FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > It's just so unnatural..
It's just so unnatural..
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Yes, I know the struggles for single guys on here are well-documented, but does anyone else find it incredibly frustrating just trying to get a person's attention?
?If I were out at a bar and saw someone I fancied, the approach felt natural. I’d walk over, say hello, and instantly have their attention. From there, you can read the room, pick up on body language, and seamlessly transition from casual small talk to a deeper conversation if the vibe is right.
?Online, it feels like you're shouting into a void. Without that instant physical presence, everything feels detached, and breaking through the noise to get that initial spark is so much harder. Anyone else feel the same way? |
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Online it's easier to ignore unwanted attention than if you are approached in a bar.
On here, like the bar, you need that mysterious something that makes you immediately interesting.
If you figure it out, let me know  |
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When one has niche interests which narrow the venn diagram even more than it already is, it will be tough. Consider club nights such as pedestal, club o&i, and other fet ones. This might also be even more challenging on this site. There is another. I can’t say whether you’ll be more successful there but the femdomme munches are listed there. |
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Instantly having someones isn't a skill.
The key skill is reading the room and discerning if that person is actually open to being approached. The sledge hammer approach doesnt work on here and rightly so.
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I don’t think online dating and hookup culture is that natural really. Back in the day you were limited to your social circles and the places you actually went… which honestly kept things a lot simpler and yet men still often would not take no very well when you turned down the offer of a drink.
Now there’s theoretically endless choice, which sounds great, until you realise your very specific “type” probably lives about 300 miles away 😄
And to be fair, it’s not just men. single women struggle too. We’re also looking for particular things and still finding it hard to find the right match. If anyone thinks it’s just wall‑to‑wall endless 🍆🍆🍆 on demand… I can assure you it really isn’t .. I have standards 😅
That said… at least back then people didn’t introduce themselves quite so… boldly 🍆🍆 🙈 |
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If you're expecting a greater level of response or attention as a single male then I think you're going to be disappointed.
The ratio of men to women and couples make it a very uneven numbers game, not unlike the lottery....but we still do it.
Also, women and couples alike receive literally hundreds of messages a day, so often your message gets overlooked, ignored or deleted. It's not personal, it's just a numbers thing.
My advice is keep going, don't spend too much time waiting for your message box to fill up. Also, just be nice.
The latter certainly seems to be lacking on here, so do you really want to interact with unpleasant people for the sake of a bit of hanky panky?
I certainly wouldn't.
Chin up and all the best. |
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"Yes, I know the struggles for single guys on here are well-documented, but does anyone else find it incredibly frustrating just trying to get a person's attention?
?If I were out at a bar and saw someone I fancied, the approach felt natural. I’d walk over, say hello, and instantly have their attention. From there, you can read the room, pick up on body language, and seamlessly transition from casual small talk to a deeper conversation if the vibe is right.
?Online, it feels like you're shouting into a void. Without that instant physical presence, everything feels detached, and breaking through the noise to get that initial spark is so much harder. Anyone else feel the same way?"
Lots of people who interact online are sometimes quite socially inept, that's why lots of forum posts slide into a quagmire.
Start with good intentions and then the whiners, moaners, nasty, catty brigade slip in.
Lots of people use social media as they can live in a fantasy world knowing their real persona is never revealed.
Sadly, this site and many others cater for the lonely, sad and mentally fragile.
Its one of the reasons timewaster, delusional and other words are banded around so much as you are chatting to someone who is in a place where they could never bring themselves to meet others in the real world as their fantasy world would be exposed.
Its all very sad but a indictment of the society we live in today.
As the saying goes 'misery loves company' so a site like this will attract more socially detached folks.
Thats why off site WhatsApp groups are great, no timewasters or at least the timewasters are kicked off.
But I suppose a site like this caters for all and that includes timewasters, dreamers and the fragile. |
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Generally the real world works because you are in the same place because you have shared interests. You need to recreate that here. Find the people who share your interests (the real ones, not the ones you make up because you want a shag) and then approach them.
Randomly going up to every woman in a bar would get your kicked out. It’s the same on here. |
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It's hard on here yes, but it'll be harder for you to get ladies /couples attention without any pics op.
