FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting the missus onboard with cuckolding
Getting the missus onboard with cuckolding
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By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
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So me and my girlfriend are very open with each other but our sex life has been mainly pretty vanilla, still good but vanilla. We did have a stint which led us to exploring a swingers club which we wasn’t too keen on, however this got us really discussing our kinks. She claimed to not really have any but I’ve had a kink for a long time which is to be a cuck to my partner.
We discussed it and although she didn’t really want to be with anyone other than me, she did enjoy teasing me at the idea of it, we’d consistently watch interracial & cuckold porn and she’d be in awe of hung black men.
We ended up signing onto a swingers site to browse, where we came across a mixed race guy who lived within a mile, he looked good and claimed to be experienced in tantric massage. Although she didn’t like the idea of being sexual with someone else, she was quite intrigued by the idea of me seeing another guy massage her, so we arranged it for the same day.
A few hours after we found him we was walking to his place & she was intending on it being strictly a massage. He insisted that she strip completely naked for it but she wanted to stay in a bikini which is how it started but he got her feeling more relaxed and was touching her in all the right places, she allowed him to remove all her clothes, which then led to him giving her head & fingering her, so well that she was cumming very hard, repeatedly. It was clear at the time how enjoyable it was for her, she was making it very known.
The issue is that once we left she came back to reality a bit and felt she had done something wrong, I’ve been wanting to experience the same or more with her as it was so sexy & exciting seeing how much she enjoyed herself but she is hesitant to and is more against the idea now.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar thing & has managed to overcome it? Or if someone has any advice on how I can overcome it with her… |
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By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"It is you that has to learn to overcome your need to see her fucked by someone else.
Show her some respect."
This part
She explored, she didn't like it, why are you so desperate to get her to do it anyway? |
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It all sounds a bit what you want and what the man you met wanted.
Ie she didn't want to strip, he got her to take her bikini off etc.
She's done something for you, that she didn't sound overly into. You need to leave it now, she's telling you it's not gonna happen.
Either accept her decision or move on and find someone else who is in to your fantasies. |
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"It is you that has to learn to overcome your need to see her fucked by someone else.
Show her some respect.
This part
She explored, she didn't like it, why are you so desperate to get her to do it anyway?"
This |
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As part of couple who has a similar dynamic to what you are looking for this isn’t going to work if you both aren’t into it equally. From the experience you described it sounds like she was going along with it because she thought it would make you happy. When he started to remove her bikini did you check in with her to make sure she was happy with this as she had previously stated she didn’t want to. Now that reality has set in she has explicitly told you she doesn’t want to repeat the experience so I’m afraid that should be the end of it. Do you really want her to just go along with it to keep you happy? |
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By *aandLoCouple 26 weeks ago
Southampton |
"Breaking consent, trust and crossing boundaries on a first pressured for meet. This is going to end well. "
⬆️ Agree, he let her down, badly.
I can't help thinking he didn't check on her while it was happening, he was too busy enjoying the fact he got what he wanted over the agreed boundaries.... |
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This is why pre agreed boundaries should never be altered in the heat of the moment.
She didn't really want it, it wasn't truly consensual.
Your primary feeling here should be to feel upset and ashamed that you contributed in letting this happen to her. You should have told the guy to stop and checked in with her, at the very least.
And now she's even more against it and you're still pushing. Just no.
(Edited due to typo) |
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"This is why pre agreed boundaries should never be altered in the heat of the moment.
She didn't really want it, it wasn't truly consensual.
Your primary feeling here should be to feel upset and ashamed that you contributed in letting this happen to her. You should have told the guy to stop and checked in with her, at the very least.
And now she's even more against it and you're still pushing. Just no.
(Edited due to typo)"
I agree and while it’s understandable that sometimes pre discussed boundaries can become blurred during the heat of the moment that’s when he should have stepped in to check that she was comfortable with what was happening as she may have felt uncomfortable in voicing it herself. |
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This is all about you and your desires with no consideration for your partner. She’s not your walking, talking pornstar doll to live out your fantasies.
It’s fair to discuss and suggest, she gave it a try and now you’re trying to work out how to convince her to do something she doesn’t want to do. |
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By *ugby 123Couple 26 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
She said she doesn't want to do it again. You have your answer unless she changes her mind on her own without any pressure.
I agreed with others as to you should have checked whether she really wanted to change her bounderies at the meet or was feeling pressured, but after reading your other thread it seems she offered for the man to remove her bikini so it could just be the way you had written this one. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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Have to say that im in the same boat as the OP, I have the cuck fantasy, I want to keep doing it but after we had a few meets on our couples profile both cuck meets and mmf & ffm 3 sums, wife decided it wasn't for her. I dont like it but thats just the way it is, she has allowed me to have a singles page to get any kinky meets I want with no repercussions( not that im getting any meets. Lol.) But I just have to accept my wife doesn't want to sleep with other men for my sexual benefit. There's no magic pill or right words in the right order thats gonna make(or manipulate) her into doing what I want.  |
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You pushed too hard, too fast, and it didn't work out.
