FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting ghosted
Getting ghosted
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Ok I don’t want to sound like super entitled to meets and stuff and if you don’t want to meet I completely understand, but I’ve been talking to a couple of ladies and to me things seem to be going well in the chats but then they just randomly ghost me or stop replying especially when we plan for a meet?
Like I don’t understand was it something I said are they not interested in me anymore I’m just honestly confused bc it’s happening too many times, I’m just here to have fun and have a good time 
Any answer/suggestions would be helpful! |
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This happens quite a lot if forum threads are any indication.
I would say it's one of a few things.
You said something that put them off even though you don't know what that was.
They were men.
They like the idea of meeting but not the reality.
They have no intention of meeting and just enjoy attention.
You won't ever know I'm afraid.
What I will say is that sometimes one person thinks things are going well and the other person is just being polite. |
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"This happens quite a lot if forum threads are any indication.
I would say it's one of a few things.
You said something that put them off even though you don't know what that was.
They were men.
They like the idea of meeting but not the reality.
They have no intention of meeting and just enjoy attention.
You won't ever know I'm afraid.
What I will say is that sometimes one person thinks things are going well and the other person is just being polite. "
Damn… I wish they would just say that from the get-go bc I’m really eager to meet someone on here! Lowkey kinda soul crushing bc it makes you think is there something wrong with me that they didn’t like? But thanks for your response it helps a lot!  |
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"This happens quite a lot if forum threads are any indication.
I would say it's one of a few things.
You said something that put them off even though you don't know what that was.
They were men.
They like the idea of meeting but not the reality.
They have no intention of meeting and just enjoy attention.
You won't ever know I'm afraid.
What I will say is that sometimes one person thinks things are going well and the other person is just being polite.
Damn… I wish they would just say that from the get-go bc I’m really eager to meet someone on here! Lowkey kinda soul crushing bc it makes you think is there something wrong with me that they didn’t like? But thanks for your response it helps a lot! "
You're welcome.
If you can (and I know it's not easy) you need to grow a tough skin and not invest too much of your energy or thoughts into this because it will happen again probably.
There isn't anything wrong with you as far as I can tell on this limited conversation, it's just the nature of interaction on the net. |
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"This happens quite a lot if forum threads are any indication.
I would say it's one of a few things.
You said something that put them off even though you don't know what that was.
They were men.
They like the idea of meeting but not the reality.
They have no intention of meeting and just enjoy attention.
You won't ever know I'm afraid.
What I will say is that sometimes one person thinks things are going well and the other person is just being polite.
Damn… I wish they would just say that from the get-go bc I’m really eager to meet someone on here! Lowkey kinda soul crushing bc it makes you think is there something wrong with me that they didn’t like? But thanks for your response it helps a lot!
You're welcome.
If you can (and I know it's not easy) you need to grow a tough skin and not invest too much of your energy or thoughts into this because it will happen again probably.
There isn't anything wrong with you as far as I can tell on this limited conversation, it's just the nature of interaction on the net. "
I know I’m learning that the hard way but it is what it is! And haha thanks that’s very nice of you! You are fun to talk to aswell! |
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By *CExeCouple 14 weeks ago
Hong-Kong/Exeter |
Imagine you're in a club or bar chatting to a lass. You go to the bar or the gents and when you come back, she's disappeared and you see her chatting to another guy. It's essentially what happens on Fab (I've been a singleton here), and while frustrating, it's no different to the offline world.
Keep chatting to folks, posting in the forums etc and you'll be fine. |
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It happens to couples also, it’s the nature of the site. People change minds, only messaging ‘ in the moment ‘ and once that moment has passed they get on with their day. Sometimes they bottle it. Sometimes they were never who they said they were. The list goes on.
We have been on here a while and have only met two couples in all that time, clubs are a completely different ball game and we get lots of fun with couples there so we tend to stick to that now.
Hard to ghost when you stood in front of someone haha!
Just keep trying eventually you will find what you are looking for x |
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"It happens to couples also, it’s the nature of the site. People change minds, only messaging ‘ in the moment ‘ and once that moment has passed they get on with their day. Sometimes they bottle it. Sometimes they were never who they said they were. The list goes on.
We have been on here a while and have only met two couples in all that time, clubs are a completely different ball game and we get lots of fun with couples there so we tend to stick to that now.
Hard to ghost when you stood in front of someone haha!
Just keep trying eventually you will find what you are looking for x "
honstly makes me wanna give up but i spent money on this damn site soo i aint gonna waste nothin, i can be stubborn ashell when its needed. |
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"It happens to couples also, it’s the nature of the site. People change minds, only messaging ‘ in the moment ‘ and once that moment has passed they get on with their day. Sometimes they bottle it. Sometimes they were never who they said they were. The list goes on.
