FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > 6 meets in 6 week, but feel empty
6 meets in 6 week, but feel empty
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"Ah thanks for the quick reply man! I do feel the connection then and there, it's just later on, but yes maybe dating without sex could be way forward, I do say I like to try new things lol " You are actually wanting 'something more' than scratching an itch, a lot of people are, you need something that engages your mind and emotions as well as your body I would say. I hope you find it, you sound like a gem! | |||
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"I have on occasion left a meet feeling a bit used and empty, for me it depends on the meet, if I meet a nice guy, have a drink, chatted and got on and moved onto sex where its been long and drawn out I have left feeling good, if I have met guys who just want to fuck and run I feel empty after, for me its not swinging that makes me feel like that but who I meet and how they treat me" This is Exactly how I feel | |||
"The secret is to turn it around, look at no strings meets ( swinging) as if you are using someone, rather than feeling used, cheap and empty. See a sex meet for what it is, just emptying your balls. The mistake many make is to think swinging is any more than that. "not everyone wants to see others like that tho, im not after anything more than sex, ive been single for 5 years now and happy to stay that way, but just because I only want sex that does not mean sex had to be cold and clinical, I see nothing wrong with showing respect to someone you only want to shag | |||
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In this life I'd say if you can avoid doing things that make you feel empty do so, it isn't good for a person.
I hope that you find whatever it is that you're looking for  | |||
"The secret is to turn it around, look at no strings meets ( swinging) as if you are using someone, rather than feeling used, cheap and empty. See a sex meet for what it is, just emptying your balls. The mistake many make is to think swinging is any more than that.
not everyone wants to see others like that tho, im not after anything more than sex, ive been single for 5 years now and happy to stay that way, but just because I only want sex that does not mean sex had to be cold and clinical, I see nothing wrong with showing respect to someone you only want to shag"I certainly didn't say, not to show respect  | |||
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"The secret is to turn it around, look at no strings meets ( swinging) as if you are using someone, rather than feeling used, cheap and empty. See a sex meet for what it is, just emptying your balls. The mistake many make is to think swinging is any more than that.
not everyone wants to see others like that tho, im not after anything more than sex, ive been single for 5 years now and happy to stay that way, but just because I only want sex that does not mean sex had to be cold and clinical, I see nothing wrong with showing respect to someone you only want to shag
I certainly didn't say, not to show respect "I would say seeing someone as just somewhere to empty your balls as not showing them respect I guess we have different ideas of what respect is | |||
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"Think we have all been there matey I've made some fantastic friends through here it's all part of it just try and remember we are all still human and the emotions do come with it especially if u get on with the person in question xx " This is true, far to many people go on about it being NSA sex, and we should do this, shouldn't do that, wrong place to find love blah blah blah but at the end of the day swingers are still human and show all the same emotions as everyone else and sometimes we cant control or feeling only the way we act upon them | |||
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"What you are missing is the closeness and emotional attachment shared between two people who care for each other. You need to feel connected emotionally to the person you are being intimate with. Just doing one off meets as you have discovered, doesnt offervthat connection unless you are very lucky or have the ability to switch it on or off yourself. My advice would be to find one or two that you like and respect, become regulars or and i hate this term "Fuck Buddies" or Friends With Benefits. This will allow you the connection enotionally as you see more and more ofvthat person or persons. " Exactly what I was going to say. | |||
"Think we have all been there matey I've made some fantastic friends through here it's all part of it just try and remember we are all still human and the emotions do come with it especially if u get on with the person in question xx This is true, far to many people go on about it being NSA sex, and we should do this, shouldn't do that, wrong place to find love blah blah blah but at the end of the day swingers are still human and show all the same emotions as everyone else and sometimes we cant control or feeling only the way we act upon them" I know it has for me and others sometimes not easy to switch on and off keep the good ones as friends they are more than worth their weight in gold hate the cold clinical type that say keep it NSA sometimes it isn't that simple x | |||
