FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Its not your profile - its you
Its not your profile - its you
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So every week there are multiple posts asking what’s wrong with their profile as they are not having much luck on here (usually after being on just a matter of weeks). While I do think a little effort needs putting into your profile we find most men on here just have no idea how to talk to people and can’t read a profile.
I have been on and off this site for years as a couple or as a single man and my Mrs has had a singles profile to talk to guys. I thought we got plenty of bad messages on our couples profile but these were nothing compared to the ones she got on here own single profile. Which range from the same generic “hi” “how are you?” “Nice tits” to absolutely vile messages, especially from guys she said “thanks for the message but no thanks” a lot can’t take rejection.
I don’t think we are asking much.
1.Read a persons profile it’s not difficult.
2. Send a decent message and be able to have a conversation, This is big for one for us as we get so many one line messages.
3. If they ask for a pic like we do and we send one in return, send a decent clear one, not one from years ago, we actually had one that must have been 20 years old once and FFS smile, so many single guys look miserable lol. Personally we don’t need 20 dick pics either, one is fine if you want to send one.
4. Be able to take rejection and move on, we know we aren’t for everyone and just move on if we are not a fit for them.
Yes single guys have it hard on here as there are a lot of you but just having little patience and knowing how to talk to people and read profiles goes a long way and will put you way ahead of all the other guys.
Obviously this is just out opinion and everyone is different so what does everyone else think?
S |
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By *aiar69Man 34 weeks ago
Market drayton |
As a single guy on here i agree with the above. The Ratio on any site like this is overwhelmingly men and the % of women that are on here are getting hundreds of profile visits per day.
You have to try and stand out from the crowd. So like above, read the profile, make your message specific to the person you are talking to. Nothing turns people off quite like a copy pasted 2 sentence message with a dick pick.
It is hard being on here as a single man due to the sheer number of times you get ignored or rejected. But that's no excuse not to be nice, be polite, and take care with your communication!
Jam X  |
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Broadly speaking I agree with most of what you have written. People most definitely should read profiles, send more informed messages that have substance, send a face picture and address both parties if you message a couple. All sound advice. You often see its usually guys who have not even begun to build out their profile asking for advice so I understand the frustration seeing it every day. |
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It's astounding that so many of us are so bad at communicating and getting along well with others 
And that so many have extremely unrealistic expectations. I realise that the no-hopers have to end up somewhere but it's a seemingly high volume who end up here. Perhaps this is just truly reflective of society at large, outside of our own individual bubbles? The site is free and thus has few barriers for anyone wanting to come here. |
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I agree with some of what you've said.
But it's not just men. It's women and couples too.
Some people just lack the ability to create an interesting profile. Likewise a coherent or interesting sentence.
Some people have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others.
It's not gender specific. 🤷♂️ |
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Generally agree. I don't get many random messages but there's plenty that just say 'hi', even from couples. It's less of a problem for a single mail, but I bet inundated women and couples get more annoyed or exasperated. |
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All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
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I would also like to add that personally I find it insulting to be addressed as Hi Sexy, Babe, Darling, Sweetheart, Hon when my name is clearly stated on my profile. I mean obviously Kitty is not my real name but it is there to use. I would never proposition a person in such a manner.
I have also received sone absolutely vile messages, abuse because I have dared to politely replay with a not for me, no thank you and I have never seen so many dick pics in all my life since joining here.
My top three vile messages:
Would you be interested in a kinky pimp and pros*itute arrangement?
I want to cho*e you with my cock until you vomit. I will pay you £50. (Then there was a succession of messages increasing at £50. Blocked at £300)
Do you like sub men? Will you piss in my mouth?
Evidently none of the above had even read my profile! |
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"All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
"
I get what you are saying but they do hang around in the forums as I have received lots of messages because of a post in the forums. There are lots who ask for profile advice in the forums then ignore it or get defensive when people try to help. |
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Just to add, as a single straight fem and half a couple, some couples are just as bad.
They still friend requested me, winked or messaged me for an ffm, despite me stating I'm straight.
I now block couples, as many of them can't read bios either or think they'll be an exception, to my no couples on this account rule.
Life on here would be better if everyone took 2 mins to read someone's profile, rather than just decide to message without.
