FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Ghosting
Ghosting
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By (user no longer on site) OP 11 weeks ago
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Well i didn't know how prevalent it was on here until now. Have now been ghosted 3 times. Where some people may think single blokes deserve it but in reality its not really funny.
It does give the site a bad name as would not recommend it to anyone.
Before you say not been on here long, this is not my first rodeo and it has got alot worse
Thoughts people? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 11 weeks ago
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"What you're saying is that you've actually met three people and then they disappeared without a trace, with no method of contact or follow up?"
No i didn't say I have met them and you dont have to meet to be ghosted. Was chatting to three people for a few weeks getting on great even close to meeting then totally blanked for no reason whatsoever |
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There was no reason in your eyes.
In their eyes, there was a reason.
People on here will often ghost or block and wont tell you the reason why. When you give people a reason they often get abusive....we've experienced it a lot.
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"What you're saying is that you've actually met three people and then they disappeared without a trace, with no method of contact or follow up?
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No i didn't say I have met them and you dont have to meet to be ghosted. Was chatting to three people for a few weeks getting on great even close to meeting then totally blanked for no reason whatsoever "
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That's not ghosting. They changed their minds, something didn't align with them, conversations fizzle out - quite often at the behest of other people. Only chatting "for a few weeks"? That's nothing for some people; most people chat for much longer. I suspect three weeks isn't enough to solidify a 'meet'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 11 weeks ago
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"There was no reason in your eyes.
In their eyes, there was a reason.
People on here will often ghost or block and wont tell you the reason why. When you give people a reason they often get abusive....we've experienced it a lot.
"
Fully understand what you are saying and I get it. When I get turned down I just send a polite message back saying "thanks for the kind response"
So many angry people on here life is too short |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 11 weeks ago
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"What you're saying is that you've actually met three people and then they disappeared without a trace, with no method of contact or follow up?
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No i didn't say I have met them and you dont have to meet to be ghosted. Was chatting to three people for a few weeks getting on great even close to meeting then totally blanked for no reason whatsoever
•
That's not ghosting. They changed their minds, something didn't align with them, conversations fizzle out - quite often at the behest of other people. Only chatting "for a few weeks"? That's nothing for some people; most people chat for much longer. I suspect three weeks isn't enough to solidify a 'meet'."
Understand what you have said but it is a type of ghosting 1 even swapped numbers ( deleted and blocked now).
I know people chat for longer am up for that its not a problem. I know chatting does not guarantee a meet but since last on here it has got alot worse is all I am saying |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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People who ghost are low cowards 8
It is not acceptable and is cruel.
Have the guts and decency to say to someone 'sorry no longer interested/can't do/can't , good luck bye'
By all means if the dumped gets antsy after being clearly told 'move on u can't/don't want to' then block.
But blocking someone you are chatting with without having the common decency to explain to that person.
Is low life cowardice ahd it's so lacking in human decency it's really nasty behaviour, frankly! |
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By *on_20Couple 11 weeks ago
Manchester and Cardiff |
Don’t take it personally.
It happens to everyone and let’s be objective - unless it is a relationship (or intended to be one) - and I use “relationship” int be broadest sense to cover everything from friendship to romantic - it is just a bit of fun that didn’t work out. We keep this light and have zero expectations - all par for the course
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 11 weeks ago
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"Don’t take it personally.
It happens to everyone and let’s be objective - unless it is a relationship (or intended to be one) - and I use “relationship” int be broadest sense to cover everything from friendship to romantic - it is just a bit of fun that didn’t work out. We keep this light and have zero expectations - all par for the course
K"
Oh i dont take it personally at all i just find it happening more often than not on here |
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"Don’t take it personally.
It happens to everyone and let’s be objective - unless it is a relationship (or intended to be one) - and I use “relationship” int be broadest sense to cover everything from friendship to romantic - it is just a bit of fun that didn’t work out. We keep this light and have zero expectations - all par for the course
K
Oh i dont take it personally at all i just find it happening more often than not on here "
What do you mean by ghosting? |
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"What you're saying is that you've actually met three people and then they disappeared without a trace, with no method of contact or follow up?
No i didn't say I have met them and you dont have to meet to be ghosted. Was chatting to three people for a few weeks getting on great even close to meeting then totally blanked for no reason whatsoever "
There's always a reason...you just don't what it is...
I have to admit, I don't really understand why people get upset that strangers on the Internet who they have never actually met in real life are no longer in touch with them... |
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By *hyGuy_80Man 11 weeks ago
Chorley / Ormskirk |
It's easier to just block and cease contact than risk the backlash too many women are subjected to...
Not saying anyone reolying here would do that, but it happens way too often...
Life's to short to sweat over the small stuff... Just take it on the chin and move on. |
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By *AngelXWoman 11 weeks ago
North East |
Only 3 times lucky you... not sure whats worse the ghosting when you have made plans but they disappear only to pop back up in the messages or the time wasters who really want to meet up but can't follow through with any form of plan. |
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By *an1978Woman 11 weeks ago
Gwynedd/ Powys Border |
It happens the other way round too.