Listening to what she says and wants, and putting her needs before yours might work out in the long run, or it might not.
And if you can't do all that, you're going to make a pretty rubbish cuck in any case. |
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"Edited for clarity;
So much of this Fab/porn induced “cucking” seems to be men trying to coerce their spouses/girlfriends into live porn for their gratification, rather than a F/m dynamic. "
Yes I agree in our dynamic it’s ultimately me that’s in charge of who I want to meet and what I want to do. Alex would never want me to be in a situation where I was uncomfortable or thought I was only going along with it for his gratification. Although I’m not sure how true this story is as he posted it on the stories/fantasies section about 3 months ago however in that version she told the guy to remove her bikini and had full sex with him 🤷♀️ |
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"Edited for clarity;
So much of this Fab/porn induced “cucking” seems to be men trying to coerce their spouses/girlfriends into live porn for their gratification, rather than a F/m dynamic.
Yes I agree in our dynamic it’s ultimately me that’s in charge of who I want to meet and what I want to do. Alex would never want me to be in a situation where I was uncomfortable or thought I was only going along with it for his gratification. Although I’m not sure how true this story is as he posted it on the stories/fantasies section about 3 months ago however in that version she told the guy to remove her bikini and had full sex with him 🤷♀️"
This kink is a fantasist magnet. |
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"You pushed too hard, too fast, and it didn't work out.
Listening to what she says and wants, and putting her needs before yours might work out in the long run, or it might not.
And if you can't do all that, you're going to make a pretty rubbish cuck in any case."
Exactly this 👍
The genuine cuckold couples I’ve met were always a female-led relationship. There was no “persuading” the wife at all……😉 |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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From reading your explanation it sounds very much like boundaries were crossed when she’d already laid them out of the table.
She didn’t want to participate sexually, nor did she want to remove her clothes, yet she did both. It’s your job as her partner to stick within the boundaries she has put in place. We all know when stimulated we’re at risk of moving lines we don’t want to move, you should have put a stop to it as her partner.
She doesn’t want to participate again, she doesn’t want to, nor does she have to. Stop pressuring her!
C |
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Just f-ing WOW. This is like a how-to guide to disrespecting your partner, crossing agreed boundaries, pressurising/coercing, and just generally being everything awful that people think men are in to the lifestyle for.
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"Just f-ing WOW. This is like a how-to guide to disrespecting your partner, crossing agreed boundaries, pressurising/coercing, and just generally being everything awful that people think men are in to the lifestyle for.
"
100% in agreement!
Cuckholding isn’t about manipulating your partner into a decision to participate. It’s a very personal circumstance. It’s not something you just try on a whim.
OP, I would honestly think about your communication style with your wife full stop. If you really want to try cuckholding the only way to see if your wife is interested is to be vulnerable,, truthful and direct with your wife. This isn’t without risk of course. So you need to think about all possible |
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As a single guy who’s done a few “cuck” scenarios as the “bull” I’ve come across this many times, there women out there who want to do it and then there’s this type of situation where they don’t really wanna do it but they have been pushed into it, it’s not enjoyable for anyone apart from the guy who pushed her into the situation, I’ve walked plenty of times when it’s been obvious that she doesn’t wanna do it as I don’t wanna fuck someone who doesn’t really want me to fuck them, feels slightly illegal to me and that’s not something I’m into |
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"As a single guy who’s done a few “cuck” scenarios as the “bull” I’ve come across this many times, there women out there who want to do it and then there’s this type of situation where they don’t really wanna do it but they have been pushed into it, it’s not enjoyable for anyone apart from the guy who pushed her into the situation, I’ve walked plenty of times when it’s been obvious that she doesn’t wanna do it as I don’t wanna fuck someone who doesn’t really want me to fuck them, feels slightly illegal to me and that’s not something I’m into "
Absolutely agree with you! 💯 |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"As a single guy who’s done a few “cuck” scenarios as the “bull” I’ve come across this many times, there women out there who want to do it and then there’s this type of situation where they don’t really wanna do it but they have been pushed into it, it’s not enjoyable for anyone apart from the guy who pushed her into the situation, I’ve walked plenty of times when it’s been obvious that she doesn’t wanna do it as I don’t wanna fuck someone who doesn’t really want me to fuck them, feels slightly illegal to me and that’s not something I’m into "
well said 👏👏👏
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"So me and my girlfriend are very open with each other but our sex life has been mainly pretty vanilla, still good but vanilla. We did have a stint which led us to exploring a swingers club which we wasn’t too keen on, however this got us really discussing our kinks. She claimed to not really have any but I’ve had a kink for a long time which is to be a cuck to my partner.