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"All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
I get what you are saying they don't hang around in forums but have to disagree as many have contacted me because of a post in the forums. There are guys who ask for profit advice, then don't take it and even get defensive when people try to help them."
That’s common tactic people use - direct messaging off the back of a forum post, is the contact in relation a thread of this nature? Or something different? Yes there are many “sensitive simon’s” on here who cannot take a bit of constructive criticism/feedback when they’ve asked, they only end up playing themselves. They cynic in me believes some (not all) who ask for advice do so disingenuously & don’t actually want it, but more so wish to garner traffic and engagement to their page. |
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"All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
"
There have been times I have really related to the bottom of this post, my messages are always well written, directed at both(within a couple), polite and informed and most still go unread or deleted, it can be disheartening. But I put in the effort not just for the sake of it, but its because that is who I am.
The fact most aren't responded to should have no bearing on wether or not I continue putting in the effort at the end of the day, the next profile I message is equally deserving of effort regardless if the last 10 didnt respond
Its up to me to not let myself think negatively about that and keep putting in the effort. If I am here for the right reasons eventually it shines through to people |
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"All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
There have been times I have really related to the bottom of this post, my messages are always well written, directed at both(within a couple), polite and informed and most still go unread or deleted, it can be disheartening. But I put in the effort not just for the sake of it, but its because that is who I am.
The fact most aren't responded to should have no bearing on wether or not I continue putting in the effort at the end of the day, the next profile I message is equally deserving of effort regardless if the last 10 didnt respond
Its up to me to not let myself think negatively about that and keep putting in the effort. If I am here for the right reasons eventually it shines through to people "
I commend you for your approach and your resilience too. By no means should one message lack as much spark, nor is it as undeserving of equal thought and effort as the last 10 you’ve sent, regardless of whether or not they’ve been opened let alone responded to. Just for me, if something’s not worked the first however many times, I’m more inclined to go back to the drawing board and think of an alternative way of doing it as opposed to continuously doing the same thing (living in hope at best and delusion at worst) believing it’s going to yield a different outcome. |
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"So every week there are multiple posts asking what’s wrong with their profile as they are not having much luck on here (usually after being on just a matter of weeks). While I do think a little effort needs putting into your profile we find most men on here just have no idea how to talk to people and can’t read a profile.
I have been on and off this site for years as a couple or as a single man and my Mrs has had a singles profile to talk to guys. I thought we got plenty of bad messages on our couples profile but these were nothing compared to the ones she got on here own single profile. Which range from the same generic “hi” “how are you?” “Nice tits” to absolutely vile messages, especially from guys she said “thanks for the message but no thanks” a lot can’t take rejection.
I don’t think we are asking much.
1.Read a persons profile it’s not difficult.
2. Send a decent message and be able to have a conversation, This is big for one for us as we get so many one line messages.
3. If they ask for a pic like we do and we send one in return, send a decent clear one, not one from years ago, we actually had one that must have been 20 years old once and FFS smile, so many single guys look miserable lol. Personally we don’t need 20 dick pics either, one is fine if you want to send one.
4. Be able to take rejection and move on, we know we aren’t for everyone and just move on if we are not a fit for them.
Yes single guys have it hard on here as there are a lot of you but just having little patience and knowing how to talk to people and read profiles goes a long way and will put you way ahead of all the other guys.
Obviously this is just out opinion and everyone is different so what does everyone else think?
S"
I (Mr) have been on here as a single guy and a couple so understand the struggle from both sides. I don't see the need to state the obvious to those seeking advice. If people can't work it out themselves and not be dicks, it is helpful that they expose themselves for what they are so can be avoided.
For those that do send decent messages, aren't dicks, have read the profile and are within the profile parameters, some help in readjusting their expectations can be helpful. Single guys need to understand that this isn't dial-a-fuck and that they are in the majority looking for the minority.
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"...it's not just men. It's women and couples too.
Some people just lack the ability to create an interesting profile. Likewise a coherent or interesting sentence.
Some people have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others.
It's not gender specific. 🤷♂️"
•
ㅤㅤ
I couldn't agree more.
I seldom send a first message these days, probably half a dozen this year, if that. It's true that the numbers are against you but that shouldn't detract from good citizenship or behaviour, or even how you construct your messages.
