FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > New to the scene, struggling tbh...
New to the scene, struggling tbh...
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
Hi everyone. I'm completely new to the scene, and haven't a clue about etiquette within the community. I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Hoping someone can review my profile and give some feedback and/or recommendations.
Thank you in advance |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Seems fine maybe ad a bit more pics maybe some of you clothed, have you thought about a local social group? Sometimes its just the sheer amount of guys all looking for the same thing"
Thank you - I'll try that |
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Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
Good to know, appreciate the honest feedback. Seems like a bit of a minefield |
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"I don't think "has to be attraction" is bull. I can't have sex with someone I'm not physically attracted to. "
Same! Why on god's green earth would I have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I'd rather do without.
Apologies OP, perhaps try giving a bit more info on what you're actually looking for and bring to the table yourself. As it stands, it doesn't really tell the reader much at all |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
Having a go about people not replying is not on.
If I replied to everyone I was not interested in who messaged me I'd be here all day.
Why do you think just becuase you decide to message someone they have to reply? Do you reply to every bit of junk mail or advertisement you see online? No? So dont expect women to respond to every unsolicited message you send.
Replying to someone also stops future filters from working so I'd rather keep mine working properly so I just dont engage if I'm not interested.
If this hurts your ego so much maybe this is not the place for you.
As for profiles they are there for a reason. Maybe if you took more notice of profiles you wouldn't waste your time and theirs by messaging people who are clearly not looking for someone like yourself.
You won't have done yourself any favours with your lengthy rant on here either. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"I don't think "has to be attraction" is bull. I can't have sex with someone I'm not physically attracted to.
Same! Why on god's green earth would I have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I'd rather do without.
Apologies OP, perhaps try giving a bit more info on what you're actually looking for and bring to the table yourself. As it stands, it doesn't really tell the reader much at all "
Thanks for the feedback - I now know I need to do a revamp of my profile to get a bit more meat on the bones |
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"I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
"
Please could you give an example in this thread of what you would send to me as a first message. |
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"OP, do you want profile advice/comments?
No worries if not.
That would be very much appreciated"
Your two pics aren't bad at all and dont have the obligatory junk pics throughout for a single male profile. As someone else said, some more pics maybe including clothed.
The first paragraph just says what should be a basic given. We'd say its missing much detail about what you're looking for and also what you can offer.
As a single male you'll likely always find it much harder than any other demographic on here so patience and thick skin are your friends. Attending local socials are also a good start and generally very accepting.
Good luck with it all and just enjoy the journey.
Bear |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
Not replying isn't rude. I'm here to make connections, not do admin and spend time replying no thanks to those who never bothered reading my profile in the first place.
"Women" are not one homogeneous group who all like and want the same thing. Same as men really. It might be a shock I know, but different people like and want different things.
If you don't need attraction to have sex with someone that's cool. You do you. If you can't or won't accept that many do need it, then that's on you.
Yes people do move on. If I get the slightest hint of a red flag, I'm gone. I'm not here to take risks for the sake of a fuck.
If people have requirements that you're not prepared to meet, it's absolutely fine. They're obviously not for you, no point being bitter about it. But if you cannot meet the most basic requirement of reading someone's profile then, I'm sorry, you really are the problem
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Please could you give an example in this thread of what you would send to me as a first message. "
"Morning Sally. Got to say, your profile sounds like we could get on - your pics looks amazing! I do have a short beard, but I'm open to shaving this off - we could do this together maybe?
A bit about me:
6' tall. Always clean & smell nice, very respectful & well mannered (discretion assured).
Very fit, I go to the gym daily. High sex drive. I love both slow lovemaking and fast & frantic (your choice).
I love giving oral also, something I'd like to think I've mastered over the years..
I'd love to start chatting and see where it goes?
X"
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"OP, do you want profile advice/comments?
No worries if not.
That would be very much appreciated
Your two pics aren't bad at all and dont have the obligatory junk pics throughout for a single male profile. As someone else said, some more pics maybe including clothed.
The first paragraph just says what should be a basic given. We'd say its missing much detail about what you're looking for and also what you can offer.
As a single male you'll likely always find it much harder than any other demographic on here so patience and thick skin are your friends. Attending local socials are also a good start and generally very accepting.
Good luck with it all and just enjoy the journey.
