FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Lack of proactiveness = lack of success
Lack of proactiveness = lack of success
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I personally believe this plays a part as to why some struggle on this site (women and couples predominantly).
For example, someone’s type is X,Y,Z. They put this in their profile but instead of going out to seek said type, they react in the form whinging and whining when folk outside of said type contacts them.
This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that. I scratch my head in confusion as to why these functions aren’t used 🤦🏾♂️
What do you think is a result of this? Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe this is something you feel you shouldn’t have to do? If so, please explain your reasons below |
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"I personally believe this plays a part as to why some struggle on this site (women and couples predominantly).
For example, someone’s type is X,Y,Z. They put this in their profile but instead of going out to seek said type, they react in the form whinging and whining when folk outside of said type contacts them.
This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that. I scratch my head in confusion as to why these functions aren’t used 🤦🏾♂️
What do you think is a result of this? Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe this is something you feel you shouldn’t have to do? If so, please explain your reasons below "
The mail filters do not filter out ethnicity, sexuality, ability to host or travel just as some examples, I figure maybe 90% of people don't read profiles, so even if it's in their profile header, they're going to get responses they're not looking for |
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"I personally believe this plays a part as to why some struggle on this site (women and couples predominantly).
For example, someone’s type is X,Y,Z. They put this in their profile but instead of going out to seek said type, they react in the form whinging and whining when folk outside of said type contacts them.
This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that. I scratch my head in confusion as to why these functions aren’t used 🤦🏾♂️
What do you think is a result of this? Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe this is something you feel you shouldn’t have to do? If so, please explain your reasons below
The mail filters do not filter out ethnicity, sexuality, ability to host or travel just as some examples, I figure maybe 90% of people don't read profiles, so even if it's in their profile header, they're going to get responses they're not looking for"
Okay that’s fine, but this isn’t about responses received or reactions to people who reach out first. It’s more the lack of taking initiative to seek out what you want. |
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"This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that"
I was replying to this bit primarily I guess! I.e they can't stop them contacting them |
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""This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that"
I was replying to this bit primarily I guess! I.e they can't stop them contacting them"
The same site which allows people to ”Browse and Search Profiles” going on to allow you to conduct an “Advanced Search” based on various criteria, some of which you mentioned above.
I wonder if people choose deliberately not to utilise this in order to find who they’re looking for according to their preferred criteria and why? |
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My strategy is to never search for the desirable match, but to allow them find me. I do this through attending socials, and trusting that the women's grapevine here will pass my name around. It works very well for me. I have my filters set so that I donnt receive mail from people I don't wish to meet. |
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"My strategy is to never search for the desirable match, but to allow them find me. I do this through attending socials, and trusting that the women's grapevine here will pass my name around. It works very well for me. I have my filters set so that I donnt receive mail from people I don't wish to meet. "
That’s great and I’m glad that approach works for you. It’s a very good one in my opinion. Word of mouth is a very powerful tool in this lifestyle. The reason behind me starting this thread doesn’t apply to what you just said. |
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"Perhaps let members use the site as they see fit? "
Nowhere in my original post was I telling anyone that they can’t do just that 🤦🏾♂️🙄
Simply just expressed an observation then an opinion and posed some open questions off this back of that…
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"I personally believe this plays a part as to why some struggle on this site (women and couples predominantly).
For example, someone’s type is X,Y,Z. They put this in their profile but instead of going out to seek said type, they react in the form whinging and whining when folk outside of said type contacts them.
This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that. I scratch my head in confusion as to why these functions aren’t used 🤦🏾♂️
What do you think is a result of this? Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe this is something you feel you shouldn’t have to do? If so, please explain your reasons below "
We agree. You know us - we don't really meet privately that often but when we do we do go browsing and send messages as simply putting a status or meet post up just results in a flood of chances that aren’t who we look for saying 'pick me'.
I guess some people just assume everyone reads profiles thoroughly.
