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Married male needs answers
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My wife and I used to be on here as a couple before COVID hit, since then she didn't want to be part of swinging and didn't want to return.
She recently told me she wants some fun, solo fun with others, and does not want me included in this, but has told me to go and have fun too.
2 questions, what should I think about this, not wanting me involved, and how easy is it for married men to get fun on here, I have had plenty of guys interested but would like some female attention too. I can imagine some hear married and think we are being unfaithful |
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If you are happy to play solo OP, you've been here a while and have verifications, then your wife playing solo is only fair surely. Why would unbalanced opportunities sway your decision...you are either both happy with the arrangement or you aren't. |
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If the basis of your relationship is strong and you are both still happy with your day to day lives together,still see a future, and not bickering etc and you feel it's a way forward for you to remain together but sexually do your own things I see no issue ....
You both have to have a talk and ensure neither of you becomes jealous or that in the end it drives a wedge or worse into your relationship....
Too often people enter into these situations and in the end it was just the start of the slippery slope to splitting up....
It takes a certain mindset to have any sort of open set up ....ask yourself so you have that mindset ? |
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If you go ahead with this, then you're gonna have to deal with the fact that she'll have numerous options and lovers, if she wants, and yours are gonna be very limited. In fact, you'll struggle. I know there are some guys on here that seem to do very well, but for the overall majority it's very difficult.
It's just a fact of life.
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As the male of a couple who play together and separately, I see a huge issue with the way your situation has come about. As you describe it, at least.
The way you're putting it, she's essentially told you she doesn't want you involved in her swinging activities. It sounds like she's telling you to go swing on your own too to placate you.
And the reality is, especially looking at your profile, you will not do well on your own. Meanwhile she will have as much sex as she likes. Does she realise this, and if so does she care that she'll be leaving you in her dust?
This is absolutely not the way to do it. You need to have an open and frank conversation with her about what you want, what she wants, and whether you're both prepared to work together to make sure you're both satisfied.
If you're not, then it's not a swinging problem. It's a marriage problem. |
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I'd go for it if I was you. No one knows what is said and done behind closed doors in a marriage.
I think friends and family would be gobsmacked if they knew what we got up to.
Mrs N's big condition for me is to not cheat and to tell her what I am up to.
Make sure she wont turn round after and tell you she feels betrayed as she might just be testing you.
Openess and trust has always been the key to success for us.
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Oh dear!! She is going to get SO much attention and you are going to have to work your arse off dude, by making a super compelling profile, learning to take epic and sexy pics, and getting some filthy hobbies to show off! Do that and you may get some traction... good luck, you're going to need it! |
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As has been said before, it is your partner you should be talking to. Any rules should be by joint consent.
We have always found open and honest communication is necessary for this to work for us.
Personally, I only enjoy it if Matt is around to watch/direct/join in, and will only meet females if he is not. But every couple is different.
Discussing it with your wife is the answer. |
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I think your wife giving you permission won't make any difference to your success rate unless she's willing to have a quick chat on the phone with prospective partners. There are just too many guys who claim to have permission when they don't, for it to do you any good. |
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"My wife and I used to be on here as a couple before COVID hit, since then she didn't want to be part of swinging and didn't want to return.
She recently told me she wants some fun, solo fun with others, and does not want me included in this, but has told me to go and have fun too.
2 questions, what should I think about this, not wanting me involved, and how easy is it for married men to get fun on here, I have had plenty of guys interested but would like some female attention too. I can imagine some hear married and think we are being unfaithful"
Basically if she has a single woman’s profile she’ll be inundated with messages from men. Yours… fucking tumble mate, unless you like cock then maybe you’ll get a meet or two.
This is based on the experience of a number of former friend couples that have gone their separate ways. The men suddenly realise that it was the wife that was the attraction of their profile all along.
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The situation has some similarities to mine. Except we never went swinging at anytime prior.
Once swinging was on the cards, she jumped at the opportunity to play with others. Soon afterwards, going solo was her preferred MO. Basically, she felt that I couldn’t give what she wanted any more. That is, sex with me wasn’t great. Boring I suppose.
I couldn’t satisfy her, and sex became a frustration. So solo she is, even at clubs.Painful at first, but I don’t give a fuck now. She is free to see who she wants and when, as am I.