Nearly all of my introductions/dates have been on the back of women sending the first message, almost exclusively from those who lurk incognito on the forums, or having messaged me via a forum thread to introduce themselves or via group socials held in bars or pubs. I still receive messages that are extraneous to the forums but I still give them the same scrutiny like any other message: for me it's the profile that takes precedence.
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"So every week there are multiple posts asking what’s wrong with their profile as they are not having much luck on here (usually after being on just a matter of weeks). While I do think a little effort needs putting into your profile we find most men on here just have no idea how to talk to people and can’t read a profile.
I have been on and off this site for years as a couple or as a single man and my Mrs has had a singles profile to talk to guys. I thought we got plenty of bad messages on our couples profile but these were nothing compared to the ones she got on here own single profile. Which range from the same generic “hi” “how are you?” “Nice tits” to absolutely vile messages, especially from guys she said “thanks for the message but no thanks” a lot can’t take rejection.
I don’t think we are asking much.
1.Read a persons profile it’s not difficult.
2. Send a decent message and be able to have a conversation, This is big for one for us as we get so many one line messages.
3. If they ask for a pic like we do and we send one in return, send a decent clear one, not one from years ago, we actually had one that must have been 20 years old once and FFS smile, so many single guys look miserable lol. Personally we don’t need 20 dick pics either, one is fine if you want to send one.
4. Be able to take rejection and move on, we know we aren’t for everyone and just move on if we are not a fit for them.
Yes single guys have it hard on here as there are a lot of you but just having little patience and knowing how to talk to people and read profiles goes a long way and will put you way ahead of all the other guys.
Obviously this is just out opinion and everyone is different so what does everyone else think?
S
I (Mr) have been on here as a single guy and a couple so understand the struggle from both sides. I don't see the need to state the obvious to those seeking advice. If people can't work it out themselves and not be dicks, it is helpful that they expose themselves for what they are so can be avoided.
For those that do send decent messages, aren't dicks, have read the profile and are within the profile parameters, some help in readjusting their expectations can be helpful. Single guys need to understand that this isn't dial-a-fuck and that they are in the majority looking for the minority.
"
I think this is the healthiest possible approach 100% |
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"...it's not just men. It's women and couples too.
Some people just lack the ability to create an interesting profile. Likewise a coherent or interesting sentence.
Some people have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others.
It's not gender specific. 🤷♂️
•
ㅤㅤ
I couldn't agree more.
I seldom send a first message these days, probably half a dozen this year, if that. It's true that the numbers are against you but that shouldn't detract from good citizenship or behaviour, or even how you construct your messages.
Nearly all of my introductions/dates have been on the back of women sending the first message, almost exclusively from those who lurk incognito on the forums, or having messaged me via a forum thread to introduce themselves or via group socials held in bars or pubs. I still receive messages that are extraneous to the forums but I still give them the same scrutiny like any other message: for me it's the profile that takes precedence.
"
This i think is unrealistic for the vast majority of single males to be fair. In 2 years I have recived 3 messages from single women, and 2 were the same scammer 🤣
However looking at your profile I understand exactly why upu are approached, what a spectacular profile, its so well written and thought out. I genuinely think your profile should be a use case for exactly how to have a profile, no doubt in my mind, it is excellent |
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"All sound advice you’ve mentioned, a lot of which I do agree with, but I feel these kind of posts to be pretty counter productive. The very men who you proclaim that don’t do all of these things, aren’t flittering around here in the forums to see this.
The vast majority who ARE aware of what you’ve mentioned and do do those things have given up in their attempts to reach out/approach because they’re fed up of the lack of return in investment.
Now I’m not saying anyone is entitled to get what they want because of the effort they’ve put in to get that however, there comes a point where one thinks “let me just cut my losses as I’m not getting anywhere”. So unfortunately you’re left with the poor quality profiles & messages clogging up inboxes.
"
My thoughts exactly! The thinkers are already out there sending potentially thought provoking messages, the next hurdle is if that person actually sees it or not
A measured person either leaves it there, or waits for a topical opportunity to try again and maybe a spot of luck
I hate to use the term, but the neanderthals clearly aren't reading forums, god forbid read someone's profile
Sadly we have to accept it for what it is or not be here |
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I think it's fatigue kicking in for a lot of guys.