They don't and being proactive does boost your chances of finding a better match. 🤷♂️ |
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"Zero gameplan, if we find a profile attractive we contact them with face pics..
Pretty much that simple, guy's unfortunately blocked because of the generic shite received.."
I've blocked men, women, couples (all) and trans people for the same reason. |
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"I personally believe this plays a part as to why some struggle on this site (women and couples predominantly).
For example, someone’s type is X,Y,Z. They put this in their profile but instead of going out to seek said type, they react in the form whinging and whining when folk outside of said type contacts them.
This site has many functions which can be used to find what you’re looking for & prevent those from contacting you who fall outside that. I scratch my head in confusion as to why these functions aren’t used 🤦🏾♂️
What do you think is a result of this? Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe this is something you feel you shouldn’t have to do? If so, please explain your reasons below
We agree. You know us - we don't really meet privately that often but when we do we do go browsing and send messages as simply putting a status or meet post up just results in a flood of chances that aren’t who we look for saying 'pick me'.
I guess some people just assume everyone reads profiles thoroughly.
They don't and being proactive does boost your chances of finding a better match. 🤷♂️"
That I do, and know you both very well  . “Assuming” this is where so many go wrong.
The point of being proactive that’ll in turn improve chances of finding a better match is exactly what I was trying to emphasise but you already knew this.
Sadly too many seem to avoid personality responsibility as if it’s the plague. Guess it’s just easier to blame any and everything else for one’s own lack of shortcomings rather than looking within as to what they can do to improve that. 🤷🏾♂️ |
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"When I see profiles that I like the look of, I reach out.
Sad to say, it's very rare. A lot of profiles are pretty dire."
Kudos to you for your proactiveness! Sorry your efforts have proved futile so far though. |
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"Zero gameplan, if we find a profile attractive we contact them with face pics..
Pretty much that simple, guy's unfortunately blocked because of the generic shite received.."
Simple for some like yourselves, but not for all 😅 |
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I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂 |
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"I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂"
It’s not a guarantee to that (if that’s what one is after), but it could be play a part in getting significantly BETTER QUALITY ones. That, I will stand on wholeheartedly. It’s a shame that you’re not finding anything that stands out, though what would you be going looking for if not meets? |
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"I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂
It’s not a guarantee to that (if that’s what one is after), but it could be play a part in getting significantly BETTER QUALITY ones. That, I will stand on wholeheartedly. It’s a shame that you’re not finding anything that stands out, though what would you be going looking for if not meets? "
I am having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox.
When I look at profiles, more than 99% put me off. They're not people I want anywhere near me.
Posts like yours seem to want to shift the burden of making meets happen. And yes, people can be proactive, and use filters carefully. My experience is that I've done a lot more reading and DIY. I don't think that's what these posts aim to provoke (although I am quite pleased with my woodwork) |
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"I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂
It’s not a guarantee to that (if that’s what one is after), but it could be play a part in getting significantly BETTER QUALITY ones. That, I will stand on wholeheartedly. It’s a shame that you’re not finding anything that stands out, though what would you be going looking for if not meets?
I am having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox.
When I look at profiles, more than 99% put me off. They're not people I want anywhere near me.
Posts like yours seem to want to shift the burden of making meets happen. And yes, people can be proactive, and use filters carefully. My experience is that I've done a lot more reading and DIY. I don't think that's what these posts aim to provoke (although I am quite pleased with my woodwork)"
“Having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox” proves my point of doing so enhances one’s experience on here. People choose not apply the filters though because they enjoy the attention, whether it’s wanted or unwanted.
You say shifting the burden, shifting it from who? Said burden only occurs if people are being proactive in making the first move such as reaching out to those who fit their requirements, which those people who complain about lack of suitable suitors probably aren’t doing. Putting a meet or a status up doesn’t qualify as “looking” in my opinion. It’s just as a bad as a guy messaging any and every Tom, dick and Harry hoping something will stick.