We have been on here a while and have only met two couples in all that time, clubs are a completely different ball game and we get lots of fun with couples there so we tend to stick to that now.
Hard to ghost when you stood in front of someone haha!
Just keep trying eventually you will find what you are looking for x
honstly makes me wanna give up but i spent money on this damn site soo i aint gonna waste nothin, i can be stubborn ashell when its needed."
We are site supporters too, we also can be stubborn but that doesn’t help with trying to get a meet x |
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"It happens to couples also, it’s the nature of the site. People change minds, only messaging ‘ in the moment ‘ and once that moment has passed they get on with their day. Sometimes they bottle it. Sometimes they were never who they said they were. The list goes on.
We have been on here a while and have only met two couples in all that time, clubs are a completely different ball game and we get lots of fun with couples there so we tend to stick to that now.
Hard to ghost when you stood in front of someone haha!
Just keep trying eventually you will find what you are looking for x
honstly makes me wanna give up but i spent money on this damn site soo i aint gonna waste nothin, i can be stubborn ashell when its needed.
We are site supporters too, we also can be stubborn but that doesn’t help with trying to get a meet x "
yea i guess thats true😭😭 |
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If you meet someone and then they disappear that's ghosting. The cessation of chat/messaging isn't ghosting; sometimes conversations fizzle out - it's nothing unusual. Perhaps they found nothing in common with you or simply changed their mind. That's the beauty of chats/messaging - to find out more about the person, to assess the vibe and chemistry.
Personally, I never instigate a 'meet' from Fab messaging. I would be chatting to them on Telegram etc long before we broached the topic of meeting. |
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By *eyeYCouple 14 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"Imagine you're in a club or bar chatting to a lass. You go to the bar or the gents and when you come back, she's disappeared and you see her chatting to another guy. It's essentially what happens on Fab (I've been a singleton here), and while frustrating, it's no different to the offline world.
Keep chatting to folks, posting in the forums etc and you'll be fine."
A very true analogy! 👊
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"Ok I don’t want to sound like super entitled to meets and stuff and if you don’t want to meet I completely understand, but I’ve been talking to a couple of ladies and to me things seem to be going well in the chats but then they just randomly ghost me or stop replying especially when we plan for a meet?
Like I don’t understand was it something I said are they not interested in me anymore I’m just honestly confused bc it’s happening too many times, I’m just here to have fun and have a good time
Any answer/suggestions would be helpful!"
The vast majority on here are timewasters and get their rocks off just pretending they are irresistible to either men or woman (both sexes as as bad as each other) and having attention they would never get in the vanilla world.
Sadly in real life they are neither irresistible or interesting so they have no choice but to cut you off at the knees as meeting would blow their cover and reality would flood in.
Sites like this rely on anominity and there's the rub.
Its not infalable but a good litmus test is look at their verifications.
Been on over a year, no meets, probably not going to happen.
We don't care if folks just want to chat its when they step over the line into the meeting world, that's the issue.
Its been said a thousand times, try a swingers social meet, a least it will build your confidence and help for future meets.
If none arranged in your area, arrange one yourself, that will show you as a doer not a dreamer.
Good luck.
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It happens frequently i think some women are just fantasising about meeting, but when it becomes all too real they get cold feet.
Frustrating after you invest your time in chatting, exchanging pics, but sadly part and parcel of being on here. |
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Sometimes conversations just drop off, especially if the person is trying to juggle multiple conversations at once. I'm totally guilty of this - my bandwidth is pretty narrow and occasionally a chat might end up falling by the wayside.
I do wish people would stop calling this ghosting though. The bar analogy above is spot on.
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It happens to everyone unfortunately, men, couples and yes even us single ladies!
Not just messaging either, I've had meets arranged date/time/place not happen, and while I haven't yet been stood up that in future is almost inevitable. |
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OP I understand going through a bit of a rough patch myself, I put in effort and be polite and respectful to all involved but I don’t get anywhere. It’s a shame but that’s the way it goes I’m afraid. I also think I’m not the most attractive man in the world let’s say so that will be a factor for me.
It sucks it hurts but you just got to keep going hopefully you have some meets soon |
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Ghosting is one of my biggest peeves. There is absolutely no need for it whatsoever, but we’ve made it acceptable behaviour. IMO it takes 5 seconds to say ‘thanks but I’ve changed my mind’ and I also value honesty very highly (even if it’s a white lie, it’s better than being ignored)
I’ve found that women ghost for most of the above reasons and many men ghost because they simply view this as a sex site and don’t want to put in any effort. Plus, most are usually cheating as well, so when the OH finds out is usually when they ghost.
It’s just rude! Like, if someone came up to you in person and said hello, you wouldn’t instantly turn your back on them and ignore them if you didn’t want to engage, you’d apologise and make excuses to leave |
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