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My partner has discovered she’s a Brat - advice needed!
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By *ertiB OP Man 6 weeks ago
Bournemouth |
Can any Brats out there advise? She’s curious about but not really into the full-on kink scene, however after reading up about it she discovered she fits the whole “brat” personality to a tee - likes to tease, wants me to play “daddy” but at the same time resist and not act sub.
Have to admit this whole dynamic is somewhat new to me and finding it a bit of a challenge to find the right balance. Can anyone offer any pointers? Thanks! |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 6 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
Cut me in half it says brat like Blackpool rock. There is an inherent tension in it - wanting to do something but also not wanting to do it because that would be submitting to someone or be vulnerable to someone and brat hates that clip from one the other. It’s often the petulant eye roll, the shrug, the reluctant sure which is the flip. It’s the playful ‘you gonna suck my cock then beautiful?’ (indulge the brat expect to get told to fuck off) to the dead stare serious tone and ‘stop fucking around and suck my cock’.
Whereas submissive / dominant is explored in defined mental space with rules and safe words, brat is a pendulum not a fixed interaction.
Just my experience but hope this helps. |
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By *adyJayneWoman 6 weeks ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Can any Brats out there advise? She’s curious about but not really into the full-on kink scene, however after reading up about it she discovered she fits the whole “brat” personality to a tee - likes to tease, wants me to play “daddy” but at the same time resist and not act sub.
Have to admit this whole dynamic is somewhat new to me and finding it a bit of a challenge to find the right balance. Can anyone offer any pointers? Thanks!"
Can you articulate what it is you're finding challenging?
What feels unbalanced to you?
Like any dynamic it takes time to understand and get used to (I am a bratty switch, in a relationship with an even brattier switch...) and can feel forced or uncomfortable at times.
The main key is, outside of sexytime that you communicate, a lot.
Talk about the dynamic, what has worked or not worked for either of you.
In sexy time, if playing with tease/consent/resistance make sure you have clear safe words. (Personally I prefer multiple words cause a safe word should be a dead stop and I much prefer being able to change things before it gets near there...)
The easiest is the traffic light system, green everything is good crack in, yellow/amber pull back/mix it up/close to too much, red all done now.
We can check in by asking "what colour are you..." now peak brat can get some cheeky answers but we've established hes fine to brat if the answer is green (my common retort is - not pink enough is that as hard as you can hit... but I'm a masochist) |
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By *ertiB OP Man 6 weeks ago
Bournemouth |
"
Can you articulate what it is you're finding challenging?
What feels unbalanced to you?
"
Mainly getting a handle in the “flip” glow up doll mentioned I suppose!
I can get in “Daddy” mode, but then if she acts petulant or eyerolls in response I’ve a tendency to think she wants to take a dom role - which she does, to an extent but is then left waiting for me to assert myself and overcome her bratty side! But it seems to do so, I need to force myself on her, without a clear signal at some point which I’m not quite comfortable with - it’s negotiating crossing that line. To be honest it’s something we’re both dipping our toes into and trying to feel our way through. |
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By *adyJayneWoman 6 weeks ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Can you articulate what it is you're finding challenging?
What feels unbalanced to you?
Mainly getting a handle in the “flip” glow up doll mentioned I suppose!
I can get in “Daddy” mode, but then if she acts petulant or eyerolls in response I’ve a tendency to think she wants to take a dom role - which she does, to an extent but is then left waiting for me to assert myself and overcome her bratty side! But it seems to do so, I need to force myself on her, without a clear signal at some point which I’m not quite comfortable with - it’s negotiating crossing that line. To be honest it’s something we’re both dipping our toes into and trying to feel our way through. "
Ah.
You're struggling to be able to tell the difference between a desire to switch roles and bratting?
That is harder to differentiate and is generally really individual.
My boy (for example) its as subtle as his body language and the way he words things. But, I'm aware that I've spent a long time with him in my life (even before we got together) and i know him extremely well.
As a rule, eyerolling is pretty much always bratting. When I am responding in Domme mode its not an eyeroll its a glare over the glasses
So, this is where the safe word bit is extremely important, as is the non sexy time talking.
Have a chat and set some boundaries or conditions, for example, especially because its so new, you could negotiate in advance that as you're exploring this dynamic you will take x y and z behaviour as always bratting unless she says otherwise.
My suggestion, especually if a verbal que would be helpful... establish a safeword for this specific purpose. (This is where I'd probably suggest pink...)
React to her behaviour initially and as soon as appropriate ask her what colour she is...
If she confirms brat... then happy days. I can reccomend replying with phrases such as
"Oh good ive been looking forward to breaking you"
"Bring it"
"Oh you're going to regret this..."
Not that those have an affect on me.
Nope. Not at all. |
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"
Can you articulate what it is you're finding challenging?
What feels unbalanced to you?
Mainly getting a handle in the “flip” glow up doll mentioned I suppose!
I can get in “Daddy” mode, but then if she acts petulant or eyerolls in response I’ve a tendency to think she wants to take a dom role - which she does, to an extent but is then left waiting for me to assert myself and overcome her bratty side! But it seems to do so, I need to force myself on her, without a clear signal at some point which I’m not quite comfortable with - it’s negotiating crossing that line. To be honest it’s something we’re both dipping our toes into and trying to feel our way through. "
I think it's beautiful that you are starting out together and sharing this journey BTW.
Practically I'd say you need to build some kind of a framework. Because people expect too much in BDSM for people to read their minds. And it's also important in your role to offer consistency and fairness. So I would suggest maybe starting with a few rules, standards and consequences. Keep it basic for now, you can expand. This is both really handy for you and her. For you it gives you the clarity and mandate to call when a boundary has been broken and the framework of what to do about. Like you rolled your eyes at me, that's a clear violation. You know where you stand and you know you have to do something. Likewise it gives her the knowledge of the boundaries she needs to cross to get a desired reaction and what consequences it may result in. Which is all on her (and of course what she wanted). It's kind of like playing new board game after reading the rule vs playing the game without it and no-one really having a clue what they're doing.
Mr |
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I tend to divide brats in D/s into two broad categories. Primal brats in which everything is a fight or a challenge and their submission is an endless campaign and they are a pain unless you are brat wrangling Dom/me.
Then there Cheeky brats who accept the submission but like to tease, they tiptoe up to the line of bad behaviour but do not cross it. I accept that people in the scene will have their own definitions of brat.
However, I have seen articles in vanilla magazines about 'Are you a brat?' but not in a D/s sense but as a response to Charli XC's song "Brat". This may be OP's situation. |
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"Can any Brats out there advise? She’s curious about but not really into the full-on kink scene, however after reading up about it she discovered she fits the whole “brat” personality to a tee - likes to tease, wants me to play “daddy” but at the same time resist and not act sub.
Have to admit this whole dynamic is somewhat new to me and finding it a bit of a challenge to find the right balance. Can anyone offer any pointers? Thanks!"
Take away her toys |
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It sounds like your still trying to figure it out, but no one here knows her better than you, I think the dynamic is hot 🔥 but it’s definitely one that both of you need the reward.
Sounds like you’re struggling to find the sweet spot of submission. Have you tried watching some videos together to maybe agree on a subtle sign that would let you know. |
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