FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Aftercare in Cuckolding
Aftercare in Cuckolding
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"I used to take part in this. My feeling, as the bull, watching them walk out the door, smiling, holding hands, was of loneliness. They went home together,I went home alone. " This. It caused me to leave the lifestyle for a while as swinging couples and cuckold couples had each other through the weeknights. I was alone and admitting weakness wouldn't work as part of the dynamic | |||
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"An alternative view is that with the increase of hedonists in the BDSM there has been an appropriation of BDSM terms. " I get where you’re coming from, and I agree that aftercare has a very specific origin in BDSM, especially where intense power exchange or physical play drives a fight or flight response. That said, I don’t think cuckolding is simply appropriating the term, or just another form of hedonism that misunderstands it. Cuckolding can generate very similar physiological responses. Anticipation, jealousy, surrender, pride, and vulnerability can drive adrenaline and dopamine extremely high, followed by a sharp drop once the experience ends. For the hotwife there’s often a big oxytocin release as well, especially if emotions are involved. When those hormones peak and then fall out of sync between partners, the emotional comedown can be just as real, even without whips or restraints. You’re right that not every emotional spike needs aftercare, but cuckolding isn’t just “a great night out” either. It deliberately plays with attachment, status, intimacy, and taboo. For some couples, calling what follows “aftercare” makes sense because it’s intentional, relational, and designed to stabilise the bond after a very specific kind of intensity. Others may prefer to call it reconnection or self care, and that’s fine too. The label matters less than recognising the need and responding to it consciously. I don’t see it as dilution of BDSM concepts, more as recognising that different dynamics can stress the nervous system in similar ways, even if the route there looks different. | |||
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"An alternative view is that with the increase of hedonists in the BDSM there has been an appropriation of BDSM terms. Aftercare is such an appropriated term. Particularly as hedonists try to exclude the relevance of deep and dark play which is not centred on sex. Any spike in emotion does not require "aftercare". In BDSM "aftercare" is required due to the physical and psychological effects of a scene that cause flight or fight hormones to be released, when emotions and hormones, such as endorphins and adrenaline reach their peak and then drastically decline or dry. This is different from "self care" which may be required to deal with other spikes of emotion from grief or joy, or a great night out. We all have recovery processes for such events, but it is not the same as BDSM aftercare." It's not really your place to police these terms. It's certainly not appropriating I was into BDSM well before swinging I've had a PTSD episode in a swinging club which was pretty horrific After care from swinging for us is even more necessary than my BDSM aftercare - mostly because it's a newer experience and feels more raw, there's more vulnerability. It's absolutely not the same as 'self-care' for a huge number of us | |||
"An alternative view is that with the increase of hedonists in the BDSM there has been an appropriation of BDSM terms. I get where you’re coming from, and I agree that aftercare has a very specific origin in BDSM, especially where intense power exchange or physical play drives a fight or flight response. That said, I don’t think cuckolding is simply appropriating the term, or just another form of hedonism that misunderstands it. Cuckolding can generate very similar physiological responses. Anticipation, jealousy, surrender, pride, and vulnerability can drive adrenaline and dopamine extremely high, followed by a sharp drop once the experience ends. For the hotwife there’s often a big oxytocin release as well, especially if emotions are involved. When those hormones peak and then fall out of sync between partners, the emotional comedown can be just as real, even without whips or restraints. You’re right that not every emotional spike needs aftercare, but cuckolding isn’t just “a great night out” either. It deliberately plays with attachment, status, intimacy, and taboo. For some couples, calling what follows “aftercare” makes sense because it’s intentional, relational, and designed to stabilise the bond after a very specific kind of intensity. Others may prefer to call it reconnection or self care, and that’s fine too. The label matters less than recognising the need and responding to it consciously. I don’t see it as dilution of BDSM concepts, more as recognising that different dynamics can stress the nervous system in similar ways, even if the route there looks different." Thank you for capturing this so eloquently! Agree 100% | |||
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"I used to take part in this. My feeling, as the bull, watching them walk out the door, smiling, holding hands, was of loneliness. They went home together,I went home alone. " That is well said. Does it apply to unicorns as well? A third wheel will always feel as wobbly as a unicycle after the other wheels two have left. That's how I imagine it. | |||
"Watching a couple kiss and hug after knowing that they have both enjoyed the experience and still love each other, is what makes the meeting special " Those that play together - stay together | |||
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"If you need aftercare you probably shouldn't be doing it." That's like saying 'If you need to warm down after a long ride: then you shouldn't exercise.' | |||
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"If you need aftercare you probably shouldn't be doing it." I disagree with your view, but would like to know your reasons for your view,and whether you are referring to cuckolding or BDSM. | |||
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