Which brings me to the second question, about single men on fab. You have basically no chance! your only hope is Adult Work. That is my only chance! Hope you get sorted. |
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I think you have a relationship issue. She's clearly bored and not getting what she needs. I do all right on here. 50 views a day and I've been busy for the past 2 weekends, I meet 3 girls every week. Most guys just approach the wrong way with the chat and might need a bit of training in how to satisfy sexually. Females come on here for good sex not 5 minute quickies. |
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"I think you have a relationship issue. She's clearly bored and not getting what she needs. I do all right on here. 50 views a day and I've been busy for the past 2 weekends, I meet 3 girls every week. Most guys just approach the wrong way with the chat and might need a bit of training in how to satisfy sexually. Females come on here for good sex not 5 minute quickies. "
50 views a day? 🤥
There’s not one single male on Fab that’s getting 50 views a day. Most couples / single women look at profiles in Ninja mode so those views go unnoticed. |
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It's not easy op,but my partner has had solo meets.
I'd want to speak to their partner to confirm this is all above board though. I'm half a couple, who meet alone and I speak to any ladies or couples, who want that reassurance that I'm fine with my other half meeting them.
As for her exploring alone, why not ask her why it what's shes looking for. |
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I would question first if she has someone lined up.
Better to know but if it is more than sex that would be a worry to me. Needs to be a spark but needs to stop short of a “real connection” or it becomes dicey then I think.
We aren’t fans of meeting someone more than 2/3 times in case it strays into a bit more. |
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I think the very fact you're asking for advice here means you're not fully on board with it and any level of doubt is enough to say you're not ready or it definitely needs some more talking about.
Myself and my husband have some lovely fantasies but so far we just use them to get off together as there's still a niggle or two about actually going for it.
Just in that once it's done there's no going back and it's all well and good when you've got the horn but when you're alone with your thoughts it may feel different.
You need to be completely at ease with it, content and confident in your relationship and certain you're strong enough as a couple to deal with the post nut clarity of what ever may happen.
I'd say from your post there's definitely an element of worry and the only way to iron out any questions is to talk about it with your wife.
Tell her your fears, ask her the reasons for not wanting your involvement.
Would she tell you about it during a steamy session with you or is it literally just for her own satisfaction?
I hope you come to some sort of conclusion and a happy ending to the situation (ardon the pun)
Mrs 😘 |
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This is a difficult one to comment on without knowing more information. For example has she told you why she wants to go alone. Some feel there is 'pressure' to perform rather than enjoy it when being watched or maybe she just doesnt enjoy threesomes anymore.
Only a conversation with her will give you the answers. What would she say if you said you wasnt happy with the arrangement and not something you was happy to proceeed with.
As a single man it is a lonely world out there.
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"Oh dear!! She is going to get SO much attention and you are going to have to work your arse off dude, by making a super compelling profile, learning to take epic and sexy pics, and getting some filthy hobbies to show off! Do that and you may get some traction... good luck, you're going to need it!"
He’ll be fine; he’s down as bi-curious, and this place is full of cocksuckers  😂 |
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"I think you have a relationship issue. She's clearly bored and not getting what she needs. I do all right on here. 50 views a day and I've been busy for the past 2 weekends, I meet 3 girls every week. Most guys just approach the wrong way with the chat and might need a bit of training in how to satisfy sexually. Females come on here for good sex not 5 minute quickies.
50 views a day? 🤥
There’s not one single male on Fab that’s getting 50 views a day. Most couples / single women look at profiles in Ninja mode so those views go unnoticed."
Yh I get on average 50 a day. It really isn't that hard I don't k ow how all you single guys find it so hard to get views and meets.
Let me help you all out. Update your status regularly. It gets views. Have a decent profile with face photos, send messages every day. If and when those messages get read, chances are they will look at the profile, check out the photos and read your verifications, if they like you may get a message back. If you do get a message bk and even better a meet, don't fuck up, be polite and respectful make sure you are meeting there expectations, bring your A game and get verified. Verifications lead to more views. It's not rocket science. It's a numbers game. I meet regularly I do exactly what is required. Follow these tips and you to will see your views go up.
Any one need more help and advice or want to hook up with me and my female fwb then hit me up. The worst response you will get is a no. And guys remember if you do get a no don't be a dick about it. Just move on. |
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How about different room swapping. It has lots of advantages, for starters you'll both be involved instead of the female getting bombarded with messages whilst the bloke isn't. It will be safer for her as she knows you are in the next room. There's far less risk of relationships building as all parties are already in one so and it's something to talk about on the drive home etc. etc. Biggest drawback is that you'll need to find mutual attraction for both couples, but if you let the women deal with the fabmin it will probably be easier as blokes tend to be less picky. |
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Opening up your relationship needs a lot of trust and respect for each other and loads of communication.
We have had an open relationship for quite a few years. Absolute doddle for me to have meets, with married or single guys I can sort a meet at any time I fancy (assuming they show up).
