How do others manage when an approach is made and it's full of assumptions.
Especially if themes in the convo continue even if the assumptions have maybe been dropped.
I find it so hard to shake it as feeling dangerous to engage with the person.
Any ideas how to communicate in profile better or in messages better to learn someone intent rather than just their assumptions? |
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Not been here long but in general if you’ve corrected their assumptions about you and they continue you could correct the again
then if they still continue you’ve got to be thinking do you really want to converse with this person as they clearly have their own ideas about things and are not listening to you?
Why take the risk? |
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"Not been here long but in general if you’ve corrected their assumptions about you and they continue you could correct the again
then if they still continue you’ve got to be thinking do you really want to converse with this person as they clearly have their own ideas about things and are not listening to you?
Why take the risk?"
I think that's where the fear comes.
Well your new here and I've been hanging around too long so if we have come to the same conclusion, must be bang on.
Anintuition we don't have to like. |
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The only way I know to communicate clearly and unambiguously is to set things out as a list.
Eg
1. No tomato soup eaters
2. Yes chicken soup eaters
3. Will consider minestrone.
However we have a two word profile and people still misunderstand it 🤦
but at least we know for future reference that they're unlikely to understand boundaries in future. I guess if you make things crystal clear and they still refuse or unable to understand you're best off staying clear |
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By (user no longer on site) 17 weeks ago
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We correct once and if the tone is something we don’t like we move on. Mrs has high standards and if there’s an ounce of doubt we’re out.
Single men are obviously the most likely culprits but there’s more of them. We’ve found the female half of some couples can be as bad |
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I don't engage at all if incorrect assumptions are made from the outset or my profile has been blatantly ignored.
If it's an ongoing conversation then I might correct once, depending on what it is. Thereafter, conversation over. |
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"Any ideas how to communicate in profile better or in messages better to learn someone intent rather than just their assumptions?"
Incredibly difficult discovering most members real intent, the same in clubs too. Time and time again we're finding ourselves let down by the downright dishonest. Very few even have basic manners on here these days. All we can say is time, see how the chat and their behaviour goes, always a social first meet or two.... most now fail sadly. |
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the assumptions are always a red flag for me and if they arent corrected quickly then the person who messaged has not read a profile. so they are doing the shot gun method. they quickly get limited interactions, ignored or blocked.
its a basic thing read the profile first.
i hate bad manners and pushy people after that. |
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For me agreed boundaries and consent are important to establish before a potential meet. My profile is clear, and if people want to meet, I declare my boundaries . So, when we get to meet, I'm confident it's probably off to a good start. If, during a meet, the others change their mind and want more, I stop and say no. Changing their mind and wanting less is ok. Women I've met seem happy with this, but some men/husbands chance their arm and become pushy. I think if there's any hint of non consent, ignoring, not hearing you, then walk away. It's safer. |
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By *vaRoseWoman 17 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
"How do others manage when an approach is made and it's full of assumptions.
Especially if themes in the convo continue even if the assumptions have maybe been dropped.
I find it so hard to shake it as feeling dangerous to engage with the person.
Any ideas how to communicate in profile better or in messages better to learn someone intent rather than just their assumptions?"
I’m fairly direct when people message me now but I had to learn to be. I’ve always been pretty blunt but sometimes you need to be explicit about it.
If you’ve been chatting for a while then maybe something like this?
“Hi
Maybe I didn’t make it clear earlier when we were chatting but I want to set the record straight.
Your assumption about XYZ is wrong/you’ve made reference to XYZ a couple of times now and I need you to understand that I’m not interested in this. “
If it’s a new contact then immediatly shut them down.
Any persistent reference to it would automatically be blocked. Once I’ve got the ick then there’s no going back.
If they can’t respect a boundary I’ve made clear online, then I’ll never be meeting them. They’ve proven they are untrustworthy. |
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