OP; I've been using Fab for over 13 years, have had plenty of meets, with great verifications, but haven't had a new meet from here for over a year now. This is a site for swingers, who invariably, are couples looking for other couples. Solo guys are the least desired denomination in here, and unfortunately, are in plentiful supply! You've only been here 3 weeks, cut your losses and run now, if you're already succumbing to frustration....  |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"You say, “(as in CIS from birth)” The ‘from birth’ bit is superfluous. A CIS woman (or man) is by definition a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth; not transgender."
Well I don't follow all that stuff
Plus I'm being totally clear on that expectance, so there cannot be any confusion etc.
Plus as I said I got AI to do some of it for me! |
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"You say, “(as in CIS from birth)” The ‘from birth’ bit is superfluous. A CIS woman (or man) is by definition a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth; not transgender.
Well I don't follow all that stuff
Plus I'm being totally clear on that expectance, so there cannot be any confusion etc.
Plus as I said I got AI to do some of it for me!"
Do you think AI can present you better than you present yourself? |
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Keep it to the forum please.
If writing a profile is difficult for you I think you would get a better result by talking it through with a person and getting their help with writing it. A computer-generated profile is of course not going to be very human. People are not looking to get together with computers. |
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"So what do I offer. Never been able to answer that question!
Offer as In.???"
Judging by your responses we don't think this place suits you and possibly you need to speak to a professional regarding your past experience |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"So what do I offer. Never been able to answer that question!
Offer as In.???
Judging by your responses we don't think this place suits you and possibly you need to speak to a professional regarding your past experience "
We? Or you? |
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If you message people like to respond to feedback on a thread you started on a forum, I can see why you're not having too much luck 
Make your profile stand out from the thousand of other generic, boring profiles. Be kind, respectful, upbeat and positive  .
Verifications and supporters passes won't boost your chances, but putting effort into your profile and photos and approaching people with courtesy most definitely will.
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"So what do I offer. Never been able to answer that question!
Offer as In.???
Judging by your responses we don't think this place suits you and possibly you need to speak to a professional regarding your past experience
We? Or you? "
As it was from a couples profile I'm guessing 'we' meant both of them. |
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By *oney2Couple 8 weeks ago
Chester |
"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide? "
The last part where you put ‘ I make zero apologies for that comment’ comes across as transphobic.
This is why I think you should’ve removed that part.
Tbh you have come across a little aggressive too across this forum post so it may put females off ???
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"1. You haven’t got enough pictures on your profile.
2. Asking for only Cis woman is fine and well and good but you didn’t need to follow it up with I make zero apologies for that comment.
3. You are a single male the site is probably about 70% single males !
Try be patient
So why are women allowed to say what they want and Don't want with attuide?
The last part where you put ‘ I make zero apologies for that comment’ comes across as transphobic.
This is why I think you should’ve removed that part.
Tbh you have come across a little aggressive too across this forum post so it may put females off ???
"
Only just saw your comment anyway
Normally I'm a each to there own and the whole live and let live business.
But before I'd already had VERY negative attitude towards my "thanks but no thanks" replies (not those exact words) so had to stand my ground. |
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"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly? "
No, you’re not doing anything wrong, I’ve been on and off this site since Covid and just buy pure luck, one meat, I think you just have to have the patience as there are more men than women on here |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly?
No, you’re not doing anything wrong, I’ve been on and off this site since Covid and just buy pure luck, one meat, I think you just have to have the patience as there are more men than women on here"
Thank you for an actual positive reply. |
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"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly?
No, you’re not doing anything wrong, I’ve been on and off this site since Covid and just buy pure luck, one meat, I think you just have to have the patience as there are more men than women on here
Thank you for an actual positive reply. "
What do you think of the rest of the advice here? |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly?
No, you’re not doing anything wrong, I’ve been on and off this site since Covid and just buy pure luck, one meat, I think you just have to have the patience as there are more men than women on here
Thank you for an actual positive reply.
What do you think of the rest of the advice here?"
If I'm honest some of it has come across degrading and threatening.
Ok maybe what I was looking for is 1 in 100 BUT out of all the women I have slept with only 1 has said she doesn't want to and fine fair enough. But the rest were happy to. |
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Your profile screams red flags to us. You come across very poorly in my opinion.
