I have been out of the lifestyle for a good few months now and lost some confidence, I really want to get back into going to clubs, any advice on how I can make this easier? I talk myself out of it before it happens, I have paid and lost a number of hotels that I have booked and then not gone
Any advice please? |
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I think these are obvious, but humour me…Do you have a wing man/woman? I think it’s always easier with a bit of moral support. Particularly if you’re the experienced one with a newbie, you’d have to have a brave face. Or have you tried any social (non-play) events? There’s less pressure at those.
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Try going into pubs and striking up conversations with strangers.
Have some pre arranged non controversial small talk topics listed or memorised so you don’t freeze and panic.
Basic social skills.
Once you’re happy with this try clubs again.
Stop overthinking the whole sex thing. |
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"Try going into pubs and striking up conversations with strangers.
Have some pre arranged non controversial small talk topics listed or memorised so you don’t freeze and panic.
Basic social skills.
Once you’re happy with this try clubs again.
Stop overthinking the whole sex thing. "
Thank you, I don’t think it is the sex thing, I haven’t played at clubs for a long time before I stopped going, I was using them to socialise and dress up but even then I bottled it, it would be good to have an excuse to dress up |
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When my dad died, sex wasn't on the agenda but I as good as made myself go, just for the environment and social engagement. I didn't have a lot of confidence or feel too great about myself but made it a rule that I'd do something good for myself and I deserved it, after helping him. I did have a get out, that I'd go and could leave, if it wasn't good for me. A friend helped another time.
It sounds like you deserve it OP. after your bookings etc 
Just saw this on TV and was touched https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TrqncNVA0FY |
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"When my dad died, sex wasn't on the agenda but I as good as made myself go, just for the environment and social engagement. I didn't have a lot of confidence or feel too great about myself but made it a rule that I'd do something good for myself and I deserved it, after helping him. I did have a get out, that I'd go and could leave, if it wasn't good for me. A friend helped another time.
It sounds like you deserve it OP. after your bookings etc
Just saw this on TV and was touched https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TrqncNVA0FY"
Thank you
I am going to really try and get there, I feel like I need to get back to my old self, thank you |
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"I think these are obvious, but humour me…Do you have a wing man/woman? I think it’s always easier with a bit of moral support. Particularly if you’re the experienced one with a newbie, you’d have to have a brave face. Or have you tried any social (non-play) events? There’s less pressure at those.
"
This is actually very good advice. There may be ladies who attend or organise socials near you and therefore you can arrange to meet and attach to them. Best of luck ! |
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By *ickD80Man 20 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
My first piece of advice would be to book into hotels that have a free cancellation policy so that you don’t have to pay for any more rooms that you don’t use haha.
I struggle with social anxiety sometimes so I completely understand how you feel and what you’re going through. It’s difficult to know how to get past it because we don’t really know what’s causing it (unless there is a specific reason why you’ve lost your confidence that I don’t know about). It may be easier to just plan to go to a club for half an hour at first, or just for 1 drink, because that way there’s less pressure on you to spend a whole evening being sociable and making conversation. Do you drive? If so, you could drive to the club rather than get a taxi so that you know you can leave at any time. I think the important thing is to take it one step at a time, starting with just going into a club even if you only stay for 10 minutes, and slowly building up to being able to spend a whole evening there. It will take time and patience but it will be worth it
Another, much less sensible suggestion, is to get to your hotel room early and have a few drinks there so that you feel more confident and less anxious when it’s time to go…I don’t recommend that as a long term solution though haha.
Good luck |
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"I have been out of the lifestyle for a good few months now and lost some confidence, I really want to get back into going to clubs, any advice on how I can make this easier? I talk myself out of it before it happens, I have paid and lost a number of hotels that I have booked and then not gone
Any advice please? "
Could you find a group chat for clubs you would attend? Get to know people bit so you always have a recognisable face. Thats what I did and it really helped |
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