Bear"
Thanks for the feedback. I've taken on board some of the comments and done a bit of a profile tweak. I'd love some further feedback |
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"I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Please could you give an example in this thread of what you would send to me as a first message.
"Morning Sally. Got to say, your profile sounds like we could get on - your pics looks amazing! I do have a short beard, but I'm open to shaving this off - we could do this together maybe?
A bit about me:
6' tall. Always clean & smell nice, very respectful & well mannered (discretion assured).
Very fit, I go to the gym daily. High sex drive. I love both slow lovemaking and fast & frantic (your choice).
I love giving oral also, something I'd like to think I've mastered over the years..
I'd love to start chatting and see where it goes?
X"
"
Thanks for taking the time to write that. It's a good first message and I would reply. My only tiny niggle
is my profile says I'm not keen on the mention of the need to be discreet and you mention discretion ! |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Please could you give an example in this thread of what you would send to me as a first message.
"Morning Sally. Got to say, your profile sounds like we could get on - your pics looks amazing! I do have a short beard, but I'm open to shaving this off - we could do this together maybe?
A bit about me:
6' tall. Always clean & smell nice, very respectful & well mannered (discretion assured).
Very fit, I go to the gym daily. High sex drive. I love both slow lovemaking and fast & frantic (your choice).
I love giving oral also, something I'd like to think I've mastered over the years..
I'd love to start chatting and see where it goes?
X"
Thanks for taking the time to write that. It's a good first message and I would reply. My only tiny niggle
is my profile says I'm not keen on the mention of the need to be discreet and you mention discretion ! "
Thanks for the feedback Sally.
Appreciate the comment regarding discretion, apologies I completely missed that!
I just thought this would be an acknowledgement of the etiquette within the wider community, like I said I am new to this whole scene. |
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"
Thanks for the feedback Sally.
Appreciate the comment regarding discretion, apologies I completely missed that!
I just thought this would be an acknowledgement of the etiquette within the wider community, like I said I am new to this whole scene."
There is a man on here I meet regularly. I tell my friends and family I'm meeting him for the night. I love it when he holds my hand in public. We are both single so we don't see the need for discretion. |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
This gets trotted out time and time again, and the posters never seem to take any notice of the forum replies they get.
There are many reasons for non replies not being 'rude'. I'm not listing them here as it doesn't take long to find good posts.
I do always reply, but then I don't get 100s of messages a day! |
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Priority is to have realistic expectations. And to always show respect.
Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. You will thus only get a tiny minority of replies to sent messages.
You can visit socials and clubs to get to know others  |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
Asking to see a face pic is not a pathetic demand at all. We make it clear in our profile that no pic = no reply. We have our faces on show and if someone isn't willing to meet us half way and let us see if there's mutual attraction then why would we bother spending time communicating? If you've looked at us and decided that we're attractive enough for you to contact then why should we feel obliged to respond to just a random picture of genitalia?
We're here for pleasure and enjoyment, not some mystery transaction...and merely having an account here does not entitle you to anything. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Priority is to have realistic expectations. And to always show respect.
Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. You will thus only get a tiny minority of replies to sent messages.
You can visit socials and clubs to get to know others "
Thank you, appreciate the advice |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"
Thanks for the feedback Sally.
Appreciate the comment regarding discretion, apologies I completely missed that!
I just thought this would be an acknowledgement of the etiquette within the wider community, like I said I am new to this whole scene.
There is a man on here I meet regularly. I tell my friends and family I'm meeting him for the night. I love it when he holds my hand in public. We are both single so we don't see the need for discretion. "
Thanks Sally, that makes perfect sense |
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This place is saturated by single men, unfortunately, so it places you at an immediate disadvantage.
The advice from someone saying people not replying is rude, is not necessarily the case all of the time. On my couples profile, and on this one tbh, we get a lot of single guys simply saying "hi", with or without dick pic. When people haven't bothered to engage me in conversation, I will delete the message. Simple. My couple profile states we're not looking for single guys. We still get messages, of course, but it's the respectful ones, who have clearly read the profile who will get a response.
I didn't see your original profile, but I quite like the profile pics that aren't just a close up dick pic, so your pic there is fine. Sometimes a bit of mystery is more attractive.
Good luck in finding what you're looking for!