The swinging community is an inclusive space and your profile screams angry white male with conspiracy theory vibes. This may or may not be who you are, if it’s not then I’d suggest rewriting it yourself and not using AI. Also the disclaimers you put on your profile are meaningless. |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Your profile screams red flags to us. You come across very poorly in my opinion.
The swinging community is an inclusive space and your profile screams angry white male with conspiracy theory vibes. This may or may not be who you are, if it’s not then I’d suggest rewriting it yourself and not using AI. Also the disclaimers you put on your profile are meaningless."
Your reply implies to me that I am NOT allowed to say that I am only intrested in meeting women.
However I notice no women are given the same treatment for stating what they want Or do not want.
So far all I've had are Gay men and couples and while they are perfectly free to live their lives how they choose etc being a straight male I have no intrest in them.
Really I am saving them and myself time.
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Dude, you've had it all explained to you. You can be as picky and selective as you want, but with that profile and that attitude your chances here are pretty much zero."
So are you implying because I'm only intrested in Women that makes me picky? |
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"Dude, you've had it all explained to you. You can be as picky and selective as you want, but with that profile and that attitude your chances here are pretty much zero.
So are you implying because I'm only intrested in Women that makes me picky?"
OP we pose this question?
How many women would you estimate are
A) in your age bracket
B) on here
C) both able to and willing to accommodate
D) are into your interests
E) Have your age group, ethnicity, body type, look as their preference
F) believe your profile gives them enough information to be interested
G) are local to you
We would suggest irrespective of how you come across in this thread as everyone is entitled to their opinion, that simple maths would say that the potential market you are working within is very small. At this point this may be seen as picky.
They are your preferences and you are entitled to them but the reality is if you expect to strike gold so quickly on here you are mistaken.
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"Dude, you've had it all explained to you. You can be as picky and selective as you want, but with that profile and that attitude your chances here are pretty much zero.
So are you implying because I'm only intrested in Women that makes me picky?"
Where did I say that??
Let's do the numbers - The demographics of this site are about 70% men, 25% couples and 5% single women - so you're already down to 5%.
Of that 5%, you only want ones between the ages of 25-50, so maybe 3%
You also want them to be local to Ipswich even though you can't accommodate - so maybe 0.2%.
Your problem is that you are in competition for that 0.2% with most of that other 70% of men, most of whom have better pictures, better bio and a better attitude.
You can improve your chances significantly by addressing those last three things without sacrificing your "women only" criteria.
Or you can just moan about how unfair it all is - up to you really. |
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By *aeger OP Man 8 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"Dude, you've had it all explained to you. You can be as picky and selective as you want, but with that profile and that attitude your chances here are pretty much zero.
So are you implying because I'm only intrested in Women that makes me picky?
Where did I say that??
Let's do the numbers - The demographics of this site are about 70% men, 25% couples and 5% single women - so you're already down to 5%.
Of that 5%, you only want ones between the ages of 25-50, so maybe 3%
You also want them to be local to Ipswich even though you can't accommodate - so maybe 0.2%.
Your problem is that you are in competition for that 0.2% with most of that other 70% of men, most of whom have better pictures, better bio and a better attitude.
You can improve your chances significantly by addressing those last three things without sacrificing your "women only" criteria.
Or you can just moan about how unfair it all is - up to you really."
Not moaning its unfair just asking for real advice.
So far some of you latest advice is actually helpful!
The 25-50 isn't me I've tried changing it however it rests back like I have no say in it.
Honestly I feel icky with 25 let alone younger! Upto 55 Maybe 60 would be ok but again I've tried changing it, it just goes back.
And staying local is a practical and safety thing. |
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Go to clubs and socials don't waste time messaging women on here...got to put yourself about so to speak... check my profile I never cold message I go out most Saturday nights... build a network up |
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By *adgeyMan 8 weeks ago
Bingley |
"Hello everyone, due to being in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist I've decided relationships aren't for me anymore however still want the fun.
Was recommended this place but seem to be going no where fast!
I've become a support and did the verification thing but still nothing am I not doing something correctly? "
If only it was that easy ha |
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