FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice for single guys approaching
Advice for single guys approaching
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Hi guys. It’s seems a lot of guys on here don’t have a clue when it comes to how to approach.
First off. We as a couple who like single guys get 1000s of messages. So you need to stand out.
First off - take some effort to fill in your profile - empty profiles show lack of effort, so why would we expect that to be different if meeting?
Have a few pics on your profile.
Most importantly read the profile of who you’re contacting and act accordingly.
One one or one line intros or telling us you’re free now doesn’t cut it and just gets you blocked. We’re clear on that in our profile so shows us you can’t even take the time to read it. Same goes for winks or friend invites.
Take a couple of minutes to construct a decent message. That gets our attention.
Remember. - you want to spend an hour or two fucking someone - yet think 5 seconds effort to get that will work.
To those that get it -and we’ve played with can testify to the effort being rewarded
To the rest- do better or continue moaning you never get a reply and get blocked. |
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Hey guys . Just see if you can advice my profile much im always friendly approaching to people but i get small talks then they ghost me and i just not a kind guy keeping message back . Whats is sugestion . Thanks for your forum |
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"I generally trying single guys need to work on all levels of approach. We were in a club a couple of weekends ago and the inability to even talk had us completely confused. "
unfortunately, that's very normal in clubs nowadays, the inability to even say "hi" to people.
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"I generally trying single guys need to work on all levels of approach. We were in a club a couple of weekends ago and the inability to even talk had us completely confused. unfortunately, that's very normal in clubs nowadays, the inability to even say "hi" to people. "
If that’s becoming the norm then there is no hope for single guys. Bloody good job there are plenty of charismatic couples atill out there 🤣 |
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By *abioMan 1 week ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
Oh where to start……
I really… really hate “advice” threads like this for various reasons…
People aren’t monoliths! different approaches will work for different people! No one single/couple is a spokesperson for an entire community!
I like the system the way it is because use it as a way to out people (although getting the thousands of replies for me isn’t the humble brag)
It also inadvertently does two things… you basically supplied a cheat sheet! So it makes it harder for those people looking to the no’s from the yes’s…. And you made it harder for those people who do get it to stand out!
I do think sometimes people who think they are higher up the swinging totem pole do forget that attraction (the little bits as well as the big ones) is a two way street
|
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We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol |
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"Hi guys. It’s seems a lot of guys on here don’t have a clue when it comes to how to approach..."
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...or perhaps you could lead by example and approach men yourselves? |
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By *4ttMan 1 week ago
Cheltenham |
"We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol"
I won't be veiled or use innuendo. I find your tone quite arrogant and entitled.
The man was simply giving his view. Not a keyboard warrior, just a view.
We are all different people with different likes and wants. Maybe take that on board.
Have a great Bank Holiday weekend  |
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Awwww is you all upset cos you didn’t get to play with us?? 
We gave our view on what we prefer. Don’t pretend to speak for anyone else but were attacked as if we had. So not just a view at all.
We have our preferences and have stated them. AS US. Try to do a little thinking rather than griping. We don’t need to go looking that’s not a brag, but if you don’t want the advice then just don’t read it.
Lots of being triggered here it seems |
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By *abioMan 1 week ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol"
A wise person once said something that always stuck with me….
“You only get one chance to make a great first impression….”
Trying to give advice, and coming across as extremely condescending… it’s normally a really fine line…
You only ever talk about what you want.. like I said, people are not a great big monolith! Ask a million different people, you will get a million different answers!
Being “constructive” is subjective… you just didn’t like the criticism! And just flew over other people’s “constructive”
I absolutely stand by what I said… big guides can be counterproductive! You make it harder for people to out who are good playmates because you have told people what they want to hear… you also make it harder to separate those who do get it from those who don’t!
You also make it harder for those who do get it from those who dont because… you supplied them with a big old guide!
It’s a catch 22…. It might have been genuine and inadvertent, but I don’t believe in glossing over the negatives… if you can’t see the bigger picture, that’s not my weakness!
So… here is my guide….gather round people!
Time, patience, basic common sense!
Everything else… work out for yourself!
If you have to be told to be how to be a functional human being… no amount of common sense is going to help |
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Why are you continuing to argue the same tired trope you didn’t first time around.
Keeping repeating the word monolith does not make you sage and wise.
We have said this is how to approach US. I’ll repeat it again as you seemed to have missed that entirely. US. Not everyone. So with that part of your diatribe dealt with.
It was not constructive criticism as you claim but full of invective and innuendo that we were bad people who looked down on others.
He got what he gave.
