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Married and in love with someone else
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I'm a married man, kids, but in a relationship with no spark, excitement or connection anymore, tried counselling etc and nothing seems to work, I've grown close to a colleague at work, things have happened between us and I feel a huge spark and attraction and so comfortable when I'm with her, Im in love with her, but massively stuck as I have a home, kids, wife etc, not looking for haters, just advice as genuinely stuck !!! |
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You are probably in love with the idea of it. Lust can give similar feelings..
You should leave if you really aren't in love with your wife anymore. It's not fair.
But I'd ask yourself if the thing with your work colleague is real before you throw your marriage away.. and perhaps put the effort in at home
Cali |
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"You are probably in love with the idea of it. Lust can give similar feelings..
You should leave if you really aren't in love with your wife anymore. It's not fair.
But I'd ask yourself if the thing with your work colleague is real before you throw your marriage away.. and perhaps put the effort in at home
Cali "
I agree with Cali. And nobody is really stuck, we all have options, just some choices are much harder to make than others. Weigh all your options, and decide what's best for all involved. Your kids can probably already sense that Mum and Dad are not as connected as they used to be. |
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Does your wife and your work colleague know you are on Fab and have been for a while? It seems you have been unhappy in your marriage for a long time. It might be time to end it, but beware your work colleague might just be a lifeboat you may be clinging on to because you are afraid to jump into the choppy waters of a single life. Don’t put too much pressure on that relationship. Ask yourself would you be leaving your marriage if that affair hadn’t begun. |
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Your relationship with your colleague is free of all the stresses of your home life. When you're with her she's not tired out from dealing with the kids, worried about what to cook for dinner tomorrow, wondering if there's enough in the current account for new school shoes. It stands to reason that life with her looks a more attractive prospect.
If you genuinely feel that your marriage has run its course and your future lays with your colleague you need to start planning for divorce, working out what you're going to do about your property, child care, where you and your loved are going to live etc.
I'd seriously counsel against continuing an affair behind your partner's back. |
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Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal |
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Does she feel the same op and want to be with you?.
You always have options, you're not stuck anywhere, but if you decide to make a break and leave your wife, it's not gonna be easy.
As others have said, I think your marriage is over, you're here I'm guessing behind your wife's back and seeing someone else.
We can't decide what to do, that's down to you. Whatever you decide, remember you were once in love with your wife and the grass isn't always greener. |
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I'd question that you used the word comfortable to describe your family life AND your work lover.
I think you're avoiding hard decisions for comfort/ easy life.
Complete honesty solves everything.
B. |
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By *irsSubCouple 8 weeks ago
Darlington |
The only person who can make that decision is you, and as with everything in life you will have to live with the consequences of either staying or going.
I agree with a lot of the other replies about the "grass being greener" and any affection will seem amazing if it's missing in your marriage. Be very cautious about not being swept up in that and try and remember that presumably you and your wife once had that. |
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Try operating outside your comfort zone and have an open and frank discussion with your wife. As previously indicated, children, bills and real life change a relationship.
You could try to water the grass in your own garden, instead of watering your colleagues garden. The grass isn't always greener...
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal"
Life with your colleague, who it seems you only 'think' feels the same way about you, will eventually become comfortable and normal.
Im reminded of a Wendy Cope poem with special reference to the last line and substituting her for him.
.
Two Cures for Love
'1. Don’t see him. Don’t phone or write a letter.
2. The easy way: get to know him better'
If you genuinely feel your marriage can't be saved don't rely on your colleague as your back up. |
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From my own experience. I am a divorcee some 20 odd years ago I made the momentous decision to leave my wife. We just weren't compatible.
All I can tell you is you might be about to go through a lot of Heart ache. In my case I think I made the right decision. My kids are doing well and very successful and my ex wife is with a nice guy that seems to be on the same wavelength as her and I am with the love of my life.