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"Hey All So this is my first post here, I've been lurking for a while, so hello to anyone who reads this! I've learned a lot in the 6 weeks I've been on here and definitely realised how hard being a single guy can be. Anyway, saying that I have been very lucky to have met up with some really,really nice women and a few couples and their veris make me blush just reading them. However, while I am sexual satisfied, and enjoy the experience of casual sex, I still feel sort of empty inside after meets. Does anyone else suffer these feeings of emptiness? How do others deal with casual sex? Is it possible to switch off and enjoy it for what it is? Thoughts/suggestions welcome! M " I'm NOT a psychologist so the following maybe yet more of my inane drivel but PERHAPS after coitis u are left empty because when u engaged in the sex act u were seeking some kind of approbation that u are unlikely to find from encounters on a sex site?????? | |||
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"Hey All So this is my first post here, I've been lurking for a while, so hello to anyone who reads this! I've learned a lot in the 6 weeks I've been on here and definitely realised how hard being a single guy can be. Anyway, saying that I have been very lucky to have met up with some really,really nice women and a few couples and their veris make me blush just reading them. However, while I am sexual satisfied, and enjoy the experience of casual sex, I still feel sort of empty inside after meets. Does anyone else suffer these feeings of emptiness? How do others deal with casual sex? Is it possible to switch off and enjoy it for what it is? Thoughts/suggestions welcome! M I'm NOT a psychologist so the following maybe yet more of my inane drivel but PERHAPS after coitis u are left empty because when u engaged in the sex act u were seeking some kind of approbation that u are unlikely to find from encounters on a sex site?????? " I have no idea what an 'approbation ' is! For me it's the come down if I've been looking forward to the meet, spent ages getting ready , then the guys wipes his dick and goes. As I say, that's why i'm now meeting those i am friends with. Btw going off on a tangent.... my eyesight is bit shite and I am convinced that is a horse behind you on your avatar? | |||
"Hey All So this is my first post here, I've been lurking for a while, so hello to anyone who reads this! I've learned a lot in the 6 weeks I've been on here and definitely realised how hard being a single guy can be. Anyway, saying that I have been very lucky to have met up with some really,really nice women and a few couples and their veris make me blush just reading them. However, while I am sexual satisfied, and enjoy the experience of casual sex, I still feel sort of empty inside after meets. Does anyone else suffer these feeings of emptiness? How do others deal with casual sex? Is it possible to switch off and enjoy it for what it is? Thoughts/suggestions welcome! M I'm NOT a psychologist so the following maybe yet more of my inane drivel but PERHAPS after coitis u are left empty because when u engaged in the sex act u were seeking some kind of approbation that u are unlikely to find from encounters on a sex site?????? I have no idea what an 'approbation ' is! For me it's the come down if I've been looking forward to the meet, spent ages getting ready , then the guys wipes his dick and goes. As I say, that's why i'm now meeting those i am friends with. Btw going off on a tangent.... my eyesight is bit shite and I am convinced that is a horse behind you on your avatar? " Actually it's an eagle owl  | |||
"the question i would ask, not only to the OP, but to all others that experience similar feelings, why are you doing it if it makes you feel this way? ok, we all have scratches to itch, but is meaningless sex the answer if you arent left with a nice feeling afterwards?" Sex is a human need, yes even if we are old, ugly or disabled. If we are unlucky enough to be in a sexless relationship, or not in one at all, sometimes something is better than nothing. That's why some of us do it, regardless of the emptiness afterwards. | |||
"the question i would ask, not only to the OP, but to all others that experience similar feelings, why are you doing it if it makes you feel this way? ok, we all have scratches to itch, but is meaningless sex the answer if you arent left with a nice feeling afterwards?" Between a rock and a hard place...hate cheap meaningless sex...but hate doing without for goodness knows how long while I wait for someone special to come along.  I know some lady friends of mine...a year, year and a half, two years without sex! I cannot do that. My drive won't allow it, and besides I get cranky  | |||
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"I have on occasion left a meet feeling a bit used and empty, for me it depends on the meet, if I meet a nice guy, have a drink, chatted and got on and moved onto sex where its been long and drawn out I have left feeling good, if I have met guys who just wan't to fuck and run I feel empty after, for me its not swinging that makes me feel like that but who I meet and how they treat me" Absolutely! For me, it about the type.of meet, if it's just a case of any holes a goal, you will feel empty afterwards. If it's about having a mutually enjoyable time, you won't feel so empty x | |||
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then one mahoosive weekend, the last one I clubbed 3 nights in a row, and a date night as well! | |||
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Never again! | |||