I suspect when they first join they spend a lot of time crafting what they think is the perfect profile or first message only to be ignored or deleted. After going through that a number of times it eventually descends into a carpet bomb approach of spamming females/couples with the same/similar messages.
I think there should be some sort of disclaimer/warning when creating a male account to manage expectations and avoid anyone feeling entitled. |
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"So every week there are multiple posts asking what’s wrong with their profile as they are not having much luck on here (usually after being on just a matter of weeks). While I do think a little effort needs putting into your profile we find most men on here just have no idea how to talk to people and can’t read a profile.
I have been on and off this site for years as a couple or as a single man and my Mrs has had a singles profile to talk to guys. I thought we got plenty of bad messages on our couples profile but these were nothing compared to the ones she got on here own single profile. Which range from the same generic “hi” “how are you?” “Nice tits” to absolutely vile messages, especially from guys she said “thanks for the message but no thanks” a lot can’t take rejection.
I don’t think we are asking much.
1.Read a persons profile it’s not difficult.
2. Send a decent message and be able to have a conversation, This is big for one for us as we get so many one line messages.
3. If they ask for a pic like we do and we send one in return, send a decent clear one, not one from years ago, we actually had one that must have been 20 years old once and FFS smile, so many single guys look miserable lol. Personally we don’t need 20 dick pics either, one is fine if you want to send one.
4. Be able to take rejection and move on, we know we aren’t for everyone and just move on if we are not a fit for them.
Yes single guys have it hard on here as there are a lot of you but just having little patience and knowing how to talk to people and read profiles goes a long way and will put you way ahead of all the other guys.
Obviously this is just out opinion and everyone is different so what does everyone else think?
S"
Agree with this, having to read the barrage of messages from single men it must be one or two out of every hundred that actually stand out or show they have read your profile. To the ones we respond to, they normal turn the conversation to sex or get very crude with in 4-5 messages.
There is just of what I’d call game, it’s really bad sometimes. |
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By *oo_BeesCouple 34 weeks ago
Saltcoats |
"So every week there are multiple posts asking what’s wrong with their profile as they are not having much luck on here (usually after being on just a matter of weeks). While I do think a little effort needs putting into your profile we find most men on here just have no idea how to talk to people and can’t read a profile.
I have been on and off this site for years as a couple or as a single man and my Mrs has had a singles profile to talk to guys. I thought we got plenty of bad messages on our couples profile but these were nothing compared to the ones she got on here own single profile. Which range from the same generic “hi” “how are you?” “Nice tits” to absolutely vile messages, especially from guys she said “thanks for the message but no thanks” a lot can’t take rejection.
I don’t think we are asking much.
1.Read a persons profile it’s not difficult.
2. Send a decent message and be able to have a conversation, This is big for one for us as we get so many one line messages.
3. If they ask for a pic like we do and we send one in return, send a decent clear one, not one from years ago, we actually had one that must have been 20 years old once and FFS smile, so many single guys look miserable lol. Personally we don’t need 20 dick pics either, one is fine if you want to send one.
4. Be able to take rejection and move on, we know we aren’t for everyone and just move on if we are not a fit for them.
Yes single guys have it hard on here as there are a lot of you but just having little patience and knowing how to talk to people and read profiles goes a long way and will put you way ahead of all the other guys.
Obviously this is just out opinion and everyone is different so what does everyone else think?
S"
100% this  |
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I find it amazing when guys expect to meet you but can't even make an effort to read your profile.
If they make that little effort, in trying to make a connection, I can only imagine what a meet would be like x |
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By *tew008Man 33 weeks ago
edinburgh |
"I think it's fatigue kicking in for a lot of guys.
I suspect when they first join they spend a lot of time crafting what they think is the perfect profile or first message only to be ignored or deleted. After going through that a number of times it eventually descends into a carpet bomb approach of spamming females/couples with the same/similar messages.
I think there should be some sort of disclaimer/warning when creating a male account to manage expectations and avoid anyone feeling entitled."
