FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > The challenges of Swinging
The challenges of Swinging
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Hi all
I’m interested in people’s thoughts and opinions on a few things
We have been on Fab for a few years now and done a handful of meets. We have definitely had some bad experiences with people getting too clingy and trying to force their way into the relationship amongst a few other things. But we have had some great experiences as well
We really enjoy the swinging life and I love nothing more than watching Sofia in action but with few people interested in socials how do people cope or manage inviting people into their home and feeling confident and comfortable about it?
Sofia is quite fussy on who she meets, there needs to be an attraction and we have had some comments saying things like “it’s a sex site”
So is this world not for us, is it to extreme (we are quite vanilla compared to some on here) or are some people on here equally as choosy about it what they do? |
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Swinging has opened up, with the internet, so you get a more varied and diverse crowd of people. You've always had to be selective and to filter out wisely.
If engagements stay within neutral grounds, then personal life can stay more remote from some of the potential 'glitches' you may come across.
Hosting at home, not meeting at clubs, adds some potential ease and comfort but introduces some risk of complications. Using hotels can be helpful to reduce risk and improve security. |
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I think everyone with self respect is 'picky' or 'choosy'.
I see it as a positive rather than a negative.
Also I don't think it's a bad thing to be wary if who you invite in to your home.
I would say do things exactly how you want to and don't be influenced by other people's criticism |
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"I think everyone with self respect is 'picky' or 'choosy'.
I see it as a positive rather than a negative.
Also I don't think it's a bad thing to be wary if who you invite in to your home.
I would say do things exactly how you want to and don't be influenced by other people's criticism "
This, very much so! People who are right for you would respect your boundaries and not tell you "this is a sex site". So continue doing what suits you best. |
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"Hi all
I’m interested in people’s thoughts and opinions on a few things
We have been on Fab for a few years now and done a handful of meets. We have definitely had some bad experiences with people getting too clingy and trying to force their way into the relationship amongst a few other things. But we have had some great experiences as well
We really enjoy the swinging life and I love nothing more than watching Sofia in action but with few people interested in socials how do people cope or manage inviting people into their home and feeling confident and comfortable about it?
Sofia is quite fussy on who she meets, there needs to be an attraction and we have had some comments saying things like “it’s a sex site”
So is this world not for us, is it to extreme (we are quite vanilla compared to some on here) or are some people on here equally as choosy about it what they do?"
There are loads of really good people on this site but then not so good. We don't get any hassle at all really but if we did we'd be very liberal with the block button. From reading your profile you seem to be a perfectly sensible (and hot) couple, I'm sure there are loads of people on here right for you and you are right for them. It is what we are finding, there is also just lots of noise too. |
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i/we only meet guys via fab most of our meet of couples and women are from 35 years of knowing others and meeting new that way same with guys most of my meets are from past meets away from fab ...
im very very picky i need attraction sexually psyicaly and on the same page that means its rare i find a meet on fab these days but then i really dont need to as my little black book is full ...
fab is for finding new hot to me guys the problem is most are here just to empty ball and nothing else i will never every go with someone just for the sake of it being picky is good it means your in control |
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I always say, go with your gut. Too easily we ignore our gut feelings. You can get a sense for a person through messages initially. Once you have a phone call you get an idea of the personality, and finally calls via FaceTime give an idea of a persons energy. I always think its good to do these as the tools are readily available. You also get a sense of compatibility. Strangers are strangers so look after the home is a top priority. |
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Personally we wouldn't be inviting strangers into our home. We meet at clubs and have never had a bad meet. If we click with people we may end up in a playroom. If we don't click we'll say "we're just going to get a drink, we'll see you later". If people prefer to invite strangers to their home they're risking a potentially awkward situation if things don't work out. |
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As a single male I will take my lead from what makes the couple feel most comfortable. Some want to meet in hotels. Others only want to meet at their place. Sometimes it is a club.
I think you need to work out where you feel most comfortable and then focus on that. Don’t over think it. There is no right or wrong place. |
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Lewis hi ....
No the site should be about finding like-minded couples as friends and building on that relationship as friends as well as FWB ...
Dont get pushed into a sex only meets... spend time with those you feel committed too
Anne & John |
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By *aandLoCouple 24 weeks ago
Southampton |
Once you've set your boundaries stick to them, and don't let others disrespectful behaviour push you beyond them.
The people worthy of your time are those that you're comfortable with, and those will be people on the same wavelength as you. Take time to work out who those people are, and move on swiftly from those who don't understand your boundaries.
You're not too vanilla, or unreasonable in your preferences and desires. Never compromise to make someone else happy. Xx
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I'm very " picky " op. Home meets are not for me as had a bad experience once & will probably never do it again. Clubs and hotels work well for me.