Scarlett from the "_wingwithusltd" party team, and one half of "Scarlett and Grey" xx |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"This place is saturated by single men, unfortunately, so it places you at an immediate disadvantage.
The advice from someone saying people not replying is rude, is not necessarily the case all of the time. On my couples profile, and on this one tbh, we get a lot of single guys simply saying "hi", with or without dick pic. When people haven't bothered to engage me in conversation, I will delete the message. Simple. My couple profile states we're not looking for single guys. We still get messages, of course, but it's the respectful ones, who have clearly read the profile who will get a response.
I didn't see your original profile, but I quite like the profile pics that aren't just a close up dick pic, so your pic there is fine. Sometimes a bit of mystery is more attractive.
Good luck in finding what you're looking for!
Scarlett from the "_wingwithusltd" party team, and one half of "Scarlett and Grey" xx"
Thank you Scarlett, appreciate the response |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
You are literally the reason why women on here hate single men, and I dont understand how you cant see it |
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OP, how long have you been on here?
I’ve been trying in a polite and respectful way, much like yourself for about 7 months. I’ve not had one response to a message. I read profiles, make sure I on paper fit with what people are looking for etc, never pester or message multiple times.
It is tough going. There are many many single guys on here and I definitely get the impression we are not that well thought of as a whole and potentially with some good reasons for that.
I might have to review my own profile again with some of the tips you’ve been given and see if that helps.
Good luck mate, hope things get easier for you. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"OP, how long have you been on here?
I’ve been trying in a polite and respectful way, much like yourself for about 7 months. I’ve not had one response to a message. I read profiles, make sure I on paper fit with what people are looking for etc, never pester or message multiple times.
It is tough going. There are many many single guys on here and I definitely get the impression we are not that well thought of as a whole and potentially with some good reasons for that.
I might have to review my own profile again with some of the tips you’ve been given and see if that helps.
Good luck mate, hope things get easier for you. "
Been on here about 6 weeks mate.
I posted on the forum as I was wanting to know where I was going wrong..
Since posting, I've also had a few private messages off people with some great advice (thank you).
Sounds like you have had the same experience as me, only for much longer..
Key points I've taken on board:
- remain being respectful
- make you profile description personal and try and make it interesting
- try and get a good range of photos (dick pics aren't well liked)
- attend socials to get some verifications (important)
- single men are not well liked in general on here, due to some being disrespectful
- there are too many single men on here, making it more difficult
Good luck to you as well mate, I think all us genuine lads need it 👍 |
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"OP, how long have you been on here?
I’ve been trying in a polite and respectful way, much like yourself for about 7 months. I’ve not had one response to a message. I read profiles, make sure I on paper fit with what people are looking for etc, never pester or message multiple times.
It is tough going. There are many many single guys on here and I definitely get the impression we are not that well thought of as a whole and potentially with some good reasons for that.
I might have to review my own profile again with some of the tips you’ve been given and see if that helps.
Good luck mate, hope things get easier for you.
Been on here about 6 weeks mate.
I posted on the forum as I was wanting to know where I was going wrong..
Since posting, I've also had a few private messages off people with some great advice (thank you).
Sounds like you have had the same experience as me, only for much longer..
Key points I've taken on board:
- remain being respectful
- make you profile description personal and try and make it interesting
- try and get a good range of photos (dick pics aren't well liked)
- attend socials to get some verifications (important)
- single men are not well liked in general on here, due to some being disrespectful
- there are too many single men on here, making it more difficult
Good luck to you as well mate, I think all us genuine lads need it 👍"
Yeah I took some of your tips from people onboard,
I am always respectfully, I’ve been to a Social and did get a couple of verifications from two lovely ladies. It hasn’t made any difference to message responses as yet. I don’t have any dick pics open to the public.
There’s definitely a link in lt of single guys and many seem to have the wrong intent, so it does make it more difficult.
Hopefully guys like us and the many others I’m sure are on here, can bring a little more of a positive look at the single gent. 🙏
All the best mate, keep persevering. |
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By *irsSubCouple 17 weeks ago
Stockton |
From what we have seen on here over the years expectations for single guys is often the biggest issue. It's a harsh reality that whilst single guys can become swingers, 99% don't really get what it means or entails.
