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BBC News article
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Has anyone seen the article on BBC news today regarding a woman who was coerced into swinging, using this site, by her unpleasant "husband"?
Was just wondering how prevalent this kind of thing is on here or if the BBC are leading some kind of moral crusade against the site? |
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By *antridatCouple 2 weeks ago
Sheffield North |
Think a link to the BBC report might be helpful
BBC News - Woman left traumatised by swinging says website 'facilitated abuse' - BBC News
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po?app-referrer=deep-link |
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BBC News - Woman left traumatised by swinging says website 'facilitated abuse' - BBC News
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po |
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By *J2304Man 2 weeks ago
DAGENHAM |
Yeah I just read it. It sounds to me like the husband is more to blame than the site or any of it's users.
I do agree though that even if all is agreed in chats before hand you should check all is ok still right before you start. And of course if anybody wants to stop during then you instantly stop. And if you get the impression that one side is not into it i.e showing no emotion or looking bored then speak to them.
There will be guys here saying she should have spoke up but I'd also ask how can they not tell she's not into it? If you normally have sex with a woman just laying still showing no emotion then I'm sorry to tell you but it means you're shit in bed cause that's not normal. |
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By *lubitMan 2 weeks ago
Telford |
I hope it's not prevalent at all. But, some people are just manipulative and horrible. She was in for a bad time if this site existed or not.
It's really down to people meeting up to both check the other person is comfortable doing whatever is happening, and also speaking out at the point you don't want to do something.
If you'r partner is arranging meets you said you don't want to do. It's time to leave. For me that's not swinging.
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I read it and agree with others that this is a problematic (putting politely) husband and not an expose on the site. I would say that the comment from the man saying
“ More than half the women from couples he has met did not want to take part, he believes.
On one occasion, he says, he saw fear in a woman's eyes when she told him her husband was about to come in and film.
"I should have walked away," he says, crying. "I should have reported it straight away."”
This certainly is a problem where the site can help with when they receive reports (but again that is dependant on people reporting problems they see) |
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"Has anyone seen the article on BBC news today regarding a woman who was coerced into swinging, using this site, by her unpleasant "husband"?
Was just wondering how prevalent this kind of thing is on here or if the BBC are leading some kind of moral crusade against the site? "
You think the national broadcaster is on a moral crusade because it highlights cases of coercion
and ra pe?
Interesting |
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It was on BBC radio 4 woman's hour 32 mins in
I think we all have to be sure that if we are with other couples that everything is ok.
I did meet a couple where the husband was far keener than she was. I told her that she needs to only do what she wants to do. We did not do anything. I felt a bit uncomfortable. I think it does happen |
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By *aandLoCouple 2 weeks ago
Southampton |
We met a couple at an intimate party where it was his fantasy she was satisfying. We weren't convinced she was wholly on board... Despite her partner's invitation! my hubby and our male friend declined to play with her. Other men simply didn't realise she wasn't hugely enthusiastic, or didn't care.
It put us off the venue when on chatting to the host about the lady, they didn't seem to care about enthusiastic consent either.... |
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Been to a club and found a couple where he was berating her for not getting involved. Immediately reported them to the staff and they took them off separately for a chat and the door. Club feedback we got was a situation along the lines of the BBC article and a thank you for alerting them. No consent is no consent. |
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As a single man who enjoys meeting couples, I find this situation horrifying.
The poor woman.
When chatting to a couple beforehand, I always try to understand what the lady likes and is into. I get off on a couple both getting off and especially lady enjoying herself.
I'll often ask how they got into it and what they are looking from it all, especially the lady. Finding out how they got there always tells you a lot about a couple and what they are into.
Looking back, I genuinely don't believe I've encountered coercion, and would walk away if I did, probably reporting it to the site too.
Maybe I haven't as I've asked those kinds of questions beforehand, or maybe I subconsciously don't message those profiles to start with as I don't get a vibe of everyone having fun, or something just feels off from their profile or verifications... which would be a big turn off for me if they weren't.
Either way, I think everyone on here has a duty to look out for each other, as much as we do in ensuring that we all have completely consensual fun. |
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On this site we all need to spend more time understanding what consent actually looks like in practice. If something takes repeated persuasion, pressure, or “wearing someone down”, that’s not enthusiasm and over time it can cross into coercive control.
Consent has to be freely given. If it’s influenced by guilt, pressure, or just wanting things to stop, it isn’t real consent.
Coercive control is about patterns of behaviour that chip away at someone’s autonomy, not just one-off conversations.
So as a community, it’s worth getting better at recognising those dynamics, being aware of the grey areas around pressure, and calling it out when we see it, rather than potentially normalising it.
And it also means being careful not to fall into blaming the person who went along with something, when the bigger issue is the context and pressure around that decision. |
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At what point did the grown adult think it was not her thing to be having sex with 100 or so men?
Just tell your husband no if you're not up for it, and don't meet the men?
Also, how? Who did she go about filtering folk and have them turn up as well?
It's not like she's a child being groomed, she's an adult!  |
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[Removed by poster at 16/06/26 13:41:56] |
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Adults can be coerced as well, through many different means. Don’t blame her, blame the controlling husband.