It might turn out alright in the end but.......... be prepared for some very very difficult days ahead.
|
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"I'm a married man, kids, but in a relationship with no spark, excitement or connection anymore, tried counselling etc and nothing seems to work, I've grown close to a colleague at work, things have happened between us and I feel a huge spark and attraction and so comfortable when I'm with her, Im in love with her, but massively stuck as I have a home, kids, wife etc, not looking for haters, just advice as genuinely stuck !!!"
Grass isnt always greener |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal"
Believe me, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Are you blinded by love or lust?. My advice is to delete your Fab account and work on your marriage and create happy memories with your family. Have you tried that?. |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal
Believe me, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Are you blinded by love or lust?. My advice is to delete your Fab account and work on your marriage and create happy memories with your family. Have you tried that?. "
I think he has. He said they've tried counselling etc. |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal"
The fact that you're comfortable and normal, tell me you are stable and you don't want to loose everything in a divorce. How about talking to your wife about opening up the marriage. ENM. This is better than being on fab and sleeping with your colleague and potentially hurting your wife who could react negatively and take all you have including your kids. I have seen it happen lots of times. Be honest about keeping your home and family and wanting an ENM relationship xx |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal
The fact that you're comfortable and normal, tell me you are stable and you don't want to loose everything in a divorce. How about talking to your wife about opening up the marriage. ENM. This is better than being on fab and sleeping with your colleague and potentially hurting your wife who could react negatively and take all you have including your kids. I have seen it happen lots of times. Be honest about keeping your home and family and wanting an ENM relationship xx"
Sorry if I'm being dumb but ENM ? |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal
The fact that you're comfortable and normal, tell me you are stable and you don't want to loose everything in a divorce. How about talking to your wife about opening up the marriage. ENM. This is better than being on fab and sleeping with your colleague and potentially hurting your wife who could react negatively and take all you have including your kids. I have seen it happen lots of times. Be honest about keeping your home and family and wanting an ENM relationship xx
Sorry if I'm being dumb but ENM ? "
ENM stands for Ethical Non Monogamy it means opening up the marriage and having more than one partner, being polyamorous is also a term used xx   |
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"Thank you all for your kind support and advice, I do feel the marriage is over and that I would be happier with my colleague, the main pull keeping me at home is the kids and the fact life is comfortable and normal
The fact that you're comfortable and normal, tell me you are stable and you don't want to loose everything in a divorce. How about talking to your wife about opening up the marriage. ENM. This is better than being on fab and sleeping with your colleague and potentially hurting your wife who could react negatively and take all you have including your kids. I have seen it happen lots of times. Be honest about keeping your home and family and wanting an ENM relationship xx
Sorry if I'm being dumb but ENM ?
ENM stands for Ethical Non Monogamy it means opening up the marriage and having more than one partner, being polyamorous is also a term used xx "
ah I see what you mean now sorry |
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This happened to my dad with his last wife. He thought that the marriage he was in, he wasn’t happy enough and so sought company from another female. He told his wife he was leaving and upon packing his bags told his gf he was ready to move in.. she decided to end it there and then.. leaving him with a distraught wife and nowhere to go..
Just be careful and really think of what you actually want out of this OP. Things may not go the way you want or plan x |
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"This happened to my dad with his last wife. He thought that the marriage he was in, he wasn’t happy enough and so sought company from another female. He told his wife he was leaving and upon packing his bags told his gf he was ready to move in.. she decided to end it there and then.. leaving him with a distraught wife and nowhere to go..
Just be careful and really think of what you actually want out of this OP. Things may not go the way you want or plan x"
thank you x |
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"As things are at the moment, no which is sad to admit "
Not all relationships are meant to last.
Your initial post said you'd tried many things. Do you like your wife? Is she someone that you'd choose to spend time with if you met her for the first time tomorrow? What first attracted you to each other? Is she happy, depressed, ill, exhausted, overwhelmed, interested? |
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Staying in a dead relationship just for the children is a huge mistake.
The kids will figure out something isn't right then eventually question you both about it.
It's your choice what you do of course but just saying it will be hard if decided to break up but will in time get easier for you a d the children |
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