FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Genuinely, how do I say no to unwanted touching?
Genuinely, how do I say no to unwanted touching?
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So uhm, I went to my first club visit yesterday (Sunday). I had both the best time of my life but also kinda the worst?
I loved the nice people, the facilities, and just the general vibe most of the time. It was an absolute vibe for the 8ish hours I spent there.
My issue stems from being groped and touched alot even though I didn't really want it. I tried to move away, give body signals, and noises that Im not interested but I had like 4 people who just kept going after that. This was my only real issue with the place and most people were super friendly.
As the title says really, how do I just say no? I know it might sound easy to some but I try and say no but the words just dont come out. I'm too shy. Near the end I met a really nice person who acted as a barrier between me and the weirdos to stop it happening again as he was fine telling them to fuck off but I don't want to rely on others to say no for me. |
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Hi
I've not been to a club, but have been in situations of unwanted touching. Not having any confidence I used to loose my voice, but putting my hand up in a 'stop' action worked majority of times.
Is it something that a staff member could help with? |
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I don't mean this harshly but you need to practice saying "no" forcefully and unambiguously.
Body language is often misinterpreted sometimes deliberately and some people assume that because you haven't actually said the word 'no' or 'stop' you're ok with what they're doing. If you really can't find it in yourself to speak up the best solution might be to walk away.
If someone is persistent speak to a staff member.
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Unwanted touching in most clubs is rare rather than being the norm. However if you can't say no we would advice you either don't go, or go with someone else. Also play in a lockable playroom rather than an open playroom and you can relax knowing you won't be disturbed. |
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"So uhm, I went to my first club visit yesterday (Sunday). I had both the best time of my life but also kinda the worst?
I loved the nice people, the facilities, and just the general vibe most of the time. It was an absolute vibe for the 8ish hours I spent there.
My issue stems from being groped and touched alot even though I didn't really want it. I tried to move away, give body signals, and noises that Im not interested but I had like 4 people who just kept going after that. This was my only real issue with the place and most people were super friendly.
As the title says really, how do I just say no? I know it might sound easy to some but I try and say no but the words just dont come out. I'm too shy. Near the end I met a really nice person who acted as a barrier between me and the weirdos to stop it happening again as he was fine telling them to fuck off but I don't want to rely on others to say no for me. "
I just say no thank you, move their hand and if they continue I’ll say fine I’ll report you! They soon stop. |
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As above a simple No or No thanks should be enough. If it carries on, complain to the event host or club who should have a word with the people concerned with a first and final warning.
As an event host I won't stand for any bad behaviour. |
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I’m really interested in this topic. We haven’t been to any clubs but do attend some private parties which are generally great fun. The downside is it’s usually a small hosted group and I’m always worried about ruining the “vibe” for the host. Unwanted touching has happened a couple of times and as one poster said people intentionally ignore/misinterpret non verbals and will hover. It seems a hard no is the only answer or else you come away feeling p*ssed off. |
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"I’m really interested in this topic. We haven’t been to any clubs but do attend some private parties which are generally great fun. The downside is it’s usually a small hosted group and I’m always worried about ruining the “vibe” for the host. Unwanted touching has happened a couple of times and as one poster said people intentionally ignore/misinterpret non verbals and will hover. It seems a hard no is the only answer or else you come away feeling p*ssed off."
I need to start taking my own advice!! |
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No thanks is a common expression we'll use in life, so I'd encourage you to use it. You'll perhaps not view it as unusual, as you'll say it a lot.
Stop is the other term I use, which is very clear |
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"As above a simple No or No thanks should be enough. If it carries on, complain to the event host or club who should have a word with the people concerned with a first and final warning.
As an event host I won't stand for any bad behaviour. "
If someone touches without permission should they not be removed from the club without warning? That's what we would expect. People are told on a first visit of the rules, not that anyone should need telling never to touch someone without permission. |
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"So uhm, I went to my first club visit yesterday (Sunday). I had both the best time of my life but also kinda the worst?
I loved the nice people, the facilities, and just the general vibe most of the time. It was an absolute vibe for the 8ish hours I spent there.
My issue stems from being groped and touched alot even though I didn't really want it. I tried to move away, give body signals, and noises that Im not interested but I had like 4 people who just kept going after that. This was my only real issue with the place and most people were super friendly.
As the title says really, how do I just say no? I know it might sound easy to some but I try and say no but the words just dont come out. I'm too shy. Near the end I met a really nice person who acted as a barrier between me and the weirdos to stop it happening again as he was fine telling them to fuck off but I don't want to rely on others to say no for me. "
I found my riding crop did the job just because you are at a swingers club don’t give men the right to touch people uninvited |
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"You tell them NO focefully and loudly. There is no need to be discreet when your personal space is being violated.
Staff there will take you seriously if you report them."
If you have said no (emphasis on voice, as others have said, body language can be misinterpreted)
Then this, you need to draw attention to what is going on. If they are not taking the hint, peer pressure may help.
Just because you are naked at a club does not infere consent to anything.
Hope the advice on the thread helps OP. |
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"As above a simple No or No thanks should be enough. If it carries on, complain to the event host or club who should have a word with the people concerned with a first and final warning.
As an event host I won't stand for any bad behaviour.
If someone touches without permission should they not be removed from the club without warning? That's what we would expect. People are told on a first visit of the rules, not that anyone should need telling never to touch someone without permission. "
I would say that it depends on the situation. If someone dives in outright groping then yes, out the door. But some class 'touching' as a gentle hand on the shoulder, or brushing their bum, in which case common sense needs to kick in and they need to be aware what they may see as 'friendly' is too much for some so it's not acceptable.
People are told on a first visit but over excitement can kick in, doesn't make it right, but often a stern warning can snap them back into decent behaviour  |
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By *aciamiCouple 3 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
Usually a simple 'No thank you' and/or putting your hand up as if to say stop is enough. If it's persistent it then we get a bit more forceful with our language, and will usually inform staff if we can identify them later.
Unwanted touching can ruin play and some single guys end up ruining it for the rest of us, and we have stopped play in such circumstances. You don't want to have to keep your eyes on people trying to touch when you're in the throws of play. |
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By *KK.Man 3 weeks ago
Leeds |
As others have said, no should mean no, but unfortunately not all (single male) swingers seem take note.
Please always report such behaviour to staff.
You may find you prefer the vibe at kink / fetish events. The kinksters (I speak as one) are much hotter on consent. There no really does mean no. |
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