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Neurodivergent - Wonky Brained Deviants Club - P16
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"How have we missed all the other threads on this haha both neurodiverse and loving it :p" It happens. 
I regularly miss lots of things and now have perimenopause brain fog on top. | |||
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Makes messaging a nightmare though as there are plenty of times I've thought of reply and either forgot to send it or managed to not hit send and not realise. Hate when that ever happens as I'm not trying to be rude and feel mortified when I finally realise I've not heard back and check messages   | |||
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"How on Earth do I get an assessor who isn't an enormous arsewipe? I've been assessed for autism 4x at this point, but my assessor (and I've had 3 different ones) always seems to be hostile and nitpicky. Still trying to get that formal diagnosis here... "Is it possible you aren't autistic? | |||
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"How on Earth do I get an assessor who isn't an enormous arsewipe? I've been assessed for autism 4x at this point, but my assessor (and I've had 3 different ones) always seems to be hostile and nitpicky. Still trying to get that formal diagnosis here... "In my experience most folks Ive met have many traits of ASD/ADHD, this is the nature of the disorder. A diagnosis is based on the 'degree' on which the nature of the disorder affects/impacts on social functioning and activities of daily living. Hope that helps  | |||
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"Hello! In Jan/Feb of this year, thanks to a podcast I heard completely by chance, I learnt that I am likely ADHD. I had previously assumed a number of wrong things about ADHD that meant it had never occurred to me. I went on a bit of a journey, and because the picture still wasn't complete I digested hundreds of hours of media and thousands of pages of literature on the subject and concluded that I am in fact AuDHD. I am on a couple of assessment waiting lists but just out of curiosity. I am not interested in medication or therapy or really any formal support, as I am extremely high-functioning. The self-realisation and therefore the ability to reprocess my own experiences as well as implement a range of new coping strategies has completely changed my life. For the first time in almost 45 years I am experiencing a kind of fundamental peace. That the given management strategies for these conditions have had such a total effect are, for me, all the evidence I need of my neurodivergence. For those interested, the biggest one was a comprehensive effort to aggressively plan my life. Journals, calendars, lists, spreadsheets, you name it. I have also hugely simplified things like my diet and my wardrobe, and designed streamlined daily routines to eliminate overthinking, option paralysis and other potential blocks. I was not disorganised or forgetful before, but that is thanks to what was previously a painful and exhausting combination of cobbled-together masks and coping strategies. My new framework yields a much more consistent balance while substantially cutting down on the stress, anxiety, self-loathing and constant mental noise. I still deal daily with intense rejection sensitivity dysphoria, pathological demand avoidance and other forms of emotional disregulation, but I am learning self-management techniques such as breathing and CBT-based processes. And like many of you I am hypersexual, with a history of risk-taking behaviour that is uncharacteristic of other areas of my life. And yes, I went through a period of post-diagnosis grief where the feelings of "what, this whole time?" and "thank God, finally" were mingled with equal parts of "if I had only known..." I am a HUGE underachiever given what anyone who knows me would tell you is a tremendous potential. I'm setting about correcting that now and trying to be thankful that it's at age 44, not 64. I would sooner it had been 24, but there's not much point dwelling on that. Anyway, for those who got this far, thanks for reading." Ive just read this and so many things hit home. I have three neurodivergent kids and it wasn't until I really started paying attention to what they were experiencing, that it hit me, and explained why I do what I do and act like I do. It was a revelation. Looking back it has affected every part of my formative years to now. Im glad I found this little corner of Fab. | |||
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autistic wired brain guy here
I'm equally surprised and not so surprised too that there's so much neurodivergent folk that's involved in the swinging world | |||
"Can i ask what anyone actually says to their GP? Typically putting it off for fear of awkward/weird questions!" I just went and asked for assessments. The GP I saw didn't know the first thing about neurodivergence. He gave me a couple of questionnaires to fill out and then referred me to the bodies I requested under right-to-choose. Not heard anything yet but it's only (only?!) been six months. | |||
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"I work with a guy who is neurodivergent He insists on communicating in writing them writing war and peace then taling to the wall not my face at -00mph … drives me mental … you can make allowance and we do but it’s simply a drain and hinders work of any description it wares me out We’ve had professionals in and I’ll say now I and others are more tolerant then you could think so not an issue there but it’s not making inroads he simply won’t communicate in way that makes work work . Any tips more then welcome .. when is it right to say we’ve tried but it’s not working.. ps it’s months and months of this behaviour not days .. no sign of tolerance back to me of others .. I don’t want to come over unfair but ts just I feel it’s not going to work .. " Honestly, and I'm not trying to be a dick here, you're not that well-placed to be criticising the quality of someone else's communication. Fair play to you for asking the question though. I suppose it's really down to whether or not he's doing the job he was hired to do. We all have to work with people who annoy us and make our jobs harder than they need to be. | |||
