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Going soft
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I went to a swingers club for the first time yesterday and ended up having some fun with a couple. I was very much enjoying giving the lady some oral, was really turned on and rock hard. The guy threw me a condom and told me go for it. I duly obliged, but I found the occasion got to me and I went soft after a little while. The couple were all good and said I did well for my first time (haha), but it more or less ended the play session. A bit later I joined a group session and was given a great bj to completion so I did leave happy. My concern, is that it also happened at my last 1:1 meet a couple of months ago, only this time it was after I'd already cum from oral so I put it down to that. I've never had this issue previously with LT non-swinger partners. Is this common and how best to put the thought out of my head next time?
Note: Also posted on another board. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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It’s the same for makes making video content. It’s a “head game” not usually a physical problem
When as a male you realise you’re there to “perform” it’s a Willy shrinker.
It happens.
Trixie
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"If it's just been a couple of times I wouldn't worry especially in clubs. Performance anxiety describes it really well. As long as it gets hard normally I wouldn't sweat it"
That's what I'm hoping. I'd barely been in the building for 15min before my tongue was on the lovely lady's clit, so I was pretty overwhelmed. I was really hard during the group session and felt I could have fucked, had the bj not been so good. Still plays on the mind a little though. |
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I really suffer from this in any sexual scenario now. It started off in similar manner to you, I was invited by a couple for 3some when I was at uni. It then got in my head and only became worse over the years. I now have to be really relaxed to avoid it but it's still always in back of my mind so I rush sex to try and get it over before it happens.
There is a scene in the old bbc sitcom coupling where they discuss "the melty man" |
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I have a similar issue sometimes, all is good for me until I use a condom.
Its better now ive found a condom that fits me better.
I tend to over think a situation....just relax and go with it, but thats easier said than done as a man. |
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"I have a similar issue sometimes, all is good for me until I use a condom.
Its better now ive found a condom that fits me better.
I tend to over think a situation....just relax and go with it, but thats easier said than done as a man. "
Putting on the condom definitely didn't help, fumbled with the packet a bit when opening too. Also with about 4 pairs of eye's on me (some were watching) I did feel exposed haha. |
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By *ou an usCouple 6 weeks ago
the South West but hiding |
" I'd barely been in the building for 15min before my tongue was on the lovely lady's clit
It sounds like you had a fantastic first club visit, with the BJ to completion too. "
Wonder which club, I best head there lol, virtually any bj makes me soft🙉 |
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It's really common, we see it with a lot of guys. I think often it's just the brain losing focus. In a new environment, with new people (possibly your first time with more than 1:1) and a self induced pressure to preform. It can be hard to lose yourself in the moment and be mentally free. I think you'll get better with exposure and experience in this environment/scene. Also some guys will chase any opportunities for sex even if they're not 100% into the woman or feeling the chemistry or environment. Which is great until push comes to shove and it all comes undone.
There's sometimes other factors such a neurodiversity that can impact sexual performance. Sometimes I have issues when someone tells me to do something, like in this example the guy telling you to put a condom on and fuck her. Yes this would have been my intent to do so but someone telling me to do so could trigger my command avoidance. So something like that could throw me and as stupid as it sounds trigger an inner rage. I'm much better if I'm left to flow, take the lead and do what comes naturally to me. So understanding yourself and also being able to communicate what works for you too is really important.
Anyway don't dwell on it and just work on what you need to do to be completely free and in the moment.
Mr |
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It's totally normal to get these sorts of performance anxieties; particularly with new playmates or when new to the lifestyle.
You may find that a small dose of an ED medication could assist; speak to the appropriate professionals.
I use them myself; having had similar things when we first started with couples (never had the issue in FFMs oddly enough) and even though I don't really need them now I still keep up with them because it means I go into the meet knowing it isn't going to be a problem. And knowing it, means it isn't, because it's a head game issue ultimately |
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I used to have similar issues when I was younger and less confident. It was basically nerves and pressure messing with my head. I've since learned just to relax and take my time in these situations.
If it continues you might also want to try some Viagra - that extra 'boost' might make a big difference. |
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It's very common.
A guy at a party asked Paul if he always gets a hard at these parties.
He answered
"No, not always.
Do you have a problem with your wife"
No, he replied.
