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Advice on 'Please read profile' request
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
What's your experience of people messaging when they obviously haven't read your profile?
We've tried various ways to say things like, "No dick pics - no one line messages" ... and immediately we'll get a "Hi" and a picture of a penis.
Is there much point in explaining what you want/don't want when being messaged? After all, those who don't read profiles won't read what you've written 
Thoughts? Thanks!  |
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Sadly, most men don't bother reading profiles, as in my opinion, most message people within a certain number of miles, with a copy and paste message, hoping something will catch. Yes, it's frustrating, especially if you are looking for single men, but I don't think there is anything that can be done, apart from blocking all men from messaging and messaging the ones whose profile you like the look of (if you are looking for men).
Couples tend to be a bit better depending on if it's a male led or female led couple. |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Unfortunately most don't read profiles and it's nothing new. All we can do is reply to those who have sent a message worthy of replying to, after reading their profile!!!"
Yeah, that's what we tend to do too - after wading through all the messages from numpties!
Thanks! |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Sadly, most men don't bother reading profiles, as in my opinion, most message people within a certain number of miles, with a copy and paste message, hoping something will catch. Yes, it's frustrating, especially if you are looking for single men, but I don't think there is anything that can be done, apart from blocking all men from messaging and messaging the ones whose profile you like the look of (if you are looking for men).
Couples tend to be a bit better depending on if it's a male led or female led couple. "
Thanks! It's nice to know others face the same frustrations ... well, it's not nice others are frustrated too, but that we're not the only ones! |
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I think this is what happens.
A profile will upload a new pic and people see the new pics, click on profile and just hit the message tab, not reading any part of the profile.
The same with hot pics
The same with status updates
It's a scatter approach which is wasting their time but they still do it.
It's a good filter for you and don't feel bad for blocking straight away from the yellow box. You don't know them in real life |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"I think this is what happens.
A profile will upload a new pic and people see the new pics, click on profile and just hit the message tab, not reading any part of the profile.
The same with hot pics
The same with status updates
It's a scatter approach which is wasting their time but they still do it.
It's a good filter for you and don't feel bad for blocking straight away from the yellow box. You don't know them in real life"
Our experience too. Thanks for the advice  |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"I think the sooner you accept that you have no control over other people's behaviour on here, the less annoyed you will be when they don't behave the way you want them to"
So true 👍 ... sadly 
Good advice - thanks! |
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"I think this is what happens.
A profile will upload a new pic and people see the new pics, click on profile and just hit the message tab, not reading any part of the profile.
The same with hot pics
The same with status updates
It's a scatter approach which is wasting their time but they still do it.
It's a good filter for you and don't feel bad for blocking straight away from the yellow box. You don't know them in real life"
Spot on, I have reduced the amount of pictures I post because each new pic brings an influx of irrelevant messages |
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The best way to sort this is to set your mail filters so that you receive no mail. Search for people you like the look of then contact them asking them to read your profile before replying. That might sound like a sledgehammer to crack a walnut but the people who don't read profiles before messaging aren't going to change their approach so 🤷♀️ |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"The best way to sort this is to set your mail filters so that you receive no mail. Search for people you like the look of then contact them asking them to read your profile before replying. That might sound like a sledgehammer to crack a walnut but the people who don't read profiles before messaging aren't going to change their approach so 🤷♀️"
We've sort of considered that - though we'd rather have the blokes doing the work (so to speak) |
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"The best way to sort this is to set your mail filters so that you receive no mail. Search for people you like the look of then contact them asking them to read your profile before replying. That might sound like a sledgehammer to crack a walnut but the people who don't read profiles before messaging aren't going to change their approach so 🤷♀️
We've sort of considered that - though we'd rather have the blokes doing the work (so to speak)"
I think in that case you're going to have to accept that there will be a number of messages from people you don't want to hear from. |
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If the person sending the message can’t be arsed or intelligent enough to follow basic instruction it’s Delete & Block !!
If I see a profile that says no single males or out of my age group it’s simple don’t message them.
Personally I always put some effort into the first message as that is your introduction to them, sometimes you get a reply sometimes you don’t it’s just the luck of the drawer.