"I work with a guy who is neurodivergent He insists on communicating in writing them writing war and peace then taling to the wall not my face at -00mph … drives me mental … you can make allowance and we do but it’s simply a drain and hinders work of any description it wares me out We’ve had professionals in and I’ll say now I and others are more tolerant then you could think so not an issue there but it’s not making inroads he simply won’t communicate in way that makes work work . Any tips more then welcome .. when is it right to say we’ve tried but it’s not working.. ps it’s months and months of this behaviour not days .. no sign of tolerance back to me of others .. I don’t want to come over unfair but ts just I feel it’s not going to work .. " This reads like my former managers. Which is why we are now at Employment tribunal stage. If you, your managers and the neurodivergent colleague refuse to sit down in regular direct communication face-to-face meetings and take meeting notes and create and action plan, Then there is nothing that can be done. I have found that the best communication is regular, consistent, and interactive with verbal and written notes. When I trained people at work, I told them verbally what to do, I showed them in person what to do and then I watched them do the thing as a support if they get stuck. I was studied at one of the top law schools and top law firms in the UK, I was verbally told what to do, I took notes on what to do and then I did what I was supposed to do with my supervisor and tutors helping me if I got stuck with encouragement and also constructive criticism. This also works with my weightlifting trainer. He tells me what to do. He shows me what to do and when I'm doing it, he corrects me constructively and when I do it right, he congratulates me. Repeatedly over and over every single week. It's practice. It's not automatic for everyone. You are all basically stonewalling. Stonewalling is a communication tactic involving refusal to communicate or cooperate, often by becoming emotionally unresponsive or giving the silent treatment, and is used to avoid conflict, assert control, or manipulate a situation. Now I'm tired of my managers' refusal to communicate regularly by phone or email so, they can talk to the tribunal judge. You can only stonewall a judge for so long and they will throw the book at you if you are being uncooperative. "Professionals in" doesn't mean anything. Someone can tell you what to do but if they don't show you what to do and help you do it over and over again, nothing will ever change. I don't think I will ever work for a manager again now that I know I'm neurodivergent. I'd rather be self-employed and manage my own self...which is why so many young people have decided to stop being employees and become entrepreneurs. It's no longer worth it. The government are giving people free money and free training to become business owners while job seekers are brutally penalised with 1000 of rejections, inflexible work places and lack of support. I spoke to many young neurodivergents and they said that they are not being supported into work by the jobcentre at all and just sanctioned and fobbed off. My advice to young neurodivergent people is to stick two fingers up at the system and live in a van and become a streamer online or become a self-employed tradesperson. Everyone else can bag their own groceries and pour their own coffee and make their own burgers. | |||
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"Can i ask what anyone actually says to their GP? Typically putting it off for fear of awkward/weird questions! I just went and asked for assessments. The GP I saw didn't know the first thing about neurodivergence. He gave me a couple of questionnaires to fill out and then referred me to the bodies I requested under right-to-choose. Not heard anything yet but it's only (only?!) been six months." I wouldn't worry. Im nearly 2 years and still haven't heard anything | |||
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"How have I not known about this thread " Probably because it hasn't been active for a while the ADHDers got bored and the autistic people went back to their special interests ha. | |||
"Have you read about the correlation between ADHD and fibromyalgia?" Yes! I'm sure there was a discussion on this and or other long term conditions in the earlier threads. | |||
"Does ADHD count?" Absolutely! | |||
"How have I not known about this thread Probably because it hasn't been active for a while the ADHDers got bored and the autistic people went back to their special interests ha. "Cackle or...in my case, got bash with the perimenopause hormonal roller coaster. | |||
"Have you read about the correlation between ADHD and fibromyalgia? Yes! I'm sure there was a discussion on this and or other long term conditions in the earlier threads. " I'm convinced that neurodivergent stress causes an inflammatory and trauma response in the body, and that's why we become physically ill, especially if we don't have a supportive home life, social life and work life. Well that's been my excuse and I'm sticking to it...  
See above unsupportive work environment with no clear direction, clear communication, clear cooperation or SMART goals.
