FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Am I just kidding myself being on fab?
Am I just kidding myself being on fab?
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"As an older gent I also live in hope but replies to other similar posts are to keep going as your luck may change. Might be delusional in my case but at least doesn’t cost much to try." I'll probably stay on a little longer till my subscription runs out. Fingers crossed you get some luck as well bud. | |||
"This isn't meant to be condescending in any way, but well done on at least writing a balanced post about your experience, not a woe is me one. It simply boils down to supply and demand. You'll never get an accurate answer but I reckon 85% of the site is male. I spoke to a single female who got 1100 messages in a single day. On here, you are trying to push water up hill. As a club goer, we have some experience. That ability to actually speak to people will massively count in your favour- whilst I'm only speaking for myself if you are average looking, with charm and an engaging personality, that's more attractive to me than gorgeous and shallow or dull. I get the club is expensive but in terms of getting an outcome it's your best option- only you can put a value on that. Good luck! " Thanks and I didn't take it as condescending at all. 
It's a funny case of the grass is always greener on the other side kind of deal. On one side men can send out hundreds of messages and get nothing in return, while women get like you said hundreds of messages and can't read them all. Also they have the added bonus of dealing with horrible men that can't take rejection well. :/
You are right you get what you put in, I can happily flourish in socials and I do love to chat with peeps, but going by my track record on here, I would just be better off going to a club with friends and get the same result. | |||
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"Are you in shape? Post pictures of your body. This site is primarily about sex, with that most people need attraction. If you're not in shape, get in shape, makes a world of difference. " Hmm I would say I pretty much have an average body. Don't get me wrong having a more toned body might help, or it might just give me the exact same result, although to find out that would be a few months done the line, I don't plan on staying on here that long. Theres a lot of guys who have average looking bodies or worse and they seem to be doing better than me. A good example is my close relative who's double my weight and white, he was only on here for a few months and had a lot more meets. Even looking at videos on here you can often see these amazingly gorgeous women and the men with them are not even toned, so that's why I put less stock on shaping up, although I wouldn't mind getting a little toned. | |||
"Your status update doesn't fill me full of hope that I'd be in for an amazing sexual experience, if I met you. I haven't read your bio but if it's similar I wouldn't rush to message you. On the forum there are posts about meeting sprcific ethnicities. Perhaps there might be groups or specific socials which may help with that. I realise though economically that could be expensive. I don't think you should give up but just be aware of the persona you are presenting to the Fab world. I don't know what your circumstances are but if you can't accommodate that will also rule out quite a lot of people. Partly because they may think you have a partner or are married or they can't accommodate themselves and perhaps also dont want to get expensive hotels. " Yeah accommodating is definitely one of the bigger factors I think that plays against me the most. Also that's a no to bad jokes then? Damn, I remember seeing someone else posting them up daily and I quite enjoyed reading them. Also ouch! Didn't occur to me that a bad joke would be such a repellent. As for the ethnicity problem, even with a quick search for just Asian and reading some of the topics, it's a hard pressing issue on here, which I don't really want to rustle the cage of much further as everyone is entitled to their preferences. | |||
"In my experience people are looking for lots of different things on here. If you offer them one of those things then they will find you and all the impediments you list won’t matter. The good thing is that people want different things. The hard part is you need to work out what you can offer them. Don’t go wide in your search. Go niche." Interesting about the niche thing, honestly I wanted to just make some like minded friends on here and ideally find a fwb, as I'm not looking to get into a relationship at the moment. "1/ Not a lot you can do about it. 2/ Doubt your race has anything to do with it. 3/ Why can’t a single 40 year old accommodate? " Race plays a bigger factor than you may think, but it's just a part of why I'm not having any luck on here and it's not the main reason. Although it does suck doing a search and seeing half the people in my area that have a preference of BBC or bwc (or both) only, I'm not the kind of guy that will message someone that has clearly listed their preferences and I don't match them. I would say not being able to accommodate is a bigger factor, but being single doesn't mean I live alone, you would be surprised with how many people my age are stuck with having to live parents, family or friends, due to finances, life situation or health issues. | |||
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"As an older gent I also live in hope but replies to other similar posts are to keep going as your luck may change. Might be delusional in my case but at least doesn’t cost much to try." I think this summary is about right ! | |||
