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By *loth280 OP Man 8 weeks ago
Caversham |
Hey, i went a date a few nights ago and found that I was stuttering and nervous.....I can chat to anyone online but struggle with nerves in public and it takes a couple of meets to get properly comfortable with new people.
Anyone else been like this and found a way to get over the nerves? I know I am an overthinker and end up judging everything I say! |
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I don't struggle but it can be helpful to have a few things planned to say. The old chestnuts like 'how was your journey here?' or ' isn't the weather lovely/horrible' can help get conversations started.
Ask questions
'what are your hobbies?'
'what's your favourite, film/colour/pet?' and be prepared to have your own answer ready.
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"My brain tells me that they are awful boring questions 🤦♂️ happy to know that they are acceptable though now 🤣"
Small talk is generally a bit boring but unless you know someone a bit it's all you've got really. You can't hold an interesting conversation with someone until you know what they're interested in. That's what small talk is for, establishing common ground and laying the base for getting to know each other.
What are your hobbies? Tell me about one you particularly like. |
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Practice relaxation, as it's a skill and it can work like strength training and become more habitual. I'm guessing that if you were more relaxed, you'd potentially feel more free to engage.
I'd also limit my time, so only be with nurturing, loving type people. There are lots of kind people who it won't matter with, if you get an issue.
Could you do something active with people, as often when we're moving, we're not as tense/withdrawn? |
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This totally resignates with me. And to be honest I can't think that I ever come up with a strategy to overcome it as such. If I could get a conversation into the realm of a conversation subject I was keen/knowledgeable on that always helped. Not that that's a prime solution because it risks you dominating the conversation, you just giving a massive info dump or coming across boring. On the other hand if they're genuinely intrested and engaged in the conversation that's good compatability I suppose.
Anyway by biggest advice to getting better is to just go on lots of dates. Practice and familiarity really helps build confidence and calms nerves. At least that's what I found out going through a big patch of many meets and dates.
Mr |
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