Frankly we don’t care about your opinion of what it is WE want when being approached but to set yourself up as arbiter of our wants and then portray them as us speaking for ‘the monolith’ is frankly childish and puerile.
|
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"You offered something nobody actually requested.
Nobody wants a guide on approaching you. Unless I missed someone asking for it?
Arrogant nonsense. "
There's a wee bit of irony here...your post in itself is arrogant. |
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By *4ttMan 1 week ago
Cheltenham |
"You offered something nobody actually requested.
Nobody wants a guide on approaching you. Unless I missed someone asking for it?
Arrogant nonsense.
There's a wee bit of irony here...your post in itself is arrogant. "
Factual in my view. But I guess it's perspective on a situation.
We are all allowed our opinions. |
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"You offered something nobody actually requested.
Nobody wants a guide on approaching you. Unless I missed someone asking for it?
Arrogant nonsense.
There's a wee bit of irony here...your post in itself is arrogant.
Factual in my view. But I guess it's perspective on a situation.
We are all allowed our opinions."
No fact whatsoever, all assumption. "Nobody wants a guide on approaching you", please show your resources for said assumption 😉 |
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By *4ttMan 7 days ago
Cheltenham |
"You offered something nobody actually requested.
Nobody wants a guide on approaching you. Unless I missed someone asking for it?
Arrogant nonsense.
There's a wee bit of irony here...your post in itself is arrogant.
Factual in my view. But I guess it's perspective on a situation.
We are all allowed our opinions.
No fact whatsoever, all assumption. "Nobody wants a guide on approaching you", please show your resources for said assumption 😉 "
I see no request anywhere. The first post was a response to a question that was not asked here. |
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By *homas400Man 7 days ago
Carmarthen / Llandeilo |
"Oh where to start……
I really… really hate “advice” threads like this for various reasons…
People aren’t monoliths! different approaches will work for different people! No one single/couple is a spokesperson for an entire community!
I like the system the way it is because use it as a way to out people (although getting the thousands of replies for me isn’t the humble brag)
It also inadvertently does two things… you basically supplied a cheat sheet! So it makes it harder for those people looking to the no’s from the yes’s…. And you made it harder for those people who do get it to stand out!
I do think sometimes people who think they are higher up the swinging totem pole do forget that attraction (the little bits as well as the big ones) is a two way street
"
Well said 👍 |
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Morning all,
I agree with Fabio and the others, sorry but this IS subjective. For us, there is 0 eroticism in a montage of knob shots from different angles. Likewise up close n personal shots of women’s privates with leakage from their recent conquest. Just not us.
For us, tis good funny, sometimes silly, smart and sexy banter does it. But we are also very aware that this is a sex site and many enjoy the more up close n personal shots. That’s cool, just not us. There is however no need to be mean, elitist and rude.
Have fun you naughty people 😉 |
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By *sm265Woman 7 days ago
Perthshire |
Confused why ,if it is specifically advice about how to approach the OP, this required a forum post rather than being on the OP's profile?
Apart from anything else, in my experience over the years, the percentage of single male fab members that actually use the forums (or even know they exist) is pretty low. So this thread isn't likely to even be seen by most of the single males that are messaging them.
|
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"Confused why ,if it is specifically advice about how to approach the OP, this required a forum post rather than being on the OP's profile?
Apart from anything else, in my experience over the years, the percentage of single male fab members that actually use the forums (or even know they exist) is pretty low. So this thread isn't likely to even be seen by most of the single males that are messaging them. "
•
This post couldn't be any more compelling. Totally agree. 🌈 |
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"Confused why ,if it is specifically advice about how to approach the OP, this required a forum post rather than being on the OP's profile?
Apart from anything else, in my experience over the years, the percentage of single male fab members that actually use the forums (or even know they exist) is pretty low. So this thread isn't likely to even be seen by most of the single males that are messaging them.
"
Good point.
At least couples like the OP are spoiled for choice.
There are so many single males on site that at least a hundred of them might meet their selection criteria.
I doubt if there are enough good couples on Fab to meet the needs of so many hopeful men! |
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"We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol
A wise person once said something that always stuck with me….
“You only get one chance to make a great first impression….”
Trying to give advice, and coming across as extremely condescending… it’s normally a really fine line…
You only ever talk about what you want.. like I said, people are not a great big monolith! Ask a million different people, you will get a million different answers!
Being “constructive” is subjective… you just didn’t like the criticism! And just flew over other people’s “constructive”
I absolutely stand by what I said… big guides can be counterproductive! You make it harder for people to out who are good playmates because you have told people what they want to hear… you also make it harder to separate those who do get it from those who don’t!
You also make it harder for those who do get it from those who dont because… you supplied them with a big old guide!