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"If the person sending the message can’t be arsed or intelligent enough to follow basic instruction it’s Delete & Block !!
If I see a profile that says no single males or out of my age group it’s simple don’t message them.
Personally I always put some effort into the first message as that is your introduction to them, sometimes you get a reply sometimes you don’t it’s just the luck of the drawer.
"
Thanks! |
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By *eyeYCouple 9 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
Oh Christ, Entirely!!
Reduced our bio, because we had a lot more of what we really were looking for and got messages asking "What I looking for?" 🙄
Currently, lot's of straight guys trying to convince us they're actually bi, despite what their profile says.. 🤷
But as others have said it's a great filter.. |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Oh Christ, Entirely!!
Reduced our bio, because we had a lot more of what we really were looking for and got messages asking "What I looking for?" 🙄
Currently, lot's of straight guys trying to convince us they're actually bi, despite what their profile says.. 🤷
But as others have said it's a great filter.."
Inane questions are the worst!
Tho "Hi how r u" is also the worst too! |
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By *eyeYCouple 9 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"Oh Christ, Entirely!!
Reduced our bio, because we had a lot more of what we really were looking for and got messages asking "What I looking for?" 🙄
Currently, lot's of straight guys trying to convince us they're actually bi, despite what their profile says.. 🤷
But as others have said it's a great filter..
Inane questions are the worst!
Tho "Hi how r u" is also the worst too! "
Yup! 😆 |
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By *eyeYCouple 9 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
Actually, while we've been told it's silly/pointless to have a random word at the end of our bio, many do actually quote it.
Unsurprisingly their messages are always the ones who put some effort in, regardless of whether we find them of interest or not and we always respond if they do. |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Actually, while we've been told it's silly/pointless to have a random word at the end of our bio, many do actually quote it.
Unsurprisingly their messages are always the ones who put some effort in, regardless of whether we find them of interest or not and we always respond if they do. "
There's an idea! |
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"Couples tend to be a bit better depending on if it's a male led or female led couple. "
Unfortunately in our experience, couples and single women seem to be the worst offenders. Guessing most are single guys trying it on but we also get the impression that a LOT of couples don't think that profiles apply to them because everyone wants to meet them, right? |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Couples tend to be a bit better depending on if it's a male led or female led couple.
Unfortunately in our experience, couples and single women seem to be the worst offenders. Guessing most are single guys trying it on but we also get the impression that a LOT of couples don't think that profiles apply to them because everyone wants to meet them, right?"
Yeah, we've had that experience - a couple sending a one line message, and when we said we'd like a bit more - a bit more message, not a 'bit more' snigger, snigger! - we got an angry message back and were blocked  |
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I wouldn’t hold your breath we get so many messages from single blokes asking to play with us or Belle when our profile clearly states no mmf or no solo play. We tend to tell them off then block, we get lots of dick pics also which again we have specified on our profile we don’t want. We kinda used to it now and our block list every day gets longer, it’s just part of the fab experience. Annoying but nothing we can do about it |
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By *eyeYCouple 9 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"Couples tend to be a bit better depending on if it's a male led or female led couple.
Unfortunately in our experience, couples and single women seem to be the worst offenders. Guessing most are single guys trying it on but we also get the impression that a LOT of couples don't think that profiles apply to them because everyone wants to meet them, right?
Yeah, we've had that experience - a couple sending a one line message, and when we said we'd like a bit more - a bit more message, not a 'bit more' snigger, snigger! - we got an angry message back and were blocked "
Yup again! Guy's have to jump through 'burning hoops' here and in our experience, the good ones are far better at decent conversation than the lack lustre one line message's we receive from women and a fair proportion of couples..
Which often feels like drawing blood from a stone 😆 |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"I wouldn’t hold your breath we get so many messages from single blokes asking to play with us or Belle when our profile clearly states no mmf or no solo play. We tend to tell them off then block, we get lots of dick pics also which again we have specified on our profile we don’t want. We kinda used to it now and our block list every day gets longer, it’s just part of the fab experience. Annoying but nothing we can do about it "
True - it's the petty annoyances that go with the territory I suppose |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"We just got some excellent advice:
"Write for the people you want to meet, not for those you don't"
Taking that on board immediately and doing a rewrite ! "
It's great advice, isn't it.