We discussed it and although she didn’t really want to be with anyone other than me, she did enjoy teasing me at the idea of it, we’d consistently watch interracial & cuckold porn and she’d be in awe of hung black men.
We ended up signing onto a swingers site to browse, where we came across a mixed race guy who lived within a mile, he looked good and claimed to be experienced in tantric massage. Although she didn’t like the idea of being sexual with someone else, she was quite intrigued by the idea of me seeing another guy massage her, so we arranged it for the same day.
A few hours after we found him we was walking to his place & she was intending on it being strictly a massage. He insisted that she strip completely naked for it but she wanted to stay in a bikini which is how it started but he got her feeling more relaxed and was touching her in all the right places, she allowed him to remove all her clothes, which then led to him giving her head & fingering her, so well that she was cumming very hard, repeatedly. It was clear at the time how enjoyable it was for her, she was making it very known.
The issue is that once we left she came back to reality a bit and felt she had done something wrong, I’ve been wanting to experience the same or more with her as it was so sexy & exciting seeing how much she enjoyed herself but she is hesitant to and is more against the idea now.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar thing & has managed to overcome it? Or if someone has any advice on how I can overcome it with her…"
if not all parties are 100% into this then your doomed for failure that could lead to you losing what sounds to me a great girl so unless she raises the subject keep stum  |
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As a cuck of over 30 years all I can say is that it’s something that’s always alwYs been led by my hotwife, she having the need to fuck other guys.
I’ve chatted with numerous other cucks over the years and we are all similar in our dynamic with our hotwives ‘leading’ the relationship.
Every cuckold relationship has it’s different ways but I’m not sure you can convince the female to cuck you, it has to be something that she wants to do ! |
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By *aandLoCouple 24 weeks ago
Southampton |
I'd like to be a hotwife having naughty sex with guys without hubbie - as well as threesomes and couple swaps with Hubbie.
But he absolutely doesn't want that, he wants to always be part of it. I have to accept that.
We are equals in our relationship, we respect each other. No one person's desire has greater value. If we're not both 100% on board with a desire, it doesn't happen.
What happened with the OPs wife shows him to be a self absorbed arse with no respect for his wife. |
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By *asiskoCouple 24 weeks ago
EXETER |
I have decided In new year to find situations where it’s me and the man or maybe men without my husband being there.
He is happy with this ( got no choice) i am looking forward to this new part of our cuckold journey . |
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"So me and my girlfriend are very open with each other but our sex life has been mainly pretty vanilla, still good but vanilla. We did have a stint which led us to exploring a swingers club which we wasn’t too keen on, however this got us really discussing our kinks. She claimed to not really have any but I’ve had a kink for a long time which is to be a cuck to my partner.
We discussed it and although she didn’t really want to be with anyone other than me, she did enjoy teasing me at the idea of it, we’d consistently watch interracial & cuckold porn and she’d be in awe of hung black men.
We ended up signing onto a swingers site to browse, where we came across a mixed race guy who lived within a mile, he looked good and claimed to be experienced in tantric massage. Although she didn’t like the idea of being sexual with someone else, she was quite intrigued by the idea of me seeing another guy massage her, so we arranged it for the same day.
A few hours after we found him we was walking to his place & she was intending on it being strictly a massage. He insisted that she strip completely naked for it but she wanted to stay in a bikini which is how it started but he got her feeling more relaxed and was touching her in all the right places, she allowed him to remove all her clothes, which then led to him giving her head & fingering her, so well that she was cumming very hard, repeatedly. It was clear at the time how enjoyable it was for her, she was making it very known.
The issue is that once we left she came back to reality a bit and felt she had done something wrong, I’ve been wanting to experience the same or more with her as it was so sexy & exciting seeing how much she enjoyed herself but she is hesitant to and is more against the idea now.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar thing & has managed to overcome it? Or if someone has any advice on how I can overcome it with her…"
Sounds like she had buyers regret and now you are being roasted by the white knights and forumites who dont meet anyway 
Keep trying, she obviously enjoyed it at the time  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 18 weeks ago
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Glad someone gets it. I didn’t force anything upon her, despite it being an interest of mine, I never pushed her into doing anything.
