FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Thinking of stopping swinging
Thinking of stopping swinging
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By *leepyangel OP Couple
over a year ago
over the hill and far away |
I love this lifestyle but I feel I want more from life. So I have decided to sign on with a proper computer dating agency.
I have a date on Friday. I don't know if I should disclose my lifestyle and hope he wants to join me or to pack in swinging for a while. I do not cheat so it has to be one or another.
Any advice???  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The fact that you say "want more from life" answers your own question doesn't it ?
Swinging and dating should never be the same thing and you would be wise to take a break,imo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a first date so personally wouldn't disclose anything, see how the second and third date went first, then maybe you would have an idea if you wanted to see him more, that's when I think I would possibly tell him about swinging...
To the above poster, swinging and dating does indeed go, I met hubby on here 8 years ago when we were both on here as singles so OP you never know what's round the corner xx |
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i gave it up last year when my marriage fell apart . dated a guy but never told him i was a swinger ,then when that ended
went on another site ,and when paid membership elasped came on here but i too keep thinking there has to be more to life
than this |
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By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago
more north lincs than mids! |
Sorry, but I think that there is only "more to life than this" when this is your entire life.
Get some hobbies outwith logging on here, spend time with your family, friends etc.
Make an effort in your real life 
Good luck though, in whatever you do. |
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"I would tell him on the first date..nothing to lose but everthing to gain "
if you tell them on the first date you will instantly change from a date to a shag.
Why mention it at all? You won't know if you want to do this with them straight away anyway and I'd or when you do then bring it up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't do 'dating' but I don't even tell my closest friends my full sexual history and none of my meets know either so why would you tell a stranger on a first date?! Surely you'd need to know each other a bit before you delve into that side of your life...or are you planning on sitting down and introducing yourself by your username! x |
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"I love this lifestyle but I feel I want more from life. So I have decided to sign on with a proper computer dating agency.
I have a date on Friday. I don't know if I should disclose my lifestyle and hope he wants to join me or to pack in swinging for a while. I do not cheat so it has to be one or another.
Any advice??? "
Simple question really.... can you give up swinging, would a monogamous relationship for the rest of your life be enough for you?
If yes, then give it a go.
If no, then I would still try "vanilla" dating, but try and find someone to share swinging with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would tell him on the first date..nothing to lose but everthing to gain "
tell a stranger you would be happy for them to have their cake and eat it?
then you never know the real reason they are with you do you?
swinging is something that should be discovered together.
personally, i would at least hide the profile, if you are serious about wanting something more than just sex.
someone new doesnt need to know everything about your history on the first date.
you owe it to yourself to give 'love' and a 'relationship' a chance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would wait to see how the date goes and how you get on. I've always said if I found someone I wanted to date then Id give up Fab. Good luck and hope it works out for you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For once in your life keep your gob shut!
No man looking for a wife, life partner wants the village bike, and to many, swinging is being a tart or slag, having no morals or standards.
A swinging site is for self gratification, a dating site is for love.
2 completely different things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you should take a break, it sounds like your looking for someone to love and share things with, so maybe swinging at this time isnt the answer, wouldn't mention swinging you may frighten him off but good luck and hope you have fun. x S |
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More than life? Perhaps more apt is you want something different from the life you are leading and nothing wrong in that. You only have to answer to yourself and clearly you want more commitment than swinging offers. To be with someone that you can come home to, be there when you feel like rubbish and tell you that you look great! IMO, do NOT mention your past in this lifestyle, we all have pasts, but leave it there and give yourself the best opportunity to embrace your new lifestyle choice! Hope it all works out for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More than life? Perhaps more apt is you want something different from the life you are leading and nothing wrong in that. You only have to answer to yourself and clearly you want more commitment than swinging offers. To be with someone that you can come home to, be there when you feel like rubbish and tell you that you look great! IMO, do NOT mention your past in this lifestyle, we all have pasts, but leave it there and give yourself the best opportunity to embrace your new lifestyle choice! Hope it all works out for you "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For once in your life keep your gob shut!
No man looking for a wife, life partner wants the village bike, and to many, swinging is being a tart or slag, having no morals or standards.
A swinging site is for self gratification, a dating site is for love.
2 completely different things."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Swinging and dating should never be the same thing..."
Why?
I use this as a dating site simply because I want to find something with a similar mindset and a damn high libido. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
A swinging site is for self gratification, a dating site is for love.
2 completely different things."
Twaddle.
Most dating sites have members simply looking for sex but they go about it in a less honest fashion.
The lines are blurred nowadays between dating sites for romance (the old conventional dating sites) and dating sites for adult play (adult friend finders, fet sites, swinger sites). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Swinging and dating should never be the same thing...
Why?
I use this as a dating site simply because I want to find something with a similar mindset and a damn high libido."
dating = The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.
Swinging = self gratification. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Swinging and dating should never be the same thing...
