FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > AFTERCARE?
AFTERCARE?
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Aftercare is important to me, every one of my meets involves some form of kink.
I always find out what aftercare looks like for the person, pretty much everyone wants cuddles, some want water as well, some want sweets and some want a snuggly blanket as they get very cold after a scene. |
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It’s so important
Bringing my sub “back” to normality so we can lead our day to day DS. lifestyle
our sessions can be deep and demanding of both of us so demonstrating care and love after sessions works for us. aftercare is VERY important |
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"Is Aftercare important??
And if so, why?
Is this something that is more needed for the woman?
All advice welcome  "
It’s dynamic dependant isn’t it, also dependant on what kind of scene you have and how deep she goes in to sub space.
To me if it’s an intense session then aftercare is the most important thing, it also prevents me from having dom drop as well |
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By *vaRoseWoman 16 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
"Is Aftercare important??
And if so, why?
Is this something that is more needed for the woman?
All advice welcome "
Aftercare is essential but it can look different for different people
Not everyone wants time cuddling skin to skin, it could be that aftercare for them means being given some time without touch while they shower and feel more themselves after something intense. Equally it could be being wrapped like a burrito and given favourite snacks and watching a comfort movie.
It doesn’t really matter if we are talking a BDSM scene, kink or just intense sexual experience. Everyone involved deserves to have their aftercare needs met and that includes anyone who is the Dominant (if any). |
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When i was in a relationship reclaiming my partner at the end of a session was the most erotic and sensual part. Even if the meet was kink reclaiming and touching were vital. Still.veey important now to reset back onto the real world |
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I think for sex encounters it’s important to cuddle up to your partner afterwards as it is part of the reclaim situation however in clubs I think it’s important to know when to stop as it’s not always obvious, for example my man takes hours to cum and never tends to cum in a club setting so it’s knowing when it’s time to stop because there isn’t an obvious ‘ finish ‘ but it’s normally once he’s made the girls cum lots and he’s satisfied that he’s given them a good time and for me I just follow what feels right in the moment Need to allow the other couples to do what ever aftercare they feel is needed too x |
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No.
For me swinging is recreational sex.
Aftercare is a quick thanks, chat and bye.
Not looking for any emotional ties, I have a husband who supplies all my emotional, care, loyalty, support I could ever need.
We have many vanilla friends and don't want to lead on any guys into thinking there is anything more to our meet than a swinging meet, don't need more friends.
Think it would be unkind to let a swinging partner believe it was anything else.
Just a question to others who say some swinging partners become "good friends"
How do you introduce them to your vanilla friends? I'd panic they may inadvertently spill the beans.
This is our secret life. |
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"No.
For me swinging is recreational sex.
Aftercare is a quick thanks, chat and bye.
Not looking for any emotional ties, I have a husband who supplies all my emotional, care, loyalty, support I could ever need.
We have many vanilla friends and don't want to lead on any guys into thinking there is anything more to our meet than a swinging meet, don't need more friends.
Think it would be unkind to let a swinging partner believe it was anything else.
Just a question to others who say some swinging partners become "good friends"
How do you introduce them to your vanilla friends? I'd panic they may inadvertently spill the beans.
This is our secret life."
I’d keep the swinging good friends and the vanilla ones away from each other for good measure, that said one of my besties knows exactly what we do and she actually loves hearing about what we get up to so we could easy introduce them should we need to but prefer to keep it simple. It’s no different to having different groups of friends that don’t hang out with each other |
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Think it depends on the person and reading the individual situation .
Alot of people here are here for recreational fun and that’s it’s.
Couples like us have after care in our little bubble.
That said we’ve only done threesomes with people we considered friends so the vibe wasn’t a meet, fuck and go, it was just a part of the overall night.
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I like cuddling doms on my chest and stroking their hair after. Just because doms are doing the rude things to someone doesn’t mean they can’t need reassurance and hugs after.
Feel like if I’ve had a few more intense things done to me a lot of guys like being reminded I’m cool with it. More doms than people think need a bit of aftercare to, it can be more conflicting for them than subs a lot of the time as they are the ones having to do things and fight their instincts against caring the entire play time.
Maybe it’s just as I struggle with those feelings if I ever top and find it tough myself wondering if what I’ve done is ok or was to much. But think a lot of them appreciate it…
Only aftercare I need is some food lol. Getting smacked gives me the munchies x |
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"No.
For me swinging is recreational sex.
Aftercare is a quick thanks, chat and bye.
Not looking for any emotional ties, I have a husband who supplies all my emotional, care, loyalty, support I could ever need.
We have many vanilla friends and don't want to lead on any guys into thinking there is anything more to our meet than a swinging meet, don't need more friends.