We decided on going to a club TOGETHER, that wasn’t appealing to any of us. Then I mentioned fab and we was BOTH intrigued to sign up so we did. Although I liked the idea of something happening, I didn’t have much expectation of it to actually happen. Then we found someone who we BOTH found interesting and got BOTH our attention, especially hers. We decided to go to his place for the massage TOGETHER. And once we was there I was under the impression that it would just be a massage as she said but she obviously was enjoying it and he was arousing her so SHE made the decision to let it go further |
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By (user no longer on site) 18 weeks ago
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Hmm cuckold can be exciting but also confusing, it needs to be done right with the acceptance of both.
At the time is seems you done nothing wrong and you both sound like you had a good time but everyone needs to be in on it for it to work for sure!!! |
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"Glad someone gets it. I didn’t force anything upon her, despite it being an interest of mine, I never pushed her into doing anything.
We decided on going to a club TOGETHER, that wasn’t appealing to any of us. Then I mentioned fab and we was BOTH intrigued to sign up so we did. Although I liked the idea of something happening, I didn’t have much expectation of it to actually happen. Then we found someone who we BOTH found interesting and got BOTH our attention, especially hers. We decided to go to his place for the massage TOGETHER. And once we was there I was under the impression that it would just be a massage as she said but she obviously was enjoying it and he was arousing her so SHE made the decision to let it go further"
You've prettified it there, but where does the part where she regretted it and is now totally against doing anything like that again fit into this nice story?
It doesn't seem like you've heard those of us trying to explain the difficulties and pressures a woman would experience in a situation like you described happening with the massage.
Consent is so important in swinging and it's not just "did she seem to say yes in the moment?". A change of agreed plans during an act shouldn't happen really without a pause and verbal discussion at the least. Otherwise, regrets may well occur - as they have here.
If all was well, she wouldn't have the view she has now.
And you posted asking how can you get her to do it again. Not asking how to help her with that she ended up a situation and did things she enjoyed physically at the time but now regrets.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 18 weeks ago
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"Glad someone gets it. I didn’t force anything upon her, despite it being an interest of mine, I never pushed her into doing anything.
We decided on going to a club TOGETHER, that wasn’t appealing to any of us. Then I mentioned fab and we was BOTH intrigued to sign up so we did. Although I liked the idea of something happening, I didn’t have much expectation of it to actually happen. Then we found someone who we BOTH found interesting and got BOTH our attention, especially hers. We decided to go to his place for the massage TOGETHER. And once we was there I was under the impression that it would just be a massage as she said but she obviously was enjoying it and he was arousing her so SHE made the decision to let it go further
You've prettified it there, but where does the part where she regretted it and is now totally against doing anything like that again fit into this nice story?
It doesn't seem like you've heard those of us trying to explain the difficulties and pressures a woman would experience in a situation like you described happening with the massage.
Consent is so important in swinging and it's not just "did she seem to say yes in the moment?". A change of agreed plans during an act shouldn't happen really without a pause and verbal discussion at the least. Otherwise, regrets may well occur - as they have here.
If all was well, she wouldn't have the view she has now.
And you posted asking how can you get her to do it again. Not asking how to help her with that she ended up a situation and did things she enjoyed physically at the time but now regrets.
"
Maybe so or maybe you’re assuming you know everything when in reality you know very little…
Yes she doesn’t want to do it again, and we haven’t, nor do I actually try get her to do it again realistically.
But many people can be for the idea of something at the time and then regret it after, in the moment she encouraged him to go further, she wanted it and enjoyed it, it was only after when we left the reality hit and she thought this would be best left as fantasy rather than reality.
This post was to share an experience, hear from others who may have experienced similar rather than hearing from all you angels who love to assume |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 18 weeks ago
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"Fantasy and reality are two different things entirely. Disrespecting your partners wishes, pushing boundaries & spinning a narrative will get you a one way ticket to a break up."
I do really appreciate that and it is staying as a fantasy, this was a while ago now, hasn’t happened since, nor have I actually tried to make it happen.
Nonetheless I don’t think this should have to stop me speaking my desires/fantasies.
We’re still very happy together, she knows what I like and is fine with it, she’s fine talking about it in a fantasy situation but that’s all.
Don’t think it’s fair to make out I’ve forced her into doing something she didn’t want to do because I never done that… |
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The relationship comes first. You potentially have a lot of repairing to do, just between the 2 of you.
Only if you can manage to do this, should there be any consideration of what else you might be able to explore with others. She might be better off without you OP . Please respect her 100% |
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" Although she didn’t like the idea of being sexual with someone else, she was quite intrigued by the idea of me seeing another guy massage her, so we arranged it for the same day...
...The issue is that once we left she came back to reality a bit and felt she had done something wrong, I’ve been wanting to experience the same or more with her as it was so sexy & exciting seeing how much she enjoyed herself but she is hesitant to and is more against the idea now.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar thing & has managed to overcome it? Or if someone has any advice on how I can overcome it with her…"
And your title is "getting the missus onboard with cuckolding". |
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