FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Appropriate time to message someone again?
Appropriate time to message someone again?
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By *J98 OP Man 2 days ago
chichester |
I feel like myself and profile have come a long way recently. I’ve lost weight, gained muscle and become more confident. That being said I feel like I exhausted my options messaging people when I had no real idea what I was doing and my profile was bare.
Is there an appropriate amount of time to leave or reason to message people a second time? I don’t want to come off as rude or a pest and I’d love some opinions on this.
I realise that as a straight man I will probably not get many replies but also almost none in a year seems a bit crazy, I have never felt more happy in myself and body but at the same time the lack of response is draining.
TLDR: is there an appropriate amount of time or reason to message people a second time? |
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Hiya op
If they've read the message and not replied then that is your answer and move on
Don't just rely on messages use more of the site like the cam chat rooms as they are always active and you'll get a quick response |
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Some people get very annoyed but generally I think it's ok to be messaged again even after no reply as long as you aren't pestering, I'd say the third message is pestering.
But this depends, are you genuinely matching their requirements? Is there a reason that they would reply to you now when they didn't before?
Be respectful, don't expect a reply and if you don't get one definitely move on.
If it was a few days ago, leave it. If it was a few weeks ago I think it's fine.
Just how we see it, everyone is different |
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I'd not question this, after a year or more. I might wonder why it didn't work out earlier but, if I'd not kept notes, listing personality incompatibility, I'd start afresh.
As the vast majority of people are not mutually compatible with most other people, you could send hundreds of messages and get no replies. Getting to socials and clubs, means people see the fuller you  |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
" But this depends, are you genuinely matching their requirements? Is there a reason that they would reply to you now? If it was a few days ago, leave it. If it was a few weeks ago I think it’s fine "
Thanks for the reply. I was thinking more like messaged months ago than days 😅
My body has changed quite a lot since starting on this app as well as my approach so I feel like people would possibly reply when they didn’t in the past.
I try to exclusively message people who’s requirements match my own, maybe I just need to wait for other people to join and work on myself more. |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"Hiya op
If they've read the message and not replied then that is your answer and move on
Don't just rely on messages use more of the site like the cam chat rooms as they are always active and you'll get a quick response "
Thanks for the reply, I might try that out. I feel like I’d be pretty awkward talking on camera to random people though. |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"I'd not question this, after a year or more. I might wonder why it didn't work out earlier but, if I'd not kept notes, listing personality incompatibility, I'd start afresh.
As the vast majority of people are not mutually compatible with most other people, you could send hundreds of messages and get no replies. Getting to socials and clubs, means people see the fuller you "
Thanks for the reply, I doubt either party would’ve kept notes since there hasn’t even been a conversation 😂😭
I would be interested in clubs and socials, do many single people go? What goes on? |
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"Hiya op
If they've read the message and not replied then that is your answer and move on
Don't just rely on messages use more of the site like the cam chat rooms as they are always active and you'll get a quick response
Thanks for the reply, I might try that out. I feel like I’d be pretty awkward talking on camera to random people though. "
You don't need to be on cam to chat with others or those who are on cam |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"Hiya op
If they've read the message and not replied then that is your answer and move on
Don't just rely on messages use more of the site like the cam chat rooms as they are always active and you'll get a quick response
Thanks for the reply, I might try that out. I feel like I’d be pretty awkward talking on camera to random people though.
You don't need to be on cam to chat with others or those who are on cam "
Ah great thanks il give that a look then |
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Honestly, there are people who have messaged months ago that I didn’t look twice at who then messaged again and I would then respond. It depends on where my life was at the time, and how I had changed.
No real reasoning behind it tbh. Possibly try again once more and if still no reply then just move on. |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"Honestly, there are people who have messaged months ago that I didn’t look twice at who then messaged again and I would then respond. It depends on where my life was at the time, and how I had changed.
No real reasoning behind it tbh. Possibly try again once more and if still no reply then just move on. "
Thanks for the reply, that does seem like a logical way to do things. Give it a go and If 2 no responses just cut my losses. |
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If it was unread, perhaps one more, with something giving a reason why you feel you would be compatible.
The forums are good for finding people with similar interests.
Your profile text is good.
Are your photos your typical style? They should help you find your kind of people.  |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"If it was unread, perhaps one more, with something giving a reason why you feel you would be compatible.
The forums are good for finding people with similar interests.
Your profile text is good.
Are your photos your typical style? They should help you find your kind of people. "
Thanks for the reply.I’d say my pictures capture my style well although I should probably add some more.
