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Emotions after threesome
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Hi! Im hoping someone has had a similar experience to me and could maybe give a little advice please? We do not have much experience.
We had a threesome last night, meet for drinks first.. the drinks flowed a little to much before we started playing. My partner and the guy we invited to play couldn't perform properly.. im left feeling very flat, vulnerable and anxious about it today. Is it common to feel like that afterwards? How do I shift the feelings? Xx |
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My Mrs always feels it’s her fault if a guy can’t “perform”.
Like she’s unattractive or not sexy enough.
I of course give her lots of support and encouragement and it takes a few days sometimes before she realises that she wasn’t at fault.
Sometimes single guys talk the talk but the pressure of suddenly having to walk the walk sees many either back out or fail to rise to the occasion.
Chalk it down to experience and avoid the alcohol in future?
Also look for guys that have actual play verifications. |
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Stage fright. performance anxiety. Or just had too much to drink happens to everyone. It also happens on a meet especially if the person is relatively new. Then they worry about it. Apologise. They get worse and can’t perform at all.
It happens unfortunately. It makes us feel the same.
But try again in a relaxed atmosphere and it will happen. Xx
It is nothing to do with you personally just other factors xx |
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I (Andy) have had this- as much is I wanted to, I lost erection as soon as I tried to put the condom on!
Its absolutely not you. Guys dont talk about it, but there will be feelings of frustration, disappointment, failure, inadequacy etc for the guys.
It's definitely not you- Just one of those things!
I find drinking very little- a few drinks chills the nerves/gets the vibe, but no more, a little blue pill, and being totally chill and in the moment all helps.
Cock still asleep... no drama, there are other options, that soon wakes him up!  |
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the first time for us was completely different, it was with a close friend of mine, first threesome for Sam at 19yr old not long after we met, it was supposed to be just sex a threesome. i never thought about setting rules beforehand, as to be honest i thought Sam wouldnt have agreed.
anyway they didnt have sex, it was more like they made love. i walked out and left them too it, the jealousy killed me, but after a few weeks i got over it, and the rest is history. |
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Understand that it happens more often than not. It's not you and nuts not really them - and bit of stage fright or first night nerves. You accept it can happen, stop play or do something different (the lady gets all the attention / have a drink, etc) and don't beat yourself up about it. |
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Thank you all so much, I have never spoken to another couple or women in this scene until today. I cant believe how much better I feel from those messages. Its really normalised everything if that makes sense. Might think about a newbie swinger club night to meet a few people and get to know the scene better. Xxx |
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I think this is far more common than we hear about. There are so many factors that can be at play here. Even the heat/lack of heat in the room! Sometimes chatting for too long before the sex starts can cause a bit of tiredness too. Try not to over think it as it will cause so many further problems for you down the line. Honestly, it's not you xx |
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By *akat158Couple 7 days ago
Nottinghamshire |
I've never in my life struggled to get an erection.
Never has it even crossed my mind that it might be a possibility.
Until the first time at a club and something exciting happens.
The poor lil fella just doesn't seem to want to work when called upon (for the first few minutes at least).
I think for me, it's the adrenaline. I could be very excited, but there's something physical to do with the adrenaline that just stops an erection from occurring. Plus you've got the fact that someone else is there as well.
I think if I'd had a decent amount of alcohol as well, it would ceease to function at all.
It's very bizarre, but happily it does seem to be improving the more comfortable I get in that environment.
So hopefully things should improve. It might be worth popping to a club that you like and just having fun together so you ease yourselves into it a bit more steadily? |
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" My partner and the guy we invited to play couldn't perform properly.. im left feeling very flat, vulnerable and anxious about it today. Is it common to feel like that afterwards? How do I shift the feelings? Xx"
Hi, so are you having these feelings because you think they couldn’t before because of you?
First off I’d say he needs to make it up to you, should have know better than to drink too much.
As a bloke I’d say don’t worry about that from speaking with other chaps you’d be amazed at the numbers who have had issues, either not being able to stay hard or being able to maintain and erection but not able to cum, whilst swinging.
Even spoken to a couple who have never cum whilst at a club as they haven’t got that mental connection with people.
Basically don’t blame yourself.
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Yeah this is kind of the thing I worry about might happen too.
I feel like a sex club might be the answer instead, because the expectations are different maybe?
But again that comes with it's own drawbacks. Sigh. Will I never get my 3some  |
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By *m3232Man 6 days ago
maidenhead |
I think it’s more of getting comfortable in that situation.
So it may be worth building up to it so a couple meets with the other person but only going halfway or even just kissing and being involved. So the next time or so it’s not as overwhelming and then it comes naturally. |
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By *CExeCouple 6 days ago
Hong-Kong/Exeter |
It happens, it's definitely not you. Sounds like a case of alcohol provoking the desire and taking away the performance. Happened to me a couple of times without alcohol. Just means I have to make a self deprecating joke and then put my mouth to good use. |
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It happens, and I bet the guys feel just as bad as you  .
The first time it ever happened to me, I genuinely thought it was all my fault. Maybe I wasn't attractive or sexy. Did I pick the wrong lingerie? Was I not desirable? After talking with my husband at length, I realised it was none of those things.
Men have a lot of pressure on them to become hard at the right time, stay hard, not to ejaculate too quickly, not to last to long, will they 'cum enough', will they be able to manage round two.... when they are new to it, I think the pressure of all these things going round their head affects their 'performance'. They're that conscious of getting it all right, it ends up going wrong.
Even when they are more experienced, the pressures of work, life, stress, tiredness, alcohol can all affects of sexual performance.
Although it is natural to think that is down to you. It really isn't. My best advice would be to try to remain upbeat, yet empathetic. In general, men are a bit rubbish about talking about this kind of thing especially if it's someone you've never met. Accept, it's going to happen from time to time and dont let it get you down xxx |
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This has happened to me! It was our first experience in the lifestyle, and there were four of us, (2 couples). I was so nervous it just wouldn't happen. It's never happened before. Absolutely nothing to do with what anyone else did, or didn't do. Luckily for me the other couple were really nice about it, they knew it was our first time. I made some jokes at my own my expense and tried my best to play it cool, but I did feel like I'd let the side down a bit!
Were going to try again soon. Got some things in place to help. I would have felt mortified if the other people felt like it was down to them. |
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It’s happened to us before many times. Men have performance anxiety, worried they are going to get too excited etc. My partner always says the pause to put the condom on sometimes makes him go floppy and has done in 3 somes and 4 somes. Jealousy also can come into it, if he feels inferior because the other man is far larger and giving me a good time.
I also sometimes get jealous in 3 somes if I’m left out and she’s getting all the attention. It’s swings and roundabouts but you will find your feet but it’s NEVER because you’re not attractive enough or desirable. |
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Performance anxiety happens to everyone, not your fault, you can imagine it's a new territory compared to messages, plus drinks might have helped to be flirty but not when it came to being hard.
Honestly don't blame your self nothing to do with you. It's harder for guys to hide the performance anxiety haha |
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