It’s taken a massive amount of guts to go to the press, and not only that but refuse to hide your identity. |
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"Adults can be coerced as well, through many different means. Don’t blame her, blame the controlling husband.
It’s taken a massive amount of guts to go to the press, and not only that but refuse to hide your identity."
Totally agree and She will be judged by so many people for speaking up. |
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Unhealthy couple don't respect each other's boundaries and get hurt. What lead to the police involvement? A row?
Honestly, it sounds like this couple should have split long ago before dragging each other down this path.
Unless you're medically/cognitatively impaired you can't, as a grown woman, go out on your own fuxking strangers you've met online and blame anybody else. |
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By *lansman01Man 2 weeks ago
Birmingham/Moseley/Glasgow |
But if I read it correctly she was going out on her own, meeting guys and filming it to send to him, there is more to this story than meets the eye. Something doesn't smell right. |
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"But if I read it correctly she was going out on her own, meeting guys and filming it to send to him, there is more to this story than meets the eye. Something doesn't smell right."
Yeah, fair point, though surely anyone meeting her would have sensed that something wasn't right and she wasn't into/enjoying it.
She either masked it well, or they didn’t care.
Like I said earlier, if someone isn't right in a meet then it is a big turn off and more importantly, a red flag. |
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The husband is the one to blame, not the site and absolutely not the woman concerned 🩷
Mods can only do so much, and they do a lot already
Her husband is a disgusting human |
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Previous experiences as a single guy included one couple where the wife did not look at all comfortable when meeting socially but the husband was overly keen. I said that it didn't appear as though the interest was equal from both parties and chose to leave.
Another occasion, a couple of been in contact with for some time invited me over, but the lady was paralytic d*unk and there was evidence of drug use.
Told him straight that it wasn't a situation I was comfortable with and left.
We all enjoy fun, but equally everyone should be alert to whether it seems someone is being forced or pressured.
A social meeting gives the opportunity to get a measure of the people and their engagement before committing to anything more. |
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By *lansman01Man 2 weeks ago
Birmingham/Moseley/Glasgow |
"1Yeah, fair point, though surely anyone meeting her would have sensed that something wasn't right and she wasn't into/enjoying it.
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surely if she was by herself she could just say no, or go somewhere else entirely. It doesn't make sense to me.
I would be more convinced if it was 1 or 2 times but 100+ times! Doesn't sound like she disliked it that much at the time.
Curious this story appears now with all the Online Safety BS going on.
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My other half sent me this by whatasaap, when I was on by way home this am.
It's absolutely vile, what a disgusting pick this man is.
Yep going by threads I've seen, I believe some are coerced into swinging. Maybe not as extreme as this, but I've seen men and couples who say they've left meets because either the woman didn't know about the meet. Or she was d*unk /on something and not capable of consent.
There's also been ladies /men who have been extremely jealous and gone mad when their partner was playing with a meet.
I think some will swing just to please their partner or think they have to, in order to stop them straying sadly. |
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We have also seen it the other way round especially on the cuck scene when you can tell the guy does not feel comfortable there. |
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By *bthreeCouple 2 weeks ago
Yeovil |
"But if I read it correctly she was going out on her own, meeting guys and filming it to send to him, there is more to this story than meets the eye. Something doesn't smell right."
Yes, someone is not telling/selling the whole story!! |
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I’ve met one couple where the wife was definitely not into it, and it was clear that the husband was instigating the whole thing. As soon as I arrived at their home, the vibe just was off, and midway through the social bit at the start, I pretended I had a message from my babysitter. I’d sooner be the one who was thought of as flakey and a time-waster than just take advantage. Consent is *massive*. |
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If she says no respect it, otherwise you have a serious relationship problem.
There is a radio 4 podcast
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0ns3sk8?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile
He certainly seemed to be a wrong one.
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"If she says no respect it, otherwise you have a serious relationship problem.
There is a radio 4 podcast
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0ns3sk8?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile
He certainly seemed to be a wrong one.
"
Thanks for sharing I will listen |
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By *OVER75Man 2 weeks ago
Islington |
Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true? |
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"Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true?"
Well, the site has a policy of not revealing what action was taken to the accuser, so I doubt anyone knows. |
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By *lansman01Man 2 weeks ago
Birmingham/Moseley/Glasgow |
Ok seems I didn't see the full article on this story, having read that now, I see there is a lot more to it than I initially read. Certainly seems to have been a lot of coersion going on.
Though still seems suspicious timing by the BBC given all that's going on with online IDs.
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Truthfully, ask yourselves why this has appeared in the BBC News today?
It has been planted to help the government justify and sell the changes to the online safety act.
Swinging is still considered taboo (which is partly why many of us love the frisson).
The lady considers herself a victim, and there is just enough ‘scandal’ in the story to get a negative traction and represent this website across the media as a threat.
We can respect what she says and have empathy with her situation but in her own testimony there are conflicting intentions - she admits to organising her own meets for her own pleasure as well as feeling coerced. So the truth may be hard to fully determine.