Why?
I use this as a dating site simply because I want to find something with a similar mindset and a damn high libido."
Actually I want to find someone not thing  .
OP don't close your account just yet. I think the best advice is hide your profile. Also like Evie and Hercules stated, don't divulge all on a first date. Go with the flow at this extremely early stage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to say that swinging now has no resemblance on what it was 5 or 6 years ago - now its all about sex the newbies just want to fuck half the site as quick as possible… the humour is leaving - very seldom do I have a proper laugh in the rooms like I used to -all you see is M31 15" 8 foot girth fancy a shag - repeated…. I'm thinking of packing it in as the couples and singles i knew have all disappeared elsewhere because of the pests on here ( and other sites) It's a real shame…. as far as OP goes - should you tell him…. not straight away - over a couple of dates you should get to see if he's adventurous or not… if he's totally vanilla you'll very likely now by date 3…. but never change who you are for someone - thats doomed to fail x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're on a dating site with a view to a relationship, why would you want to stat it by not being open and honest? It only makes it harder if it has to come out later...
Just be honest - and then judge your date on how the news is received. Would you want to be with someone who totally condemned it, and have to live with the secret?
I've been on dating sites besides being on here and a year ago I found somebody wonderful. I turned out that she'd been swinging as well (not on here) and we've slowly talked it all out.
We've now decided that we both want to move on and keep our relationship exclusive - and the process of honesty and discussion has definitely brought us much closer...
So don't be shy - be honest and true to yourself!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're on a dating site with a view to a relationship, why would you want to start it by not being open and honest? It only makes it harder if it has to come out later...
"
I disagree. It is not about being dishonest. Here is a dating profile tip but works just as well for first date truths:
"Be honest but learn quickly what information to share and what to withhold: it is not necessarily a good thing to know that you have had forty lovers and ten of them sired children with you. Honesty is commendable but DON'T state how genuine you are as even liars can and DO make that statement. Honesty can only be proven over time".
Too much information may be scary and the poor lad may run for the hills even if you two were in theory highly compatible. |
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By * n zCouple
over a year ago
leamington spa |
I don't know why you don't put on your profile that you are looking for more, there will be men on here who would love a relationship with a like minded person.......at least then there are no shocks or secrets. And there are plenty of couples on here who met on here.
Good luck.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're on a dating site with a view to a relationship, why would you want to start it by not being open and honest? It only makes it harder if it has to come out later...
I disagree. It is not about being dishonest. Here is a dating profile tip but works just as well for first date truths:
"Be honest but learn quickly what information to share and what to withhold: it is not necessarily a good thing to know that you have had forty lovers and ten of them sired children with you. Honesty is commendable but DON'T state how genuine you are as even liars can and DO make that statement. Honesty can only be proven over time".
Too much information may be scary and the poor lad may run for the hills even if you two were in theory highly compatible. "
+1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's the present and future that matter,not the past.
What we have all done in the past is our business only and never forget that swinging is still frowned upon,in mainstream society.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iv dated a guy off here and it didnt work out. Then i meet a guy who wasnt on here we had a few dates realy liked him . I love this life style but also realy liked this guy, in end told him about it . And guess what , he joind me we have been on for over a year now and we also got engaged .so it can work x |
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By *onyneMan
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Your first date [hope it all goes well by the way...] may well be followed by several more 'first dates' and several second and thirds...I think it would be when you felt there was something good developing with someone that you may want to introduce other topics...
best wishes though with it all
tony |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know why you don't put on your profile that you are looking for more, there will be men on here who would love a relationship with a like minded person.......at least then there are no shocks or secrets. And there are plenty of couples on here who met on here.
Good luck.
A"
The best place to find a swinging partner is on a swinger's site. |
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It's horses for courses. That said, we have chatted to single guys who have a lot more action on dating sites and we mean a lot more, the difference: they join fab because they don't want commitment. Friends ( female,vanilla ) who we know who are on dating sites echo this. |
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we feel you should wait to be sure your ready to give up swinging, but then thats our thoughts, you must do what is best for you, but we are sure your date wont tell you all his secrets on the first date !!!  |
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I do both, swinging and dating.
Completely different things, and absolutely nothing to do with one another.
What I choose to do in my private life is my business, so why would I divulge to a date that I was a swinger too?
Some of my dates I don't even kiss, and they are good friends and companions....
Just my two-pennorth!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hide your profile,give the dating scene a fair honest try,if you meet someone you like let the relationship develop, foundations of trust and respect then consider if BOTH of you would enjoy swinging together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners  Really ? is that true ?