You’re right, my post was to provoke those who are reactive in their approach to using this site but then complain they’re not getting anywhere.
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"I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂
It’s not a guarantee to that (if that’s what one is after), but it could be play a part in getting significantly BETTER QUALITY ones. That, I will stand on wholeheartedly. It’s a shame that you’re not finding anything that stands out, though what would you be going looking for if not meets?
I am having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox.
When I look at profiles, more than 99% put me off. They're not people I want anywhere near me.
Posts like yours seem to want to shift the burden of making meets happen. And yes, people can be proactive, and use filters carefully. My experience is that I've done a lot more reading and DIY. I don't think that's what these posts aim to provoke (although I am quite pleased with my woodwork)
“Having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox” proves my point of doing so enhances one’s experience on here. People choose not apply the filters though because they enjoy the attention, whether it’s wanted or unwanted.
You say shifting the burden, shifting it from who? Said burden only occurs if people are being proactive in making the first move such as reaching out to those who fit their requirements, which those people who complain about lack of suitable suitors probably aren’t doing. Putting a meet or a status up doesn’t qualify as “looking” in my opinion. It’s just as a bad as a guy messaging any and every Tom, dick and Harry hoping something will stick.
You’re right, my post was to provoke those who are reactive in their approach to using this site but then complain they’re not getting anywhere.
"
Shifting to those not currently doing the messaging.
Given how bad so many profiles are, if you had it completely your way, I just think all it will achieve is that message volumes decrease, tbh.
My filters have been mostly closed for five years. I've had a lot more books than sex. |
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"I think the problem with your prescription OP, is that I don't think it leads to more meets. Because I'm not out here messaging and meeting people. I'm not finding anything that speaks to me at all 😂
It’s not a guarantee to that (if that’s what one is after), but it could be play a part in getting significantly BETTER QUALITY ones. That, I will stand on wholeheartedly. It’s a shame that you’re not finding anything that stands out, though what would you be going looking for if not meets?
I am having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox.
When I look at profiles, more than 99% put me off. They're not people I want anywhere near me.
Posts like yours seem to want to shift the burden of making meets happen. And yes, people can be proactive, and use filters carefully. My experience is that I've done a lot more reading and DIY. I don't think that's what these posts aim to provoke (although I am quite pleased with my woodwork)
“Having a better time without all the garbage in my inbox” proves my point of doing so enhances one’s experience on here. People choose not apply the filters though because they enjoy the attention, whether it’s wanted or unwanted.
You say shifting the burden, shifting it from who? Said burden only occurs if people are being proactive in making the first move such as reaching out to those who fit their requirements, which those people who complain about lack of suitable suitors probably aren’t doing. Putting a meet or a status up doesn’t qualify as “looking” in my opinion. It’s just as a bad as a guy messaging any and every Tom, dick and Harry hoping something will stick.
You’re right, my post was to provoke those who are reactive in their approach to using this site but then complain they’re not getting anywhere.
Shifting to those not currently doing the messaging.
Given how bad so many profiles are, if you had it completely your way, I just think all it will achieve is that message volumes decrease, tbh.
My filters have been mostly closed for five years. I've had a lot more books than sex."
Having a sellable profile to potential suitors AND being proactive are two key ingredients on the way to improving things. Two different things (like these) can be true.
Message volumes will decrease yes, mostly likely. However, message QUALITY and in turn connections of the same ilk could & probably would increase.
Good for you in having your filters closed & enjoy your books though, sounds like you’ve found & protected your peace. |
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I understand the OP post.
Simple observation that lots of people post they struggle getting message replies/meetings.
And that's okay.. but most of the time when you scratch below the surface a lot actually do very little to help themselves further.
The OP is just making an observation that these people might improve their situation if they were more proactive across all functions of the site.
It in no way is a post trying to shift blame or anything else.
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