It follows on from another inserted story yesterday about young women being violently abused on Only Fans.
The purpose of these? To legitimise and obscure the very dangerous lurch to authoritarian control of internet access within the UK.
Whenever you see unusual stories that may be linked to government actions… stay cynical.
And stay free and safe x
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By *oufouCouple 2 weeks ago
Somerset |
Interesting that we’re talking about the husband and not the 329 reports from 39 police forces that identified the site being mentioned in allegations of serious sexual offences, harassment, stalking, assault and possession of extreme pornography. She also says she reported banned behaviour by men she had met on the site, including threats made to her of violence and NO ACTION WAS TAKEN (my emphasis).
Having been here for ten years, this seems entirely credible. Every forum post that flags it is closed down (including this one, eventually) because there isn’t the motivation to make the site better and safer, or to hold the culprits responsible.
Post edited to remove banned words. |
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"Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true?"
Of course not. The site complies with police requests, that's it. Its a business making money off subs, not a charity or community service. |
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By *oufouCouple 2 weeks ago
Somerset |
"Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true?"
I sincerely doubt anyone here could name an ex-Fabber who was banned for bad behaviour. If this was a pub, and you had one guy causing trouble, the management would immediately ban him for the comfort of the other customers. And the pub is a commercial business that serves food and drinks, in much the same way that Fab is a commercial business that serves connections. |
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"Truthfully, ask yourselves why this has appeared in the BBC News today?
It has been planted to help the government justify and sell the changes to the online safety act.
Swinging is still considered taboo (which is partly why many of us love the frisson).
The lady considers herself a victim, and there is just enough ‘scandal’ in the story to get a negative traction and represent this website across the media as a threat.
We can respect what she says and have empathy with her situation but in her own testimony there are conflicting intentions - she admits to organising her own meets for her own pleasure as well as feeling coerced. So the truth may be hard to fully determine.
It follows on from another inserted story yesterday about young women being violently abused on Only Fans.
The purpose of these? To legitimise and obscure the very dangerous lurch to authoritarian control of internet access within the UK.
Whenever you see unusual stories that may be linked to government actions… stay cynical.
And stay free and safe x
"
The OnlyFans story was published yesterday to promote the BBC3 documentary which was also available yesterday.
The BBC routinely promote new shows via BBC News articles. |
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"The husband is the one to blame, not the site and absolutely not the woman concerned 🩷
Mods can only do so much, and they do a lot already
Her husband is a disgusting human "
That would be the most logical take on this, it sounds like she was in an abusive relationship, with him exorcising some serious coercive control over her. Utter scumbag.
Very disappointing to see all the victim blaming going around  |
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By *ugby 123Couple 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true?"
For what she was saying she reported, action would have been taken if a report is verified.
They wouldn't be on the site anymore that's for sure
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"That would be the most logical take on this, it sounds like she was in an abusive relationship, with him exorcising some serious coercive control over her. Utter scumbag."
But remember that we only have her side of the story, and she reported him to the Police and they said they couldn't do anything because their was evidence at the time of her enthusiastic consent.
We don't really know who was at fault, because we don't have all the evidence.
(But my guess is that it's him...) |
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By *ugby 123Couple 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Article also says that when she complained to this site, no action was taken. Is this true?
Of course not. The site complies with police requests, that's it. .
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Not quite true, they would deal with it on site first then depending on the report they would contact any relevant authority
If they knew nothing about it, for instance no one has reported anything and the Police get in touch with them, then they cooperate any way they can. |
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All those 'single' guys on here may be panicking if the police come knocking for evidence😄 |
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Typically poor journalism from the BBC, references like “an expert said and a quote from a professor from New Zealand over fifty years ago. There’s good and bad in all walks of life but going back to Victorian sensibility’s isn’t going to change anything. We’ve met many women who are keen and eager and fully engaged in a “swinging” lifestyle. The BBC should look at their own failures before throwing mud at innocent fun seekers. |
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By *4bimMan 2 weeks ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
the only thing you need to know about the BBC is they are hypocrites.
look at all their employees caught doing the most evil things too children.
and then they have the cheek to host children in need.
they have no right to point the finger at anyone |
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There's already another post on this from this morning. Got full though |
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By *oufouCouple 2 weeks ago
Somerset |
"Typically poor journalism from the BBC, references like “an expert said and a quote from a professor from New Zealand over fifty years ago. There’s good and bad in all walks of life but going back to Victorian sensibility’s isn’t going to change anything. We’ve met many women who are keen and eager and fully engaged in a “swinging” lifestyle. The BBC should look at their own failures before throwing mud at innocent fun seekers. "
Did you even read the article?
An ex-Fabber has blown the whistle, not the BBC. |
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"Been to a club and found a couple where he was berating her for not getting involved. Immediately reported them to the staff and they took them off separately for a chat and the door. Club feedback we got was a situation along the lines of the BBC article and a thank you for alerting them. No consent is no consent. "
Well done |
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By *ugby 123Couple 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
It looks like the thread was closed at a guess by accident. If you want to start another that's fine |
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