FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Isn't this meant to be fun?
Isn't this meant to be fun?
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This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? |
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By *ickD80Man 4 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
I’ve been saying for a long time now that verifications on here are pointless and meaningless.
They aren’t proof that someone is who they say they are because someone can verify someone else and say that they’ve met in person without ever actually meeting that person.
Also, lots of verifications say that they met the person at a club and had fun with them….I’m assuming mobile phones aren’t allowed in clubs and I’m assuming people don’t walk around with a pen and paper to write down the profile name of everyone they meet, so how do they actually remember who they’ve met to be able to find their profile and verify them afterwards? Have they just got really good memories? I forget someone’s name almost straight away when i first meet them so i’d have zero chance of remembering random profile names. |
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By *enelope2UWoman 4 weeks ago
Doesn't matter cant block distances |
"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? "
Unfortunately nothing.. there's zero accountability on here to prevent that or even stop it...so being on here is that risk |
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It might be that they've attended an event, which if they put the Guestlist in the forum, then they can go back and find the person.
But yes, the verification process is pointless and also there's not much in the sign up process to out spare accounts/fake accounts.
Right now I'm clutching on to the thought that this might be a fun way for me to explore but actually it's becoming exhausting.
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By *ickD80Man 4 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"It might be that they've attended an event, which if they put the Guestlist in the forum, then they can go back and find the person.
But yes, the verification process is pointless and also there's not much in the sign up process to out spare accounts/fake accounts.
Right now I'm clutching on to the thought that this might be a fun way for me to explore but actually it's becoming exhausting.
"
You’re not doing anything wrong by meeting men for sex, you can’t loose your job over it. Admittedly I don’t know what your situation is so i apologise if you do have a particular job that means it’s a problem.
What threats did this woman make in her messages? |
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? "
It’s fucking dumb that this is even an issue. It’s a shame that any degree of honesty is met with deception and dishonest intent.
Unfortunately, the only way around it is to use a different name completely and avoid anybody who knows you in real life like the plague. I agree it ruins some fun because it’s automatically putting up a defence and staying away from risk.
It’s the same sentiment that’s behind women’s self defence classes etc, we shouldn’t need them, but we do because unfortunately that’s the world we live in.
Anyone else wanna move to an island of genuine people who are open and honest and just respect the words “community” and “privacy”? |
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? "
Don't give your real name.
Don't meet at your house.
Put a false postcode so you show up living 30+ miles away. |
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Yes it is meant to be fun.
It doesn't matter where or how you meet people there is always an element of risk and the possibility you'll encounter a wrong 'un. 95% of those you meet will be sound unfortunately you need to behave as if 100% aren't. As has been said never give your correct name or location, don't give too much personal identification, don't share identifying photos or photos that you also use on social media and keep a second phone that you use solely for fab. Also be aware that fab admin have no jurisdiction over other platforms and any threats carried out away from fab need reporting where they happen. |
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We stopped using the site for a number of years as were outed , eventually found out who did it, and had been seen by someone in a club who passed that info to someone who disliked S and without going into specifics tried to circulate rumours and some screenshots off here which was mortifyingly embarrassing about us. A nasty situation and we've only recently decided to resume on here but on a much less active basis ..sorry to hear what's happened to you OP |
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Agreed. Don’t trust anyone! I’ve been duped twice and they contacted my work! Luckily my boss is a woman and was very understanding. It’s the world we live in unfortunately and being in a rural location, simply means we get complacent. Bad move, always be on your guard, but have fun too! |
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? "
What a nasty woman. Shame you can’t find out who she is and pay her a friendly visit for a chat to illuminate her on the error of her ways . |
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"I’ve been saying for a long time now that verifications on here are pointless and meaningless.
They aren’t proof that someone is who they say they are because someone can verify someone else and say that they’ve met in person without ever actually meeting that person.
Also, lots of verifications say that they met the person at a club and had fun with them….I’m assuming mobile phones aren’t allowed in clubs and I’m assuming people don’t walk around with a pen and paper to write down the profile name of everyone they meet, so how do they actually remember who they’ve met to be able to find their profile and verify them afterwards? Have they just got really good memories? I forget someone’s name almost straight away when i first meet them so i’d have zero chance of remembering random profile names. "
We find verifications far from pointless and meaningless. They are only part of a process though. Just like with Amazon, one veri, especially from a cam or a club/social organiser saying they attended, tells you little, but a critical mass of veris from similarly well verified people tells you a lot. We have found remembering people’s usernames from club pretty straightforward. You only need to remember part of it and the Fab username search does the rest. We have been lucky in that all our fab experiences have been positive but appreciate not everyone’s will be so, and single women run more risk. One piece of advice: if you share your mobile number, amend your Facebook settings so it doesn’t make friend suggestions based on phone numbers in contacts or your Facebook profile will appear in their feed as someone they may know. |
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am so sorry to hear about what happened OP, quite a sad affair
very immature of them
i'm not sure to be honest what one can do, but I just hope in the future, you'll find and meet with people who are mature and not any hassle x |
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"I’ve been saying for a long time now that verifications on here are pointless and meaningless.