The harsh reality is that if you have come here looking for carefree sex with a different partner each night you're in the wrong place. If you were going to break down the effort per fuck ratio for a single guy on Fab versus say "swipe dating site", I reckon you would probably spend 100x more time on here per fuck.
If you are here because you want to experience things you wouldn't find in the normal dating world you need to shorten your odds. Socials and clubs are the most effective way to meet people, and don't just use them as a way of getting verified (it's not the golden ticket to endless pussy). It will take time and you will need to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I see so often where single think their profile is the problem, it's really not. We see people saying they don't want to see dick pics (S needs to see one to make a decision). Don't stress about it, and just make sure there nothing to cringe on it. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"From what we have seen on here over the years expectations for single guys is often the biggest issue. It's a harsh reality that whilst single guys can become swingers, 99% don't really get what it means or entails.
The harsh reality is that if you have come here looking for carefree sex with a different partner each night you're in the wrong place. If you were going to break down the effort per fuck ratio for a single guy on Fab versus say "swipe dating site", I reckon you would probably spend 100x more time on here per fuck.
If you are here because you want to experience things you wouldn't find in the normal dating world you need to shorten your odds. Socials and clubs are the most effective way to meet people, and don't just use them as a way of getting verified (it's not the golden ticket to endless pussy). It will take time and you will need to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I see so often where single think their profile is the problem, it's really not. We see people saying they don't want to see dick pics (S needs to see one to make a decision). Don't stress about it, and just make sure there nothing to cringe on it. "
Thank you for the detailed reply. I fall into the latter category, whereby I want to experience things that wouldn't normally happen in the normal dating world. I have no issues getting ladies, that isn't what this is about - I attended Swingers & Sinners in London recently and it opened my eyes to a whole new world that I wanted a taste of (pardon the pun..)
Thanks for the socials and club recommendation also, a few people have suggested this and it looks like it might be the best way forward, initially at least. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Just go and be chatty, we tend to be a friendly bunch in person "
Thanks, will do. I would much prefer in-person stuff, as I'm very sociable and like to have a laugh and a good crack on.
I can see you're from Darlo - do you have any recommendations for the North East? I have looked and can only see 2 places, Club F in Stanley and Shhh in Newcastle |
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By *irsSubCouple 17 weeks ago
Stockton |
Both are good, we tend to go to quest a lot. Just check on the clubs website before a visit because some nights don't accept single guys, then put a meet request / message people who also have meet requests for the same night. Most of all go expecting to talk and if play happens it happens |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Both are good, we tend to go to quest a lot. Just check on the clubs website before a visit because some nights don't accept single guys, then put a meet request / message people who also have meet requests for the same night. Most of all go expecting to talk and if play happens it happens"
Appreciate the advice, thank you |
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"Hi everyone. I'm completely new to the scene, and haven't a clue about etiquette within the community. I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Hoping someone can review my profile and give some feedback and/or recommendations.
Thank you in advance"
You've only been in here a few weeks mate, it really is early days, but by now you will be getting a good idea of how challenging it is to be a single bloke in here. Don't worry, we all feel your pain!
I've just seen a new single female profile appeared local to me yesterday. She's posted up a pic on her profile, and it's received 325 Fabs in less than 24 hours. There's an indication of just how many guys there are in here, looking for a single woman. How many Fabs from single ladies have your pics received after 6 weeks lol....
Re. your profile; put up whatever you feel comfortable with, and state what you are looking for. You will never please everyone in here, you will always upset/turn off someone, but you will also attract someone at some point. Just be you, is the best advice.
You will meet far more women in your local Wetherspoons, or Saturday morning Parkrun, than you ever will in here mate, so just look at this place as an escape from 'Real life' 
Don't take it seriously, don't stress when everyone around you seems to get meets but you can't, and be ready when you do get an offer  |
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By *elkieWoman 17 weeks ago
Durham |
"Just go and be chatty, we tend to be a friendly bunch in person
Thanks, will do. I would much prefer in-person stuff, as I'm very sociable and like to have a laugh and a good crack on.
I can see you're from Darlo - do you have any recommendations for the North East? I have looked and can only see 2 places, Club F in Stanley and Shhh in Newcastle"
There’s a third option, Babylon in south shields. It’s very new and I haven’t been to it myself but i’ve heard good things. Also, Pandoras and Quest are both lovely |
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"From what we have seen on here over the years expectations for single guys is often the biggest issue. It's a harsh reality that whilst single guys can become swingers, 99% don't really get what it means or entails.