It’s a catch 22…. It might have been genuine and inadvertent, but I don’t believe in glossing over the negatives… if you can’t see the bigger picture, that’s not my weakness!
So… here is my guide….gather round people!
Time, patience, basic common sense!
Everything else… work out for yourself!
If you have to be told to be how to be a functional human being… no amount of common sense is going to help "
100% agree with Fabio here. As one of the long standing site single male members I'd actually say that he's probably in a better position to offer feedback to other men than any couple...not that (as he says) that's usually a wise option.
Every couple is different and looking for different things. Every single woman the same. And yes, every guy too.
There's no one size fits all approach, no perfect template for a profile nor magic guide to making the best approach.
Letting people be themselves and make their own way is the best way both for them to learn and also to enable other site users to make decisions about them based on their profile effort and contact strategies.
We all have our ideas of what makes for a good profile and message. Telling people what that is may produce a result that suits us, but won't help them meet the thoughts of anyone else.
Advice should be asked for and not given without request. Otherwise you're just projecting your own thoughts on everyone else in a blanket fashion. 🤷♂️
Obi |
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To an extent I see the point the OP is trying to make because I'm sure couples and females on here do get a high number of messages and I can probably imagine a high number of them are effortless with the classic "hi" or "hi, how are you" style which they probably just sent to a lot of people.
I get these from guys randomly sometimes or messages that you can tell haven't read my profile (I.e. single male accounts asking you to tribute their "wife")
I always read someone's profile before messaging them just out of respect.
However the way you've gone about your post and more so the way you have replied to people is pretty rude and doesn't really come off as the "advice" you are trying to portray. |
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Any 'How To' guide on here invariably ends up a 'What not to do' guide for the fakers, chancers, liars and dead beats on here and stops the decent guys standing out so much.
Much better to have something to use as a filter! |
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"We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol
A wise person once said something that always stuck with me….
“You only get one chance to make a great first impression….”
Trying to give advice, and coming across as extremely condescending… it’s normally a really fine line…
You only ever talk about what you want.. like I said, people are not a great big monolith! Ask a million different people, you will get a million different answers!
Being “constructive” is subjective… you just didn’t like the criticism! And just flew over other people’s “constructive”
I absolutely stand by what I said… big guides can be counterproductive! You make it harder for people to out who are good playmates because you have told people what they want to hear… you also make it harder to separate those who do get it from those who don’t!
You also make it harder for those who do get it from those who dont because… you supplied them with a big old guide!
It’s a catch 22…. It might have been genuine and inadvertent, but I don’t believe in glossing over the negatives… if you can’t see the bigger picture, that’s not my weakness!
So… here is my guide….gather round people!
Time, patience, basic common sense!
Everything else… work out for yourself!
If you have to be told to be how to be a functional human being… no amount of common sense is going to help
100% agree with Fabio here. As one of the long standing site single male members I'd actually say that he's probably in a better position to offer feedback to other men than any couple...not that (as he says) that's usually a wise option.
Every couple is different and looking for different things. Every single woman the same. And yes, every guy too.
There's no one size fits all approach, no perfect template for a profile nor magic guide to making the best approach.
Letting people be themselves and make their own way is the best way both for them to learn and also to enable other site users to make decisions about them based on their profile effort and contact strategies.
We all have our ideas of what makes for a good profile and message. Telling people what that is may produce a result that suits us, but won't help them meet the thoughts of anyone else.
Advice should be asked for and not given without request. Otherwise you're just projecting your own thoughts on everyone else in a blanket fashion. 🤷♂️
Obi"
And yet again another who hasn’t read what we wrote and offers sage wisdom based on their own fallacy.
We aren’t giving advice on how to approach all couples. Will type this one more time for the hard of thinking…. We were saying how We prefer to be approached - so no Fabio can’t give you advice on that and yes he and others were rude first so don’t blame us for responding in kind.
So many have an opinion but don’t actually bother to let the facts get in the way of a good bitch session.
You can think and write what you like. It just shows your ignorance especially when you use having been on the site for sone time as sone measure of authority.
Will never understand why people get butthurt when someone states THEIR preferences but they don’t align with yours.
We’ll be handing out cheese to go with all the whines.
Over and out |
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"We posted to help those that don’t understand. Clearly you have an axe to grind here with the veiled innuendo and accusations. If you dont like it then dont read it. Try to be constructive rather than just critique because it’s not what you want to hear. Now toddle off an do your trolling on twitter where you normally have to vent and try to make yourself feel knowledgeable Keyboard warriors, such sad little people lol
A wise person once said something that always stuck with me….
“You only get one chance to make a great first impression….”