Glad we put up this post - and to hear from others in the same boat |
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Just to add as it’s happening more and more but we don’t mind couples or single people messaging us direct from a forum to continue the subject in question if it’s relevant but the amount of single men who reply directly to us from a forum post to use it as an in to try and talk to us or talk dirty is getting worse and worse and by replying directly from a forum they bypass reading a profile ! So many more blocks from this too! |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 9 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Just to add as it’s happening more and more but we don’t mind couples or single people messaging us direct from a forum to continue the subject in question if it’s relevant but the amount of single men who reply directly to us from a forum post to use it as an in to try and talk to us or talk dirty is getting worse and worse and by replying directly from a forum they bypass reading a profile ! So many more blocks from this too! "
Is there no end to single blokes' perfidiousness!!
Okay, had to look up whether 'perfidiouness' was the right word - but it does seem there's lots of desperate and cunning fellas out there!  |
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"Just to add as it’s happening more and more but we don’t mind couples or single people messaging us direct from a forum to continue the subject in question if it’s relevant but the amount of single men who reply directly to us from a forum post to use it as an in to try and talk to us or talk dirty is getting worse and worse and by replying directly from a forum they bypass reading a profile ! So many more blocks from this too!
Is there no end to single blokes' perfidiousness!!
Okay, had to look up whether 'perfidiouness' was the right word - but it does seem there's lots of desperate and cunning fellas out there! "
Well I just had to chat gpt that word as never heard it before! Every days a school day and I have now learnt a new word. |
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By *ORBCouple 9 weeks ago
Dundalk |
We get very few messages but the vast majority of those we do get seem incapable of reading the very first line.
They don't need to read any of the rest of it because if they understand the first line, the rest is irrelevant.
Even on the odd occasion when we direct them to that line they often try to continue the conversation. |
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"We get very few messages but the vast majority of those we do get seem incapable of reading the very first line.
They don't need to read any of the rest of it because if they understand the first line, the rest is irrelevant.
Even on the odd occasion when we direct them to that line they often try to continue the conversation. "
Our profile consists of 3 words. 3 very rarely read words  .
I liken it to having a letter box in your front door. Unless you tape it shut you're going to receive some mail you neither asked for or wanted. |
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"We get very few messages but the vast majority of those we do get seem incapable of reading the very first line.
They don't need to read any of the rest of it because if they understand the first line, the rest is irrelevant.
Even on the odd occasion when we direct them to that line they often try to continue the conversation.
Our profile consists of 3 words. 3 very rarely read words .
I liken it to having a letter box in your front door. Unless you tape it shut you're going to receive some mail you neither asked for or wanted. "
It’s like the letter boxes that clearly say no junk/leaflets yet still get junk mail and leaflets in ! |
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"We get very few messages but the vast majority of those we do get seem incapable of reading the very first line.
They don't need to read any of the rest of it because if they understand the first line, the rest is irrelevant.
Even on the odd occasion when we direct them to that line they often try to continue the conversation.
Our profile consists of 3 words. 3 very rarely read words .
I liken it to having a letter box in your front door. Unless you tape it shut you're going to receive some mail you neither asked for or wanted.
It’s like the letter boxes that clearly say no junk/leaflets yet still get junk mail and leaflets in ! "
Yep.
I know that this annoys a great many people because it's a frequent topic in the forum but we long ago realised that it wasn't going to change and adjusted our mail filters accordingly. |
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I just ignore and then if they keep messaging I block. I find it happens more with couples! I dont have couples blocked as I like to be contacted about parties / events etc but have it near the top of my profile.
Men I usually get something like 'I know I don't match what you're looking for but ...'. |
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"I just ignore and then if they keep messaging I block. I find it happens more with couples! I dont have couples blocked as I like to be contacted about parties / events etc but have it near the top of my profile.
Men I usually get something like 'I know I don't match what you're looking for but ...'. "
Or the age old classic ‘ can I ask you a question ‘ |
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My profile is v clear,
Most don't read it, so I delete 90 % of my messages id say.