I am trying to use the forums a little more and make posts or comments on interesting ones. I wish it was a bit easier to navigate and the room names actually related to the content though! It’s like every other post is some guy asking who’s wanking 😂 |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"I wouldn't remember if someone had already messaged me months ago. Yes circumstances change so I think there is no issue about messaging again months later. "
Great thank you, I am probably over thinking this one a bit |
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By *J98 OP Man 1 day ago
chichester |
"It's all about your profile. Personally I almost never message anyone. They contact me. Your profile reads like a dating site application and your photos too.  "
Thanks for the reply. I mean shouldn’t it read that way? It’s the same premise of advertising yourself, I’ve had people say it’s a good profile do you disagree? If so what should change in your opinion |
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By *bi HaiveMan 1 day ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I messaged one of my partners nearly 18 months ago. It never even got read. I didn't message again.
Our paths crossed at a vanilla social event just over a year ago and we've been together a while now.
I suspect had I messaged again, the second one would have gone unread too. 🤷♂️ |
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If someone messages me the same crap that didn't appeal last time, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, is rather they didn't bother again.
If you actually have something new to say then it also doesn't really matter, but in a less dismissive way 💜 |
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"I'd not question this, after a year or more. I might wonder why it didn't work out earlier but, if I'd not kept notes, listing personality incompatibility, I'd start afresh.
As the vast majority of people are not mutually compatible with most other people, you could send hundreds of messages and get no replies. Getting to socials and clubs, means people see the fuller you
Thanks for the reply, I doubt either party would’ve kept notes since there hasn’t even been a conversation 😂😭
I would be interested in clubs and socials, do many single people go? What goes on? "
People do make notes about others, as their own reference - which can be particularly helpful if they get a lot of messages. And it will include people who they've not had any extensive dialogue with. |
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By *os19Man 24 hours ago
Edmonton |
In the past when I have gone to send a message and I see - STOP THINK You've already sent a message and not received a reply back.
If someone doesn't reply, it's not rude, it just means they're not interested. You're better off messaging people who you haven't contacted already. - Once I see that message it’s my signal not to message that person again no matter how long ago it maybe. |
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By *J98 OP Man 23 hours ago
chichester |
"Don't message again quickly op, it looks pushy if it's a day or so later.
I'd wait a few weeks & if no reply that time, don't message them again. "
Thanks for the reply. I was thinking more long term like months - a year ago |
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By *J98 OP Man 23 hours ago
chichester |
"In the past when I have gone to send a message and I see - STOP THINK You've already sent a message and not received a reply back.
If someone doesn't reply, it's not rude, it just means they're not interested. You're better off messaging people who you haven't contacted already. - Once I see that message it’s my signal not to message that person again no matter how long ago it maybe."
Thanks for the reply. I’ve done that in the past but I feel as though I’ve already messaged most within mutual preferences and distance, as I’ve said before in this thread not the same as I was when I last messaged so their feelings may change 🤷♂️
I have not taken no reply as rude in any case 🤪 |
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By *J98 OP Man 23 hours ago
chichester |
" People do make notes about others, as their own reference - which can be particularly helpful if they get a lot of messages. And it will include people who they've not had any extensive dialogue with. "
Sounds a bit anal to me, I don’t think I’d get on with someone who had a Rolodex of names and notes 😵💫 I’m a bit more laid back than that |
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By *os19Man 23 hours ago
Edmonton |
"In the past when I have gone to send a message and I see - STOP THINK You've already sent a message and not received a reply back.
If someone doesn't reply, it's not rude, it just means they're not interested. You're better off messaging people who you haven't contacted already. - Once I see that message it’s my signal not to message that person again no matter how long ago it maybe.
Thanks for the reply. I’ve done that in the past but I feel as though I’ve already messaged most within mutual preferences and distance, as I’ve said before in this thread not the same as I was when I last messaged so their feelings may change 🤷♂️
I have not taken no reply as rude in any case 🤪"
. We are all different in our approach to messaging .If you feel you are a different person / mindset to the previous message you sent by all means go for it.After all apart from getting a block you actually have nothing to lose. |
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By *J98 OP Man 23 hours ago
chichester |
"If someone messages me the same crap that didn't appeal last time, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, is rather they didn't bother again.
If you actually have something new to say then it also doesn't really matter, but in a less dismissive way 💜"
Thanks for the reply, this is what I meant really, like messaging people with a new approach and updated profile |
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By *J98 OP Man 23 hours ago
chichester |
"I messaged one of my partners nearly 18 months ago. It never even got read. I didn't message again.
Our paths crossed at a vanilla social event just over a year ago and we've been together a while now.
I suspect had I messaged again, the second one would have gone unread too. 🤷♂️"
I’d be interested in social events, what goes on? Do many singles go?
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