Think it would be unkind to let a swinging partner believe it was anything else.
Just a question to others who say some swinging partners become "good friends"
How do you introduce them to your vanilla friends? I'd panic they may inadvertently spill the beans.
This is our secret life.
I’d keep the swinging good friends and the vanilla ones away from each other for good measure, that said one of my besties knows exactly what we do and she actually loves hearing about what we get up to so we could easy introduce them should we need to but prefer to keep it simple. It’s no different to having different groups of friends that don’t hang out with each other "
Wouldn't take the chance introducing vanilla and swinging friends.
Too risky.
The natural curiosity of our friends would make me a bag of nerves.
I can just hear the questions.
How did you meet? do you work with Liz / Paul, where do you live, etc etc.
We love the fact our swinging life is our secret life.
Thanks for responding. Liz x |
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Now is learning from experience I’m gonna say yes.
After I have watched Sarah have fun with another male I believe that’s it is my duty to make sure that my after-care is A1.
I call the after-care it’s my claim back sex it’s got to be on the ball to let her know that she’s coming back to you. |
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By *ustYouWoman 16 weeks ago
Glasgow west end |
I need it, I need it desperately, and it wrecks me when I'm denied basic touch after I've tended to your needs.
I had one encounter where I was only touched the barest amount possible, and after, when I had him lie beside me so I could stroke his back while he slept a bit, he kept his face turned away from me for the ENTIRE 10 minutes or so.
I felt so ghastly, a disgusting cretin, I didnt even deserve to be LOOKED at.
Aftercare is vital. I am a top. I am Mummy. I am your giver.
I need comfort and affection and appreciation. I will work so hard to do the things I promise, but fuck...be kind to me after. |
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"I need it, I need it desperately, and it wrecks me when I'm denied basic touch after I've tended to your needs.
I had one encounter where I was only touched the barest amount possible, and after, when I had him lie beside me so I could stroke his back while he slept a bit, he kept his face turned away from me for the ENTIRE 10 minutes or so.
I felt so ghastly, a disgusting cretin, I didnt even deserve to be LOOKED at.
Aftercare is vital. I am a top. I am Mummy. I am your giver.
I need comfort and affection and appreciation. I will work so hard to do the things I promise, but fuck...be kind to me after."
This is painful.
I'm so sorry you experienced this xxx |
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By *renzMan 15 weeks ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I've never known it within a swinging setting but within a kink one, it can be vital.
It probably comes down to the intensity of the play. It can include anything from a cup of tea, cake, chocolate to a hot bath, a cuddle, but most of all, it's about reassurance.
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Is it important - Yes
How important is it - Depends.
Hugely if there's kink involved, and a lot of it is needed.
If it's more vanilla then it's less of a conscious decision to engage in "aftercare" and more just about engaging respectfully after the deed is done. Noone wants someone who is scurrying off after getting their leg over. For us it usually means that actual play tends to happen in the middle to final third of a meet. Because there's usually a lot of chat before, and a lot of chat after. That's for new players and veterans alike. |
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By *renzMan 15 weeks ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"Is it important - Yes
How important is it - Depends.
Hugely if there's kink involved, and a lot of it is needed.
If it's more vanilla then it's less of a conscious decision to engage in "aftercare" and more just about engaging respectfully after the deed is done. Noone wants someone who is scurrying off after getting their leg over. For us it usually means that actual play tends to happen in the middle to final third of a meet. Because there's usually a lot of chat before, and a lot of chat after. That's for new players and veterans alike. "
I agree with you for a swinging meet and that's how play should be, with chat and a nice relaxing evening etc. Running straight off is downright rude, although there's always an exception. Having to be somewhere and the meet being so good and you forgot the time. But that's not aftercare or what I would think of as aftercare, that's just good manners, being polite and making it more than just about sex, however good. |
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I think it depends on the person.
I’ve been in some pretty deep sub spaces with fab guys but I don’t do aftercare with fab men.
I don’t do aftercare so much in my relationships because the fact I am in a relationship is the reassurance and comfort I need after kink.
The thought of cuddles and what not with the guys I’ve just done a kink scene with makes me skin crawl ha! |
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Find our aftercare tends to be checking in how everyone feels after. Good to make sure everyone had fun and if there wasn't any issues raised at the time, it's a chance to check in and bring it up. It's not for everyone but it's been good for us, especially when trying new things. |
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I need proper aftercare after a kink/bdsm scene and my Don is wonderful. Always cuddles and a chat afterwards and discuss any issues, we make time for each other befire we go our separateways.
After a normal meet I'm not so needy but a bit of a chat is nice as you wind down a bit.