The only advice I would give is you carry on doing what works for you. As for the " it's a sex site " ppl. Well there clearly not swingers.
Good luck & all the best for the future.
Claire xxx |
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By * and BCouple 24 weeks ago
Durham |
We use all the non respectful and the people who lie or are just full of bull shit as a filter OP. Respect to others is key for us. We use fab as a tool to our advantage so don't let all the Fab craziness side track what you are here for, it's your rules predominantly before anything. Yes compromise can work with the people who you click with. Just remember the world is full of strange people so fab is no different.   |
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We have had this aspect thrown at us repeatedly. It’s a sex site, ergo the offer of any sex should be taken up with no application of my “unreasonable” standards such as attraction, compatibility, desire or personality.
For me they are not unreasonable, they are essential.
My game, my rules.
I wont bend them for anyone, nor would i expect anyone to bend theirs for me.
I’d rather have one mind blowing experience than a 1000 mediocre ones.
If that makes me fussy, i’ll own that happily. |
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As Sophie said above, the increased number of members means that there’s an increased number of things people are looking for from Fab.
The key is to find people who are compatible in terms of their approach as much as attraction. I think this is where so many people go wrong. When people tell others how to use the site and engage with the scene, they’re forgetting that it’s about finding people who share an approach not telling people how to change theirs to be ‘right.’ |
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By *arierWoman 24 weeks ago
birmingham |
The whole “it’s a sex site” is said by people who I probably wouldn’t want to be within a mile of.
Embracing the culture and other people’s boundaries leads to a relaxed experience and dare I say it, you may even make friends. I know I have! 
Personally I think couldn’t have someone in my home unless we’d been meeting for a long, long time. It’s my safe place. I’d much rather meet at clubs with women who have similar boundaries and morales as me. |
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I'm half a couple and it's not easy. I'm straight and my other half can be orally bi, so that rules us out with many profiles.. Who either want ff fun or don't meet bi curious men.
Then there's the issue of half the couples profiles having no pics of the man on the account.
When you do finally get chatting to a couple, you then have to find that 4 way attraction and often that's just not there.
This is why my other half and I have kept our separate accounts (we met here) as its not easy.
I only do a social first, be that meeting from yjis account or when I meet with my partner.
I won't know of there's actually a spark and attraction untill I meet someone ftf.
It's getting more difficult just relying on fab. Socials can be good for getting to know others and meeting couples.
If you're after single meb, if say look for the ones Sofia likes the look of herself. Contact them and insist on a social with you both and take it from there.
Go at your own pace and stick to your own rules and boundaries. |
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I'm picky too, so my poor other half has less meets as couple, hence he's free to meet alone with my blessing.
We've never had anyone in the house, as that's just for us though.
Go with yoyr gut and don't invite just anyone home with you. Choose men with recent, good verifications and don't be tempted to cut corners because one of you is horny.
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First we're terrible swingers in terms of numbers. We're very flirty, we kiss a lot of people but we very rarely take people of to bed with us. We just don't often find the chemistry we're looking for the bedroom. Which we are fine with because when we find the right people it's amazing.
We're generally club swingers so this takes away the hassle of socials and who we invite back. At club you get to have many socials back to back and find your people without all the messaging and arrangements.
Rarely we do meet new people out of the club scene. If we do we like a social to be on neutral territory. Same as if we take stuff further we like neutral territory such as a hotel. Not their place nor ours. We did have a sleep over once with a couple we met camping. It was OK as in they were OK, but there wasn't the chemistry and it just felt a little awkward staying over. So lesson learnt, never again with strangers. As for having people round it has to be people we know quite well, no strangers. |
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By *enelope2UWoman 24 weeks ago
Doesn't matter cant block distances |
"Hi all
I’m interested in people’s thoughts and opinions on a few things
We have been on Fab for a few years now and done a handful of meets. We have definitely had some bad experiences with people getting too clingy and trying to force their way into the relationship amongst a few other things. But we have had some great experiences as well
We really enjoy the swinging life and I love nothing more than watching Sofia in action but with few people interested in socials how do people cope or manage inviting people into their home and feeling confident and comfortable about it?
Sofia is quite fussy on who she meets, there needs to be an attraction and we have had some comments saying things like “it’s a sex site”
So is this world not for us, is it to extreme (we are quite vanilla compared to some on here) or are some people on here equally as choosy about it what they do?"
You have to understsnd the uk is secretive and people here live secret lives they arent actually many legitimate swingers here or on the site.
When you meet someone who are genuine and swinging is their lufestyle youll see and avoid the frauds easier.