I had someone be talking and describing what he was going to do, and I know he travelled to the place we were going to meet .. then nothing.
Sometimes it is married ones, messages are fun, but when it comes down to it they can't go through with it.
Or, also of course there are fake profiles so the person never existed to meet. |
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"People who ghost are low cowards 8
It is not acceptable and is cruel.
Have the guts and decency to say to someone 'sorry no longer interested/can't do/can't , good luck bye'
By all means if the dumped gets antsy after being clearly told 'move on u can't/don't want to' then block.
But blocking someone you are chatting with without having the common decency to explain to that person.
Is low life cowardice ahd it's so lacking in human decency it's really nasty behaviour, frankly!"
Really? That's your opinion. In reality if I decide I no longer want to converse with someone however long we've chatted for I don't owe them anything.
I dont really care that you might see it as rude.
It's an online conversation and if they offend me or say something inappropriate I will just stop replying and I may block them. Blocking especially tells you I am no longer interested I don't need to send you a message to get my point across. |
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I typically will say if I am turned off the thought of meeting someone if we have been talking to for a while.
It does depend on what they've said though. I view ghosting as we met then they've disappeared and don't to talk to me again when they made it clear that they wanted to meet again, I find that slightly odd. I don't view ghosting as someone not wanting to talk to me anymore without having met. The purpose of talking is to seeing you align and get on. It's not a guarantee. |
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Ghosting. It's a difficult one. I'll give you an example.
So I had this guy that we would meet regularly with. Decent guy. Met with him as a couple, and also solo.
Maybe a dozen meets in and then three times in a row he does a no show. Meet arranged, doesn't turn up. No explanation or apology until he wants a meet.
We haven't blocked him. Just stopped talking with him. He still texts and messages on here.
The other side of this is we've had several (more than I wish to count) where we've chatted for several weeks. Got on well. Social arranged. We've even had the "on my way, see you there convo" with again a no show.
We don't take it personally. It's a little game. We don't know personal circumstances. Just laugh, have a drink. Move on. |
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"Ghosting. It's a difficult one. I'll give you an example.
So I had this guy that we would meet regularly with. Decent guy. Met with him as a couple, and also solo.
Maybe a dozen meets in and then three times in a row he does a no show. Meet arranged, doesn't turn up. No explanation or apology until he wants a meet.
We haven't blocked him. Just stopped talking with him. He still texts and messages on here.
The other side of this is we've had several (more than I wish to count) where we've chatted for several weeks. Got on well. Social arranged. We've even had the "on my way, see you there convo" with again a no show.
We don't take it personally. It's a little game. We don't know personal circumstances. Just laugh, have a drink. Move on. "
I think when you're in a couple you have another person with you already so not all is lost haha.
If someone doesn't turn up for a meet with me, there isn't anything I can do about it but it's quite frustrating. I am ready and have sorted my schedule to accommodate the meet. It's kinda shitty haha. |
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"…it has got alot worse
Thoughts people?"
It has got a lot worse. Sadly, I think it is often blokes pretending to be women/couples, presumably jerking off on their own fantasies - even when chat has gone to Telegram, or WhatsApp…
I had three potential meets last week, time and place discussed, then all went quiet for each of them.
I had to postpone another, to be fair, because my dad wasn’t well. But I explained and will rearrange, didn’t ghost them. |
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I guess everyone's definition of ghosting is different. But in the end we are not married to people on here, they owe us nothing, it's a site about sexual freedom.
Maybe they found someone better ?
Or as others have said maybe they were not even real in the first place |
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In an ideal world people would tell you why they've decided not to keep chatting. Sadly as you've found, people don't do always do that.Some may fear abuse or not taking no as an answer.
As others have said, anyone can change their minds though at any time. It could be they find the chat isn't going anywhere, you said something they didn't like or life just got busy for them etc.
I think ghosting is actually when you've met someone and then they go quiet on you.
On here, if you're just chatting, people can lose interest or are probably chatting to others too.
Try not to take it personally op, I think it's happened to most of us at one time or another. |
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I’ve had lovely friends on here over the years who have given me their number and we have tried to meet up and then they leave fabs. Everyone has a reason why. Leading up to leaving some people just stop using it, or change their minds. Also people take breaks from fabs for various reasons. |
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"Well i didn't know how prevalent it was on here until now. Have now been ghosted 3 times. Where some people may think single blokes deserve it but in reality its not really funny.
It does give the site a bad name as would not recommend it to anyone.
Before you say not been on here long, this is not my first rodeo and it has got alot worse
Thoughts people?"
You ok Hun? 🫶🏻 |
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I think when you're in a couple you have another person with you already so not all is lost haha.
If someone doesn't turn up for a meet with me, there isn't anything I can do about it but it's quite frustrating. I am ready and have sorted my schedule to accommodate the meet. It's kinda shitty haha. "
100% agree. I put, as I'm sure you do, hours of preparation into a play meet. To say it's frustrating is a massive understatement |
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By *corcherMan 10 weeks ago
Loughborough |
" There's always a reason...you just don't what it is...