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"Sorry in advance if this turns into another single guy rant. I've been on and off fab for a good few years now and I think it's getting to the point where I legitimately think I'm delusional for trying to use fab to meet people. I can change up my profile, add new pictures and send original first messages, but these seem to have zero impact, usually resulting in read and no reply or just not read at all. I know women are spoilt for choice on here and I can't fault them for wanting to stick with their preferences, we all do and I totally understand that when you get hundreds of messages a day, you don't really have time for thinking maybe this guys ok and I'll give him a chance, especially when you can just flick through a few more profiles or messages to find that ideal guy you're looking for. As for the race thing, I'm not saying anyone on here is racist, it just sucks being in a ethnic bracket that doesn't have a good reputation and is just not really sought after by the majority (I absolutely hate having to type this, as it feels like an admission of not being happy with my ethnicity). I know there are a lot of people on here that don't care about ethnicity, but then they do care about the other details on my profile like do we have similar interests and can he accommodate? So I hear some people thinking, why not go to events or clubs? On my time on fab I've been to one social and 1 meet. The meet I get the feeling was just so she could make a video for her profile, which left me feeling used and not great after. Fyi that person got banned, made another account, got banned and then gave up after making a third account and getting banned again, which makes me think less of myself that the only person to physically meet with me for a sexual activity is someone that got banned 3 times. As for the social it was great, just a group of locals meeting at a bar, no fees, no inflated prices for being a single guy either as the amount of single men allowed to the social was kept low. I went in without any expectations of having sex and it was just a nice chill night, sadly not much came of it, as it was mostly couples looking for other couples, but I still had a good time. I wouldn't mind going to more socials, but they seem to be nonexistent in the south east of London and every time someone tries it just fizzles out. So why not clubs? I don't have that much disposable income and I tend to get stuck working on evening shifts for Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday. Call it unlucky but even if I had those days off, I can't afford to pay the rather large single guy tax (large to me) just to get into a place with the possible chance of having a chat with a few people that might not even pan out into anything. Also I don't really like the idea of adding to uncomfortable situations, where you can see loads of single guys sharking around the few women that are just trying to have a chill night. So overall: 1. Being a single man on a site that's flooded with other single men, 2. Being mixed Asian, 3. I can't accommodate, 4. Can't really go to clubs or find socials within reach. So what do you guys reckon, am I being delusional by holding onto hope and keep sending out messages? or is it just better to be realistic and call it day?" So as others have mentioned, getting out to socials should always be a top priority, getting yourself known and verified as the decent guy im sure you are. As another has stated above remove your face pic, not to obfuscate your ethnicity but for some reason people really dont seem to respond to a profile with face attached, I recently changed from full face pics to other things and my engagement and response rate has sky rocketed, I still always sned a face picture on my first message but for some reason not having them on open display has helped.. go figure. When you do choose to attend a club, make sure its a night you have an interest in, go in and be social, it does not matter the end result what matters is people see ylu and tgat you are approachable, in teh long run this will pay dividends. Good luck OP, chin up, we all have bad spells, what matters is not to allow it to effect you, have perspective and get back on the horse. Take care pal | |||
"Sorry in advance if this turns into another single guy rant. I've been on and off fab for a good few years now and I think it's getting to the point where I legitimately think I'm delusional for trying to use fab to meet people. I can change up my profile, add new pictures and send original first messages, but these seem to have zero impact, usually resulting in read and no reply or just not read at all. I know women are spoilt for choice on here and I can't fault them for wanting to stick with their preferences, we all do and I totally understand that when you get hundreds of messages a day, you don't really have time for thinking maybe this guys ok and I'll give him a chance, especially when you can just flick through a few more profiles or messages to find that ideal guy you're looking for. As for the race thing, I'm not saying anyone on here is racist, it just sucks being in a ethnic bracket that doesn't have a good reputation and is just not really sought after by the majority (I absolutely hate having to type this, as it feels like an admission of not being happy with my ethnicity). I know there are a lot of people on here that don't care about ethnicity, but then they do care about the other details on my profile like do we have similar interests and can he accommodate? So I hear some people thinking, why not go to events or clubs? On my time on fab I've been to one social and 1 meet. The meet I get the feeling was just so she could make a video for her profile, which left me feeling used and not great after. Fyi that person got banned, made another account, got banned and then gave up after making a third account and getting banned again, which makes me think less of myself that the only person to physically meet with me for a sexual activity is someone that got banned 3 times. As for the social it was great, just a group of locals meeting at a bar, no fees, no inflated prices for being a single guy either as the amount of single men allowed to the social was kept low. I went in without any expectations of having sex and it was just a nice chill night, sadly not much came of it, as it was mostly couples looking for other couples, but I still had a good time. I wouldn't mind going to more socials, but they seem to be nonexistent in the south east of London and every time someone tries it just fizzles out. So why not clubs? I don't have that much disposable income and I tend to get stuck working on evening shifts for Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday. Call it