Most on here genuinly treat the site as an unpaid worker database..thats not swinging |
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By *aandLoCouple 24 weeks ago
Southampton |
"First we're terrible swingers in terms of numbers. We're very flirty, we kiss a lot of people but we very rarely take people of to bed with us. We just don't often find the chemistry we're looking for the bedroom....
"
We, like you are not going to fuck other people just to get a higher body count to meet the job spec for a swinger. 😂
Our sex life is enhanced by inviting people with whom we have chemistry, to join in the fun. That's our definition of swinging. If that doesn't meet other people's definition, that's their issue. We're not losing sleep over it. x |
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We are choosey about who we invite home for coffee and dinner let alone sex.
We always spend time getting to really work people out (through lots of communication on here and then a social first) before we arrange any sort of
Meeting with sex involved.
There are simply too many oddballs and troublemakers (from hard experience) to do any other. We avoid anyone unwilling to do this or in a mad rush.
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"I think everyone with self respect is 'picky' or 'choosy'.
I see it as a positive rather than a negative.
Also I don't think it's a bad thing to be wary if who you invite in to your home.
I would say do things exactly how you want to and don't be influenced by other people's criticism
This, very much so! People who are right for you would respect your boundaries and not tell you "this is a sex site". So continue doing what suits you best. "
 |
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Handful of meets in years? Sounds all too familiar to us. However it is healthy, and it's always good not to lower your standards.
Many a time we've post a meet had barely any messages and seen the choice of others posting meets too. Those nights end up as a quiet night in.
As for inviting folk back to your home? There are some right arse holes out there so it's best to compartmentalise. No harm in those who develop trust over time though. We may invite folk round ourselves if we find a regular couple or group. |
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Good post, jumping in re doing meets at home:
We started 2017 & went a bit crazy for swinging, after covid we have throttled off a fair bit. In fact now we mainly like sex positive techno parties in Berlin & the odd club visit / house party. We do way - way less swaps than before.
However when we started we would 80% do 1st meets at our home (rest club/parties) & nearly every time would end up in the bedroom. We had one bad experience out of id say 15 house meets. It wasn’t horrific, just personality issues.
Funnily looking back many of the sex meets at our house weren’t ones we’d take now. It’s like more isn’t necessarily better! Also there’s the wear and tear on our house (squirters and one memorable meet that saw our bed destroyed)!
On top of that the social battery of having to host someone for hours can be a bit hard (neuro spicey here).
So, we don’t do house meets for 1st dates anymore and prefer a club. |
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The way I see it, you shouldn’t let anyone else’s words influence your life choices. Do what feels right for you, and only make changes if you genuinely feel they’re needed. This space is meant to bring you happiness, not stress. |
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Our only regret is attending the party we were invited to.
We just weren't ready for 40 people having fun in the same apartment. And the organisers knew exactly how to manipulate our actions. We were way too green to understand what was going on.
However, we've met some fabulous people. I don't think we'd do anything differently outside of that. |
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By *omRachCouple 22 weeks ago
Wirral |
Our golden rule is a social meeting 1st & foremost - no exceptions - that way all parties get the chance to get the feel of the others and decide if they are for us/them. We could not think of anything worse than being in a sealed environment with someone we could possibly end up being freaked out by. We also NEVER bring the lifestyle home (with regard to sex friends). Home is our personal space, for our 'other world' fun we like the idea of renting accommodation suitable for the kind of meet we are looking for.
Again, this would only ever happen after a social meet had been held. |
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I guess we’re quite different to most on here in that we aren’t interested in “dating” so much as..well..fucking
We only play at clubs, what you see is what you get. The main reason is we are busy with family life and careers, neither of us have time for online flirting which probably goes no where.
As for picky..well I’m no spring chicken ( although he is..lol), for me physical attraction is quite easy to come by. It might be a smile, or a joke, or the way they move, if they are clean, can hold a confident conversation it’s often enough for me.
We’re just here for a respectful and consensual laugh with other like minded folks. |
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"Hi all
I’m interested in people’s thoughts and opinions on a few things
We have been on Fab for a few years now and done a handful of meets. We have definitely had some bad experiences with people getting too clingy and trying to force their way into the relationship amongst a few other things. But we have had some great experiences as well
We really enjoy the swinging life and I love nothing more than watching Sofia in action but with few people interested in socials how do people cope or manage inviting people into their home and feeling confident and comfortable about it?
Sofia is quite fussy on who she meets, there needs to be an attraction and we have had some comments saying things like “it’s a sex site”
So is this world not for us, is it to extreme (we are quite vanilla compared to some on here) or are some people on here equally as choosy about it what they do?"
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Yes, we are choosy in what we do and who we do it with. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you like and sticking with it, though being selective can make it harder to engage with others, especially when you are trying to find a four-way dynamic that works. |
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