I don't feel bad deleting them when it's obvious they haven't read a word.
But I like to keep it as it is, then I've been upfront, it's just they've chosen not to read it, or think they'd be the exception. They won't.. It's a good filter. |
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"My profile is v clear,
Most don't read it, so I delete 90 % of my messages id say.
I don't feel bad deleting them when it's obvious they haven't read a word.
But I like to keep it as it is, then I've been upfront, it's just they've chosen not to read it, or think they'd be the exception. They won't.. It's a good filter. "
Couldn’t have written it better myself. |
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"When the first message goes against everything you have specified, take it as a red flag and block.
Thanks! We end up immediately deleting but always feel a bit bad at being rude"
Re-frame your thinking here.
Think of all the messages you receive as the junk mail that come through your letterbox. Do you reply to the garage door company that wants to sell you an all singing electric door when you don't even have a garage? (Other analogies are available)
It's not rude to not reply, when they haven't even shown you the courtesy of reading your profile. |
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As some have said on here. It's a useful filter! Quite quick and easy to see the ones who don't bother!
You can also tell when there's a copy and paste exercise going on! In depth initial message that has nothing to do with your profile, again it's a simple filter!! |
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"I just ignore and then if they keep messaging I block. I find it happens more with couples! I dont have couples blocked as I like to be contacted about parties / events etc but have it near the top of my profile.
Men I usually get something like 'I know I don't match what you're looking for but ...'.
Or the age old classic ‘ can I ask you a question ‘ "
My usual response to that is "You just did" they seem a bit stuck on what to say after that. |
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"What's your experience of people messaging when they obviously haven't read your profile?
We've tried various ways to say things like, "No dick pics - no one line messages" ... and immediately we'll get a "Hi" and a picture of a penis.
Is there much point in explaining what you want/don't want when being messaged? After all, those who don't read profiles won't read what you've written
Thoughts? Thanks! "
Simple, just ignore them. |
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"When the first message goes against everything you have specified, take it as a red flag and block.
Thanks! We end up immediately deleting but always feel a bit bad at being rude"
Thats not rude. Messages showing as having been deleted is just a 'No' response, which is fine. They should then move on. If they do persist, that's what the block button's for |
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"Don’t expect or hope people to follow the instructions on your profile, set your filters and search yourselves for those who offer what you’re looking for. That’s my advice. "
That doesn't always work. If someone sends us a one word message, we know they're not for us, easy filter.
If we search people out and message them, the chances are we just get a one word message back so we've wasted our time, put us in a position to tell someone that we contacted first that they're not for us, and opened ourselves up to abuse.
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"Don’t expect or hope people to follow the instructions on your profile, set your filters and search yourselves for those who offer what you’re looking for. That’s my advice.
That doesn't always work. If someone sends us a one word message, we know they're not for us, easy filter.
If we search people out and message them, the chances are we just get a one word message back so we've wasted our time, put us in a position to tell someone that we contacted first that they're not for us, and opened ourselves up to abuse.
"
Sigh! 😞 there’s always some excuse people people give when you suggest what I suggested 🙄. Have you ever actually been in the position where you’ve contacted someone first and they’ve responded with abuse? Or is this just a hypothetical scenario?
For the love of god, some of you just love to moan for moaning sake. Then when given a practical solution to the issue you shoot it down. |
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"Sigh! 😞 there’s always some excuse people people give when you suggest what I suggested 🙄. Have you ever actually been in the position where you’ve contacted someone first and they’ve responded with abuse? Or is this just a hypothetical scenario"
We've absolutely received abuse when we've politely turned someone down, yes. Why would put ourselves in the awkward position of having to turn someone down that we initiated communication with? |
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"It can be difficult as many don't read the profile. Make sure it's clear in what you are looking for. I have made mistakes and mis read a few profiles because they were not that clear."
In this instance you could message the user based on the information you do know and ask them questions about the bits that you feel are unclear, that way they will feel like you have made an effort to read a profile and they will either reply to clarify the answers or they will simply ignore which is your answer anyway |
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