I will write fairly eloquent messages to folk but site does make you jaded. Nearly got my hopes up recently with someone but that was a mistake. |
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People also have to be realistic. And see if their message recipients would be attracted to them. Many say “well, I have to shoot my shot” fair enough, but then don’t be upset when your message goes unanswered or deleted…
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"People also have to be realistic. And see if their message recipients would be attracted to them. Many say “well, I have to shoot my shot” fair enough, but then don’t be upset when your message goes unanswered or deleted…
"
“People also have be realistic” you say? How about we have the same energy for those people who have such stringent requirements or preferences that don’t go actively seek those who fit that criteria and complain about how they can’t find what/who they’re looking for? They’re not shooting their shot are they? no. |
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"I will write fairly eloquent messages to folk but site does make you jaded. Nearly got my hopes up recently with someone but that was a mistake."
That all comes back to the "be realistic" thing tho. As a single guy, I worked out how to create an excellent profile and hand-crafted each opening message. I would do everything "right" but even then my response rate was rarely more than about 5%. Of those who did respond, maybe 10% resulted in a meet (social or sexual). It's a numbers game that requires a helluva lot of thankless work and there is a LOT of chance and luck involved, but it can be done. However not having a tip-top profile pretty much guarantees failure |
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"“People also have be realistic” you say? How about we have the same energy for those people who have such stringent requirements or preferences that don’t go actively seek those who fit that criteria and complain about how they can’t find what/who they’re looking for? They’re not shooting their shot are they? no. "
If it makes you feel any better, they are also doomed to failure. I have a female friend who is drop dead gorgeous, but has a list of "non negotiables" which is so extensive and so stringent that she rarely even gets a date, never mind about getting fucked |
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"...it's not just men. It's women and couples too.
Some people just lack the ability to create an interesting profile. Likewise a coherent or interesting sentence.
Some people have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others.
It's not gender specific. 🤷♂️
•
I couldn't agree more.
I seldom send a first message these days, probably half a dozen this year, if that. It's true that the numbers are against you but that shouldn't detract from good citizenship or behaviour, or even how you construct your messages.
Nearly all of my introductions/dates have been on the back of women sending the first message, almost exclusively from those who lurk incognito on the forums, or having messaged me via a forum thread to introduce themselves or via group socials held in bars or pubs. I still receive messages that are extraneous to the forums but I still give them the same scrutiny like any other message: for me it's the profile that takes precedence.
·
This i think is unrealistic for the vast majority of single males to be fair. In 2 years I have recived 3 messages from single women, and 2 were the same scammer 🤣
However looking at your profile I understand exactly why upu are approached, what a spectacular profile, its so well written and thought out. I genuinely think your profile should be a use case for exactly how to have a profile, no doubt in my mind, it is excellent "
•
Perhaps it is "unrealistic for the vast majority of single males" on here because ultimately it's a numbers game. Attending socials helps to build your nexus of contacts and also general good citizenship on the forums helps your cause: people will look at your profile and gauge whether to contact you or not. |
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By *959femxCouple 33 weeks ago
Weston super mare |
Fab seems to have become a hook up site we see lots of profiles with “Meet tonight “ only meet mornings , Tues afternoons free 7 to 9 sat etc etc . Lots of married / attached men looking for a quickie which is fine if there is a lady/ couple looking for that . The “no time wasters” , “not into endless chat “ brigade or just a game of bedpost notches all fine but not many seem prepared to put in a little effort in to attract people. 63 dick pics with “ want to suck it “ ? Etc etc if it works for you fine , just not that appealing to all . |
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By *959femxCouple 33 weeks ago
Weston super mare |
Fab seems to have become a hook up site we see lots of profiles with “Meet tonight “ only meet mornings , Tues afternoons free 7 to 9 sat etc etc . Lots of married / attached men looking for a quickie which is fine if there is a lady/ couple looking for that . The “no time wasters” , “not into endless chat “ brigade or just a game of bedpost notches all fine but not many seem prepared to put in a little effort in to attract people. 63 dick pics with “ want to suck it “ ? Etc etc if it works for you fine , just not that appealing to all . |
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By *CExeCouple 32 weeks ago
Hong-Kong/Exeter |
I logged back into my single male profile for the first time in months today. Chatted to a couple, and got a girl's snap and had a nice call with her, and hopefully meeting later this week. It's really not that hard if you're polite, read bios and put a bit of effort in. The lass was reading some of the messages she was getting out to me, and Jesus wept it's bad. 'You will call me daddy while I spread your legs' was one.....who the hell thinks that's a good message lol |
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As it's been said multiple times in previous messages.