The harsh reality is that if you have come here looking for carefree sex with a different partner each night you're in the wrong place. If you were going to break down the effort per fuck ratio for a single guy on Fab versus say "swipe dating site", I reckon you would probably spend 100x more time on here per fuck.
If you are here because you want to experience things you wouldn't find in the normal dating world you need to shorten your odds. Socials and clubs are the most effective way to meet people, and don't just use them as a way of getting verified (it's not the golden ticket to endless pussy). It will take time and you will need to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I see so often where single think their profile is the problem, it's really not. We see people saying they don't want to see dick pics (S needs to see one to make a decision). Don't stress about it, and just make sure there nothing to cringe on it. "
My home situation is difficult for conventional relationships, I’m not here just for a quick shag, but to make some connections with people who are more open then most about their kinks and desires. The getting to know and connecting is as important as the physical acts for me. I’ve been to a social and club and plan to go again when I can, not for verifications but to speak with people. Everyone seems pretty nice from what I can see in forums and profiles, just need to keep trying to get to speak with someone.
Thanks for your insight into it all, it is really useful. 🙏 |
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It took me about 6 months to get my first verification on here.
And that was pre COVID.
COVID really hit the swinging scene.
Don’t despair it’s all about being at the right place at the right time.
Visit Clubs & Local swingers socials.
Andy 🤝
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By *H_6969 OP Man 17 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Just go and be chatty, we tend to be a friendly bunch in person
Thanks, will do. I would much prefer in-person stuff, as I'm very sociable and like to have a laugh and a good crack on.
I can see you're from Darlo - do you have any recommendations for the North East? I have looked and can only see 2 places, Club F in Stanley and Shhh in Newcastle
There’s a third option, Babylon in south shields. It’s very new and I haven’t been to it myself but i’ve heard good things. Also, Pandoras and Quest are both lovely"
Thanks for the suggestion. South Shields is really close to me, might give that a try |
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It may sound obvious, but most couples profiles. And even single women, are like shop windows where the shop will only open when they want to.
The rest of the time, they’re happy for people to wander past, but banging on the doors won’t make them open. They’re often not looking, until they are. That’s when the experienced on the site put their “looking for” back on.
Why don’t they close the shutters and hide the profile I hear you wonder? They’re not here for others. They are here for them. Some love party invites and want their preferences getting in touch, some are only actively reaching out to selected profiles.
Many don’t know you can close the message options/looking for to stop being brought up in searches to reduce the messages.
Unlike dating sites where people on there are actively looking to meet people as it’s lower intensity. For us, it’s an escape from the ordinary and meets here are often intense and exceptional. Sadly, we can’t do it every day/week as time/life comes first, and frenzy ain’t sexy.
It will be okay. You’ve had some brilliant advice. I hope you get the escape you’re hoping for. Xx
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I’d just say that this site is a “buyers’ market”. If someone has a wonderful profile, you want to meet them and they’ve said they will only meet people who will stand on their head and sing “ting a ling a loo” then it’s up to you! I completely get the bit about not replying because of too many messages, I just don’t think guys on here can conceive of the number of messages some members get. I think Fab is a great site but a bit like real life you need patience, fortitude and a certain amount of self-confidence. Above all I think the mantra should be to be respectful and be able to take the fact that people don’t have to fall at your feet when the next “Adonis” might just be a keystroke away! |
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"Hi everyone. I'm completely new to the scene, and haven't a clue about etiquette within the community. I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Hoping someone can review my profile and give some feedback and/or recommendations.
Thank you in advance"
You have only been on here 7 weeks.
What were your expectations?? |
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"Well im afraid its this place.
Ive given up, not in a poor me, my ego is hurt kind of way but you just learn that most people are selgish rude and ignorant.
Firstly the policy of no reply is a polite no thank you is a joke. Its obvious its just rude!
Then people, especially woman dont know what they want. Be polite, you are boring, be too direct, you are rude,
Thirdly, then theres the nonsense "need to see face pic" or " has to be attra tion" bull. This is not dating or looking for marriage. People use it to justify being here.