"
This about sums it up.
I think we don't like the rejection, but also dislike rejecting as well. Just not replying solves that problem.
There's also the fact that as a single male I get far messages, compared to what I send. Couples & single women are going to get far more messages & just don't have the time or inclination to wade through hundreds of messages. They can afford to reply to only the first message that takes their fancy |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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i was chatting to a married lady recently and she suggested we chat on a different forum , we were
getting along nicely when. two days in all
of a sudden nothing happened , i sent a “good
morning “ and never heard from her again , which was probably a good thing as i was struggling with her, and effectively my duplicity |
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I think when you're in a couple you have another person with you already so not all is lost haha.
If someone doesn't turn up for a meet with me, there isn't anything I can do about it but it's quite frustrating. I am ready and have sorted my schedule to accommodate the meet. It's kinda shitty haha.
100% agree. I put, as I'm sure you do, hours of preparation into a play meet. To say it's frustrating is a massive understatement "
Yes absolutely, obviously I've arranged my time and schedule so I'm free without a time constraint. I've also done a lot of prep haha you know the everything shower and all the fluffing in general. It's highly frustrating, much more than just a shit shower and shave goes into it haha  |
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The way I see it is. Sex is not equal opportunities. If someone struggles in the real world, it won’t be any different here. You still need to be able to approach people and talk in a respectful way. Too many fellas rush in like a bull and then will face rejection.
This is here to fulfil fantasies and the choice is almost endless. If you aren’t a good pic, there will
Be at least another 10 in the inbox waiting. |
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It’s a swingers site, not a social club or family get together, people have a right to say who and if the meet, don’t take it personally, dwelling on it will mess with your head, put it down to a lucky escape, they could have arranged a meet and given you a false address.. it happens, move on, block and walk away .
They had their reasons, they owe you nothing |
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"Well i didn't know how prevalent it was on here until now. Have now been ghosted 3 times. Where some people may think single blokes deserve it but in reality its not really funny.
It does give the site a bad name as would not recommend it to anyone.
Before you say not been on here long, this is not my first rodeo and it has got alot worse
Thoughts people?"
It isn’t an us vs them site but it can often feel that way. Welcome to the club & the world of, essentially, online dating.
Perhaps you said something they didn’t like, got too rude, cocky or arrogant or perhaps they were never genuinely interested & just playing games.
It doesn’t need to be your fault.
You can get right to the day of a meet & be ghosted or even be sat waiting for people to arrive & be let down.
Even verified people will do it.
Better luck for the future. |
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"Only 3 times lucky you... not sure whats worse the ghosting when you have made plans but they disappear only to pop back up in the messages or the time wasters who really want to meet up but can't follow through with any form of plan. "
What is actually worse, is when you have planned to meet someone, but they go quiet on you the day before, to reappear a couple of days later, posting a veri from someone else…. |
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I was chatting to a guy on here and he was going to give my wife a massage feet and legs it was her first massage I wanted it to be a nice experience I asked him is the place were this is going to happen nice and clean because I have met plenty of people on here at there home and I live on a farm and seen our animals in tidier places he then stop chatting I thought I’d asked a reasonable question maybe to him I didn’t |
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By *iver78Man 8 weeks ago
barton upon humber |
"Well i didn't know how prevalent it was on here until now. Have now been ghosted 3 times. Where some people may think single blokes deserve it but in reality its not really funny.
It does give the site a bad name as would not recommend it to anyone.
Before you say not been on here long, this is not my first rodeo and it has got alot worse
Thoughts people?"
I love getting rejected of profiles with no pics lol , and why don't people just block people if there not intrested and can't be arsed to say " sorry not intrested ? I think a lot of people on here " especially since lockdown " just love to collect messages  I have noticed the really nice people on here always send a response,even if it's a no , wish people would simply block me if they. Don't want to chat.otherwise they will.risk getting repeat messages. And then moan about it !? |
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In order to be ghosted you have to have some kind of relationship with them where an explanation is probably moral and ethically right. When people just disappear outta your life, a friend, family member, partner. That's ghosting.
Contact getting boring on a website where everyone is talking to others too, conversation drying up, is not ghosting. |
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Ghosting is another way of take a hint, no one is obligated to explain why they no longer in contact
I do not get why folk get bothered about it at all we should be aware by now of fact people are free to do as they wish.
If you get upset about ghosting grow up, it is an adult site though some are reacting like teenagers throwing a strop.
All the above is simply my personal view and if anyone takes offence then tsb.
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By *essTTWoman 8 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Ghosting is another way of take a hint, no one is obligated to explain why they no longer in contact
I do not get why folk get bothered about it at all we should be aware by now of fact people are free to do as they wish.
If you get upset about ghosting grow up, it is an adult site though some are reacting like teenagers throwing a strop.
All the above is simply my personal view and if anyone takes offence then tsb.
"
I agree
There was obviously a reason, however OP just doesn't know it. |
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