Please take time to actually read what people have written on their profile.
Most annoying for me are Bearded men or Smokers.
On numerous occasions I've replied Really!! Didn't fancy reading the profile then.
Had 2 of the above only this morning and abuse received was to totally unnecessary |
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I'm new around here, so I'm still learning the ropes so to speak. However I have a lady friend on here who gets a lot of interest and messages and I'm appalled at some of the crap she gets.
There's obviously the dick pics and similar stuff which is pretty much guaranteed, but there's also a sub-culture which is a bit vile.
In the past week, one chap has offered her £200 so he could go down on her, another one messaged every day for a fortnight asking if he could lick her pussy and arsehole, even after she'd said she wasn't interested, and another chap wrote a long list of things he wanted to do to her.
That's only a snippet of what she's received. Now, I know what sort of website this is, and my lady friend is drop dead gorgeous, so she's going to get a lot of attention, but it does seem to be a bit extreme.
Is it about meeting someone you like before having sex with them, or just hooking up for a random shag these days? |
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By *irsSubCouple 32 weeks ago
Stockton |
In all honesty the really weird and really offensive ones provide us with a laugh. The half arsed "hi", "hey" or "x" are an instant turn off.
The issue for single guys is that they often aren't willing to take the steps to be successful (usually because they are married or cheating). |
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By *aandLoCouple 32 weeks ago
Southampton |
"I'm new around here, so I'm still learning the ropes so to speak. However I have a lady friend on here who gets a lot of interest and messages and I'm appalled at some of the crap she gets.
There's obviously the dick pics and similar stuff which is pretty much guaranteed, but there's also a sub-culture which is a bit vile.
In the past week, one chap has offered her £200 so he could go down on her, another one messaged every day for a fortnight asking if he could lick her pussy and arsehole, even after she'd said she wasn't interested, and another chap wrote a long list of things he wanted to do to her.
That's only a snippet of what she's received. Now, I know what sort of website this is, and my lady friend is drop dead gorgeous, so she's going to get a lot of attention, but it does seem to be a bit extreme.
Is it about meeting someone you like before having sex with them, or just hooking up for a random shag these days?"
We've had the 'cash to go down on you." Uurgh🤮 Instant block.
Why didn't your friend block immediately after the first message asking to lick her pussy?
I absolutely get that request after you've exchanged a fee messages and the vibes getting hot, but otherwise rude. And lazy, which an alarming number of men seem to be.🤷 |
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Most of the single men profiles, don’t recognise that it’s a swinging site where the couples are secure and happy, and only look for what adds to the dynamic. Not a replacement for it.
Here’s an analogy; I love chocolate. When I’m full had a great meal, or just am not in the mood/have the time, I’m not that interested in chocolate. I can walk into a supermarket and walk down the chocolate aisle and nothing will attract my eye.
However, when I fancy chocolate and walk into the shop, the chocolate aisle is super tempting, I may be in the mood for hazelnut, dairy milk, dark chocolate, or indeed, an entire box of assorted chocolates. Am I open to seeing chocolates when I’m not hungry?
Maybe, I might have a look passively but do I actually want to engage with it? Open the wrapper deal with what’s inside actively? Absolutely not.
Many single profiles assume that because people eat chocolate that they want chocolate all the time and are open to engaging with new chocolates. Their chocolate is the best chocolate that the person will ever experience, whether the profile wants chocolate or not, they will message. That message goes unopened or deleted and they boo hoo. |
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" We've had the 'cash to go down on you." Uurgh🤮 Instant block.
Why didn't your friend block immediately after the first message asking to lick her pussy?
I absolutely get that request after you've exchanged a fee messages and the vibes getting hot, but otherwise rude. And lazy, which an alarming number of men seem to be.🤷"
I did wonder why she didn't block him....I think she has now. |
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"Most of the single men profiles, don’t recognise that it’s a swinging site where the couples are secure and happy, and only look for what adds to the dynamic. Not a replacement for it.