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"Hey All So this is my first post here, I've been lurking for a while, so hello to anyone who reads this! I've learned a lot in the 6 weeks I've been on here and definitely realised how hard being a single guy can be. Anyway, saying that I have been very lucky to have met up with some really,really nice women and a few couples and their veris make me blush just reading them. However, while I am sexual satisfied, and enjoy the experience of casual sex, I still feel sort of empty inside after meets. Does anyone else suffer these feeings of emptiness? How do others deal with casual sex? Is it possible to switch off and enjoy it for what it is? Thoughts/suggestions welcome! M " I know what you mean: one of the reasons I've hidden my profile and not meeting. It's fun. My playmates I meet socially, sometimes several times before play and I enjoy my time with them, but I began to feel empty after they left: especially if my meets were close together. Spreading the meets out helped a bit, but in all honesty I think most of us experience this low at some point. | |||
"This is why i think NSA is wrongly used and thought of by so many people. NSA is No Strings Attached meaning neither party want any sort of commitment or relationship from the other. It doesnt have to mean cold and clinical sex. You are permitted to feel emotionally toward your partner and still have NSA sex with them. If anything it makes it better if you do." Thats a great comment. Its exactly the way l like to feel. Nice to see a man who said this as well. | |||
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"Maybe sex can never be uncomplicated then?" It can. Just depends on the type of person you are, and the mindset with which you approach it. Uncomplicated sex isn't within the reach of everyone. Others enjoy nothing more. | |||
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"Maybe sex can never be uncomplicated then?" Multi person sex can be physically complicated at times. | |||
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"an inciteful thread that makes everyone stop and think and go " oh yeah i see it now" " Somehow that worked this time! | |||
"What you are missing is the closeness and emotional attachment shared between two people who care for each other. You need to feel connected emotionally to the person you are being intimate with. Just doing one off meets as you have discovered, doesnt offervthat connection unless you are very lucky or have the ability to switch it on or off yourself. My advice would be to find one or two that you like and respect, become regulars or and i hate this term "Fuck Buddies" or Friends With Benefits. This will allow you the connection enotionally as you see more and more ofvthat person or persons. " Sounds like good advice to me. I felt much like the o p when I first got into swinging.  | |||
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I'm fact I just viewed a profile wiv over 100 verifications ALL for sex n none were social n my thort was 'what are you looking for that you are never finding which takes THAT many meets in just over a year ' their choice of course so no criticism from me just curiosity | |||
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" I can have fun, laughter, good conversation, great sex and lovely hugs at the end before they or I go off home again. " Me too! Have a read of "Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton - its very good! And she's speaking in London in dec so if anyone fancies going let me know. | |||
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"Xxxxxx group hug xxxxxx" | |||
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"Great profile, OP! Yes, sadly it happens to me as well.. Casual sex has left me quite disconnected. I DO believe the reason is all scientific. The endorphin rush from the momentary connection with another is difficult to come down from when you realize that at the end of it, you're alone(for singles). Yes, yes, we can tell ourselves we used the other person or that it was mutual usage. But the soul knows.. As for myself, I believe there's something else lacking but I haven't figured out quite what.." Interesting, yes there is rush, I wonder if its a come down thing then? What I'm also finding interesting is that a lot of the replies tend to be from women, very few other men! | |||
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"Insightful post, that. "Thank you .. I've put a lot of thought into why.. | |||
"Interesting, yes there is rush, I wonder if its a come down thing then? What I'm also finding interesting is that a lot of the replies tend to be from women, very few other men!" Maybe men can bury or disregard the mental impact better? (the whole big boys don't cry thing)? Men SAY they're more simplistic, enjoy the moment for what it is.. Can they (generally speaking, of course) or is it that they haven't put thought into what "the moment" actually is? Or can the issue be that thinking beyond the physical pleasure of a moment complicates things unnecessarily and takes something away from the moment just enjoyed? I believe there's a whole psychology to the whole thing. As soon I think I grasp it, it slips away because I've tried a different point of view.. | |||
"Insightful post, that.
Thank you .. I've put a lot of thought into why.."If I translate my own emotions when I feel that low hit afterwards - it's the clearing up after Someone's left. It'd be nice if the winding down could be done together; wash up, make coffee, nibble on a snack, snuggle up... It's when the look on the watch happens, and the clothes come on again, and you know it's already over. I never had a whole evening, or a sleep-over, let alone a whole weekend where you go for a walk in between, and afterwards resume the cuddling and arousing... Always two hours at the most. | |||
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"as i live alone i come on here a lot to read the forums and this thread has touched me more than any other" And you're not alone in that. there should be a hug-emoticon, really.