Trying to give advice, and coming across as extremely condescending… it’s normally a really fine line…
You only ever talk about what you want.. like I said, people are not a great big monolith! Ask a million different people, you will get a million different answers!
Being “constructive” is subjective… you just didn’t like the criticism! And just flew over other people’s “constructive”
I absolutely stand by what I said… big guides can be counterproductive! You make it harder for people to out who are good playmates because you have told people what they want to hear… you also make it harder to separate those who do get it from those who don’t!
You also make it harder for those who do get it from those who dont because… you supplied them with a big old guide!
It’s a catch 22…. It might have been genuine and inadvertent, but I don’t believe in glossing over the negatives… if you can’t see the bigger picture, that’s not my weakness!
So… here is my guide….gather round people!
Time, patience, basic common sense!
Everything else… work out for yourself!
If you have to be told to be how to be a functional human being… no amount of common sense is going to help
100% agree with Fabio here. As one of the long standing site single male members I'd actually say that he's probably in a better position to offer feedback to other men than any couple...not that (as he says) that's usually a wise option.
Every couple is different and looking for different things. Every single woman the same. And yes, every guy too.
There's no one size fits all approach, no perfect template for a profile nor magic guide to making the best approach.
Letting people be themselves and make their own way is the best way both for them to learn and also to enable other site users to make decisions about them based on their profile effort and contact strategies.
We all have our ideas of what makes for a good profile and message. Telling people what that is may produce a result that suits us, but won't help them meet the thoughts of anyone else.
Advice should be asked for and not given without request. Otherwise you're just projecting your own thoughts on everyone else in a blanket fashion. 🤷♂️
Obi
And yet again another who hasn’t read what we wrote and offers sage wisdom based on their own fallacy.
We aren’t giving advice on how to approach all couples. Will type this one more time for the hard of thinking…. We were saying how We prefer to be approached - so no Fabio can’t give you advice on that and yes he and others were rude first so don’t blame us for responding in kind.
So many have an opinion but don’t actually bother to let the facts get in the way of a good bitch session.
You can think and write what you like. It just shows your ignorance especially when you use having been on the site for sone time as sone measure of authority.
Will never understand why people get butthurt when someone states THEIR preferences but they don’t align with yours.
We’ll be handing out cheese to go with all the whines.
Over and out "
The first line of your original opening post.
"Hi guys. It’s seems a lot of guys on here don’t have a clue when it comes to how to approach."
No mention of anyone specific. Not anyone. Not you. Just a blanket comment.
Can the cheese be cheddar please? 🤷♂️ |
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"...We were saying how We prefer to be approached..."
•
Oh I see! In other words this thread was your attempt at a general broadcast message for all the "single guys" on Fab in case they wanted to message you - not anyone else - but just you, and therefore they should pay heed to your 'how-to-approach-us' manifesto?
Has it occurred to you that the forums are but a microcosm of Fab and that you're probably preaching to the converted? Those who are clueless will probably have no inkling that the forums exist, let alone care about it.
If your opening post is being continuously misunderstood then clearly the root cause lies with the progenitor of this thread who wasn't entirely clear to begin with, i.e. You. |
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"Any 'How To' guide on here invariably ends up a 'What not to do' guide for the fakers, chancers, liars and dead beats on here and stops the decent guys standing out so much.
Much better to have something to use as a filter!"
100% this ...all advice should be banned so we can take people for who they are rather than help the wasters get around things by pretending |
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By *ynx_mMan 4 days ago
Somewhere |
I'm a single gentleman, who works at a club. I often give tours to new members and discuss the lifestyle with people.
I understand it's difficult for single gentlemen and i'm always saying communication is key. Our lifestyle is a very sociable lifestyle, clubs are not brothels. I'm not saying you have to be the most confident person in the building but at least have the decency to talk, introduce yourself and be respectful. Walking around with your hand in your towel is not going to get you very far. That's not to say you won't find someone to play with, there are some out there that do look for single guys and then move on, but, the majority of people I have noticed, prefer to have some social interaction.
As for being respectful, if a room has an open door that doesn't mean you can go in and get on the bed and start wanking next to their face. There is nothing more off putting than this. Be respectful, and at the right time, ask if you can join in. Don't feel rejected if they say no. It just might be their dynamic. Everyone that attends the clubs have spoken with their partners via to joining a club.And will have their rules.So don't feel rejected if the answer is no. As well as this don't start begging, there is nothing sadder than a guy begging.
This lifestyle is so friendly and respectful, but you have to understand the lifestyle. Those that send creepy comments or one line messages on this platform dont understand the lifestyle.
Hope this gives some of you single gentlemen a bit of insight. |
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