It is very hard for him to get meets on this site with women or couples and much much easier on dating apps. |
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"I'd hazard a guess she's already getting her solo fun. Sorry dude.
My thoughts exactly "
Yep seems like she is already meeting guys and is just trying to offload her guilt but thats just my opinion. |
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By *iyguyMan 13 weeks ago
dundee |
Is she not on here then? Seems a little strange that you have played together before, but she isn't on here. Does she have her own network already? What fun is she looking for? Does she want to hotwife? |
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I love the way men are jumping in and saying she's obviously not getting satisfied at home, has relationship issues, or shes already meeting men behind his back
Why is a woman who enjoys sex and wants to explore her own sexual desires on her own terms, under her own steam, by herself and for herself so hard for men to understand?
I have been married for 24 years. We have a perfectly, happy and healthy relationship. I love and respect my husband. I don't cheat, and I dont tell lies. But, I like to experiment solo. Not having an audience of any type can free you inhibitions, and allow you to have a different sexual experience. Sometimes, I just like different too!! My husband isn't going to suddenly become half my age, or a huge big rugby player.... so if I have a sexual interest in that for a brief window of my life, then I'm going to explore it with someone else.
I don't think you have anything to worry about as long as you can communicate well and openly. But if you getting the same amount of meets or interest as her is going to be a deal breaker, then I can see it causing a problem  |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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Hugely difficult to get a reply. She will get 100 or so to start. Not healthy really for your relationship if being honest. We are on here solo, it's restricted to chat |
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By *aandLoCouple 13 weeks ago
Southampton |
"...
Why is a woman who enjoys sex and wants to explore her own sexual desires on her own terms, under her own steam, by herself and for herself so hard for men to understand?
...."
I agree with this in essence, and it could be exactly how OPs wife feels.
I can see the pleasure in going out on my own for some hotwife fun, but J doesn't like that idea. My marriage is my priority, and it wouldn't be for reasons of self exploration, better sex etc, purely fun so I won't be doing it.
The OPs wife's request might be a reflection on their sexual relationship, but it might not.
I wouldn't assume she's already fucking other guys, but yes ultimately she does want to. Is that more important to her than her marriage? Only an open, honest conversation will reveal her true motivation. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"If you are happy to play solo OP, you've been here a while and have verifications, then your wife playing solo is only fair surely. Why would unbalanced opportunities sway your decision...you are either both happy with the arrangement or you aren't."
This. |
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I think you need dig deeper into to this, talk some more. If it were me I'd want to have a full grasp of two things:
First her motivation for this solo effort? Is it just something that works better for her? Or is there something deeper and potentially more negative at play with regards your relationship?
Second to get my head around it and understand how I feel about it myself. Which may depend a lot on point one. After all in a relationship you get a vote too. Boundaries may be open to discussing but not crossing unless both of you are on board.
It seems like you already have the kind of honest and open communication to bring up such hard conversations, which is good. So keep talking and hopefully you find a way through and maybe discover a few things too.
Mr |
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"My wife and I used to be on here as a couple before COVID hit, since then she didn't want to be part of swinging and didn't want to return.
She recently told me she wants some fun, solo fun with others, and does not want me included in this, but has told me to go and have fun too.
2 questions, what should I think about this, not wanting me involved, and how easy is it for married men to get fun on here, I have had plenty of guys interested but would like some female attention too. I can imagine some hear married and think we are being unfaithful"
If you can cope with seeing your wife get meet after meet, week after week, while you struggle to even get a message read, let alone replied to, then enjoy this bright new future OP....  |
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By *eyeYCouple 12 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"My wife and I used to be on here as a couple before COVID hit, since then she didn't want to be part of swinging and didn't want to return.
She recently told me she wants some fun, solo fun with others, and does not want me included in this, but has told me to go and have fun too.
2 questions, what should I think about this, not wanting me involved, and how easy is it for married men to get fun on here, I have had plenty of guys interested but would like some female attention too. I can imagine some hear married and think we are being unfaithful
Basically if she has a single woman’s profile she’ll be inundated with messages from men. Yours… fucking tumble mate, unless you like cock then maybe you’ll get a meet or two.
This is based on the experience of a number of former friend couples that have gone their separate ways. The men suddenly realise that it was the wife that was the attraction of their profile all along.
"
He speaketh the truth..
On occasion it's been hard to get fun even when stood right next to her, while she will get attention left, right and centre!
While I am not trying to blow my own trumpet (not flexible enough 😉) I'm no Shrek, but we've experienced, wife stealing, me excluded from message conversations amongst other things.
If she is wanting to go alone and leave you to your own devices, expect a humbling wake up call I'm afraid. |
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and ocationaly get a f or a mf meet . x