I met one bloke and he literally finished jumped off the bed went to the loo threw on his clothes and left. Didn't speak, didnt even reply when I spoke to him. I felt so used and rejected.
He was really chatty and pleasant before we hit the bedroom but afterwards he was just downright rude. |
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"Is it important - Yes
How important is it - Depends.
Hugely if there's kink involved, and a lot of it is needed.
If it's more vanilla then it's less of a conscious decision to engage in "aftercare" and more just about engaging respectfully after the deed is done. Noone wants someone who is scurrying off after getting their leg over. For us it usually means that actual play tends to happen in the middle to final third of a meet. Because there's usually a lot of chat before, and a lot of chat after. That's for new players and veterans alike.
I agree with you for a swinging meet and that's how play should be, with chat and a nice relaxing evening etc. Running straight off is downright rude, although there's always an exception. Having to be somewhere and the meet being so good and you forgot the time. But that's not aftercare or what I would think of as aftercare, that's just good manners, being polite and making it more than just about sex, however good. "
I wouldn't necessarily call it aftercare either, as you say it's politeness and to a point it's peer bonding. It's in those moments you have much more "real" conversations with your playmates I feel.
But, others could call it aftercare. It is after, and it is about care to a point. |
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I never need or want aftercare in a swinging or especially kink/BDSM setting other than food and definitely not a cup of tea (known to always be hungry even in the middle of sex or a scene). I only GIVE the aftercare when I am in Domme mode, whatever may be required/requested from my subs. When I am in sub mode, once a scene is finished; even very intense and deep ones, please leave me alone and let me get on with my day/night. I don't need/want check-ins, calls hate cuddling on a normal basis or to be taken care of.
I'm good!!
We can speak about normal humdrum stuff if you feel it's awkward or keep the silence. Doesn't bother or phase me.
I used to be so bad in my younger days (18-30) that I actually hated kissing for the longest time, never slept over (yes, I have left when the other person/s were sleeping) and once everyone had cum, shower and leave. My kink younger days were more explored as the sub and hated all the affection, whether verbally or physically, that came with it afterwards and it actually pissed me off to the point I would react negatively and put the person on a ban from contacting me/doing scenes with me. |
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In terms of kink, aftercare is essential after a heavy play session to avoid sub drop.
Even after a light session, if your sub is in that mindset, absolutely needed.
Less so in a swinging environment I'd say, tho between couples reclaim sex would be seen as aftercare is suggest. |
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By *renzMan 14 weeks ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"In terms of kink, aftercare is essential after a heavy play session to avoid sub drop.
Even after a light session, if your sub is in that mindset, absolutely needed.
Less so in a swinging environment I'd say, tho between couples reclaim sex would be seen as aftercare is suggest."
Aftercare doesn't guarantee someone will avoid subdrop. While for some, they can experience it straight away, others it can be a day or two later or even longer. It's about reassurance as well as the physical. A sub I used play with, would drop a day or so later, which was difficult as there was distance between us. |
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"Is Aftercare important??
And if so, why?
Is this something that is more needed for the woman?
All advice welcome
Aftercare is essential but it can look different for different people
Not everyone wants time cuddling skin to skin, it could be that aftercare for them means being given some time without touch while they shower and feel more themselves after something intense. Equally it could be being wrapped like a burrito and given favourite snacks and watching a comfort movie.
It doesn’t really matter if we are talking a BDSM scene, kink or just intense sexual experience. Everyone involved deserves to have their aftercare needs met and that includes anyone who is the Dominant (if any). "
Very well said, I agree with this. |
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It's something that has to be discussed and then gauged afterwards to make sure all involved are okay.
There should never be any presumption that people are okay afterwards. It can also lead to lovely closeness |
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"Is Aftercare important??
And if so, why?
Is this something that is more needed for the woman?
All advice welcome
Aftercare is essential but it can look different for different people
Not everyone wants time cuddling skin to skin, it could be that aftercare for them means being given some time without touch while they shower and feel more themselves after something intense. Equally it could be being wrapped like a burrito and given favourite snacks and watching a comfort movie.
It doesn’t really matter if we are talking a BDSM scene, kink or just intense sexual experience. Everyone involved deserves to have their aftercare needs met and that includes anyone who is the Dominant (if any).
Very well said, I agree with this."
Not for us in a swinging environment.
The thought of a swinging partner wanting a cuddle or anything close to intimacy is a bit creepy for us.
In our relationship lots of intimacy from cuddles, chats in the dark of the bedroom, knowing looks at social meets etc, lying out on sofa watching TV.
Never, ever thought swinging is anything close to a date or relationship, totally different for us,the opposite to a relationship.
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