Just a vague blagging of neurotypical nuances that go way over a neurodivergent's head. | |||
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"Have you read about the correlation between ADHD and fibromyalgia? Yes! I'm sure there was a discussion on this and or other long term conditions in the earlier threads. I'm convinced that neurodivergent stress causes an inflammatory and trauma response in the body, and that's why we become physically ill, especially if we don't have a supportive home life, social life and work life. Well that's been my excuse and I'm sticking to it...
See above unsupportive work environment with no clear direction, clear communication, clear cooperation or SMART goals.
Just a vague blagging of neurotypical nuances that go way over a neurodivergent's head."I could disagree with you, but... - Acute myeloid leukemia at 16 - Aortic dissection at 33 - Chronic hypertension - GERD - IBS - Chronic eczema Those are all things I have been diagnosed with and I suspect were either caused or complicated by the things I haven't been diagnosed with. | |||
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"I've had the second assessment, now it's time for number three. How many interviews does it take to finally get a prescription or treatment? This extr hoop jumping isn't helping." Are you being assessed privately for ADHD? Obviously the prescriber will assess and decide what to start you with, before titration of doses, to find the best meds) dose for you. I'm surprised that they haven't started it by now. I'd suggest an email or call, to determine what their plans are | |||
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"I've had the second assessment, now it's time for number three. How many interviews does it take to finally get a prescription or treatment? This extr hoop jumping isn't helping. Are you being assessed privately for ADHD? Obviously the prescriber will assess and decide what to start you with, before titration of doses, to find the best meds) dose for you. I'm surprised that they haven't started it by now. I'd suggest an email or call, to determine what their plans are "I did finally get loads of texts from both my surgery and the clinic to remind me to be ready for my online video. I just wished the would give me a time table. ie it takes 2 sessions from two clinicians, then a final medication selection conversation a couple of weeks later. Provide your BP readings, weight, height each time. Yes, it is private, funded by the NHS "Right to choose", I was triaged/assessed in January this year and had both of my assessments, This September/October and my Titration (Medication measurement/selection). I did get told to ask for an ECG as well, that was on Mother's day. RTC is the way to go, go to the NHS website and download the providers template letter, as your surgery will look surprised if you come prepared! and now I'm off to collect my pills.
Wish me luck. | |||
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"Me, me me. ADHD addled interesting guy here, based in Manchester. Hello." Welcome, to the club. | |||
"Autistic here, finding I struggle with initiating conversations on here, so I'm definitely one for this chat too" Shyness is a Kîller,just ask The Smiths | |||
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"We are both neuro diverse. Sub, Asd and Miss, ADHD. " Welcome and how are you coping? Do the two conditions clash, or have you found coping strategies? | |||
"Autistic here, finding I struggle with initiating conversations on here, so I'm definitely one for this chat too" I had to teach myself to talk to people in person and to make eye contact. It's a slow process and it takes perseverance. I also watch how other people do it to learn. I still get the autistic ick but it's less intense and for shorter periods of time now. It also helps when I hyperfocus on one person that I know in the group...such as the organiser or someone that I've met before. It's why I swing and practice kink in groups. It's like a social skill I have to keep doing or use it or lose it. | |||
"We are both neuro diverse. Sub, Asd and Miss, ADHD. Welcome and how are you coping? Do the two conditions clash, or have you found coping strategies?" How are the pills? Sometimes, neurodivergent people clash, and sometimes they are really complementary. | |||
"I have ADHD & ASD. Makes this place a challenge on top of what it is already for a guy. Asa I have the whole, no one will look at me, no one will want me, everyone doesn't like me type thing due to RSD, so it also limits me messaging people, as I always have the rejection in my own head, whether it'd come or not. ADHD me wants to message everyone, and wants to be impulsive and meet at the drop of a hat, ASD me wants to hide and not message anyone...lol It's all fun and games." Similar. Lol! BPD me wants to go ham and hypersexual Austistic me: no icky and too many spoons. Trauma me: what is sex but here's an emotional trigger bomb. Perimenopausal me: I would like to speak to the libido and sexuality manager because I'm not happy with the service I'm currently getting. Definitely all fun and games. The plan however, is to drag myself out today to tie up men at a sex party with consent of course! Then go to a rope munch at a pub to see the other ropey kink people. Often I just curl up in a corner with my drink and watch and listen to people. I'm no longer well enough to work a normal job so I have to do something to keep me from having a complete meltdown. | |||