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"I genuinely feel that men are socialised into presenting a 'big boys don't cry' front to others around them and even themselves, but be good to get more male opinions on this!I'm so glad my musings have touched people, hope you all find what your looking for x" Absolutely, it's even more so for for people of my generation and older, when if you are the male of the house, you were expected to behave like a man, and take it on the chin and not show the world you are scared or emotional. Comes from my father who went through the war and his father who went through the WW1. You were thought less of a man like that, also i presume why many homosexual men remained hidden legality aside. I can only ever speak from personal experience and observation of others and other people i have talked to, and there are many more that dont frequesnt the forums here that feel the same way. | |||
"Insightful post, that.
Thank you .. I've put a lot of thought into why..
If I translate my own emotions when I feel that low hit afterwards - it's the clearing up after Someone's left.
It'd be nice if the winding down could be done together; wash up, make coffee, nibble on a snack, snuggle up...
It's when the look on the watch happens, and the clothes come on again, and you know it's already over. I never had a whole evening, or a sleep-over, let alone a whole weekend where you go for a walk in between, and afterwards resume the cuddling and arousing...
Always two hours at the most. "You have got it spot on there Yoni. We have all done it, glanced at the watch, sending that signal that the fun's now over. Time constraints are the bane of this lifestyle, we are forcing ourselves to cram in to minutes what would naturally take weeks or months of socialising normally and it is effecting our basic needs for company. I am like you. I yearn for the chance to have a longer time, no clock watching, stopping at a natural break in rhythm to make a cuppa or a sandwich for both of you and resume later. It's not just about sex for me, it's the whole package. Yes you can satisfy the physical need in a couple of hours but you have to feed the emotional need too and that takes a hell of a lot longer unfortunately. | |||
, I think for me there is a element of coming down, like drug users get but without drugs, I just don't have alot of happy in my head :/, and it gets used up when with someone, then after... | |||
"Great profile, OP! Yes, sadly it happens to me as well.. Casual sex has left me quite disconnected. I DO believe the reason is all scientific. The endorphin rush from the momentary connection with another is difficult to come down from when you realize that at the end of it, you're alone(for singles). Yes, yes, we can tell ourselves we used the other person or that it was mutual usage. But the soul knows.. As for myself, I believe there's something else lacking but I haven't figured out quite what.. Interesting, yes there is rush, I wonder if its a come down thing then? What I'm also finding interesting is that a lot of the replies tend to be from women, very few other men!" Well seeing as you've said that... 
I actually read all of this last night and wrote quite a lot in response, but in the end I decided not to post it. It didn't quite come out right!
I've had NSA one off meets before, and quite enjoyed them too. That was when I was on here quite a few years ago, and I've had relationships in between and been on and off Fab.
What I really wanted to say though, was that these days I too tend to have much more than NSA with at least one of the people I'm seeing.
I like to have one person I see regularly, who's a friend I can get on well with AND have good sex with. We can have evenings where we go for a drink, have some food, go back and enjoy ourselves, cuddle up and fall asleep. In the morning we go back to our lives, after sex and or breakfast if we want/have time.... or it could be a weekend together.
We even tend to keep in touch in between too if we like, as with any other friend I give my time to, with the added plus you can be planning what things you want to get up to next! In the meantime, if you need or like, you can add other NSA meets in to suit your desires too, and be open and honest about them to the other person, even including them if everybody is happy!
For those people that really know they aren't looking for a relationship, but still want to have someone there so you don't feel lonely, it's ideal. Personally I just feel trapped having a girlfriend and I still want to be able to enjoy myself! So for me it works well... I don't have to think about getting laid, I can focus on my life and have fun breaks as and when needed, there's no relationshippy strains or "where's this going?" (unless we're referring to my penis! ), and then you can go off and complement that by having a different kind of meet altogether that gets your heart racing, and go home, but still have someone to share it with.
So in short, to the OP... perhaps finding something like this may suit you better if you're sure you aren't interested in dating!... and to all the other ladies that are feeling a bit hopeless, there are guys out there who are looking for this!
I don't come into the forums so much any more, mostly due to the repetition and unnecessary conflict in here. I really enjoyed this thread though, it's quite original and I guess it connected with me. | |||
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