100%"
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed"
And the probably surprisingly high numbers of one night stands that happen from "normal dating " sites would lend you to believe that they are no different to sex sites. Yes a lot can turn into relationships, but that is not uncommon on here as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed
And the probably surprisingly high numbers of one night stands that happen from "normal dating " sites would lend you to believe that they are no different to sex sites. Yes a lot can turn into relationships, but that is not uncommon on here as well"
didnt disagree with you that 1 night stands happen on them.
but know loads of people that have done it, thinking its going to lead to more, and hasnt. and thats my point. some go on, like yourself, to empty their balls, others go on looking for something longterm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For once in your life keep your gob shut!
No man looking for a wife, life partner wants the village bike, and to many, swinging is being a tart or slag, having no morals or standards.
A swinging site is for self gratification, a dating site is for love.
2 completely different things.
"
this |
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"i gave it up last year when my marriage fell apart . dated a guy but never told him i was a swinger ,then when that ended
went on another site ,and when paid membership elasped came on here but i too keep thinking there has to be more to life
than this "
Of course there's more to life than this and anyone who thinks other wise is disillusion.
This is just a hobby, a very nice hobby and like most hobbies has a social side to it, the difference is the benefits!
If your life revolves purely around swinging it's a very sad state of affairs! lol no pun! lol
Now I know some are very attached to swinging and see it almost as the holly grail and thats fine for them but never forget you're always going to need your vanilla friends and work mates around, I wont include family because you can pick your friends but you cant your family.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed"
Do you think swinging is bad? Why would people give up something that they enjoy?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed
Do you think swinging is bad? Why would people give up something that they enjoy?
"
unless its illegal or immoral, i dont think anything is 'wrong'
however. i find it very difficult to believe that so many people would put sex with strangers off the internet before possibly finding a relationship, vanilla or otherwise. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed"
Well I apologise for not having the same outlook on life as you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed
Do you think swinging is bad? Why would people give up something that they enjoy?
unless its illegal or immoral, i dont think anything is 'wrong'
however. i find it very difficult to believe that so many people would put sex with strangers off the internet before possibly finding a relationship, vanilla or otherwise."
I see what you mean. I agree with you.
However some people might not want a relationship.
I will give it up when I'm bored of it. I won't be dating though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All sites are sex sites - just under different banners Really ? is that true ?
100%
only if thats what you want to use them for.
dating sites are simply that to a lot of the membership.
infortunately, they are used by those that just want sex too, and they 'use' those that think it may go somewhere for their own sexual gratification.
im actually rather shocked at the amount of people that have posted on this thread showing a distinct lack of ability to actually give up this, largely shallow, lifestyle.
really really amazed
Do you think swinging is bad? Why would people give up something that they enjoy?
unless its illegal or immoral, i dont think anything is 'wrong'
however. i find it very difficult to believe that so many people would put sex with strangers off the internet before possibly finding a relationship, vanilla or otherwise.
I see what you mean. I agree with you.
However some people might not want a relationship.
I will give it up when I'm bored of it. I won't be dating though."
oh i have absolutely no judgemental attitude to those that are happy doing what they do, and have no interest in looking for anything else anywhere else (and thats to you too _yrdwoman)
however, the OP has said she wants something more, yet a lot of people seem to think this is the be all and end all.
if this is what you are looking for, then thats good, great, fantastic in fact.
those that think there may be more, then they obviously dont feel the same way, and as for the ones that say .tell them you are a swinger' well, thats just madness.
dont get on a bus and say it to the driver....lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have taken a complete break not had sex or a meet in over a year.
You say there has to be more to life than this. Why do you need a man or a relationship to make you feel whole find peace and happiness within and the rest will come. Well that is what my councilor says x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single are you a swinger or just someone shagging lots of people.
surely a been a swinger involves another half.
ask him after a couple of dates,sure he will be up for it. |
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By *leepyangel OP Couple
over a year ago
over the hill and far away |
Thank you all for your comments and opinions. I am meeting him this evening. I'm like an excited schoolgirl. I have decided to give it a go. To pack in swinging. If it doesn't work out then I will be back.
Wish me luck and Happy Swinging to you all xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have the men on here are on pof too and lot of them say looking for relationship  "
Whoops......busted .....(scrambles to open up POF link ).....scrolling for profile .....click click click ......aaahh ....profile deleted .....wait a sec ....looks at screen again and reads ....."thank you for upgrading with POF ....your membership will expire on the 22/11/2014 ....nooooooooooo
Never been on POF and never will be on POF ....fabs is a thousand times better  ......anyone disagree ? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Never been on POF and never will be on POF ....fabs is a thousand times better ......anyone disagree ?"
I've never been on POF but been on other websites over the years, and Fab is definitely the best one so far. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I struggle with not being honest but the men I have met on dating sites do not have the same kinky likes as me lol.
When it comes to it I have tried to not tell people about my lifestyle but I feel dishonest. If I come out with it very quick they suddenly think they are going to get laid very quick.
On this site I look for naughtiness but when I have been on the dating site I have been looking for a future.
Its easier for me to find good sex on here than anything else. That will have to do. Mind you the fun I have on here is sooo good lol |
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