FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Approaching my wife. Help!!
Approaching my wife. Help!!
Jump to: Newest in thread
Hi all,
The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.
I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.
I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.
I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:
1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?
2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?
3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?
4) What things should I be aware of?
Thank you all for your help.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"ask her if she has any fantasies
I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"
Then I would leave it.
What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.
What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?
I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"ask her if she has any fantasies
I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞
Then I would leave it.
What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.
What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?
I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.
"
Thank you for elaborating the down sides.
yes it makes sense. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *irsSubCouple 1 week ago
Stockton |
My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.
You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.
You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out"
Thank you.
I am taking just some baby steps to see how she feel about it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi all,
The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.
I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.
I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.
I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:
1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?
2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?
3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?
4) What things should I be aware of?
Thank you all for your help.
"
Whilst a turn on for you I think been better talking to her in detail and informing her about you joining fab before joining because if she finds out from someone else you are on sticky ground, a common theme sadly where either male or female say similar to you in my opinion.
you are tryjng to justify to yourself and others that cheating is fine.
I am far from perfect but i am old school in that if a relationship is struggling talking it through and try to get a mutual understanding and the fact you know she not wanting same as you does not justify going behind her back.
Whats more important leg over with strangers which i like by the way or relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
only you know your wife ???
and the truth is 99.% of women are simply not interested ...if its was going to happen you both would have been openly talking about fun things .. so no advice will help as no one here knows you or your wife...
just look at how few women and couples there are and by that i mean who really do play / fake profiles who are just men / and old couples profiles where the wife no longer wants to play / split up.
not trying to be negative just truthful of the scene
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As daft as it sounds get porn on, pick one of the websites that has categories and ask her to pick something that’s she’d like to watch, depending on her choice and her reaction, ask if she’d like to reenact what’s going on, then go from there.
Only you really know your wife and if she’s not interested then leave it there.
The flip side is you open up her deviant side and loves it and wants more and more. How would you then feel about that?
Good luck though and hopefully if you do have the conversation with her, you both get the outcome you want. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
To me, the time to talk to a partner about swinging is either when you first meet, so that you can establish if there's any interest at all so that you're not wasting time in a relationship where one of you wants something the other doesn't, or at least before you start involving yourself without their knowledge or consent.
It's one of those things in life where it's much better to ask for permission than forgiveness. 🤷♂️ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
She'd definately feel worse about your relationship, if she knew you were already on a site like this behind her back op.
Best thing to do is have an open conversation with her, ask her if she'd be interested in swinging.
If she says no, be prepared to leave it though op and hope she doesn't catch you on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.
I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."
I think there is a point when you either do or you don't. In a relationship your partner should be the one your comfortable with sharing your desire or fantasies with. So I see two options really. Either open up a conversation about fantasies or a sexual bucket list. Find out what she really desires if she could. If she slow to start break the ice, be open with her on what your fantasies and desire are. Show here the conversation is a safe place to be open. Then take things from there in terms of exploring if this intrests her (or something similar)? Or alternatively don't and never give this seed chance to grow.
Word of warning though. This conversation may sow a doubt about your fidelity. Which if you are faithful you have nothing to worry about, because there's nothing to expose. However you are on here and if you have been unfaithful or currently being unfaithful it may trigger her to do some digging and expose you. So if you've been unfaithful you may have ruined the special sauce before you've started. Because this lifestyle as a couple is about solid foundations. It's all about total transparency with each other and communication.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Honesty and openness are absolutely essential as a couple who swings. Without them you risk running into jealousy, resentment, or situations where one partner goes along with something they don’t really want just to please the other. That kind of dynamic can quickly become unhealthy.
As a couple, we only look to connect with secure, transparent couples. You can usually sense when something feels off, and it makes the experience uncomfortable for everyone.
If you don’t feel able to be completely open with your partner BEFORE exploring this lifestyle, our advice would; don't! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The difficulty for you with the ‘what are your fantasies’ conversation is you’re coming at it with an agenda - you’re hoping she’ll say she wants you to watch her with another man.
You can only meet someone where they are, this kind of scene isn’t for everyone. Nothing turns people off faster than feeling pushed so if it’s no, it’s no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I introduced it gradually as play during sex. She got turned on by it but we stayed at the fantasy level for years. It was the step to reality that was the hardest. On line sites can also be a bit seedy. In the end a work colleague showed some interest and when she told me about it I encouraged her. Door opened. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
get talking,
I found asking did her friends/ work colleagues get up to anything naughty opened the door to conversations about sex,
My wife found out Kath at work preferred anal sex, I said that sounds so hot, it took a while, but it's easier to talk about someone else's sex life first |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
First of all your verified on here does she k ow about this, why are you on here as a single man and not a couple, what would she say if she found you were here???
Not digging you out but for most couples I would say it’s pretty normal for you to join together from the start and make it a journey you undertake together.
Chances are if she would think along the lines of wtf to the above questions you could well be setting yourself up for a volcanic response if be very careful.
We met a lovely couple the hubby drove the swing life style were met with them and we got on like a house on fire when it came to having fun he lost his erection and sat on the side lines where as the Mrs she went like a runaway train
Hope it works out for you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
For me, there are quite a few variables here that are not really known to us collectively as forum users and they would likely vary the advice given.
You are a member here, are you meeting with your partners permission or without their knowledge? If it's with, then the subject in question may be easier to broach. If not, then as has been mentioned, you could be on shaky ground if they were to find out.
Not to hate on anyone, but someone mentioned watching porn and seeing if they would pick a category of that nature. I disagree. This is not a conversation to be had in the midst of foreplay or sex. It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things.
Also, one last piece of advice, do not try to "persuade" your partner to indulge. The people who wish to do so are fewer than you think and your partners decision must be respected if you value your relationship with them.
Best of luck whatever happens. Mr. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things."
Which is why it's a good idea to mention it during sex first. If it's not a fantasy you share, then you can drop the idea before progressing to a serious conversation, and you still have plausible deniability. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Suggest some group/swinging porn. Watch it and it gives a conversation starter. Or even better, watch a documentry on swingers. Theres loads around. Just something you can have a giggle over and open up a light hearted conversation. If her curiosity isnt piqued then the swinging path isnt for you two |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aandLoCouple 3 days ago
Southampton |
If you can't comfortably talk about your fantasies with her, it's very unlikely that as a couple you're in a position to talk about making swinging a reality, let alone indulge.
Opening up your sex life requires non judgemental, strong communication, and honesty between you. Your posts suggest you don't have that yet. Perhaps you should work on building a solid foundation of communication first. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?
Make it more about her, her playing and any of her fantasies. Don't make it all about you, or it being about you having a desire to experience other women. It will make her feel like she's not enough or she can't meet your needs alone if she's currently 'monogamous' minded. And will be more of a worry than a turn on.
2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?
Start by asking her about her fantasies or suggest you have fantasied about watching her with others. Rather than it being a must to act it out.
3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?
It could become 'too much' or come between you if you don't communicate well and recognise when your partner is not feeling it.
4) What things should I be aware of?
Fake profiles, people with no morals
Mrs x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
