FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Hitchhiker's Guide to FAB Profiles
Hitchhiker's Guide to FAB Profiles
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"Disclaimer - This is a bit of fun, a little levity, and should in no way be taken in offence, or as an accurate guide....although.... So you're new here. Like a dog in a lamp post factory. Well, let me take you on a tour of this little wonderland, and I'll introduce you to some folks... THE HOT, YOUNG, NYMPHOMANIAC..... This little gem is more often than not around 23, 'Athletic', and lists her likes as sex, sex, sex, and more sex. She can be spotted by the single, small and grainy headless photo, no verifications, and disappearance within a week of joining. She will also most likely be a bus driver called Alan. THE NAILED ON MEET Characteristics include a membership of more than a year, no photos, and 'Will update later' is often the only body on her profile. There will also be no verifications, and no hope. Save your breath. THE NERVOUS HUSBAND He's married. He's got some saucy pics of the wife, and he likes the idea of shagging other people. She, on the other hand has no idea about this site, or that everyone is checking out pictures of her bum without her knowledge. Is most likely to meet in a car park and claim the missus is ill, but is there any chance of a blow job? THE DESPERATE YOUNG MAN "I'm really bi, honest!" he will proclaim when it's pointed out to him that his profile states 'Straight' despite messaging a couple who only want to meet bi or bi curious men. His copy-paste antics are usually easy to spot, as are his pictures; blurry, mirror self shots taken at 2am when he's just back from the pub and full of Dutch Courage. Don't bother messaging him, he's bound to message you at some point anyway, whether you're male, female, straight, gay, animal, vegetable, or mineral, before exploding in a fit of premature ejaculation if he is lucky enough to receive a reply. THE CAPS BRIGADE Because having a rant and putting it in capital letters is not only attractive, but looks lovely, having your introductory profile text peppered with huge, shouty letters. Favourites include 'NO SINGLE MEN, CAN YOU NOT READ???' (when a simple tweak of the settings would prevent the annoying buggers getting in touch), 'I'M NOT YOUR BABE!!' (you got that right, sister), and the unforgettable 'SICK OV COCK PICS NO FACE PIC NO REPLY', just let them work it out for themselves - if you introduce yourself to someone in real life, you offer a smile and a hand shake, you don't wave yer willy in their face. Anyone who does is best to be avoided in my opinion, so let them make that mistake and help you sort the wheat from the chaff. THE GODDESS OF SWINGING Tanned, lithe, fake tits and an even faker smile. She's been around the block a few times in her alleged 40-odd years, hence why she will only entertain 10"+...nothing else touches the sides any more. Usually tottering around in ridiculous footwear with ugly, gnarled toes poking out the front, and an attitude to match. A really beautiful person. But then, my dear traveler, you have the wonderful, genuine folks, who gladly make up a large portion of this site. Unfortunately, you might have to work your way past some of the loons to get to them . Happy swinging!! "Made us smile and closer to the truth than you think.  | |||
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"THE BISEXUAL SQUADDIE A bisexual profile with, I like cock a lot, written on it. Together with a picture of a young Squaddie. No doubt set up by his mates and shown around the pub," Wow easy on us army folk! | |||
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Love it... | |||
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"Disclaimer - This is a bit of fun, a little levity, and should in no way be taken in offence, or as an accurate guide....although.... So you're new here. Like a dog in a lamp post factory. Well, let me take you on a tour of this little wonderland, and I'll introduce you to some folks... THE HOT, YOUNG, NYMPHOMANIAC..... This little gem is more often than not around 23, 'Athletic', and lists her likes as sex, sex, sex, and more sex. She can be spotted by the single, small and grainy headless photo, no verifications, and disappearance within a week of joining. She will also most likely be a bus driver called Alan. THE NAILED ON MEET Characteristics include a membership of more than a year, no photos, and 'Will update later' is often the only body on her profile. There will also be no verifications, and no hope. Save your breath. THE NERVOUS HUSBAND He's married. He's got some saucy pics of the wife, and he likes the idea of shagging other people. She, on the other hand has no idea about this site, or that everyone is checking out pictures of her bum without her knowledge. Is most likely to meet in a car park and claim the missus is ill, but is there any chance of a blow job? THE DESPERATE YOUNG MAN "I'm really bi, honest!" he will proclaim when it's pointed out to him that his profile states 'Straight' despite messaging a couple who only want to meet bi or bi curious men. His copy-paste antics are usually easy to spot, as are his pictures; blurry, mirror self shots taken at 2am when he's just back from the pub and full of Dutch Courage. Don't bother messaging him, he's bound to message you at some point anyway, whether you're male, female, straight, gay, animal, vegetable, or mineral, before exploding in a fit of premature ejaculation if he is lucky enough to receive a reply. THE CAPS BRIGADE Because having a rant and putting it in capital letters is not only attractive, but looks lovely, having your introductory profile text peppered with huge, shouty letters. Favourites include 'NO SINGLE MEN, CAN YOU NOT READ???' (when a simple tweak of the settings would prevent the annoying buggers getting in touch), 'I'M NOT YOUR BABE!!' (you got that right, sister), and the unforgettable 'SICK OV COCK PICS NO FACE PIC NO REPLY', just let them work it out for themselves - if you introduce yourself to someone in real life, you offer a smile and a hand shake, you don't wave yer willy in their face. Anyone who does is best to be avoided in my opinion, so let them make that mistake and help you sort the wheat from the chaff. THE GODDESS OF SWINGING Tanned, lithe, fake tits and an even faker smile. She's been around the block a few times in her alleged 40-odd years, hence why she will only entertain 10"+...nothing else touches the sides any more. Usually tottering around in ridiculous footwear with ugly, gnarled toes poking out the front, and an attitude to match. A really beautiful person. But then, my dear traveler, you have the wonderful, genuine folks, who gladly make up a large portion of this site. Unfortunately, you might have to work your way past some of the loons to get to them . Happy swinging!! "Very funny. Even though we're guilty of one of them! | |||
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That brought a smile to my face | |||
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Hee hee, like it! Scarily accurate!
I've noticed one or two others:
'One in a million'
Lady whose profile is so specific, (guys aged between 29-30, muscular, space shuttle pilot, 8.4 inch cock, talent contest winner), that her chances of finding this guy are 1 in a million...
I've seen the age limit on a profile!
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"THE BISEXUAL SQUADDIE A bisexual profile with, I like cock a lot, written on it. Together with a picture of a young Squaddie. No doubt set up by his mates and shown around the pub," Sorry | |||
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"I love this post!! So true!! You read some of the ladies profiles from round my way and, well, what's the bloody point?? Very frustrating! The worst thing is most profiles this way want a guy who works for the BBC!!! Rubbish!! "lmao | |||
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Brilliant | |||
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