It's a delete for me, if a shadow messages,as I have no idea about them & yet they can see lots of pics of me.
If you just rely on fab, you need a good profile that draws others in. If real life meeting works better for you, try socials or go to a club if you feel able to. |
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"Yes, I know the struggles for single guys on here are well-documented, but does anyone else find it incredibly frustrating just trying to get a person's attention?
?If I were out at a bar and saw someone I fancied, the approach felt natural. I’d walk over, say hello, and instantly have their attention. From there, you can read the room, pick up on body language, and seamlessly transition from casual small talk to a deeper conversation if the vibe is right.
?Online, it feels like you're shouting into a void. Without that instant physical presence, everything feels detached, and breaking through the noise to get that initial spark is so much harder. Anyone else feel the same way?"
I agree with what your saying this was the art of conversation which in today’s keyboard world is completely lost and awash with fake and false
People who are impatient and rude at a the drop of a hat |
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A couple of things I've learnt along my journey, go to club socials (or other socials if you can). Talk don't pester, if you talking to a couple engage with both equally, I treat it like a networking event where the sole objective is to make and gain contacts. You'll find that (a bit like an exponential curve) your invites and sexual encounters will start slowly but as more people realise you're real invite you into their circle  |
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The fab world is not very different from the real world in that if you are emotionally intelligent, funny, good looking, tall and handsome than you have been gifted with advantages that make it difficult for the more average among us to compete. Also the ratio of men to women on here certainly feels much greater than it was ten to twelve years ago (when most people didn’t have smartphones) which makes connecting even harder (if not impossible) these days. I think the advice given about going to socials is your best bet as being online can be lonely and lead to feelings of anger/depression if you are not careful!. If it’s any consolation I can tell you that I haven’t had a meeting in ages and that’s ok with me as I had a lot of fun back in the day
I hope you don’t mind me playing agony aunt but I know fab can be a rough ride at times and it’s important to remember that most of the time it’s not you or them it’s just fab life!
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Once you've been here a while, you get to know the score.
I don't show my face on my profile, so that goes against me.
It's not really a frustration anymore, more of an acceptance.
Id like to get to know more people, but not the end of the world if not. |
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It can be disheartening, however once you realise this is a heavily male dominated site ..it’s not you that’s the issue ..just the multitude of messages women receive
Remember there are more places than fab to explore ans good luck |
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I think you also need to think about the relative effort put into sending a message from your sofa wearing boxer shorts while scratching your balls compared to actually making yourself look decent and going out somewhere and then walking up to someone to have an actual conversation.
One is not like the other. |
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By *oomlMan 2 days ago
Fareham |
I have come to accept that the majority of people on here are for their own titillation rather than to actually meet. I have learned how to filter them out and hopefully only interact with genuine people. |
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By *enelope2UWoman 2 days ago
Doesn't matter cant block distances |
No I don't.
No I EEEeeeEVER approaches in abar. On here you have their profile picture their bio their location age so many factors that give you first notice of a POSSIBLE comparability yet most NEVER Read a profile or put any effort. If your effort is throw a dart and hope it bits then yeah you probably need to just say that do that |
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I do feel for single males on here sometimes and try and respond to all messages where I can to be polite.
But a dick pic and hey, isn’t going to engage us.
Sometimes we are looking for a couple meet but I will add them to the hotlist if there banter is right and they are not 100 miles away.
Keep trying but intellect is needed on a decent repose back from us.
Happy fabbing x |
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Some really interesting replies here.
I think a few people have interpreted my post as being about not getting replies. It wasn't really. I've been around long enough to understand the maths on here. 😄
What I was getting at is that we've lost the spontaneity of human interaction. In real life, you can make someone laugh in five seconds, read their body language, adjust your approach, and sometimes surprise yourself with a connection you never expected.
Online, that whole process gets compressed into a profile and a first message, and whether it gets opened before it's buried beneath another 50. It feels less like starting a conversation and more like submitting a CV.
Maybe that's just the price we pay for having access to thousands more people than we'd ever meet in a pub. I'm not convinced it's progress... but my back certainly appreciates not having to stand in noisy bars until 2am. 😂 |
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