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"AuADHD & dyslexic - on the ASD & ADHD (technically ADD) both were adult diagnoses, but I had been told I was very likely autistic by medical professionals years before hand, who said “well confirming it won’t change much so don’t bother”…. I wanted to ask, can clubs be a bit of a sensory overload & communication nightmare at times for anyone?" Yes, dark rooms, loud music with no private rooms, social areas with DJs playing music too loud, `uv lighting and steep staircases with narrow corridors at the too overcrowded day events, too many new faces, too many d*unks and of course no shows. The same problems in vanilla will show up here too. It's best to choose a club and ask the regulars if it has any of your triggers there. | |||
"Rope play is amazing. Happy patterns. I found out from my dentist recently that people with ADHD and similar tend to snack more to stim and therefore have more challenges with teeth. Regular small sugar snacks are worse than one big snack." Sleeping teeth grinders carry on ruining their teeth at night. | |||
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"We are both neuro diverse. Sub, Asd and Miss, ADHD. Welcome and how are you coping? Do the two conditions clash, or have you found coping strategies? How are the pills? Sometimes, neurodivergent people clash, and sometimes they are really complementary." My ADHD is the inattentive type. The elvanse 20mg, no effect, it's almost like sugar pills at this point, I have gone decaf from day one and had zero sleep of the first three days. When does the medication do it's magic? I'm not one for waiting. BP and pulse is optimal and I've keeping a diary. Having a mini cold doesn't help this week. | |||
"We are both neuro diverse. Sub, Asd and Miss, ADHD. Welcome and how are you coping? Do the two conditions clash, or have you found coping strategies? How are the pills? Were only on Sertraline. We dont really clash but quite the opposite. Lol. We get on REALLY REALLY good together and aant to go further donw several different rabbit holes within this LS. Sometimes, neurodivergent people clash, and sometimes they are really complementary." | |||
"Yaaay im autistic(recently diagnosed) but was hit with the tip of the ADHD stick too! S" I thought if it was just the tip it doesn't really count...?! | |||
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"I hate the neuro divergent label I'm not neuro divergent I have ADHD and bipolar 2 why put it under 1 label " I get where you are coming from, but think of the bigger picture. All groups with a label, when in large enough numbers have critical mass that can shape public and medical opinion as well as political power. This power can help to improve lives, medication and understanding. There is no branding, no flags and no merchandise to show our cause. There are some countries that don't accept ADHD and their use of class II meds, this can be awkward when abroad, both logistically and legally. Labels can help. | |||
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"Why have I take this long to broaden my forum experiences beyond the Ireland forum and the politics one (when I wanted to be frustrated). Autistic here diagnosed in 2021 and the good old age of 31 after I'd already developed various unhealthy coping strategies (that are still in part plaguing me) to deal with the mental health hardship that goes with not knowing why you're the way you are. Doing better now, but still can be a major challenge at times, but I'll be interested to keep up to date with this thread and community And just to add, had an incredible weekend at a large event with loud music this weekend, not just because of the amazing company I had that I was already very comfortable with, but also for the fact that the mask I was wearing kept sound so muffled that I didn't even need to stress out about small talk with strangers "Welcome. The fact that you enjoyed yourself, because you came prepared is not surviving, it's thriving. This must feel like discovering sunglasses and once a day sun tan lotion, on your very first visit to the beach. Finally you can get to enjoy yourself.  | |||
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"Reading through the comments here and so many things strike home. I’ve struggled a lot with working out who and why I am, it’s taken me half a dozen attempts to write a reply here because I keep deleting or closing the page. Recently I started down the route of getting a diagnosis, early signs are ADHD and RSD. A big help was a friend who got her diagnosis giving me the benefits of her experience, and describing why it helps to know. The RSD in particular explains an awful lot, I get very socially anxious and it’s almost like I need ‘permission’ to venture beyond just saying hello. I don’t chase either - the last thing I want to come across as is a pest so each time I’ve chatted with someone new (either here or elsewhere) the conversation always fizzles out because I won’t push it and I worry a lot about saying stuff I shouldn’t. On the ADHD side I now know why I obsess over some things and struggle so badly to do other things, I’m scared to admit or label myself in real life (especially at work) because whilst it is becoming more and more acceptable to be neurodivergent there are still plenty of folk about who either don’t believe it (the sorts who say ‘oh, you’re just attention seeking’) or just don’t understand it and associate neurodivergence with trouble. I don’t yet fully understand how it affects me sexually, I know I am very keen on pleasing and fear being considered selfish, and I suppose the hyperfocussing kicks in when it’s something I’m very into. Thank you to the OP for starting this thread, it’s nice to know I’m not alone." RSD sucks. Any rejection feels like a kick in the ribs. | |||
