We've been swinging for about 10 years now. Upto now, We've tried very hard to avoid men who are married or attached. However, we understand all circumstances are different and people are free to live their life as they see fit.
How do you navigate this situation?
Our biggest worry is we could be the reason a family splits up or be the reason someone is devastated when/ if they find out what their partner is doing.
We know we can't be held responsible for other people's actions but morally it still makes us feel like bad people if they guy admits afterwards.
As long as we ask the person if they are married and avoid those that say yes, have we done our bit? Should we try harder not to worry about it? |
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Don't worry about it too much because it's impossible to tell 100% of the time. We have realised afterwards that some of the men we've met are married, we do our best to avoid it but don't beat ourselves up if we've made the odd mistake. Some people are very good liars
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Oh and you wouldn't be the reason a marriage splits, that's on the guy.
I do find it distasteful when people deliberately meet married people saying it's easier, less risky or worst if it makes them feel superior in some way to the unknowning spouse. They would bear some responsibility for the fall out then |
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By (user no longer on site) 21 weeks ago
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Great question. Think you just have to be true to yourself. The sister site. Apparently a lot of it's activity is the "we have a happy sexless marriage. No mortgage or a few years left - don't want a confrontation on the driveway. Happy to get his fun in a cold and clinical manner." The anomaly here is if the men you meet. Only want the female aspect. |
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"Oh and you wouldn't be the reason a marriage splits, that's on the guy.
I do find it distasteful when people deliberately meet married people saying it's easier, less risky or worst if it makes them feel superior in some way to the unknowning spouse. They would bear some responsibility for the fall out then"
Of course women cheat too. I mention men because we don't meet women but if we did we would try to avoid married women without partners knowledge too |
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"Oh and you wouldn't be the reason a marriage splits, that's on the guy.
I do find it distasteful when people deliberately meet married people saying it's easier, less risky or worst if it makes them feel superior in some way to the unknowning spouse. They would bear some responsibility for the fall out then
Of course women cheat too. I mention men because we don't meet women but if we did we would try to avoid married women without partners knowledge too"
100% it goes both ways, men and women can and do cheat. We've been unable to find that unicorn so haven't had to cross that bridge yet. We have had a number of meets with men so it seems to be the bigger issue for us. |
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"Don't worry about it too much because it's impossible to tell 100% of the time. We have realised afterwards that some of the men we've met are married, we do our best to avoid it but don't beat ourselves up if we've made the odd mistake. Some people are very good liars
"
Thanks for your thoughts, we completely agree it's just hard to not hold yourself partly accountable. It affects miss S more as she is the one having sex with the guy so feels responsible in some respect. |
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"Oh and you wouldn't be the reason a marriage splits, that's on the guy.
I do find it distasteful when people deliberately meet married people saying it's easier, less risky or worst if it makes them feel superior in some way to the unknowning spouse. They would bear some responsibility for the fall out then
Of course women cheat too. I mention men because we don't meet women but if we did we would try to avoid married women without partners knowledge too
100% it goes both ways, men and women can and do cheat. We've been unable to find that unicorn so haven't had to cross that bridge yet. We have had a number of meets with men so it seems to be the bigger issue for us. "
Anecdotally it's easier to meet single men than single women. I use the term single numerically rather than relationship wise. 😊
When you consider how many single men and women you know in the real world singles on here seem to be disproportionately represented ... |
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"Don't worry about it too much because it's impossible to tell 100% of the time. We have realised afterwards that some of the men we've met are married, we do our best to avoid it but don't beat ourselves up if we've made the odd mistake. Some people are very good liars
Thanks for your thoughts, we completely agree it's just hard to not hold yourself partly accountable. It affects miss S more as she is the one having sex with the guy so feels responsible in some respect. "
I can understand how she feels but the two of you are being honest about your relationship. If someone else chooses to lie that's on them |
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I'm like you, I don't want to meet anyone cheating.
I always ask and generally there are clues that give it away though.
I tend to go with my gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right or I'm suspicious, I'd just not meet them op.
Some are sneaky and will lie about it, sadly. So fair play to the ones who are upfront, as they give people the choice to meet or not. |
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I think if you’ve done your due diligence, you’ve taken reasonable steps to feel assured. As you say, you aren’t responsible for someone else’s actions, only your own and if you’ve asked questions and kept an eye open for the red flags, you’ve done enough. |
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"Don't worry about it too much because it's impossible to tell 100% of the time. We have realised afterwards that some of the men we've met are married, we do our best to avoid it but don't beat ourselves up if we've made the odd mistake. Some people are very good liars
"
100% this if your a woman or couple that meet singles you woll ober time meet cheats most are easy to spot or work out buy some lie so well that they could fool anyone ...so i dont worry also we just dont know to judge also many will meet cheats are theyt are less hassle and from my expirence it can be very true |
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Most of our encounters are in the club/party environment. Rarely do we ask marital status. We're not fans of cheating (we've both been on the wrong end of it from our ex spouses). However we are there to fulfill our desires, not police the morality of others. In truth we have been with men and women (who there's also a fair few off on the scene) who are cheating in clubs. It not something that We're fond of but we've had some hot encounters all the same. At the end of the day clubs/parties are a bit of a different time and space from the outside world. In a club someone else's circumstances outside of those walls is simply not our circus. I think if we were talking encounters outside of the club/party environment that wouldn't be for us. It's a bit too close to home and we'd be specifically going out of way to be complicit in their cheating rather than meeting inna club by chance. |
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"^^ I don't see trying to avoid meeting people who have an unaware partner as policing their morals. It's just trying to remain true to your own"
That's a fair point, although its not a dig at those who categorically won't. We all have a different moral bar with our own conduct. That for us all the continously work out for ourselves. |
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"Don't worry about it too much because it's impossible to tell 100% of the time. We have realised afterwards that some of the men we've met are married, we do our best to avoid it but don't beat ourselves up if we've made the odd mistake. Some people are very good liars
100% this if your a woman or couple that meet singles you woll ober time meet cheats most are easy to spot or work out buy some lie so well that they could fool anyone ...so i dont worry also we just dont know to judge also many will meet cheats are theyt are less hassle and from my expirence it can be very true"
100% |
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"Most of our encounters are in the club/party environment. Rarely do we ask marital status. We're not fans of cheating (we've both been on the wrong end of it from our ex spouses). However we are there to fulfill our desires, not police the morality of others. In truth we have been with men and women (who there's also a fair few off on the scene) who are cheating in clubs. It not something that We're fond of but we've had some hot encounters all the same. At the end of the day clubs/parties are a bit of a different time and space from the outside world. In a club someone else's circumstances outside of those walls is simply not our circus. I think if we were talking encounters outside of the club/party environment that wouldn't be for us. It's a bit too close to home and we'd be specifically going out of way to be complicit in their cheating rather than meeting inna club by chance."
I agree with this, I avoid 1-2-1 meets with married people but would think to ask in a club environment, if there are obvious red flags then I would avoid |
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We don't have any particular moral stance against meeting married people but we are aware that it's always us left waiting for a meet that doesn't turn up, and the chances of that happening are higher when there's a fourth, unknowing, party involved. |
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