unlucky but even if I had those days off, I can't afford to pay the rather large single guy tax (large to me) just to get into a place with the possible chance of having a chat with a few people that might not even pan out into anything. Also I don't really like the idea of adding to uncomfortable situations, where you can see loads of single guys sharking around the few women that are just trying to have a chill night. So overall: 1. Being a single man on a site that's flooded with other single men, 2. Being mixed Asian, 3. I can't accommodate, 4. Can't really go to clubs or find socials within reach. So what do you guys reckon, am I being delusional by holding onto hope and keep sending out messages? or is it just better to be realistic and call it day? So as others have mentioned, getting out to socials should always be a top priority, getting yourself known and verified as the decent guy im sure you are. As another has stated above remove your face pic, not to obfuscate your ethnicity but for some reason people really dont seem to respond to a profile with face attached, I recently changed from full face pics to other things and my engagement and response rate has sky rocketed, I still always sned a face picture on my first message but for some reason not having them on open display has helped.. go figure. When you do choose to attend a club, make sure its a night you have an interest in, go in and be social, it does not matter the end result what matters is people see ylu and tgat you are approachable, in teh long run this will pay dividends. Good luck OP, chin up, we all have bad spells, what matters is not to allow it to effect you, have perspective and get back on the horse. Take care pal " Just in addendum to what I wrote, even with everything I have said my response rate is still only around 1 in 25 messages and most of the time its a thanks for such a well written message but we aren't interested. So when I said skyrocketed I was overstating, but your chances will certainly improve. The reality is, competition is fierce and you need to find your own way of standing out. Again, good luck pal, and chin up. | |||
"Sorry in advance if this turns into another single guy rant. I've been on and off fab for a good few years now and I think it's getting to the point where I legitimately think I'm delusional for trying to use fab to meet people. I can change up my profile, add new pictures and send original first messages, but these seem to have zero impact, usually resulting in read and no reply or just not read at all. I know women are spoilt for choice on here and I can't fault them for wanting to stick with their preferences, we all do and I totally understand that when you get hundreds of messages a day, you don't really have time for thinking maybe this guys ok and I'll give him a chance, especially when you can just flick through a few more profiles or messages to find that ideal guy you're looking for. As for the race thing, I'm not saying anyone on here is racist, it just sucks being in a ethnic bracket that doesn't have a good reputation and is just not really sought after by the majority (I absolutely hate having to type this, as it feels like an admission of not being happy with my ethnicity). I know there are a lot of people on here that don't care about ethnicity, but then they do care about the other details on my profile like do we have similar interests and can he accommodate? So I hear some people thinking, why not go to events or clubs? On my time on fab I've been to one social and 1 meet. The meet I get the feeling was just so she could make a video for her profile, which left me feeling used and not great after. Fyi that person got banned, made another account, got banned and then gave up after making a third account and getting banned again, which makes me think less of myself that the only person to physically meet with me for a sexual activity is someone that got banned 3 times. As for the social it was great, just a group of locals meeting at a bar, no fees, no inflated prices for being a single guy either as the amount of single men allowed to the social was kept low. I went in without any expectations of having sex and it was just a nice chill night, sadly not much came of it, as it was mostly couples looking for other couples, but I still had a good time. I wouldn't mind going to more socials, but they seem to be nonexistent in the south east of London and every time someone tries it just fizzles out. So why not clubs? I don't have that much disposable income and I tend to get stuck working on evening shifts for Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday. Call it unlucky but even if I had those days off, I can't afford to pay the rather large single guy tax (large to me) just to get into a place with the possible chance of having a chat with a few people that might not even pan out into anything. Also I don't really like the idea of adding to uncomfortable situations, where you can see loads of single guys sharking around the few women that are just trying to have a chill night. So overall: 1. Being a single man on a site that's flooded with other single men, 2. Being mixed Asian, 3. I can't accommodate, 4. Can't really go to clubs or find socials within reach. So what do you guys reckon, am I being delusional by holding onto hope and keep sending out messages? or is it just better to be realistic and call it day?" Brief but to the point, if you’re looking for a fwb try Tinder! You’ll probably have more luck than here | |||
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"This site should just be part of your adult fun life. Socialise in the normal way, chat to women whilst out shopping etc. Swinging is not having sex with anyone and everyone, you still need to meet and connect. I suggest you shut your account, bet an active life and pop back on occasionally." OP Do not shut or delete the account it'll be even worse then coming back as you would have no verifications. If you want time away use the hide profile option. You say you have done some socials but then you say on your profile you get out and about... Maybe start linking a bit of travel for you to areas that have more social events... | |||
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