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"Hello! Just stumbled across this thread on a search for help or just advice. Sorry if this has been said a million times already but im finally getting to a stage where im comfortable talking about it. Only found out im autistic a year and a half ago at the age of 42. Have had a string of abusive or just uncaring partners all my life, but have been happily single for a year now. Although as I'm sure many of you feel, im getting the urge to meet someone. Ive tried the usual dating apps lately and theyre just horrible. Luckily after alot of therapy and medication, im much better at spotting people who are just looking for someone to manipulate, but the thought of meeting anybody gives me cold sweats and the early signs of a panic attack. Ive always found that sex is overstimulating. My last partner got quite angry when i would say i need a minute to calm down during sex, so hookups - while very tempting - feel like something i just cant do. Are there any ND, Autistic or ADHD specific dating sites or apps or is that just a complete waste of time? Feels like it would be nice to meet someone with a similar diagnosis, but theyre probably just as scared to meet as I am. Appreciate anyone taking the time to read that or reply "Funny ou should ask. I've ADHD and my neurodivergent therapist posited the same question just last week so when I got home I googled it and this came up. Not joined it, mind, so no idea what it's like. https://www.hikiapp.com/ | |||
" Funny ou should ask. I've ADHD and my neurodivergent therapist posited the same question just last week so when I got home I googled it and this came up. Not joined it, mind, so no idea what it's like. https://www.hikiapp.com/" Ah i appreciate the reply and advice, but have already tried that app to zero success! I live in a smallish town in rural Ireland and that app doesnt have many users within a 100km range unfortunately | |||
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" Funny ou should ask. I've ADHD and my neurodivergent therapist posited the same question just last week so when I got home I googled it and this came up. Not joined it, mind, so no idea what it's like. https://www.hikiapp.com/ Ah i appreciate the reply and advice, but have already tried that app to zero success! I live in a smallish town in rural Ireland and that app doesnt have many users within a 100km range unfortunately " Funny to find you here. Good luck and hope you've been feeling much better since you found out. I have, and its almost like looking back at a whole different person at who I was before the diagnosis in 2021. Definitely still have struggles, but try to appreciate being the detached alien onlooker. And as for autistic/nd focused apps, unfortunately can't give you advice there. May have signed up for one or two after I found out I was autistic, but didn't stay on them. Main priority was becoming more able to accept myswlf. Who I'm with now is a wonderful woman I knew for years beforehand and who possibly is on the spectrum to some extent (or at least a proud non conformist) so i hadn't been looking for the last year or so. Fingers crossed for you and while there are those that will take advantage of us sincere and sometimes overly naive folk, there's plenty around that won't and hope you find someone special. | |||
" Funny to find you here. Good luck and hope you've been feeling much better since you found out. I have, and its almost like looking back at a whole different person at who I was before the diagnosis in 2021. Definitely still have struggles, but try to appreciate being the detached alien onlooker. And as for autistic/nd focused apps, unfortunately can't give you advice there. May have signed up for one or two after I found out I was autistic, but didn't stay on them. Main priority was becoming more able to accept myswlf. Who I'm with now is a wonderful woman I knew for years beforehand and who possibly is on the spectrum to some extent (or at least a proud non conformist) so i hadn't been looking for the last year or so. Fingers crossed for you and while there are those that will take advantage of us sincere and sometimes overly naive folk, there's plenty around that won't and hope you find someone special." Ah Panda how are ya! Yea i noticed you mentioned your diagnosis in that other thread but i didnt feel comfortable saying it there as the audience wasnt quite as friendly. My problem with the usual apps is that if I state my autism on my profile, instead of attracting likeminded people, it actually attracts people who want to take advantage of you. Narcissists and manipulative types who are only interested in controlling someone who might not have the confidence or experience to cop whats happening until its too late. To some I'm sure this sounds like paranoia, but I've done my homework and can spot these people a mile off. Btw if anyone feels similarly and would like some tips I would be more than happy to share. One dead giveaway my therapist talked about is that they try to rush the early stages of a relationship. Being over enthusiastic about you and your interests, responding immediately, drowning you in love and support before youre even on a 3rd date. This is to make you feel like youre already in too deep to leave them when they start the abuse. Lol sorry I'm definitely an armchair psychologist | |||
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