Then you don't have a problem.
Don't overthink it.
You're not a porn star, just a normal fella.
Just have a great night, even if that means spending the night just playing with your wife and watching others.
It's a party, not an interview.
Next party he showed Paul a little blue pill in his pocket.
Party after that he said never again, splitting headache and a bunged up nose.
Bless him.  |
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I’ve had this before with numerous partners, for the first time I’m with that person sexually. I’m rock solid, excited to get going, and I’ve gone to out on a condom and it’s gone down.
Every partner has been supportive and after the first one I havnt had a problem. I put it down to nerves the first time. Dont sweat it you’ll be back to performing to your normal standard in no time! |
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"
Next party he showed Paul a little blue pill in his pocket.
Party after that he said never again, splitting headache and a bunged up nose.
Had he stuffed the pill up his nose ?"
I'll suggest it next time we see him |
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By *een57Man 6 weeks ago
Ballyboring |
It happened to me.
I had a semi hard cock caused by the combination of the shock of having sex with a different female than my GF, plus the thought I only had half hour before her husband came home.
I thought the bedroom door might burst open at any moment.
It just refused to get hard enough to go inside the willing female's lovey pussy.  |
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it happens.. When you are new though obviously it can be like stage fright. Happened to me when I started out I was playing with a couple going great guns then I noticed an audience watching and I went south. It will get easier |
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It happened to me once...
We were at a swingers place in the South of France (no, not that one) and they had these little cabins in the woods with big mattresses.
We were relaxing together, when this French couple arrived, and made it clear that they wanted to join us. She was at least ten years younger than me, slim and elegant in that way that only French women can be. She was wearing some expensive perfume, and she was beautiful. She could have been a film star. In fact, knowing France, she probably was.
We kissed, and I ran my hands over her perfect body, exploring and enjoying it. I kissed her all over, and she made the cutest little sighs as I flicked her clit with the tip of my tongue.
I felt like all my birthdays had come at once.
I used the international sign to ask her if she wanted to take it further, by waving a condom package at her. She smiled, and nodded, so I ripped the package open.
And then I found I had nothing to put it on. It was less of a proud, thrusting shaft, and more of a prawn...
I was thinking how to say "This has never happened to me before" in my schoolboy French, when I was rescued by the arrival of two more French couples.
One of them was a couple that we'd played with before. She was about 10 years older than me, a bit rounded, and looks-wise could best be described as average. She recognised me and gave me a hello kiss, that rapidly became more passionate.
And then BOING, condom on, bliss...
I've often wondered what the first woman must have thought!
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By *FF23Man 6 weeks ago
London |
I had similar with my ex. She was absolutely stunning. Loved dressing up, into everything I could ever dream of. And a few times, as mentioned before I got performance anxiety. She thought it was about her and got all upset which obviously just made it worse. Us blokes get so up in our heads sometimes. And as soon as that thought enters our minds about a worst case scenario then the seed is planted. So understanding, not guilt or pressure is a way to solve it. Trying to understand how you felt is important so you can explain to make the situation better next time you feel that way.
You ain’t alone. And it’s nice to see it discussed. 🫶 |
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"I went to a swingers club for the first time yesterday and ended up having some fun with a couple. I was very much enjoying giving the lady some oral, was really turned on and rock hard. The guy threw me a condom and told me go for it. I duly obliged, but I found the occasion got to me and I went soft after a little while. The couple were all good and said I did well for my first time (haha), but it more or less ended the play session. A bit later I joined a group session and was given a great bj to completion so I did leave happy. My concern, is that it also happened at my last 1:1 meet a couple of months ago, only this time it was after I'd already cum from oral so I put it down to that. I've never had this issue previously with LT non-swinger partners. Is this common and how best to put the thought out of my head next time?
Note: Also posted on another board."
It happens mate. Just focus on her and making her have a huge orgasm and more. Making women come will help too. Don’t stress pal. It happens. But don’t miss the opportunity to still have some fun and filth! |
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By *WANDTGCouple 6 weeks ago
Borough of Greenwich |
Condoms sometimes trigger this for me, not sure why, but to me they are passion killers. Obviously I wear them for protection but I've gone limp a few times, just resorted to oral play. |
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