My long term partner can no longer have sex due to disabilities that are only going to get worse. I dont wish to go into that in any detail but she has told me I should fulfill my sexual needs elsewhere. Rules are not at our home, not with anyone we know, she doesn't want to know anything (who,when,where,what happened etc) and also she doesn't want me to even tell her if ive been with another woman, just do it behind her back but with her blessing. I can't imagine a life without any sex so im looking to find someone but I cant help but feel guilty and a bit sad. I love my partner and dont want to split, but I cant help but feel she can't really want this even though shes adamant she does. I cant imagine knowing your partner is having sex with others while you know you'll never have sex again. Am I a bad person for accepting her offer to look elsewhere and actively seeking sex with other women? Not that im having any luck. The stress of this combined with the lack of sex is starting to affect my mental health. |
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Absolutely not. This has been the case for some time and its been a hell of a long time since I had sex. The meets were a few months ago both with the same woman and we didn't have sex. We kissed and touched and talked. Ive posted this now as its really starting to get to me and was hoping I might get some advice possibly from others in similar situations and maybe just some kind words and support. I guess I should've known better. |
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I think I'd be keen to explore with your partner how she feels about any other possible options to penetrative sex. Are there ways of being sensual? Exploring touch, physical contact, using toys etc. She may be feeling real grief at the thought of not being intimate again. I'm not saying you shouldn't go looking, but given the situation you've described I'd suggest theres maybe more discussions to be had with her first. I wish you both well. |
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My wife had breast cancer and a double mastectomy 15 years ago she lost all her sex drive and confidence in her self after nearly 8/9 years I was getting very frustrated trying to get her to play again but no avail she did tell me at one stage to go and get it somewhere else but don’t bring anything back home she meant std or baby’s I’ve met lots of people on here now and had lots of fun but mainly male as trying to get females on her is very hard as all us men know meeting men is easy and I like the sex but fortunately for me she is starting to come round to it so hopefully I’ll be back in with her and have to leave here but not out of the woods yet I’ve gone 16 years now with out having proper sex with her I think that’s testing for any relationship dont you |
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"My wife had breast cancer and a double mastectomy 15 years ago she lost all her sex drive and confidence in her self after nearly 8/9 years I was getting very frustrated trying to get her to play again but no avail she did tell me at one stage to go and get it somewhere else but don’t bring anything back home she meant std or baby’s I’ve met lots of people on here now and had lots of fun but mainly male as trying to get females on her is very hard as all us men know meeting men is easy and I like the sex but fortunately for me she is starting to come round to it so hopefully I’ll be back in with her and have to leave here but not out of the woods yet I’ve gone 16 years now with out having proper sex with her I think that’s testing for any relationship dont you"
Relationships face a lot of tests.
The problem with discussing it as individuals with out any input from the other partner is that we can't get both points of view. |
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"My wife gave up sex 21 years ago I thought it would be the end of us but we are still together yes I'm on her hoping for a one off fuck but it's not happed "
You were only 27, that must have been tough |
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Genuine relationships are far more than sex.
Yes sex can be important and we all have needs but for us the love, respect, trust and friendship is everything.
If sex away from each other is openly discussed, agreed and understood it doesn’t need to change anything in a relationship. It goes wrong when these things don’t exist.
Finally if the sex apart from each other is stressful and affecting the relationship then in all honesty why bother. There are always things you can do together that are intimate.
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I was in a relationship with a lady off here, she was approaching 80 and had gone off penetrative sex, she was dry and sex hurt, but she enjoyed all other forms of fun and enjoyed cumming and seeing me ejaculate. |
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By *ikeExMan 7 days ago
Near Alfreton, Derbyshire |
I can relate to this.
My Partner who i have a couples profile with, is exactly the same.
she has quite a few musculoskeltal problems, and pain is difficult to manage.her medicatation has taken her completely off "the boil" and she too has told me to find fun elsewhere. (Med review in the next few weeks!)The main difference between us and the OP... Candy wants to be there, or at least wants me to go back home to her after my "release".
The rules are simple..
- not at home.
- not to be discussed unless she is there.
- she can talk to the person I am to meet with and maybe a social before doing the deed
- and finally.. no overnighters.
And if the woman who wants to meet me get too clingy or wanting more then something "occasional" - virtually every other weekend or during the week.. then it's a definite "NO" from her and me.
I'm not attention seeking, but we both have our own solo profiles (which she has hidden at the moment) and we have our couples profile, which she has the email notifications for.
We are honest and open about everything, but not all women want a female cuck sat in the corner watching.
To the OP - I feel for you, but I also understand what you both are going through. |
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Thankyou to everyone who has replied with advice or to wish me well and also to all the private messages the positive ones have far outweighed the negative. It means a lot to have people who are willing to talk to me and either have been in similar situations or are trying to understand and to help. Also had a lovely lady who im hoping can arrange a meet with soon so fingers crossed for that x |
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Some interesting replies. Would the same be said if the Mr gave his blessing to the Mrs? Or would they be words of encouragement and support, deserving to be happy and living her best life?
Sexless relationships can be tough. Definitely work on it together to be intimate in other ways. Lots of kissing and touching without penetration.
As for seeking someone else, well, that's your choice and you've claimed you have the blessing of your partner. Do what's best for you. |
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