Fourth,people just move on. Was blocked for no reason mid-conversation. Now i know itll be my fault according to all the men haters on here (just read the forums).
I know ill get direct responses telling me im the problem, i really aint.
I now dont use this for meets but to browse.
Also i dont pander to the pathetic demands, read profile, no face pic no reply (ok im not desperate) or say *insert word* so i know youve read my profile nonsense, so im my own worse enemy "
_______________________________
Responses and requirements are different because you're dealing with different people, we're a collection of individuals not a 'thing'. |
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"It may sound obvious, but most couples profiles. And even single women, are like shop windows where the shop will only open when they want to.
The rest of the time, they’re happy for people to wander past, but banging on the doors won’t make them open. They’re often not looking, until they are. That’s when the experienced on the site put their “looking for” back on.
Why don’t they close the shutters and hide the profile I hear you wonder? They’re not here for others. They are here for them. Some love party invites and want their preferences getting in touch, some are only actively reaching out to selected profiles.
Many don’t know you can close the message options/looking for to stop being brought up in searches to reduce the messages.
Unlike dating sites where people on there are actively looking to meet people as it’s lower intensity. For us, it’s an escape from the ordinary and meets here are often intense and exceptional. Sadly, we can’t do it every day/week as time/life comes first, and frenzy ain’t sexy.
It will be okay. You’ve had some brilliant advice. I hope you get the escape you’re hoping for. Xx
"
This 🖕 |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 16 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"It may sound obvious, but most couples profiles. And even single women, are like shop windows where the shop will only open when they want to.
The rest of the time, they’re happy for people to wander past, but banging on the doors won’t make them open. They’re often not looking, until they are. That’s when the experienced on the site put their “looking for” back on.
Why don’t they close the shutters and hide the profile I hear you wonder? They’re not here for others. They are here for them. Some love party invites and want their preferences getting in touch, some are only actively reaching out to selected profiles.
Many don’t know you can close the message options/looking for to stop being brought up in searches to reduce the messages.
Unlike dating sites where people on there are actively looking to meet people as it’s lower intensity. For us, it’s an escape from the ordinary and meets here are often intense and exceptional. Sadly, we can’t do it every day/week as time/life comes first, and frenzy ain’t sexy.
It will be okay. You’ve had some brilliant advice. I hope you get the escape you’re hoping for. Xx
"
Thank you, appreciate the detailed response |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 16 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"Hi everyone. I'm completely new to the scene, and haven't a clue about etiquette within the community. I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Hoping someone can review my profile and give some feedback and/or recommendations.
Thank you in advance
You have only been on here 7 weeks.
What were your expectations??"
Thanks for the response. I wasn't sure what to expect tbh, but after sending dozens of messages and only getting 2 responses I thought I must be doing something wrong, hence posting in the forum.
I'm pleased I did, as not only did I get some great advice, it has given me a better understanding of what my expectations should be. |
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By *H_6969 OP Man 16 weeks ago
Sunderland |
"I’d just say that this site is a “buyers’ market”. If someone has a wonderful profile, you want to meet them and they’ve said they will only meet people who will stand on their head and sing “ting a ling a loo” then it’s up to you! I completely get the bit about not replying because of too many messages, I just don’t think guys on here can conceive of the number of messages some members get. I think Fab is a great site but a bit like real life you need patience, fortitude and a certain amount of self-confidence. Above all I think the mantra should be to be respectful and be able to take the fact that people don’t have to fall at your feet when the next “Adonis” might just be a keystroke away!"
Thank you, great advice |
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"Hi everyone. I'm completely new to the scene, and haven't a clue about etiquette within the community. I'm very respectful in what I send as messages, but struggle getting any responses (I've had 2 responses so far).
Hoping someone can review my profile and give some feedback and/or recommendations.
Thank you in advance"
This is just a preference for us so don’t take it as what everyone would think universally. I would t promote that you’re new to the scene or have zero experience. To me that makes us think you could be nervous or have no idea what you’re doing. This is something you could mention once you get talking but if you messaged us and I see this on your profile, I wouldn’t respond.
Regarding your profile, a few more pics and variety of them would be good. Also if I was you I would go to some local socials or clubs, get a some verifications. This makes a huge difference for couples in our experience |
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