They aren’t proof that someone is who they say they are because someone can verify someone else and say that they’ve met in person without ever actually meeting that person.
Also, lots of verifications say that they met the person at a club and had fun with them….I’m assuming mobile phones aren’t allowed in clubs and I’m assuming people don’t walk around with a pen and paper to write down the profile name of everyone they meet, so how do they actually remember who they’ve met to be able to find their profile and verify them afterwards? Have they just got really good memories? I forget someone’s name almost straight away when i first meet them so i’d have zero chance of remembering random profile names. "
I’m quite new to this but did meet a guy who actually does have a little see-through pencil case he takes into clubs with him that had condoms, wipes/tissues and a small pencil and paper for remembering the names of genuine people he met for veris. I’ve also noted that a lot of meets/events have group chats and guest lists beforehand so you can maybe message and get to know each other briefly in advance then if you do get along at the party verify them that way or find them through the recent veris/reviews from the event afterwards if that makes sense?
I have seen catfish and fake profiles with fake veris though so people are getting through somehow. Unfortunately you’re gonna get stuff like that on a platform like this no matter what it’s impossible to completely police it, more popular apps like POF and Tinder are almost unusable now because of all of the scammers (deffo from a single guys point of view).
Just have to be extra vigilant when getting to know people on here, judging by what the OP said though that sounds more like a case of a genuine member just being a prick and breaking the golden rules, hopefully they’ve been removed ⛔️
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We tend to keep this life and normal life totally, totally, separate.
Let alarm bells sound when folks you meet start asking personal question like address or jobs etc.
If you put a photo on this site be careful of backgrounds you can be caught out by furniture, paintings, rugs etc etc.
Get a swingers phone and some cards printed with the details you want to release.
Make sure you use different names and never use the same photos on other social media sites and use different email accounts.
In short, keep your 2 lives separate.
There are lovely people on this site but some very damaged people too.
Putting face photos on open view is just asking for trouble and never introduce your swinging friends to vanilla friends.
Like all things in life, take your time, you control it, not it control you and do your due diligence.
PS
We have asked many times for a pencil and paper in a club.
Good luck. |
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this?
Don't give your real name.
Don't meet at your house.
Put a false postcode so you show up living 30+ miles away."
I already do all of those things, but after 10 weeks of him dating me, needing my name to check into a hotel that requires ID. He found out my name on socials. I thought he was a genuine guy who had caught feelings. She is apparently " just a friend" who is absolutely nuts.
An error of judgement on my part. |
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this?
What a nasty woman. Shame you can’t find out who she is and pay her a friendly visit for a chat to illuminate her on the error of her ways . "
I know who she is, as she messaged my business page with her personal Instagram. However, I issued them both with a " do not contact me again or I'll report you to the police for harassment " so really I can't fight fire with fire. |
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Wow, sorry you had this happen op.
She sounds really vindictive.
You've done the right thing reporting and blocking.
Over the years on here, I've had some men be not v discreet about previous meets shall we say.
They've told me their first names, that they were playing away etc.
So I'm extra careful, only a couple of people know my real first name. I don't give out where I work and it irritates me when men ask me where abouts I live /work when we don't know each other.
I think you can be vigilant and still unfortunately get those who are careless with our details or aren't bothered about what they disclose.
All I can suggest is maybe in future, you do any booking, so they don't need your name etc.
I hope they don't bother you again now.
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"This week a women from fab was given my real name without permission by a guy I had met.
She then found my business page on Instagram and sent my business a threatening message.
The guy didn't see that as an issue.
It's becoming so difficult to enjoy this site without the risk of abuse/stalking/harassment.
How do people stay safe? I try to only meet guys with verifications, but in this example, he had positive verifications ( one of which was from the lady in question. )
Yet when I put a status up about their actions, other people came forward saying similar has happened to them too.
So obviously I've blocked and reported but essentially anyone can just make a new account and verify each other.
How do we avoid stuff like this? "
Can be an issue, but then some people won't even accept that you can't have a public face pic on here for professional reasons. I guess it's just different life experiences. It's not ok though, sorry someone did that to you |
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