Here’s an analogy; I love chocolate. When I’m full had a great meal, or just am not in the mood/have the time, I’m not that interested in chocolate. I can walk into a supermarket and walk down the chocolate aisle and nothing will attract my eye.
However, when I fancy chocolate and walk into the shop, the chocolate aisle is super tempting, I may be in the mood for hazelnut, dairy milk, dark chocolate, or indeed, an entire box of assorted chocolates. Am I open to seeing chocolates when I’m not hungry?
Maybe, I might have a look passively but do I actually want to engage with it? Open the wrapper deal with what’s inside actively? Absolutely not.
Many single profiles assume that because people eat chocolate that they want chocolate all the time and are open to engaging with new chocolates. Their chocolate is the best chocolate that the person will ever experience, whether the profile wants chocolate or not, they will message. That message goes unopened or deleted and they boo hoo."
A great analogy. Of course, not everyone on here is in a couple, so there is a potential for sampling new chocolate. It's just that there seems to be a distinct lack of manners in obtaining the chocolate. |
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A great analogy. Of course, not everyone on here is in a couple, so there is a potential for sampling new chocolate. It's just that there seems to be a distinct lack of manners in obtaining the chocolate."
Absolutely agree. Dating sites like Tinder, Feeld etc are by orders of magnitude better for hookups. No matter which were on it doesn’t mean there is any excuse to be rude. But to continue on the chocolate analogy, I don’t write to Cadbury’s every time to thank them or let them known I’m not interested when they send coupons and I’ve not opted into marketing communications. Deleting is far easier and less dramatic, in my experience.
Xx
Ms |
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I have been on here and in the scene for 10 years. Not once have I had a meet or sex of any kind. I have maybe one or two friends here, but contact is so sporadic as to mean little.
Sometimes you have to accept you are a no-hoper, and trying to socialise is pure entitlement at its worst. That's how the world works folks. You are entitled to nothing and your hard work only shows how stupid and selfish you are to even try.
Do I like accepting that? No. I'm still accepting it before some couple bluntly spells it out to me on a forum or anywhere else. |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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"I have been on here and in the scene for 10 years. Not once have I had a meet or sex of any kind. I have maybe one or two friends here, but contact is so sporadic as to mean little.
Sometimes you have to accept you are a no-hoper, and trying to socialise is pure entitlement at its worst. That's how the world works folks. You are entitled to nothing and your hard work only shows how stupid and selfish you are to even try.
Do I like accepting that? No. I'm still accepting it before some couple bluntly spells it out to me on a forum or anywhere else."
Yep: this ^^^ |
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By *k12345Man 31 weeks ago
London/Canterbury |
Absolutely agree with your post and I do all of the things you have mentioned, I read profiles fully, I write a nice message addressing both parties if it's a couple, I have verifications cos I have had relative success which shows im genuine (this is due to going out and meeting ppl NOT meets from fabs), I never ever send a dick pic just a nice smiling face pic, be polite and complimentary without being rude..
Yet 99% of the time still get no responses or just straight deletions
I would just like to find a lady partner of my own to be with and go out with, rather that be a lone ranger all the time lol
So some of us do do all those things you mentioned and don't get anywhere whatsoever, but personally I just keep hope and hope one day I'll find my lady.... |
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By *oufouCouple 31 weeks ago
Somerset |
We would agree. Guys tend to assume that different rules apply because it’s a sex site, but in reality the same social norms apply: be charming, be straightforward, be presentable.
We’ve just returned to the site after a long break. The first (well verified) guy we chatted with was all these things, but then he sent us a ton of dick pics he clearly found on Twitter Thank God for reverse image search, but it’s pretty depressing! |
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"Yet 99% of the time still get no responses or just straight deletions
...
So some of us do do all those things you mentioned and don't get anywhere whatsoever"
Unfortunately those are the numbers. I had reasonable success as a single bloke in his 40s because I put a helluva lot of work into honing my profile and writing messages, but it was practically a full time job. For every 100 (unique, hand crafted) messages I'd be ignored or outright rejected about 95 times. You need a very thick skin to endure, but it can be done. |
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